Is It Over Yet? …Part 2



Read Part 1

It is now history the days when our mamas stucked it out, battled against the iceberg trying to capsize the rosy ships of their marriages. They gave all they’ve got to see their marriages not go down the drain, the enduring patience by those mothers which I believe is lacking today .I could remember my mom constantly telling us that she was sticking out her necks so we the kids would not suffer the wraths that might be unleashed by the stepmoms and her husband’s proposed mistress. All these kinds of vigorous commitments were  just no longer in existence with ladies of my generations  as even many of us  threaten our  husbands with divorce after a heated argument  which we think only existed in ours but honestly is going on in that couple neighbor we envy next door.

As I kept on feasting my eyes around this jam-packed hall, the reality of my own marital struggles came rushing at me. If only I had the guts to throw in the towel, run to the parking lot, turn the car around and storm up the drive, find Femi and demand a divorce. It was the only thing that would set either of us free at this point. God …… help me. The silent cry came from the depths of my soul and made the corners of my eyes sting. Daughter … I am with you….I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you a hope and a future and not to harm you….

The scripture came as easily as my next breath the same way it always had. Since the time my parent’s business nosedived due to the Nigerian economic situation and I had to financially help ease my parents, start working and travel abroad at 19, I’d clung to the promise, believing that God truly knew the plans He had for me. Believing they were good. But what place did the words have in my life now? Good plans and a hope?, A future? The loveless routine I shared with Femi was hardly that, and what good could possibly come from the life we sharing together?

Then the answer came, Mide, of course. Mide was the good that had come from the two of us. Back from a time and place when Femi and I had loved each other more than life itself. And Mide was the one who would pay the price if I asked for a divorce as a bail out. For a moment I looked up at the waiting number bar making sure I hadn’t being called while I was in my deep thought. I turned and forced a smile at a  lady whose tattoos is like her second skin took the seat where the marriage license lovebirds just vacated  and she  flashed back her braces  teeth while placing a brown envelope with child support bolding written on its back.

No, I couldn’t divorce Femi, not ever. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He had never cheated on me or slapped me or even called me a bad name. He’d rarely ever said unkind words to me. The familiar sting in my eyes grew stronger, though I ‘d been looking forward to the time alone since  Femi volunteered to stay home with Mide, spending time with our son for the first time  all week only to call me  less than an hour  later he had  an impromptu  teleconferencing  scheduled in the office and he needed to rush to dropping off our kid at his earlier cancelled basketball training after he promised to make up for not buying him the new Xbox which Mide gladly submitted to since he so much idolized his dad. I am grateful for the time alone but this is no time to cry.

So what was the problem? Why did I feel like my world was falling apart, like a part of my heart would never breathe or function again? As I noticed a tear fell on my short and made a tiny wet circle on my denim pants, I quickly whisked it away. The answer was obvious. It wasn’t what Femi had done that made me this vulnerable; it was what he hadn’t done. What he’d stopped doing somewhere along the trail of years. Whenever it was that he’d stopped keeping promises, when he’d stopped taking me on dates or spending a few moments with Mide.

With Femi, I now shared little more than a business relationship with who I called my own husband. None of the love and passion I’d hoped to find by marrying the man, none of the magic we’d shared in during our courtship dating back to our college days. But those weren’t grounds for divorce not even close to it. God….there’s no way out, Pls give me a reason to believe it’ll get better one day. I am trapped in a prison of pretense and promises and unless Femi had a change of heart ,my sentence would last a lifetime because being the manager of Maxx wouldn’t be enough with Femi, a rare position for a black man  and neither would making millions. There would always be one more deal, one more meeting, one more corporate seminar to conquer. And those things would always share him with Mide and I.

I jerked my head up and there blinking in front of me was my ticket number on the bar. As quickly as I could, I grabbed my purse and move towards the open cashier. Sighting my approach, in the usual automated voice ,Hi, am Kristi, how can I be of assistance today, are you here for marriage license, civil ceremony, alimony, legal separation, child support………without waiting for these usual long delivered speech of what her  daily job functions entail, I deliberating flashed her my wedding band and handed her  the check  for my speeding ticket, she hurriedly  processed it, gave me my receipt and I left the court telling me myself, “It ain’t an  option …….No divorce. It’s workable”.


  1. Na condition make crayfish bend oh!!!!__Well, you said in a place in your article that he has never cheated on you, well, i beg to differ…__We all cheat one way or the other and im not talking about having an affair with someone else oh…__Okay, lemme break it down, i consider myself cheating if i spend more time with my friends at the expense of spending time with my partner….. spend extra hours in the office knowing that i could be having dinner with my family…… im sure you have the general idea now…….__

  2. So in another sense of it, my dear he is cheating on you and the family……__Issue now is that since he cheats on you with his job (which doesnt speak nor have feelings) then its even more difficult for you to deal with as his job also provides for the family……__As i always say, its all about balance my dear……__My only advice is for you to speak to him before you run out of your mind……__find out where his head is at cos its not normal for a guy who has been acting appropriately for years to just have this sort of obsession……__We all are still learning, maybe someone else has a better advice to give (which is welcome) but this is my own take on the issue.__God will guide you through this ordeal. Never lose hope as that is what keeps the fire for a resolution burning…..__Mehn a woman that hasnt lost her value system is full of virtue o… hmm…..

  3. Now u guys know im the same person….. lol!!!!!
    all good sha…. the comment below comes before the first……

  4. I think I'm guilty of having the "Over Achiever Syndrome" like your husband. Growing up I witnessed my parents with it as well. You know moving to America and trying by any means necessary to not only achieve the American dream, but also trying to make the dreams of their relatives back home come true; by sending money to them, bringing siblings, nieces, nephews, uncles, etc. over to the states. So it's that pressure some individuals tend to encounter which forces them to strive for better. Not saying it's right, or trying to make excuses for your husbands actions.

    My question to you is that, "Have you ever tried dating your husband"? I know you guys are married, but do you guys do date nights, or go on nice vacations? Another question I have to ask you is that "Do you have pictures of the two of you together while you guys were dating scattered around the house"? The reason for that question is so the both of you can actually see from time to time when your relationship was "Ooooeey Gooey, Fresh & Sweet" , the pictures will help you take a stroll down "Memory Lane".

    If all else fails, you might want to consider counseling. I know it may difficult to comes to grip that you and your husband might need it. And i know it might be difficult to get him to go,..but try.

    Until next time, Much Love.

    • You are also right….
      Guess old memories can always spark that flame needed to make things better….
      As i said before, we learn everyday…..


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