Relationship, abi Chillationship??


Thinking about the guys that have toasted me in the past,or are currently toasting me now, I have come to realise that guys have no pattern, no motif of detection whatsoever. They randomly select who they will date and who they will be official with. Some guys have toasted me in the approach of a relationship when all they really want is a chillationship. What exactly is a chillationship you may ask?? It is the in-between friends and a proper relationship… you know the guy who doesn’t want to claim you but will get jealous and territorial the minute you start talking to other guys; yup that right there is what it is. And the worst part of it all is they tell you, “hey don’t stress boo, we’re just chilling , we’ll see where it goes”. BULLCRAP!!

That’s a bunch of pish posh! Guys know from the get go who they want to make the wifey and who will always be stuck as the boo. My question though is, why do guys go for you knowing you want more and get mad when you push for it?? Shey na only u get tosh and follow?? Commot jor!! I have noticed, (take no offense) that oyibo men however, turn chillationships to relationships and vice-versa.  If dem talk say dem love you, dat one na to love you die be dat. They do not have a certain type they feel fits in any category, if they are feeling you,and you remain as awesome as when you started hooking up, sweetie watch out!!! He just may have a ring for you in store. I find that Nigerian men in America tend to follow the so to speak akatarish playa mentality. Bimbo is a jump-off, but Chidinma is wifey! Why though?? When you were Kpanshing Bimbo all was great but to advance this “thing” further na wahala be dat… mchewwwwwwww!!

Me sef I don tire from all these toastations leading nowhere. I’m a relationship kinda gal, so don’t tom-tom your mouth for me, be frank so we don’t waste each others time. I find that when they come here, they no longer want to toast you for many months till you guys become official. They try for a month or so,then tell you your wasting their time and cut things off when you had just started fancying them. Or they toast you so tey, and when they get you, your mindset is “he’s my boyfriend”, while hes telling his boys in the DMV, yall are just “kicking it”. Seriously wtf??? Why do many Naija guys come here and wanna screw anything walking but when they are ready to settle down they expect you to either be a virgin or only to have been with one man, tops two?? I don’t get it.

However on the other hand, in summertime, when there is fresh, hot meat that you both know won’t amount to anything, nne biko, run and collect! There’s nothing wrong with a girl having some summertime fun in the sun….literally. Now don’t get the wrong idea, in no way do I condone ashawo bizness, becos dat one  no be work, but enjoy each others company, do stuff together without getting deeper than need be. Sex is purely optional, sex should be earned not given away sha (I say wait till your in a relationship for that one). But if your summer fling is looking like Tyrese in The Fast and The Furious, I won’t blame you if you fall and slip on….ehm. yea.

Anyway sha ladies this is 2011, do not dull yourself!!! Whether your looking for a relationship or chillationship or your in one of them, keep your eyes open to explore new things and people. Don’t refuse a date with a Mexican guy because he’s not Nigerian, who knows? He just may be better than Tayo, Chike or Bashiru.  And men please be frank, (which is why I appreciate akata men) tell us what exactly we are in for, rather then buttering us up to leave us high and dry. Who are you to define a woman by her behaviour when you haven’t set any clear boundaries, give her a shot. Being a tad bit flirtatious as your “chillfriend” holds no grounds as to how she would be as your”girlfriend”.  All in all people, go for what you want and NEVER settle for less! Don’t let him trick you into the “let’s compromise” there’s a huge difference between the two. Compromising means coming to a middle ground in both stances, while settling for less, is you taking whatever you can get whether you agree with it or not. Have a safe summer Peoples and let me know your opinions on chillationships Vs Relationships and why Naija guys here act different from the ones back home and anything else you want to chime in.

Holla at your girl Ajeburra.

Love, sanity and Jesus.



  1. Lovely article Like the sex is earned part not given or forced. Relationship is better just that some guys forget time waits for no one. Seen so many things in this America Naija boys never want to commit even when they have a good woman out of stupidity they loose her thinking hey there are many fishes in the ocean and end up with Shrimp Lome. Ajeburra I write for Yahoo and some paying sites that pay real money holla back if you in America and contribute when you can on my blog I will post it

  2. Love this article because am really sick and tired of dudes that do not know what they want…. It is well sha, believe the best one will come when the time is right..

  3. uhhh nigerian guys in nigeria are also guilty of owning chillationships! I know from personal experience 🙁

  4. As much as there were valid points in the write up, I do have a serious problem with the whole sex is earned mentality people sometimes have. It makes it seem like women do men a favor by having sex with them as if it is not beneficial to them also. The last time i checked it takes two(well, in some cases three or more, at which point it crosses into orgy territory, lol) but on a serious note, its an experience where both should benefit from and enjoy, and if you are having sex with someone without enjoying, and not speaking up about the dissatisfaction, it then you are the one dulling yourself. And then with the generalizations, the whole "Naija guys…" come on you can't honestly believe that is a behavior that defines all naija guys, if you look around in the other cultures that you are heralding, you will find the same traits amongst both males and females.

    • While you mean well, you can't honestly tell me you believe your own comment. You're probably just stuck in wanting to give a politically correct opinion for a non-politically correct-but realistic article. I don't think she (the writer) is heralding other cultures or thinking everyone but Naija men are perfect, it's just that as Naija women, we have seen too much shit from our men. So let's focus on our culture first.

      You and everyone knows that we all know (lol) that many (99.9%) Naija men see sex as what is done to and not with a woman. Therefore, we see it as a privilege. You acting like if you met a girl who lets you have it right away (not treating it like a privilege) you'll respect her.

      Abeg leave story. You're just wanting to air an opinion, not the real truth, I also hate when guys (naija or not) publicly state that it's a mutual thing, but when they meet a woman who is sexually liberated, they call her a whore.

      You men say one thing on the outside, but deep down (maybe deeper into your subconscious) you judge us for doing the very thing you suggest.

  5. Eyan nla,i tink i totaly agree wit u,her points ar valid,but why ar d ladies feelin they ar doin us a favor wit sex, wen it’s a mutual tin dat we al both enjoy.i am in d same situation here, d gal wants me 2 commit b4 she gives in 2 sex.we both ar emmotionally attached 2 each oda “chillationship” had sries of romance,but Sex…….. She wants commitment

    • Wow, I don't know if you're just sick in the head out of selfishness or you're just as dumb as your writing is. So you really don't UNDERSTAND why she will not let you f**** her without commitment?
      Think again fool.

  6. @she urea I love your article was grinning like a fool from the very beginning till the end. You've made ome real, valuabl point tho. Like whn you said naija guys already know who they think is wifey material and who is just now-material. I'm in that same position with some guy who'd been chasing me for a while, like months, whn I finally had sex with him, he later told me he was in a relationship …big OUCh! Anyhow, ive learnt my lesson, either I'm the wifey or nothing for you. No Compromise!!
    Love, INsanity and JESUS!!
    Good job!

  7. thanks guys!! sorry it took long to respond. im not a male basher im stating from personal experience how guys sweet talk women into chillationships!! thanks for the support.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here