As I head home to watch the All-Star dunk contest after a nice evening at the beach, I heard the timeless lyrics of one of all time great, Tina Turner playing on my car radio. She sang, “I’ve been thinking of a new direction; but I’ve to say I’ve been thinking about my own protection. It scares me to feel this way.”This portion of the song invaded my head all the drive home as if it was on a replay mode and it later resonated some deep thoughts about what we do in the name of love and what we sometimes define love.
Yep, I get it. As social beings we crave for intimacy and often times there seems no price too huge to pay at how far we will go and what we willing to do in our quest for it.This is true for both men and women, we endure a lot, we try to give our all, be the pleaser even satisfy the craving of others to our own detriments. As a result we confuse a lot of things -lust, loneliness, esteem, status even fear- with love and this confusion as sadly more often prove to be deadly.
I remember always hearing these words from my youth pastor back in 9ja that you can never give what you do not have. Self love is the most important kind of love, looking for love from our mate , spouse prior to learning to love ourselves is just like spinning our wheels and heading no where. If we love ourselves, we then understand the importance of protecting ourselves and that communicates to others that we are worthy to love. Most importantly, it preempts those who would do us harm.
Self love is the catalyst to being loved by others. This is because if we don’t love ourselves, it becomes difficult for someone else to truly love us and if it does happen, on the rare occasion, it is almost impossible we identify love in its realness. Love is patient and kind, but we never believed cos our last girl was always nagging and cussing, Love is not pride, envy or self seeking but the last dude was always bragging about how too good he was and asking to speak with our girlfriend even though we told him earlier we were heading shopping. True Love always protects, hopes, preserves but our past experiences just left us all shattered and naked and we seem running away from the true one just like Eve in the garden.
Don’t get me wrong or get it twisted, I believe in love, I’ve received more than my share of chocolates and fantasized about those kisses and touches and that abs packed baller (sorry baller just means a guy, it is a term I use cos I am a die-hard sport fan, any real baller in the house? lol ).When we love ourselves, we are better able to distinguish between true love, fantasies and the desperate longing for intimacy. When we love ourselves, we won’t jump head first into any one who smiles during offering, compliments what we have on or asks, “Is this seat taken?” . But, I‘ve learned over the period of time that the people who really love us want the best for us. They not only respect our decisions to protect ourselves, they insist on it. That is what love really has got to do with it.
This was written over the night in memory of my late friend whom I lost two years ago after she died from unconfirmed internal bleeding when she undergone a quack abortion procedure. She got pregnant by a dude who claimed he loved her but she later realized he never even liked her after he blatantly denied her and the baby. I believed she thought she let her parents down and friends like me that have kept the V club membership card but she was far gone to rescue as she lost the fight later at the general hospital in the arms of her parents who truly loved her.
Omolara, I love you, you still the smart, loving human being you were to me even in death cos your mistakes never redefined or devalued the true you in my book. Always thought maybe if my words had come earlier it could have precluded your tragic demise.
Remain at His grips.
Image source: http://www.connect2ccc.org/media/messages/