Nigerian Men: A female’s age as an invisible barrier


Disclaimer: This is not to criticize all Nigerian men.

Females, unfortunately this has probably happened to you once, several times, hell you may have even lost count.  A Nigerian man twice, triple, or quadruple your age has boldly confronted you with admiration.  For you it may have been at a wedding reception, convention, or some kind of special occasion, but one thing is for sure, it’s disgusting.  Just the thought of a much older man hitting on you is upsetting and the first thing that comes to mind is, “Shift, your old enough to be my dad. Tufiakwa.  What makes you think, fine fine girl like me would ever want anything to do with you?  Look at me and look at you, there can never, whatsoever be an attraction; sexually or physically.”  The older these men get, the younger the women they go after.

This past weekend I was invited to attend one of the many celebrations held in recognition of Nigeria’s 50th independence.  I was invited by an executive board member who I hadn’t yet met but because I was there on assignment I called him to let him know I would be coming.  That night he was responsible for collecting guests’ admission fees and checking off their names.  I walked in, and before getting through to the main hall I introduced myself in the lobby and explained I was the person who he spoke with over the phone.  He stared me down from head to toe then asked where in Nigeria am I from.  I answered him, and then he made a remark about how gorgeous I was.  I payed it no mind then made my way inside, free of paying due to the circumstances of which I was there.  I sat at a reserved table and from across the room I noticed a woman who wore matching lace identical to the treasurer’s so of course it was safe to conclude he was married.  Then I saw a young boy who looked about 7 also wearing matching lace so it was safe to assume he had a child; a family.  I laughed at how his story just kept unfolding all throughout the night as I continued on with the ceremony.  When it was over I said bye, thanked him for inviting me, and told him I would e-mail him the work I was supposed to.  He said, “Ok, if you want to talk more just call or text me.  Maybe I can take you out.” NAWAOO. Can you imagine?  A married man with a kid and yet he had the nerve to over-step his boundaries and try turning business into pleasure.  I didn’t respond, I just quickened my pace and made my way to the exit.  However, that wasn’t it, his chase wasn’t over.  He literally jogged out of the hall to catch me before I finally left.  This was an effort to get me privately, away from his wife.  He asked me how I got to the event and I told him I drove there, but he stated that if I had no way of getting back home that he would take me.  I said to myself, “This guy has never met me before, without shame, how can he say to me, a stranger, that he is willing to take me home.”  I was pissed, though I kept my composure and left without response.

This man is married to a doctor, a very successful pediatrician who is not too good looking so I am sure why he married her, but the point is he’s married, and to make things even better she’s a doctor.  Enjoy ooo.  Seriously, Nigerian men whether married or single have no limits to pursuing a female.  Whether in her late teens to mid twenties, for Nigerian men age is no barrier.

I guessed his age to be no less than 50, a few years under half my age and for the record, I certainly look it.  His remarks and actions were all too typical of how Nigerian men act toward young females.

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By: Ashley I. Okonkwo


  1. Marriage has never been a barrier for Nigerian men in their pursuit of women. If anything the married men are more persistent. A way older family friend recently tried to "toast" me…Him, his wife and kids are friends of my family, so imagine my shock when all of a sudden he stared telling me he fancied me, at first I played it off, besides I didn't wanna be rude…this man is at least 2 decades older than me…when i told him I wasn't interested he asked if it was cos of his wife.. of course i said yes (truth be told even if he was single i wouldn't have been interested) and u know what the idiot said? I shouldn't worry about his wife..that she doesn't have to know..After that he kept pursuing me to the point where he became a stalker…I changed my number and avoid him like the plague at family functions.

    I don't understand it his wife is stunning and has an amazing personality, I've come to the conclusion that married men feel the need to feed their egos…prove to themselves they can still pull hot young females.

  2. Unfortunately, Most Men seem not to care how old a woman is, let alone care if the woman is young and just trying to live a simple life. It’s not only Nigerian, but most men in general, it’s disgusting, and it’s sad and annoying. What I do not understand is, why you wouldn’t look at your own daughter like, ok let me guess, “Because she is your daughter, 2nd she is your blood and flesh and it is inappropriate.” So the question comes down to “Do most men really care about other people’s children”, I think Not! Let me guess the answer, “because it is not my daughter and it is not my own blood and flesh so why should I care” interesting isn’t it? Most married men who look at other women or younger women in my opinion do not care about their spouse or respect women in general, I do not care if you are going thru rough times in your relationship or whatever the case may be, that shouldn’t be an excuse to go and talk to younger women.

    I have had married men TRY and talk to me and look at me in very unpleasant way. I MUST SAY the feeling is not explainable, “its nasty, its rude and an insult to the female “world”. Reason been, whether we intend on getting married or not, we do not want to share our own, so we need to stop these men and tell them what the deal is and keep it moving. We need to let them know just because u look good, or have money or whatever the case maybe, if u are MARRIED, YOU ARE MARRIED! END OF DISCUSSION!

    Thanks for writing this article and I hope most of read this because it’s an issue that have been going on and not addressed as it should, and emphasize enough.

  3. True talk Ash…Its truly disgusting and not only with Nigerian men, but men from other places as well. Great Article…again!

  4. It's pretty funny, not in a "ha ha" way, but in an " oh my days! This is rather pathetic" kind of way. These older guys are referred to as Aristos (sugar daddy as most of the world would label them). They find young girls who will either perform sexual favors or play the roles as escorts or companions in exchange for the "finer things in life". Unfortunately, this has become a trend among young girls. As awful as it may sound, these girls just want to be spoiled so they can show off.

    Basically, I'm just saying that the blame should go both ways, it is not a good look for our Nigerian men, but as long as there are young girls out there that encourage this behavior, there is no way its going to stop.

  5. There's no surprise to this story. No surprise at all.. Its sad to see this in our culture. This on an going occurrence that has made me, a woman in the nigerian community, very uncomfortable. It's a shame, especially when some of these men have daughters that are your age and possibly older. It's a disgrace! I pity the women who are married to men like this. So the man in your story was married to a doctor? How fortunate! She was not as appealing? That does not mean she deserved a fool like him for a husband. There's only so much we can do about this situation. These men obviously have raging hormone and selfish thoughts. I hear that young women in Nigeria are receptive to accepting favors, money, and all sorts of nonsense from married "older" men. A change is necessary!

    • Thank you all for the feedback. As many of you have stated you are very familiar with this situation, out of experience or whatever the case may be, and yes it it unfortunate.

  6. I agree with what u're driving at Ify, but I'll also throw some blame some women, cos the reality of it is, in Naija a nice percentage of younger girls do patronize these old men and in some instances look for them sef…. Aristo runz is still a flourishing line of business in naija. So in essence these babes give some of these old men hope that it's possible to get your own young babe.

    The men have to respect themselves tho, but still some babes are still more than willing to be the side babe

  7. i gotta say.. i do witness this alot. especially in Naija gatherings it seems to happen alot. older men thinking that since their elderly and old that the younger women would just eaisly submit themselves to them wit ease. idk it could be a culture/generation gap thing? they still think the girls of todays mindset is the same as that of when they were growing up. so their age presence would/will make them give in. idk if that makes sense. but its common alot with older naija men in our culture smhh

  8. This is so common my dear,it is just decent girls like you who are disgusted.Back home in Niga,such attentions are welcome and even sought after especially in the tertiary institutions where you have to have a sugar daddy to take care of you.Marital status and age are not even a factor to be considered, it is how deep your pockets are.It is a mutual symbiotic relationship where both parties benefit.Do not be too shocked, and this is just for Niga men,it cuts across all races.A player will be a player.

  9. I am glad you put the disclaimer that not all men are like that. The bad husbands out there make the good ones look bad as well. I notice thats why allot of African women have a bad perception of African men. There is a few us good ones out there. My advice for the yall get to know your man before you cuff him.

  10. you need to go our more if you thinks this so called outrage is limited to naija 'old men'. Mick Jagger and Rod Stewart any one? by the way what exactly is your beef? so you would not mind a married young adonis commenting on how beautiful you are, it is only the old marreid lotharios you have issues with. stop being a drama queen…age had absolutely nothing to do with it and it is sad that. all the talk of aristo and girls is a red herring……it is about complexities of human relationship in every society and culture and you have the prerogative to say no. no need to be sanctimonious about it.

    • Dude or Dudette (which ever applies to you) abeg High 5! I was getting so worked up after reading the article and all the responses. I understand the fact that this man and many others indulge in such appalling antics but when people start associating certain behaviors with certain groups an declare it a as a general representation of the entire group or at best a majority of the group then it just comes off as misguided and naive. What makes anyone think that this is behavior peculiar to Nigerian men, or even men period. Everywhere you go, a different culture or group wails about how their men don't know how to treat women and blah blah blah and how its only guys from another culture or group are the way forward. news flash, girls/women from the cultures or groups whose men are "perfect" say the same thing about them. there is nothing special about your situation, so women who keep making these statements should get over themselves. Secondly, who said only men have the ability to cheat? because from all the sappy stories i keep hearing and reading about, it seems people are under the impression that only men cheat. Just because an encounter doesn't count in a woman's mind doesn't mean that it doesn't count in real life. I personally know more women cheaters than i do know male cheaters. so its not a male vs female thing. Its just about how individuals view relationships and how they choose to respond to situations. There is no way in hell anyone can convince me that there are no married "Nigerian" women being "hit up with the flex" by some of the muscle bound house boys when oga isnt putting in work. So abeg every one should gerrrrout with that "Nigerian men" bs. its old and a very lame thought pattern.

  11. Very interesting topic…I can relate to this,infact,in my case,the man's wife is my mum's friend.and his kids as like my older siblings.

  12. very interesting stuff…but honestly the blame should go both ways. if young girls stop going after rich older guys that can spoil them it would be less a problem..i know a lot of young girls who would go after older guys cus they say they are more mature, already accomplished, have car, money and all that stuff so you can't only blame the guys..and yeah for the guys to do that, its really shameful

  13. Nice article Ash, its a good read. I like your humor, I look forward to reading more articles by you. Keep doing your thing!

  14. I know there is a disclaimer in the beg. Of the article, but I still feel like the use of nigerian men in the article still feels a lil too harsh too me…I dont think this should be limited to nigerian men .. I think all over the world there are older man single or married that seek affection from younger women… I'm not sure maybe u notice it more bcuz u juss so fine n they flock to u :). Or maybe u notice it more from them because ur african urself…or maybe its because of the socioeconomics of a country like nigeria where wealthy older man are more successful @ picking up young woman because they know they can help them out financialy….bu I wouldn't think that men like that are a majority among the rest. Of the nigerian men…. I would think its a smaller percentage of the older married population who behaves like dat ..but I donthave ne sample sizes or nething so dnt take my word for it .. I'm juss guessing .. Or maybe hoping…but aside from that …go job on dat article ash dnt b so hard on my gender lol

  15. Nna meen…wonders shall never end! Nothing wey human ear no go hear for this kin life! Lemme start off by saying that, there's no MARKET without DEMAND and it DEFINITELY takes two to tango with the case being that you CANNOT clap with one hand! If these veteran homies weren't get play, best believe this shit would have slowly faded away. Women are ACTIVELY seeking married men just like the homies are also CODEDLY & ACTIVELY seeking play whereever they can get it, so this is an individual-based issue rather than a gender-specific problem.

    I don't know if you went to college in 9ja or not but I seriously believe it would have changed your opinion. I went to UNIZIK to 3yrs and Awka being the state capital and close to Onitsha didn't help matters at all coz all dem traders march down to Awka on Fridays show off. You see a babe & she has a boyfriend who's trying to manage monthly allowance of =N=10,000/month to eat, drink (at least 1 star or gulder per day), smoke (constantly), take her out & then enter okada. Imagine and calculate all these for 30 days on =N=10K. Whereas these Onitsha touts & traders, House of Assembly & Local Govt. chairmen scoop these babes for 1 night & are willing to sign away =N=30K checks to them, what do u think she'll be doing with a broke & stank college student? Lemme tell u, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! And you can't tell me that she doesn't know that dude is prolly close to his silver jubilee coz then she might as well think that oranges do grow in refrigerators!!!

  16. This is a good article for the guys who do this to see, even though i cant relate to this i know guys that say things like "can i take you home", Great job adressing it

  17. Smh i knew this was happening but didn't know it was this serious. Can't believe that he even did it in the same room his family was in, now imagine when he is not around is family, what would have have done??? I personally feel that males don't respect themselves these days or other people and it is annoying, for example an old man in a club pulling a young girl on the dance floor to dance with her ??? craziness.

    • An old man pulling a young girl on the dance floor? What is the young girl doing on that dance floor? There’s no supply without demand, go figure!


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