Living The False Notion


To start with, I must confess that I had wrestled with these boiling issues in my heart for months but was a bit apprehensive in publishing .My reluctance was because I don’t want to come across as being judgmental, a know-it-all but if after absorbing my write up you feel judged or put down I will appreciate if you will excuse my unskilled delivery and realize that is not my true intents. This is just borne out my inability to see and not say or maybe it is out of a throbbing that could neither seal my lips nor hold my hands back from my mouse.

Having mentioned that, I felt ordained as a young African lady to delve into some vital issues that my society still term untouchables and had hurt, is hurting and probably will hurt countless of females. From my mom to my aunts, my sisters to my cousins and my girlfriends about some of the misconceptions rooted in us that had created the opportunity for the male gender to exploit us as we play prey and many of us fail to get a grip of ourselves.

Before I proceed, I do want to make clarifications that I am not an anti-men activist and that most of the issues I will be talking about are not all their making. Honestly I love guys, I am a daddy’s girl, I value the importance of men, I will even share a secret with you about how much I fantasize their touch, their strength, wide arms that can help reach above my shelves and fix broken faucets, love to rub hands on clean shave and caress packed abs. So shout out to all my bros out there. And if at the end you feel that I have overstepped my boundaries please do not hesitate to express your disdain for my untamed impetus.

As a lady, we exist in the world that do not give us a chance but only to do house chores, the chance to dream big, achieve high goals without telling us ‘’I think you don forget say you be girl…..’’, to be who we really are and what we really want to become without stringent rules or an expectation to pay the toll with our endowed assets. From the day we were conceived, we were unconsciously groomed from kindergarten to be an accessory to a man’s life. At childhood, we loudly talk about growing up, wanting to become pilots, executives of world conglomerate, country’s presidents only to be interrupted by voices within and without telling us those are positions possibly attained by men.They tell you just grow up, be a good wife, take care of the kids, even some of us were made to forcefully drop out of schools, telling us girls don’t need to know too much books to rear kids and the lucky ones amongst probably exchange our lawyer dreams to becoming teachers so as to get home by 3.00pm to cook meals.

I have to pause and say I love teaching; I love my teachers who made it possible for me to be able to write to you. I will say it is the most gracious and destiny molding profession in the world, it was only used in this context to emphasis my point and not to ridicule and I love to have a family also someday, but we as girls, ladies, women are constantly made conscious of a false milestone that suggested our values are tied upon a man finding us worthy to be his, instead of making us aware of who we really are by the virtue of our own divine unique existence.

Our worth as a woman is often labeled into being a wife and our abilities to bear kids and even in my culture and the part of world I come from, it is appalling that we are sometimes even prescribed to what gender is desired and if we do not bear the right choice, we are considered responsible for the outcome if per chance we failed in one of these area, as a wife and a gender breeder.

Regrettably, we along the way, may have lived or still living out this false notion of who we are really meant to be or from which aspect we are truly successful or not. Bad dates and heart wrenching relationships continually notarized the lies that we are nothing without a man. Our ears not only hurt by the mental echoes from childhood but we are also in pain of our own self inflicted injuries as we constantly struggle to live out the lies, sincerely trying to fulfill the so called destiny stating that a woman is to be someone’s woman.

In this light, making this only as my footnote, I have the urge to discuss and share some of the huge struggles myself, my friends and the women society at large face and which or could also have extreme impact in our lives and relationships because of this long century lived false notion.


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  1. As a Nigerian male, i get ur point exactly. Nicely written but u need to be specific about the issues. For example, parents wanting their daughters to get married right after graduatiing from college. That can be limiting since girls need more time to explore the business scene in order to move uo the ladder. Another one, married men not allowing their wives to flex their muscles and expand their talents.

    I am looking forward to more. Good one.

    • @ tayo,thanks for your understanding and seriously there is more to come,it is a series but i can't tell how jaguda times the sequence,have a great weekend

  2. I believe that women should be treated equally with the male folks and not seen as inferior.They should be allowed to achieve the full god given potential,those who are not able to achieve their dreams might be victim of circumstances.As a nigerian man i am in support of the women liberation and empowerment programs currently going on.Nice piece of writing, keep the good work up.

  3. I completely disagree with this article.

    Firstly you come across as someone still living in the last century. If you look around you, you will find that society (i.e men, women, parents, husbands, children etc) have recognised and accepted the notion of women working and becoming breadwinners. The world has stopped 'living the false notion' you claim, since the turn of the last two decades. Evidence of this is more women educating themselves to degree level, getting top jobs to support their husbands financially, getting married and having kids later, high divorce rates (which shows women are opting out of marriages that don't work for them) etc.

    Secondly, you should be focusing on how to ensure fairness and empowerment for women in the workplace and not whether women should be allowed or given the right to work, majority of women already have and utilise this right.

    • hello ma'am,sincerely i truly appreciate your time reading and your instant disapproval,thanks a great deal.

      To start with,i am not from the late century like you stated but say i among the few privileged 9ja/african female who has been blessed to have both african and westernized education in and out which i surely believe you are also one but it will only be unjust if after a research i did last year and i found alarming that Some 26 million African girls do not attend school and the continent's illiteracy rate is estimated at 56 percent, the highest in the world and i saw girls even in 9ja sent as early as 12 into matrimony.seriously we heard in the news about a 9ja governor who got married to a 13 year old but my article's spectrum goes beyond that as i stated these was just a footnote,these articles are four in all each with different titles and honestly i will love you to please read them all and i will be grateful to hear from you afterwards.Sincerely again,i appreciate your comment and thanks a bunch

      • Hey Ayo! Thanks for the article and for the additional stats in your comment…'cause we can easily become comfortable with the fact that in the Western world, woman are somewhat on the same plane level with men when it comes to such things as education, finances, rights and so on, whereas we have these issues still prevalent back home at a disturbing rate. So I understand where you are coming from 'cause on a global level the problem still exists.

  4. I agree with this. Nice.

    Looking forward to reading more.

    Ditto Tayo's sentiments about being specific though.

  5. Nicely written… I think part of the cause is that our society encourages this. We have parents putting so much emphasis on marriage once a girl finishes university, and making it look like her life is not complete until she marries or finds a husband


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