The Manly Assortment : THE ASPIRANT




During my twenty-six years I’ve been toasted by a variety of men. I still get a surprising range – from pre-teens (here I hold my head) to older men on their last leg looking for that young “side-kick”. Taking in their personalities and mannerisms I have noticed patterns that create what I call “The Manly Assortment”.

Everyone knows that deceptive piece in a mixed assortment of chocolate. The one that looks promising from the outside. Sculpted with smooth mounds of milk chocolate forming intricate shapes, alluding to grandeur and more inside. Hopeful you take an expectant bite only to be disappointed. For inside there is nothing – nothing but air.

He is called The Aspirant.

The Aspirant is a guy that is always aspiring but never achieving. Some may even consider him the worse of the lot. Mainly because his outward potential is so prominent. A glance or word from him and you know he is meant to be a king some day. Some day… a day that could never come.

This is not a bash of The Aspirant. He is most dangerous because he is the most lovable. You fall in love with that potential you see and feel. He is passionate about his vision. It burns to the touch stinging your skin yet exciting you nevertheless. It’s a force that rocks you to the core and makes you an instant believer at the first deep gaze from his eyes into yours. In them you see a whole galaxy not just stars. There he is master of the universe and able to control the flow and passage of time and eternity is at his fingertips. You are also there as his chosen Queen to rule together forever. Extracting yourself from that time warp takes a very quick and aware mind. To survive, you have to learn to pour salt on top of everything he says. The sharp taste should wake you up to take a second glace at what exactly is going on. What you observe may tear your heart or irritate you to unbearable levels depending on how far you’ve fallen for him.

The Aspirant, dear soul, is a tragic figure. He wants so much to be greater than he is to the extent that he would do anything absolutely anything to reach his aspirations. Anything but honest hard backbreaking work. He may try at first, but the lures of get-rich-quick fixes are too strong to keep him on a straight and laborious path for long. Especially when he sees his mates already making it while he stands on the sidelines wearing what he now considers as rags. Worse yet he has a sweet tooth for the high-life and name brands. This is where the tragic cycle stems. His goals are wealth and influence yet the work to get there is long and hard and requires austerity. However his wants are immediate so to satisfy his sweet tooth he sacrifices the road and takes short cuts that deviate him off his path. Resulting in meandering forever at the beginning and never reaching the end to his goal.

My dear if you’re eyes are widening and your heart is stuttering because you realize this guy is too familiar for comfort – RUN. Right now you may think back to the times you’ve had to support his cravings with your own pocket money. Sweetheart before he makes you as wretched as he – get out. Are you shrugging? Thinking you’re “The One” – the woman that could change him and keep him on his path. After all, his embrace warms you with that passion he has. It cant all be just empty hot air… right? Love if he hasn’t changed by now; trust he won’t be changing anytime soon. Some of you may have invested so much already, emotionally and financially, that you are reluctant to leave at a loss. This is destructive thinking because as with any black hole your investments will just continue to be sucked in, never-ending ‘till you’re a shell of your former self. Again, all I can tell you is to GET OUT – quiet your heart and save yourself to love another day.


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  1. Im loving the write up…..
    At least ur giving advice to the lady who has the aspirant in her life, what about a few words for the aspirant himself….? lol!!!!!!
    And who says the aspirant can only be male? water don pass garri o… lol!!!!
    They are around us o…… Na failure to launch…..
    Im glad i read this…… u too try…..

  2. The aspirant can also be a female, the characteristics are played out in a different way. This post makes me shake my head because what she was saying is true.


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