Truth Tuesday: O What A Tangled Web We Weave


Weave is a very wicked thing! It is a very very wicked thing. An invention rooted in the depth of hell and set on the tracks of terror sewn in by twisted threads! Harsh? Hardly. Does this mean I am opposed to weave and have never rocked a Brazilian or a Bobbi Boss Indi Remi? Hell no! Of course I have.

Lovely ladies I know have described weave as glamorous, gorgeous, stunning, an accessory, an addiction, a beautiful bother, hot, and then literally hot (in the my scalp cannot breathe and my neck is irritated sense), but we all know deep down – weave is wicked.

Most sew-ins go from painfully tight, to itching-ly annoying, to embarrassingly loose. The in-between involves a lot of head wraps, emergency trips to a friend’s apartment before a big date to tighten the threads, battling with the wind not to expose our tracks on tracks on tracks, and trying to keep it tangle-free enough to run our fingers teasingly through it (the bottom half of it anyway).

Popular female opinion (mine included) appreciates weave because it is somewhat easy maintenance (after the sewing, curling, straightening, and wrapping), it allows for a different frame for the face, it is bouncy and silky, versatile, looks lusciously smooth, and it adds that ooh la la sexy factor to every outfit.

But the problems with weave abound. Even after the tracks loosen up and her face loses that slightly surprised (sometimes sexy) expression caused by the minor facelift, that inexplicable itchiness sets in. As tail combs are usually still a little bit too sharp for a still sensitive scalp, we proceed to conservatively concuss ourselves by doing the weave pat. Everyone knows the weave pat – that flat-palmed, slightly hard, hand-to-scalp repeated movement that beats through the weave and bullies the hair-follicle-to-head ratio back into semi-comfortable submission.

And then there’s the fact that weave has that “look but don’t touch m…. think twice” appeal. Its glossy and shiny and soft and…stop right there brother me! You know better than to touch a woman’s weave. It’s that awkward moment when he touches your cheek and it appears his hand is moving to the nape of your neck. But your weave is in, the very back hairs too short to be part of the sew-in and too neglected to be smooth or soft, so she cocks her head sideways and he retreats as sharply as he can, and awkwardness abounds because weaves are not touchy-feely friendly. If he moves for the top of her head it feels like he’s stroking a freshly plowed corn field, with invisible mounds and dips moulding beneath the silky smooth hair that may have awkwardly belonged to another woman. So whatever plans are in store, whether a friendly stroke or a steamy session – its got to be a “look Ma no hands” affair.

Weaves definitely have sex appeal this is undeniable. After all the sex symbols are rocking them red carpet and poolside (see Kim Kardashian, Beyonce, and most imaginable voluminous haired vixens home and abroad). But the facts are weave is many manners of irritating for the wearer. So the question is, is it worth it? Na by force for Rapunzel to let down someone else’s hair? Wearers? Observers? Men who aren’t allowed to cop a feel of the fruit of their labor? Yes or No? And why?


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