Believe it or not, it is one of the greatest plagues of wedding planning. In a practical sense, wedding planning involves making a series of decisions. These decisions pile onto each other to “ideally” create the perfect day. Each decision made allows you make another.
Making sound decisions is especially hard during wedding planing because not only is the process already stressful, you are getting bombarded with opinions from everyone about how YOUR wedding should look. It can get so irritating and confusing. Severally, I just wanted to crawl in and hide under a rock. But that’s a story for another day.
What’s ironic is that wedding planning is born out of a single important decision- the decision to eternally commit to another person. Indecision can unnecessarily delay the entire process and cripple the dream day you had perfectly planned out in your head because practically, some things can’t get done, if others aren’t. For example, if you don’t decide on your budget, you can’t decide on how many guests you can afford to entertain. If you can’t make a decision on the guest count, you can’t pick your venue. If you are not sure about which venue to pick, you can’t book a decorator or caterer. And it goes on and on and on.
If you find yourself confused or feeling torn between choices, here are a few tips to help you move on with it. Literally.
1. Seek Inspiration
Wealth of Inspiration is the beauty of the internet age. You can go on Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook and wedding magazine websites and feast your eyes and soul with options. The color schemes are endless, the wedding themes can be unbelievably creative and if you look well, something will eventually catch your attention and spark your excitement. For example, for my cake, I knew I wanted something regal but I also knew I wanted it to be colorful, so I went on Instagram, searched a few hash tags, and ended up combining inspiration from three cakes into mine. The product was a cake design that was beautiful and unique to me.
2. Narrow Your Options
After you get inspiration, make sure you have a top three or less “looks” or choices before you even start consulting with vendors. It will save you a lot of time and energy. It will communicate and direct the vendor to “where your mind is” and give them an idea of what you want, even before you know it. When I first met with my wedding planner about decoration, I knew I wanted something purply because that was my favorite color but I also didn’t want my wedding reception to look like disney world. So I also picked inspiration that had some metallic in it to neutralize the loudness. After looking at my top 3 pictures, it was my wedding planner who came up with the purple and gold idea that I fell in love with.
3. Get a Wedding Planning “Posse”
At some point during wedding planning, every decision started to look the same to me. I lost patience for having to think through everything. Sometimes, the options seemed so overwhelming, I was tempted to procrastinate till I couldn’t anymore. In times like that, you need a Wedding Planning “Posse” a.k.a “Board of Trustees” a.k.a “Wedding Decision Committee”. A Planning “Posse” is a combination of a few people who have good taste, who have experience with planning a wedding and who trust to have your best interest. Emphasis on the “few”and “trusted”. Your posse cannot consist of all 20 of your bridesmaids or every single one of your friends. Trust me, you will have enough of the numerous “opinions” from family and friends. The Posse should make your life easier not worse.
You have to choose them wisely and make sure you choose people who won’t get offended if you ultimately decide to ignore their advice. Choose people who are also readily available, at least by text. No one on your “Posse” should be hard to find or take years to reply a text or answer a phone call. Also, choose people who understand that it is your day and your decision, after all and that they are only there to “advise”, not judge or impose. When you choose, you don’t have to announce it (especially not on social media or those you didn’t pick)..there’s nothing official about it. Remember this is for your own sanity, protect it. If they are all cool with each other, you can create a text or whats app group where you can post options when you are confused and have them help you choose. If not, you can reach out to them individually.
My Posse consisted of five lovely ladies, including my wedding planner. Two of whom had previously planned their own weddings, one who was both stylish and I was sure had my best interests and of course, my wedding planner was the Olivia Pope of my entire wedding planning experience. Whenever I was indecisive, I would limit my options to top two or three and send to them for feedback. And unless my heart was tugging at something else, I trusted them well enough to go with what they chose.
4. Trust your Instinct/Gut
Every decision you make for your big day is important but sometimes, the price of indecision is loosing out on all the options entirely. Indecision is masked fear that of choosing wrongly, without reason. In actuality, our hearts know things our mind can’t explain. If something stands out to you enough for it to tug at you instinctively, trust your instinct. Again, if all else fails, repeat #2.
5. Don’t Dwell
Once you make your decision, trust it. While the internet gives you options and inspiration, it could also overwhelm you. Limit the chances of changes to valid reasons like budgetary costs or increased guest list. In order to move on, you can’t keep searching for inspiration after you’ve made a decision. If not, you’ll be endlessly stuck at one aspect of your wedding. I mentioned in another post how I kept looking at wedding dresses after I said “yes to the dress” and it was time wasted that I could’ve been using to make sure my ceremony song list was done.
6. Focus on the Grand Scheme
Brides are known to sweat the small stuff. It’s the notion “Bridezilla” is born out of. As a bride, your head is so clouded with endless details of a “fairytale” day that sometimes, you loose sight of the purpose of the wedding. Something WILL go wrong. Nothing will be perfec,t so try to focus on the big picture- You are planning a wedding because you have met the person who compliments you and with whom you would like to tackle life alongside (I assume!) and of all things, that is the most important. As long as the “decision” doesn’t threaten the marriage itself, things will work out just fine. Even if you can’t find the perfect stationary for the programs, remember it is just paper and it will be all forgotten by the time the jackets and shoes come off and the dance floor is on fire.
I know this is easier said than done, but just remember, that day, you’ll be marrying your best friend and your true loved ones don’t care that your dress has a wrinkle. They will just be happy that you are happy.
7. A Little Prayer Goes a Long Way
Last but not least, take it to God. There’s no desire too frivolous to say a prayer about, as long as it is not sinful. In those moments, when I felt like the wedding planning was overtaking me, I prayed for direction. Before meeting every vendor, I said a prayer for good instincts.
True story. At some point, I was stuck between two seemingly amazing vendors. Both vendors had incredible experience, equal rave and ratings but I couldn’t seem to decide who to choose. At some point, I was leaning towards vendor #1. I said a little prayer before one of my meetings to confirm with her. When I got there, her entire vibe was different. She didn’t seem as she did before and suddenly, I started seeing beyond her faux “excitement”. Needless to say, I never for once regretted choosing vendor #2. It was a sign.
God has a way of bringing things together for the joy of those who love and trust Him. Sometimes, the response to that prayer will be apparent but most times, it’ll be subtle. In fact, often, it will just be a confident feeling knowing that God wouldn’t let you make a disastrous decision.
See similar post 5 Tips to Making Difficult Decisions.
Best of luck and
Stay Inspired…... 🙂
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