Surprise Surprise, You Too Could be Jailed by Buhari’s Anti-Crime Squad


Well here I am again, I wish I could make some dramatic introduction like ‘the cricket is here again’ or ‘basket mouth Don start to leak again’ but unfortunately I have not established such a repertoire yet so I’ll just go on along with my write up. First things first of course is to define who YOU is(not a grammatical error by the way), YOU of course is not all of us, because evidently Buhari our lovely president elect is not coming to jail every Nigerian in this his anti-corruption mission, he is only going to jail the criminals. The YOU I am talking about is you who has decided to engage in that get rich quick scheme popularly known as NETWORK MARKETING OR MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING OR MLM. Why are you at risk of being jailed? You are at risk because what you have gone into is a 100% illegal, and is in reality what is called a pyramid scheme OR ponzi scheme. Now I know your mentor told you it isn’t a pyramid scheme but don’t be too surprised to hear he lied to you, or is ignorant of it himself, after all he gets all his rewards from the fact that you decided to join him.

May I add at this point that ignorance is a very interesting phenomenon. So interesting that if you can prove beyond reasonable doubt that you were ignorant of a crime you cannot be found guilty in the court of law, that basically means that if you did not know that what you are doing was illegal, then you cannot be found guilty for doing that thing or sentenced for it, so there for by merely reading this article, you have become aware of your crime and now can be found guilty and jailed. *pause*

I just lied

Ignorance is actually not an excuse,you can and will be found guilty of a crime even if you had no inkling of an idea that what you were into was illegal, I asked Google and that’s what she said, then I asked my learned fellows with the white wigs (see previous articles *attach link here*) and they agreed with her. “I didn’t know” no dey hold water for court house oh, just so you know. Even though I don’t know how I am supposed to read the entire freaking constitution, but that’s by the way

So, of course you do not expect me to come and just tell you anyhow that your get rich relatively quick scheme is an illegal sham, I have to come up with some proof. Now I wouldn’t come here to start opening the pages of the constitution for you. You can do that yourself. What I would do is to help you differentiate what is MULTI level marketing and what is a pyramid scheme. In the simplest of terms and the shortest of ways I would differentiate the two. In multi level marketing you get paid according to the amount of product you sell OR the amount of products the people you registered sell, basically a percentage of the profit from the sold good. Whilst in pyramid schemes you get paid according to the number of people you registered under you and the number of people registered under those you registered. Basically you’re getting paid for by the proceeds of those under you. I don’t want to bore you with the gory details, but I will however refer you to that Madoff fellow. I think he got jailed for something like that. Now there is a very thin line between MLM and the pyramid scheme, a grey area of sorts,these people have decided to put a “product” as a front, so it is said that you are buying a product and not just channeling funds to those above you, this is a grey area that can easily be ignored by the corruption promoting government of the husband of Mama Peace( I named no names) but might not be soo grey under the incoming disciplinarian.

What I encourage YOU to do now is read. I know for some of you it’s hard but I beg of you this once, do some actual research and find out if this thing you are into is a scheme or farce. When you find out you can the make up your mind if you Want to continue or not, after all NNPC audit is priority for now not petty crimes. When you are done researching I can then help you find out why you got into this mess and why you aren’t allowed to do it.

Allow me to digress at this point, before I leave this grey area, I am not a legal practitioner and I do not entirely know all the laws so I will at this point lay what I believe to be a DISCLAIMER. “All names and stories on this post are completely fictional, and are here for discussion purposes only,any resemblance to anything or anyone is completely coincidental” . I’m sure jaguda will attach their own disclaimer somewhere down or up there.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me introduce you to the 2 totalling fictional companies that are spreading their wings around the country in my world of fiction. The first I will call OVERT (translation…means open or for all to see). This company pretty much puts a bottle of product that is supposed to make you live long and frames it into this pyramid of a thing. The second company I will call Live For A Really Long Time(LFARLT). Now these ones are a lot meaner, they demand a lot more and are a lot more talented at washing people with fine Omo and Jik. It’s not all wash by the way, the money to be made, the cars, the houses, those are all totally real and doable. The fact that you are rewarded for hard work is real too, but the fact that it is totally legal? That part is a lie, and they know it, so I am not trying to discourage you, NO, just know that you are committing a crime and go with it. Robbers dey reign, Yahoo boys, directors of soon to be scrapped ministries, just do it. For those who are not in to it yet here is a summary, an example of sorts. You pay 3k to come in (buy a product) you try to convince others to buy it, for everyone who buys it you get 100, and everyone who they get to buy gets 50 and everyone they get to buy you get 25 and on and on and on. You climb up a chain and eventually get a bumper pay check as long as your chain continues. So if you have the ability to convince people you stand a chance to make a good deal of illegitimate bucks with so little an investment and you get to call it a super cool name like MLM while your at it.

Next question, if this is illegal, how are they able to convince soo many people to get involved? The answer is simple, they appeal to the inner greed within us. They sell what we want to buy, they engage in emotional blackmail. Firstly they show you how money can be made, plain and simple, and true, next they appeal to you weaknesses, they tell you how the bulk of the world never gets to live their dreams, they show you your reality of a dead end job and pounce on all your insecurities about living from pay check to pay check, they tell you about financial freedom and how you should think about your kids. They bring you testimonies just as in churches of people who had nothing before the joined OVERT and how now they are making it In life, doing all these just to convince that poor man to squeeze out that 10k he doesn’t have and condemn him to a life of trying to convince others to squeeze like him rather than do something productive with his life, another reason these schemes are illegal. No productivity.

The next step they all take is to inform you about how their aim is to empower your dreaming, this is usually said by some white dude, which automatically gives it credibility in our country, the white man remember is our God *Inserts link here* . They also go ahead to confuse us with a bunch of mathematical equations which they know we don’t understand, what we however understand is the bumper figure(usually in dollars) that appears at the end of these mathrmatical equations, some go ahead to tell you an emotional story about the beginning or the inspiration behind the making of that PRODUCT, this done to make it look like a selfless endeavour. Another lie, then they brag about how they are the only company that does what they do.

I once attended a seminar and oh my, was I impressed. These people are exceptionally skilled at the art of convincing, it’s an advance market, not the GNLD era, oops. DLNG(fictional), this is an era where you do little talking, pass the CDs, get people to attend seminars and voila, money in the bank. I blame no one for joining the band wagon, it was only logical, all I can render is a little advice……wait a little, wait till May 29th and see what happens, thread with caution,look to the future When you dwell in, don’t join at the tail end, those who go in at the beginning make the most bucks.

Consider this a public service announcement, I wish you all the best, and a jail free 2015.



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