No Sex in this Relationship



Hey guys, Mgbeks here!

Lately I’ve been pondering on this issue of sex in a relationship and why it is SO important to men. I keep having conversations with guys who insist that if their girls aren’t giving it up then she got to go. They say things like ‘body no be firewood o’ or ‘Even if I agreed to not wait with her till marriage, I would have a jump off on the side’. I’ve even heard things like ‘You have to test drive the car before you buy it’ and even worse…’If she isn’t giving it up, she will be NEXTED’.
I once had a conversation with a guy who had been in a 5 year relationship and when I asked the no sex question, he replied and told me that if his girlfriend had asked him to wait till marriage, they would not have lasted for 5 years.

Once again, I’m picking on you men because I can’t tell you that I’ve ever heard a female tell me that if there was no sex in a relationship, a guy would be instantly NEXTED. Honestly, I realize that body no be firewood etc etc but seriously guys, is sex the ultimate thing that makes or breaks a relationship?
Imagine if you met a woman who was everything that you wanted and more, would you really let her go because she wasn’t willing to hit the sheets with you?
What is the huge fuss over a maximum of 1 hour of pleasure…and please I’m cutting y’all some slack up in here ‘cos if we have to keep it 100, it probably wouldn’t even reach one hour. LOL, I’m just saying though…
I mean, the thing just tire me o. My ladies, are you feeling me on this or am I alone on this one?

My dudes, please feel free to comment o. I welcome all questions, comments and insults. Ha Ha! I’m just trying to get a general understanding of this right here.

Why is sex so important in a relationship?


  1. Because sex is the only thing that "sometimes" qualifies what people have as a relationship. If you have a best friend that is a guy, what is the difference between him and your boyfriend except the sex?…It just makes that intimacy more present…

    my 2kobos!

    • I disagree. Do you have warm fuzzy feelings towards your bestfriend? I doubt it. There are sooo many other things that separate a bestie from a boyfriend besides sex. I mean, if bobo no fit kpansh anymore is that the sudden death of the relationship if you base it off sex?

  2. Saying no sex in a long term relationship is like saying no plantain with your jelof rice and chicken, the immediate reaction is why?! But they go so well together!

    I think sex too early in a relationship is a no-no (can't make it too easy), but I can honestly say a guy might have to be 'nexted' if he wasn't going to give it up before marriage! You have to make sure you're sexually compatible; once you put a ring on it…well…ain't no going back to pick up another one that works better! lol!

    • But don't you think that people catch on to these things/can be taught? If the man isn't doing it for you, can he not be schooled gently and with time he'll learn what rocks your boat?

      Say in the relationship, you finally have sex but prior to this, he checks out in all areas…does he get an instant next for not being up to par? I bet you'd be willing to teach him a few tricks and I think that the same can be said for your hubby who may not be sexually compatible with you.

      My 3 cents.

      • Yes, people can be taught to a certain extent, but sexual compatability is an important enough part of a relationship to warrant exploration before irreversible commitment (on the assumption marriage is for life ofcourse).

        You can't have great sex unless you really know someone, but really knowing someone, doesn't guarantee great sex…

  3. Excellent topic. It is truly difficult to find a man that respect a woman's virginity/abstinence. For me I am not having sex till I am married…t is what it is. There are men that can handle this and maintain a committed relationship with no women on the side…they are just more difficult to find.

    • Definitely gotta respect that. I'm very sure that there are some rare guys out there who will be willing to wait. Kudos!

  4. Bia/come/waa/zo Original Mgbeke, you most be suffering from Lack of acrobatic sexology… No sex No relationship simple and short…. this isnt elementary school where boys and girls go outside to play. so take your Time.. most times girls are fronting about not wanting sex, when they actually want more sex than guys.

  5. Yes, people can be taught to a certain extent, but sexual compatability is an important enough part of a relationship to warrant exploration before irreversible commitment (on the assumption marriage is for life ofcourse).

    You can't have great sex unless you really know someone, but really knowing someone, doesn't guarantee great sex…
    Sorry, forgot to add great post! Can't wait to see your next post!

  6. When it comes to Sex & Relationships I don't have a strong bold line that says No Sex, No Relationships. I've been in both types of relationships before, and it was ok for the most part. Being in a relationship without sex is definitely more difficult, but it's workable… You just have to be mentally tough, and take lots of cold showers…lol

    • I like your train of thought. You are open minded and that is good. I believe that it can be done if you put your mind to it and hop in those cold showers. LOL

  7. I'm a female and I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 15 months because the sex was bad. Body no be firewood abeg. It's not a man thing, it's a personal thing regardless of gender. If I'm not having sex in my relationship my partner should be worried because I am getting some outside!!!

  8. I use to think "sex before marriage too" not until I tried sex once, I actually changed my mind.

    Point is, I dont think it's worth it at all as a relationship without sex is not spicy at all.

    and it is not a male issue only, a lady needs sex just like a man does cos we have a more healthy appetite even than the guys, and we are more prone to go out and hurt our guy's feeling.

    Sex is a good thing, I thinkk when one is wayward with it na im be wahala….

  9. LOL @ Nij: Did you try to school him and show him what worked for you? Poor boy. But to your latter response, to each her own my sister.

    @ Sassy: Sex is good, but waiting is not so terrible na. A relationship without sex can have as much spice as one without sex, different strokes sha.

  10. Once one has taken a bite from the forbidden fruit(sex) it proves harder for one to do with out it…It is a high we all too often want to re-experience…It is probably easier to abstain from pre-marital sex if not already indulged in it…Unfortunately, we live in society where one feels constant pressure to give in to pre-marital sex …It is in fact the norm …When Sex becomes the focal point of any relationship, it is bound to end in disaster…It is also probably the reason why men take a longer time to put a ring on a girl's finger…I mean why buy the cow when u can have the milk for free….

  11. This is like telling a 9ja born and bred man to visit 9ja and not eat suya or drinking Star/Harp/Gulder, then what is the point of your visit? Abeg…dog play na fall for me make I fall you, ya have to scratch my back coz I love scratching backs too! Its a deal breaker for me, we jst cant' hang around e'ryday and hold hands and do all these lovey dovey stuff and then I go home with blue balls, do u want to kill me or you want me to die out of frustration?

  12. i think its to each his own but i dunno what the big deal about abstinence is?? y must guys be so harsh on virgins and celebate women?? what is so good about a few minutes of pleasure that a whole relationship shud be based off sexual intimacy?? personally i believe that an emotional connection is more important than sex…..for someone to open up their whole lives to you is a huge step so even without sex….that trust and connection built shud be more than enuff to be invested in that relationship….sex is not the end or begginning of a relationship and a guy who refuses to wait isnt worth it and can hit the road cos the husband a woman eventually marries will appreciate the "popping of her cherry" on their wedding nite. it will be a great emotional and sexual experience for the couple….

    so if u wanna have sex b4 marriage go head but i believe waiting is something to be respected and valued as a bride!!!!

  13. i thought this issue will never be brought up. BLUE BALLS, i cant remeber anybody that died from not having sex before, i believe because its thee order of the da, we think its so important (in marriege……definately). wots the all comes down to respect for a lot, even more than the girl.

  14. It only proves that 9ja men are more than romantic when it comes to issues of relationship. But for the sex thing, I do think that they are taking too far. Please make wuna try stay for two or three months without IT and see how wonderful platonic relationship is and to make it last.

  15. once again I'm hearing a girl talk about a sex free relationship, last yr i ended a relationship cos i was not trusted after been in dat relationship for five years withou sex, and she thinks one year in NYSc changed me but i kept my self even till now. Just last wk I ended another retionship cos she wants sex and i think if i can kip my self 4 seven yrs now i would definitely see my own wife

  16. If you try and wait until after marriage before you do it, you will be the happiest man on earth. The thing that baffles me is that you see guys that have slept with so many girls wanting to mary a virgin. Where will you get the virgin if everyone behave like you. No sex before marriage is not in many guys dictionary. The family also have their fault by asking their son to make sure that their would-be daughter in-law must be pregnant before marriage.

    I also think the final say comes from the woman.

  17. At the start of my last relationship, we defined terms. She was a good homely girl and she claimed to be a virgin. I loved her and really wanted to marry her so I played 'MR NICE GUY' and hoped for better future.

    She played the 'good girl' to my face but she actually wanted a bad guy. Later after the break up, she told me she knew I was seeing someone else.

    How do you explain that?

    • Hey, kudos to you…Urch! Hopefully your experience with her won't taint your experience with the next woman. I give you props o jare!

      • Mgbafo m why you dey hail the dude? hin tok sey hin bin dey tap someone else for side. no be wetin you hundastand from hin post ni?

        • At all o, the thing wey I understand from hin post be say he and the babe dey do good girl/good guy but ultimately the babe wanted a bad guy. Then she wan turn the tables on him and accuse him of seeing someone else. Abeg make the bobo come verify this tori…LOL!

  18. I would say most people are so caught up in the sex before marriage thing because they believe it builds intimacy which is false. Intimacy isn't the same as sex!

  19. Its cool to know that some people still got wits…sex can never be "the" relationship, it is wat it is that is why God in all wisdom put it to wait. I agree, sex could consolidate and it could likewise destroy but the paradox here is that there are still lots of "girl n boy" virgins despite all the overratings of sex.

  20. Original Mgbeke,ur tori get as e be.Yes, becos e be like u get sth against the guys.u neva hear girl wey talk no sex in this relationship wey dey cut show for corner whereas my guy dey one corner dey deceive himself.Anyways,make una remember say God pikin go come again oooooooooo.

    • Sage abeg waka pass jo, why I go get sonthing against the guys? LOL as per ya yarniz, e dey roll both ways sha o. Make all man stay true to themselves.

  21. I believe that relationship is all about trust, and sex is one important aspect of it. Being in a relationship without sex to me is pathetic because the person that you with might be hitting it with somebody else and be telling you to wait till y’all get married. If I was in that kind of relationship whereby the girl tell me to wait, I’ll believe that she don’t want me yet or somebody else is on the picture. Think about it…. Why wait?….wait for how long?….till I get to late 40’s or 50’s where those stuff don’t work like when I was 20’s or 30’s… please if a girl tell me to wait, she will be next immediately because there are some many fishes in the sea and in the sea there are some many sand she can tell to wait.

    • Pathetic?? That is a strongly incorrect. Since I am a person that has remained a virgin and intends to do so until marriage, I have an issue with your statement. It is possible that someone will lie and say they accept someone who strives to maintain their virginity or celibacy and they may still go and have sex outside of the relationship…if so, that person is simply a deceitful liar. Those that I have been in a relationship with have entered in consciously and with full understanding of my decision. For anyone who has decided to maintain their virginity or celibacy until marriage (or however long they choose to) did not make that decision based on the partner…it is a personal decision and choice. If you are not able to handle that then just move to someone who shares the same belief as you do in regards to sex in a relationship. It is very simple. To label a person as pathetic who has made this personal decision for their own reasons is ridiculous.

  22. you ladies like to act like you don't need sex a s much we dudes do, look, if you isolate all religion and take humans the way we were created, you'll find we have needs and these needs-food, shelter, clothes, air, sex- must be satisfied….and sex is included because when you don't have it your head isn't clear…if u don't want to have sex(clear your head) then find someone who doesn't… me, i want my head clear all the time.

    Now you can bring religion into the matter and if ur religion forbids u from having sex then don't, but don't make a fuss if guys pass you over. you're doing it for the blessings of your religion aren't you??

    na so the thing go o! no time o!

    • Common, like the way guys do, there is a different in having and needing it to verify your relationship with someone. Why can't you have the patient and wait like she said?????

  23. if the guy cant respect ur decision…the he sld go…coz im no really get u 4 mind…

    if he knows wat he wants he would endure….

    Original mgbeke i de hail u jo!…nuffin do u

  24. My sister I agree with you on this point. You are not the only one why can't a guy respect the choice of the gurl why does it have to be your own way. There are somethings that you have refresh yourself about, sex is not the only thing that gets you a wife. So what next, after having sex with her, you abandon her and look for another one. Some guys do not know when to settle, IF YOU GUYS DO NOT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP THEN HOLD UNTO YOUR GUN. Do not ruin the lives of others because she didn't give you sex. Kiss my white ass. What do they mean, they have to test drive the car, so now we are cars that are being driven every now and then, and what are you guys the drivers????? Na men no let me catch someone who is into these shits. You meet someone you expect to sleep with the person right away. Didn't your mother you how to treat a lady?????

  25. Thing is, sex for guys is like an addiction and we all know what its like to be addicted. mgbekes, she u know all guys are not like that?

  26. Love is a two way street. It needs some nurturing to succeed. For guys sex is one of the potent ingredients to make it work, Much like you love being pampered – taken to the best restaurants, and showered with expensive gifts, or little mementoes, flowers chocolates, etc.

    Every relationship is give and take – Women look for security and reliability (socially, emotionally, financially), Men on the other hand look for the softer things like sex, help mate etc. A relationship without sex for a man (like me) is akin to a car without wheels…

    Ngbeke, would you date a man who does not pamper and spoil u for 12 months. perhaps you should try waiting for marriage before he give up his wallet and time. – If I can’t taste what it’s like, how do I know that I have the real stuff? The "car" just like the wallet has to be tested -.

    • Why has no sister made a comment on this mail? We all need to get off our high horse and be real, just for once.

      I agree its a personal decision, but there are so many sisters out there that will also practically beg for sex, without any inhibitions.

      My point, as already highlighted by shaka above, is if a sister wants to wait till marriage, no probs!!! If I also want to pamper her only AFTER marriage, there should be no probs as well… right sisters?

  27. Ah great topic. Ladies and Gents, there are people out there that will respect your opinion to wait till marriage. We have been brainwashed to think "if there is no sex the pre-marital relationship is not complete"…take note of how strong of a factor sex is. It is so strong that it should be shared between two people who are genuinely and truly committed to each other….and your gf/bf is not that person…sorry (not to say your spouse can't leave you but there are greater ties than there are with a bf/gf situation). You wonder why peoples eyes are blinded during relationships? its because they have intertwined their souls together with the act of sex that they can't see wrong from right (mostly women…its a God given xteristic, that serves us well sometimes). Sex is a beautiful thing that has been abused because people want instant gratification…and pooof, its on to the next person. Take control of your bodies and take care of your soul too…don't degrade it to any tom/tonia, dick (pun intended)/damilola and harry/henrietta that has not invested anything into your lives (and no shoes and bags are not worthy investments).

    You say "what if my spouse is not in tune with my needs"? I say they will get there…hopefully, you marry someone that you connect with on all levels…then the physical will come naturally. Let us practice self control, that's why our gimme gimme-I want it now generation is so screwed up…we have no discipline and the state of affairs is the proof in the pudding.

    To each his own o, but celibacy/abstinence does wonders for your mind and soul…don't knock it till you try it.

  28. I am surprised that women have expressed hypocritical support for this thread. Realistically, most girls crave and enjoy sex more (if not more) than men but just have the inherent nature to conceal that urge. That being said, while I am willing to cut some slack to a virgin who wants to withhold before marriage, I would not afford the same slack to a non-virgin-woman who is withholding sex from her mate under the cloak of "wait before marriage." And since women rarely reward men for supposed good behavior, that is men who yield to the demands of not having sex with their mate, this same girl may leave her boy friend who had been sexually deprived in their relationship just to meet another man whom she over-saturates with sex; now the previous mate who was deprived of sex is now left to feel like a sucker. Also a reasonable and faithful man who is sexually satisfied in his relationship is less likely to cheat, but this same man will probably look for avenue to fulfill his sexual desires if he is denied sex because they were "waiting before marriage.' Abstaining from sex before marriage leaves also, among others, many open-ended questions: what if you are sexually incompatible after marriage? what if you discover that your mate is impotent or has serious erectile problems after marriage? what if the girl does not even like sex at all? what if the new couple can't seem to reconcile their marked incompatible sexual differences? For those women who want to wait before marriage, abstinence will not guarantee that your boyfriend will marry you, if that is what you are thinking, but what it does guarantee is to increase the proclivity that your man will unfaithful and that he will most likely be an agitated, sexually deprived man. Maximize the energy which you have during your youth to fulfill your sexual desires, as long as it is in a responsible, SAFE, mature, and MONOGAMOUS relationship.

  29. ok this issue is getting serious. i am a girl and i can say any time any day i will support any girl that wants to wait. the probability that ur man will leave u is very high tho because men nowadays are screwed. i understand there need to always want to stick it somewhere but sometimes it isnt much for the urge but for the ego. TO PRINCE : i gbadun wat u said that most girls will probably enjoy the sex more than there men but also u have to understand, no girl in this world even if they cover there whole body up everyday will ever be able to totally deny that they dont think of sex but only decide against it for one reason or the other.

    In this world that we live in now, i can say out of 100 relationships, only 1 will last without sex, thats because reason for sex has been mistaken for love, trust, committment etc . If u want ur relationship to last without sex, that guy will definately be using some other part of ur body for gratification.

    TO Mgbeks: i agbadun u

  30. I agree 100% with "baby" and i want to add a little to what she said. Sex isn't that important before marriage. I can understand it being important afterwards, afterall you're not jumping from girlfriend/boyfriend to girlfriend/boyfriend (hopefully lol). This is your life long partner that you trust. However, before marriage, its not needed. I understand not everyone "plans" or wants to get marriage but for my opinion is that it makes the marriage stronger.

  31. I am a woman…I can honestly say…I cannot date a man seriously without having sex with him. It just wont work…it wont…I must test drive to my satisfaction. The only way, I will understand is if he's born again…in which case I wont be dating him to begin with because sex is EXTREMELY important in any relationship…

    • so i take it that you're not born again…. Well we're different people and its normal for us to think differently. I want to ask a few personal questions though, i hope you won't be offended and if you like, you can choose to not answer… When you say "test drive to your satisfaction" i'm assuming sexual satisfaction, correct me if i'm wrong; but what about other areas in the relationship? Are you satisfied there as well or does the sexual aspect of the relationship override everything else? Also, do you want to get married?

      • No…I am not born again/saved…yet…

        Yes, I mean sex by that statement…

        Other areas in the relationship are generally fixable and/or a compromise can be reached.

        Of course I want to get married…I'm actually engaged…we're getting married in the Spring…

        I'm not sure what any of that has to do with my point though…

      • abegy free this babe abeg… Goldie u ROCK!!! test to satisfaction.. when u gurls end up with guys wey no sabi fuck ur eye go clear.

  32. i dont agree with goldie. am sorry girl if u think like that, u will lose count of aw many guys u have slept with. am not sayn am an angel or a virgin but i can tell u, only my fiance has ever gotten that far and i can say it made us even closer but it isnt necessary. there r so many things u can do together with ur man other having sex.

    • Not even close…in order to be the way I am…one has to be very selective of who one is with….I've met loads of couples in my circle of friends whose wives do not like sex or whose husband do not have stamina…I consider myself a sexual being and it is very important to me….its not the most important thing in marriage but, the lack of it can kill any marriage…

      But, hey, to each his own so to speak….ROCK ON BABY!

      • You're right to each his own and i think it's really cool that we can discuss this openly lol. Nowadays, people get overly aggressive, behave like goats, and argue over the internet and i think that's just nonsense. Anywhoo…. i don't think it's fair to blame their lack of sexual pleasure in their marital beds to their previous practice of abstinence. Personally i know when i do get married and i'm no longer "waiting"/practicing abstinence, I'll probably want it just as much or more than my husband and we will love it!! LOL but seriously, there are ways around that… LEARN how to have sex better. Go the extra mile to find out what drives your spouse crazy etc etc etc and regarding stamina… practice makes perfect. People who do have stamina, have practiced. For your friends who their spouses don't enjoy they're sex, could you please do me a favor and ask them if they try to please their partner. The response is probably yes, then ask WHAT is it that their partner likes/drives them wild? People need to experiment HEALTHILY (bring out some honey or tickle each other with a feather or something lol) and they might be surprised what they find. And I at least agree with you that the lack of sex can kill a marriage, but i still think it's worth the wait.

        • So…you've confused me…what do you mean by "relationship with God"?

          If you mean do I pray…Yes, I do.

          Do I tithe….Yes, I do

          Do I go to church…Yes, I do.

          Do I work in the church…Yes, I do.

          Am I born again…No, I am not.

      • Any man that has the fear of God will preach no sex in this relationship,having sex in a relationship if both parties are not marreied is wot the bible call premarital sex and its a sin,I dont support the motion that body no be fire wood,you can hold urselves,I had eight years relationship and it was no to sex relationship though i lost the relationship due to some circumstances but ve ni regret whatsoever cos i did not mess up my life.My advise is if u are dating a guy and u allow the guy to ve sex with u while u are not married,then what is ur hope if the guy says he is not interested again,YOU NEED TO BE SMART AS A LADY AND AT THE SAME TIME HAVE THE FEAR OF GOD

        • Okay…I understand this better now…it seems to be a feeling of loss having sex with a man? I say this because of the statement:

          "…then what is ur hope if the guy says he is not interested again.."

          Well…I dont think we have sex because we are hoping he'll stay or marry us…at least…that's not why I do it or have done it…

          I am extremely selective about who I date…and it is not every single man that I've dated or called my boyfriend that I've slept with. The man I'm engaged to now…we dated for 1yr before we ever became intimate…and he never pressured me or made it a "you either give me some or else" issue…I didnt give it up because he put a ring on my finger either (that came after we were intimate)…When I felt ready to take our relationship to the next level…I did…

          I do not consider me sleeping with a man a loss or dignity or anything like that…to me its an expression of love, desire and trust…

          I understand the religious aspect of it perfectly…but I am not religious, nor am I a born again…so thats all lost on me…

          • i agree with lizzy! However, goldie like you said, you're not born again… do you have a relationship with God at all though? sorry i ask all these personal questions! But it does give more insight to why you or other woman may feel think this way…

            I must say i'm impressed with the Jaguda community though! However i should be studying LOL

            & Also it is nice to see that my friends and i are not the only women in the world "waiting!!" LOL

  33. Wow!!!!!!, You all are cracking me up. Why does sex have to be the only one thing that determines a relationship. What exactly is wrong with this recent generations. A woman should be treated with care, love, and splendid like she is the goddess of all. Here we are today, how are we being trated or portrayed these days?

    Every now and then, we complain of guys dumping us after having sex with us and leave us for another chick, here in our mist someone is suggesting it is okay to do as the men do. Do you have to share almost of the pleasure with a man that will not be in your life? There is nothing wrong in dating but ladies learn to control what is between your legs and learn to stand up and not let the men taking over by presuring one that sex is the ultimate to determine, your body is a temple. Wait, when is time you do it and enjoy the best of it than wasting the pleasure to unecessary man ooooppppss (did i say that??? hell yeah).

    Peace out!!!!

    • Omo i'm glad we're cracking you up! LOL laughter IS GOOD!!! but i agree with you! and i love how you said, "wasting the pleasure to UNECESSARY man/men…" so true… we as ladies need to selah that!! temptation comes, but its not worth it.

    • I do not think that sex is the only thing that determines a relationship…

      I honestly think that each relationship is different (duh…people are different). Since each relationship is different…there are different deal breakers…we each have our own….

      It seems (to me anyway) that women look at sex as them giving up something…or a loss…I just simply do not see it that way…and I dont understand why anyone would…that's just confusing to me.

      I want to know who these women are that get dumped after a man has sex with them? It seems to me that they are picking the wrong men…and there lies the problem…if you date someone that is only interested in sex…of course he'll leave as soon as that "need" is met…

      It seems I am the only one that feels the way I do…I've said it before…to each his own…

      • can u imagine i still havent began to study?! lol anywhoo….. YES they are PLENTY WOMAN getting dumped after sex and YES they ARE picking the wrong guys!! Some woman even wait and still pick wrong man. Dating these days is screwed which is apparent by the really high divorce rates.

        Goldie babes, there seems to be a mis-communication between us. lol i feel like i'm missing something in regards to the "born again" title. What do you mean by born again? i'm referring to born again as a new creation in Christ, someone who confesses Jesus Christ as their Lord and savior aka "a saved person." Check out this link for a little more of my definition of born again and background info… it's short i promise

        I don't really like the whole title ordeal that's why i asked if u have a relationship with God. I mean a relationship in regards to knowing Him personally and not just going to church and tithing etc etc. Those things are all great and I do them too, but its one thing to do them just because and it's another thing to do it because you know it pleases your Friend, and i say Friend in reference to God. So if you're doing things to please God a few of those things should be what he asks of us and keeping our bodies holy is one of those things. Once again i must say thanks for continuing this conversation with me, despite my personal questions, in a non confrontational manner. =D

        • Yes…your link was short…and my answer is still No…

          Oh…its all good…I'm loving this site and all its blogs!

          • okay i'm super glad to hear that because I am too!!

            anywhoo, i have some more questions! lol Why are you working in the church/tithing etc if you're not saved? I'm not saying you shouldn't work in the church or that you don't belong there, I just find it awkward. Is it that you don't agree that Jesus is the only way to heaven or you feel/see no need to be saved?

        • I was raised in the church and my Dad taught us all to pay our tithe…

          As for working in the church…I work in the nursery…I love kids…to me its like volunteering…its fun…

          Your last question:

          Is it that you don't agree that Jesus is the only way to heaven or you feel/see no need to be saved?

          At this point in my life…I'm really not fussed on that either way…I hope this answers your question…?

  34. more contribution to this matter, the a to z of this matter is everybody has point. But i want to pose a question to all u virgins, what if that virginity was lost to rape? And u meet someone who u love and he wants sex. what would u do, if due to the rape u lost all respect for THIS sacred body.

    • This scenario actually happened to a very close friend of mine; except the rape didn't make her lose respect for her body. Of course there was emotional and mental trauma and all that, but it made her guard her body even more.

      in regards to the statement, "someone u love and he wants sex…" that just sounds like you love him and he doesn't love you. If that is the case then, is he really worth it? Why was the mindset of the female in question PRIOR to the rape? Was she waiting until marriage or was she indifferent? If she was waiting for marriage to present herself to her husband, why should that change after rape? YES her body and spirit was desecrated, but that isn't her fault and it doesnt make her any less beautiful or of a woman. Yea it may be hard and sound crazy, but it seems to me that after the rape the female should regain any respect/self-dignity that was lost PLUS INTEREST and keep to the original goal.

      It just seems like the motive of the two people are different… one wants to love and be love and the other wants sex (i don't know the people but i'm just going based on what u said. the guy may/may not want more than sex). So it makes sense the female would give agree to sex in exchange for love and maybe the guy would just have sex so he can get… sex (*disclaimer again: i dont know these people. I'm just responding based on what was stated). I think the lady should determine WHY she REALLY wants/would give in and WHY the guy REALLY wants it.

      … but those are just my thoughts

      • wat if the girl was waitn for marriage but after the rapes (not once) didnt c a reason to as her body is already tainted? wat if she didnt let her man know about the rape until after she gave in to him? whose fault is this?

        • Wait why did u say fault ("whose fault is this")? Why would it be anyone's fault…? It seems this lady still hasnt gotten over the de-morality that usually comes with rape issues. Yes the rapist tainted her body, but God definitely loves her and has restored her.

          "Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice for the Lord has done great things! I will restore to you the years which the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. And my people shall never again be put to shame."- Joel 2:21, 25-26

          **THE LAST LINE SHOULD BE IN BOLD RED LETERS AND UNDERLINED 3 TIMES. Yes she WAS tainted, but God has restorED her and said she'll never be put to shame again. She should accept the restoration and go on with her life. God loves her so much to restore her from this horrible incident and "has dealt wondrously with" her. If God thinks so highly of her that He restores her and satisfies her, she shouldnt feel tainted anymore or at least resist feeling that way. And i think the fact that she told him, shows that she had a problem with it. the rape and maybe even the sex with the boyfriend/man was bothering her.

          i really wouldn't blame anyone and say whose fault it is, but i will say that we can make better decisions and we shouldnt let our past hold us down. Yea she might have had sex with the new guy, but God IS MARRIED TO THE BACKSLIDER and she can start waiting again and start fresh and new. That's what forgiveness is there for.

          • Ms Ola Blessed: i like ur answer, fill with loads of maturity, which shows u r older than me.

            Anyway i brought up this issue cos i really am interested in the psychology of rape victims and want to know aw they think when it comes to sex in a real/legal relationship.

            i know u r talking from the perspective of a God fearing lady, but we will never know the mind of such a person . whether sex in that kinda relationship is ok or not

        • aww, thanks… i'm only 21!! lol yea unfortunately quite a few of my closest friends were raped in the past. They all know God, but they were indifferent on the whole wait thing. They were raped as virgins as well, but they were young and not really concerned with sex. So when they did get older they did become sexually active anyway…. hope this helps

  35. Una dey craze…..If una no get better to talk make una fade… maybe shut ur pc down. How u go say make person no vibrate wen e dey date babe…how u d relationship wna take hold… But in the real sense its very rare to see a relationship where d guy will agree to wait maybe for marriage or at a given time. But the main issue is both of them care for each other. SEX ISN''T EVERY THING IN A RELATIONSHIP…. WHAT THAT MATTERS IS THE COMITTMENT….

  36. well 2 b sincere with ourself,we all knw dat SEXis not d BEST in a relationship but its very easy 2 speak than 2 fulfil e.g we all agree dat SEX is not d number 1 but hw many keep d commandment dat SEX should b ruled out in a relationship?……Lets wise ! ! ! !

    Cuz few minutes of SEX can cus u LIFE TIME…..

  37. just to let you know, I have met girls who wanted to leave their men cos they didnt get sex from them, or better yet wanted me to take care of them since their man wasnt doing it, so I guess its not just men but women also, if you are in a conservative place like Africa, women wouldnt voice it out but come to a place like America and you would hear women speak like men about sex in their relationships

  38. well, i agree with goldie when she said that she does not consider sleeping with a man a loss of dignity. u don't sleep with all the men that come your way but if u find someone that u really care about and you feel comfortable with him and ready to go to that level then you do you. that you even wait till you get married before you have sex does not give you the guarantee that he will love and respect you cos people change. one thing i know is that nobody knows the heart of a man. sex is not the main component of a good relationship but it is one of the vital parts. it can strenghten a relationship as well as break it.

    yes, from the religious point of view, it is considered as a sin. but common! we all break the other ten commandments from time to time in one way or the other and they are as bad a premarital sex.

  39. now this really depends on who's reading this post. you'll get a very conservative reaction from nija girls and a little less conservative reaction from nija guys but i can asure you you'll get a very very different reaction from our yankee folks (nija n akata).something that sounds like…hey! who says you have to be in a relationship to have sex anyway?….lmao

    • LMBO @ the last statement!!!! and hey wait a minute…. i think (i'm not sure) according to these labels i fall under the naija in Yankee and that's not my point of view!! lol but i get ya drift….

      • well me too i happen to fall under that same category and that isn't my point of view either (at least not any more…shhhhh)….but ughhh at least you get my point….

  40. Hey this is in response to ashawo's post….

    yea i can see you're point and i understand it. i just want to respond to ya last sentence:

    * "we all break the other ten commandments from time to time in one way or the other and they are as bad a premarital sex."

    i can only speak personally for myself so that's what i'm doing when i say, just like i strive not to break the other commandments; i strive to not break this one as well.

    Also i agree with you on the

    *"just because you wait til marriage doesn't mean that he'll love and respect you because people change."

    Again, personally (how come there's no underline button?! lol anywhoo underline personally) waiting for marriage for me isn't just so "this man wont use me and leave me…" whatever he can marry you, use you and still leave you. Marriage is more of a commitment to myself and God to keep my body, and because i'm counting on God that i'll make it (lol yea i gotta pray abt that too) I'm also praying and confident that He'll guide me to the one who will love me for me. Also i think there's steps/ways to keep from marrying wrong and i'm doing my best to do keep from that. My point is keeping myself isn't just for my future husband, it's more for me.

    Like its been said many times in responses to this article, 'to each his own."

    • Okay, Ms Ola Blessed you speakkk wayy tooo much……i keep scrolling to find ur comments… totallyyy with u, girll!! Keep it up! God is with us! its not just a religious thing, it is a thing of self……… 17 and praying about everything i will ever do with my life, love, & body………………….i believe it is well…………people who have abstained have not died – we can do it!

  41. avin sex in a relationships does worth it cos, when the girl lives u u wont feel it dat paifull when u dat a girl 4 3yrs and u both descided no sex,lata u found out dat she has another boyfriend and they do av sex 3time in a weak. Au would u feel?

    • sorry i had some trouble reading your comment, but from what i think i understood a couple decides to wait but then the boyfriend later finds out that the girl is cheating and having sex. Well if they both consciously decided to wait, but the female is being deceptive then their main problem isn't "waiting." The guy happened to pick the wrong girl. Of course he'll be frustrated, but just because she lied about waiting doesnt mean they all do. their problem isn't the sex, its the lies.

      • No…you missed what he said….

        This is what he means….

        Sex is a relationship is worth it because when the girl leaves you. You, the guy, wont feel that bad. It would hurt the man if he was dating the same girl for 3yrs and didnt have sex. Then she leaves and has sex with her new man 3 times a week….

        Here's my response to that:

        Taiwo has just shown us his level of maturity cos that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! What a load of rubbish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        You date a girl for that long and you break up and you are worried about THAT? Not why a 3yr relationship with her ended?

        What is wrong with people? Why does everyone place such importance on SEX?! I really do not get it! My goodness!

  42. Its so funny i had this same convo with a friend of mine and apparently it is not just a big deal for dudes its a HUGE deal. They dont want to wait until marriage and as for ur question as to if they'll pass up a good chick just bcos of sex, ive asked that and i got the " Lets have an open relationship ' answer… and can i add from a countryman…lol..

    guys will b guys!







  44. Sex is not a big deal, most ppl just make so much fuss bout it, no doubt we guys r 2 horny 4 our own good, but ladies 2 want some ….2, so I'm not encouragin ppl 2 slp around or be bitchy, but if u r feelin d itch pls feel free 2 scratch.

  45. When two people are in a relationship and they care about each other deeply, I think sex is important because it takes the relationship to another level. Sex with just anyone is not needed. Friends with benefits, I don't think so. How may other friends might they be getting benefits from?

    Sex is important if it's important to the two people in a relationship. If you are not having it and you care for each other and it's working, keep it going. Sex is not the most important thing in life. But, from my view, great sex with the right person can be AMAZING. BE SAFE OUT THERE.

  46. well as smone said already, guys would be guys but it can't be dat bad…….abah. a little pass up from tym to tym might save your lyf………..hahahha

  47. i actually thinks sex is unnecessary,u dont av to av sex before a guy loves or a girl loves u,i wont say they shouldnt have sex but the point is,is he or she the right person?,if a guy really loves u he wont leave u because u did not allow him,or vise-versa.the point is,before u do it,be sure u wont do it with anyone else in your life,if u keep that then u should be fine,BUT THE MAIN ISSUE IS LOVE CONQUERS ALL,IF THE LOVE IS THERE N STRONG SEX WONT MEAN ANYTHING,IT WILL ONLY MEANS SOMETHING IF ITS LIKE A COMMITMENT AND BOTH OF U AGREED U ARE READY FOR THAT,SEX IS NOT SOMETHING U THROW AROUND.ITS MORE COMPLICATED,WEN GOD PUTS A COMMANDMENT ON THAT HE KNOWS Y,SEX IS LIKE A BOUND WHICH MANY DO NOT UNDERSTAND,IF U ARE THAT TYPE OF ORE THAT SLEEPS AROUND ARE JUST MAKING UR LIFE MISERABLE N U WILL THINK U ARE HAVING FUN,JUST IMAGINE HOW MANY PEOPLE U ARE BONDED WIT IN THE SPIRIT,THATS WHERE THE FLAWNS REFLECT.



  48. Girl im with u on dis 1 … na wa NAIJA guysz in yankee oo … The thing don tire me self. The worst part is that the people asking for sex are the same useless men that do not do anything to your life .. (The don't contribute to ur living or anything like that) … Most of them are just rather useless to me but YET they want u 2 JUMP & ask them HW HIGH in the process

    Sex should NOT be the determining factor in a relationship … If a Lady wants to have sex in a relationship then fine but if not .. wat d heck is d big deal??

  49. same is happening to me,but just want you all to know is needed bcos sex should not be justify like we the guys also have no balls that should be appreciated even if yours is.(no hard feeling).

  50. mehn..i am strongly behind isnt the way in relationship..i have worked by that and i am a guy of 18yrs

    • Good opinion Emba,

      But u r not a guy but a boy yo.

      18? Wat do u know? Loverkid.

      Stay on d sidelines & listen to words of wisdon K?

  51. See let me say my mind.its this way if you want sex before marriage go for a girl that is compatable with that and if you dont want then seek the one affiliated to your needs,but to my expirence in life sex,is essential its the spice of a lasting relationship.and why i say so is because my ex-girlfriend left me because she says,she want someone to make her feel the sensational erotic thats my view.




  53. Call me whatever you want but one thing I know for sure is that Sex / fornication/ immorality/ masturbation are not the only sins, agreed ,but would lead many many souls to eternal damnation where there would be no time to repent. I'm not a saint but to be alive at this moment means to me that I have another chance to do the right thing, likewise everyone reading this!We've all had our pasts,and thanks goodness God is not man to condemn anyone,so wether you're a ho,playa,or just plain immoral,gOd does not condemn yu if you repent – It's a brand new begining for true repenters. No matter how we try to justify it in this generation, Sex is worth waiting for with our life partners,not even with our fiance/fiancee.

  54. ……i think some people are getting it wrong………………the fact that ladies want to abstain does not mean that they do not like sex…………everyone does…………….its an issue of self control…………..every person who decides that abstinence is the way takes up a challenge the very second they decide to……….

    i am veryy pro-abstinence because i look at it both religiously and from a self point of view………….i have been searching for reasons why abstinence would be the wrong way but i cant seem to find any, therefore, it is the way i choose to go…….
    ive thought of it and to me the reason why sex is has been brought down to what it has is because marrige has been brought down too…………..we have lost our definition of the union in marriage & down came the definition of sex with it……..

    i though of it & said to myself, if i start having sex before i get married because i feel i love the person i'm with, then whats the use of geting married?? the big wedding day??? officially saying that u love each other??? theres much more to marriage…..its the beginning of a bond, not the miiddle of it, & that bond finds its centre in sex……………..

    & this is my humble opinion

  55. Sex is a sacred thing and its a convenant between the two parties involved.hmmmm!but the world is turning to an end wherby the guy will bent on aving sex with you for u to prove it to him dat u love him,and the girl in the other way would nt want to loose the guy simply because he believes the’GUY’is the best he can ever find or comes her way.i strictly take to No sex before marriage and i no alot of girls would do it and even guys can too and stick to their girls if they notice dat she is nt ready to have it with them and the guy is also nt ready to loose their guy,but bcoa we have some animals among we girls who are ready to get down with a guy just for the fun of it,this kind of tin gives a guy an Ego to leave his girl and go after the cheap one all bcos of sex.

  56. U guys 4get sex is not a guy thing. Its has nothing solely to do with guys. Its only in the Nigerian setting or probably African setting that it is looked at that way. Every girl I dated always asked 4 sex b4 I even voiced it. I can't remembered ever mentioning it 2 any of my previous girlfriends. I did ask one if I had refused 2 sleep with her what she would do, she told me "look, if u had decided 2 hoard sex I would have walked". It depends on the individuals, that is the two people involved in the relationship.

  57. Òmò u nid 2 sex ur gf oh…if u dnt sm1 else wil do d job 4 u…morova if u dnt sex ha hu wil u sex? A prostitude? Itz tru sex is nt d ultimate bt it is vry vital n curcial…jus like water n air none is less important so also is love n sex none is more important.


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