It Is Standards Not Ego



I am still really excited about the comments posted after my previous article that served as the footnote for this series, “living the false notion”, I am truly elated about the conversation that  it generated , I really love  rubbing minds and I am so grateful to for making  this platform possible. With such overwhelming comments, I felt indebted to fulfill my promise to talk about  how we living  as preys to this false notion and in my own humble self probably give helpful advice that I believe could be attainable (I am not Dr Phil and I not trying to be one).

I was recently on the phone with a male friend of mine Akindele(real name changed) who made me laugh when he told me his friend is a secret admirer. He tried  cajoling  me into going on a date with his friend spite the fact that he knew  I know a little about  this said friend’s resume -who dated three girlfriends at the same time ,  physically abused his ex girlfriend claiming he got tipsy and was unaware of his punches flying all over the girl’s face. I laughed  almost shedding tears when he said his friend even went as far as confiding in him that he wants to make a real relationship with me and he is got lots of cash to spend and go around. I replied my friend whom I believe knew it was a no-no from me but still only tried to pull my legs. ’’Akin, I chuckled, tell you friend his baggage is a deal breaker, I have my personal standards I cannot go out with him” he never implored my reasons and we moved our discussions to more salient issues.

By not having a standard, you have just also set a standard. I don’t only mean standards for the relationship; I speak of personal standards irrespective of the relationship. We have to have our moral compass.Our personal standards are born within us and it then becomes our principles. A principle is borne out of the understanding of who we are and our purpose here on earth. A lot of ladies roam this world like a lost sheep in search of a man to give them relevance but only to find themselves jumping from one relationship to the other with each one leaving them more confused than they were in the former.

When we understand our presence is not by chance but packaged with significant relevance here on earth, the aura about us changes and the people and things we accept into our lives will only be a reflection of our inner essence and personal standard. My friend could have easily won me over  and cause me to go against a belief because it was not mine in the first place but he can never sway me  from my principles of not going out with a jackass and ego driven guy because I am the one with my principles.

A lady who lives from her principles takes personal responsibility for her own actions; she takes charge of her own life and never leaves her fate to the opinion or choices of men. She doesn’t go on a date with every brother that asks her out because she doesn’t need just any man but a man who will fully appreciate her worth for who she really is and not for the him she is hanging out with.

Let’s allow that love within us to write our standards and begin living from them. We don’t need to change our principles to keep or have a man. We don’t need to sleep with a man to keep Him. We have to know that whatever we cannot get by our standards is not ours. If you have to sleep with him to keep him, it is really not yours to have in the first place. Call my idea “old school” and I will reply it is the “school’s code” and not ego driven.


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  1. i really love this article,havin principles and stickin by them are two diff things but its do-able once u put ur mind to it and dnt let anyone tell u different.

  2. Great job. Im glad we still have sisters with similar outlook in life like mine. Cos sometimesI feel likeI'm a one man standing. STANDARDS is essential and personal. Set yours (males and females)!!!!!

  3. wowzers!!!!! preach on sista!!! i was almost startin to shout aluta continua well it is definitely refreshin to know we still have sistas such as your honourable self out there.. it shows all hope is not lost..thumbs up..

  4. There are so many women who don't understand this concept and you eloquently stated something that is quite obvious but so hard for some women to implement into their lives. When you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything. Sometimes, we learn the hard way, but as long as we learn, we have survived.

  5. I really appreciate your view as a gentleman,it shows the depth of your principle,keep it up girl,unlike the voracious ladies out there,men to them are lik novels,sometimes she wants the romance,sometimes the thriller,sometimes the trashy to take to the beach,and sometimes classics,but when through with each,she toss it back to the shelve and move to the next,but unfortunately for her,the book’ll forever remain new to someone who haven’t read it…..what an irony


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