Ecclesiastical Wahala


Imagine this scenario. A young girl comes to her parents…”Mum, Dad…I met someone and we`ve seen been seeing each other for a while and we think we are compatible and can live together as a family so we`ld like to get married”. Mum has this big smile on her face while dad has this guarded look, Mum jumps up, ‘O sweetie that is good news, what is his name?”, Dad interjects, “who are his parents?” The girl answers the two questions in one breath with sheer excitement. Daddy is not done yet…” What church do they attend?”

The excited girl replies with stars in her eyes “Daddy they`re anglicans, O God am so happy, mummy am thinking our wedding colours will be skyscraper blue and Romanian gold and we shall serve the guests with fried toad legs and Singapore noodles, oh and i think we should give the guest embossed toilet paper for souvenirs”. Mummy is already imagining the colour of the lace she would wear and how big her gele will be, in fact her fingers are itching to call her friend who shuttles Dubai to get her samples of the latest lace materials, you know those ones that are so itchy and heavy, you cant wait to get them off your body.

The daddy says in a low tone……”you cannot marry him”

You can imagine the silence which ensues, The bewildered girl asks “Daddy, but why?!”

“This is a core roman catholic family, I am knight of St John, I am also the parish council chairman, no child of mine shall marry a non catholic,” and he goes on to recite his entire religious resume.

But Daddy Apollonius is a sweet, god fearing, hardworking man, I love him and I know you`ld get to love him too,I’ve met his family, they all just love my hair” the girl gushes with stars in her eyes.

“i have said my piece, no daughter of mine will marry an Anglican and daddy goes into the history of the Anglican church concerning King Henry the eighth and his many horny women”………………….

This may sound funny but this is a situation that is very prevalent in our societies, it`s the 21st century but our parents still very much interfere with our plans…what the hell does it matter if I want to marry a buddhist or a Confucianist, or even some strong-headed atheist….. A friend of mine said to me a few years ago, he had better be catholic or nothing, some years down the line, with her biological clock buzzing loudly in her ear and she was not yet married. She says to me, “My dear, forget catholic oh, anybody who is serious I`ll marry, it seems all the eligible catholic bachelors are taken, orthey`re just blind, how can they not see me, in fact i now sing in the choir to see if they`ll motice but no, they seem to prefer club girls”. In fact she refused to come home for the holidays because her nosy aunties where going to make some annoying remarks about her so-called perpetually single status.

Dont get me wrong, but I believe our parents have a right to offer their suggestions in the choice of life partners for their kids but they should not make their opinions final and binding, think about it, they have lived their own lives. They should let their kids make mistakes and learn from them. every marriage must have issues, even the best of marriages may have been built on very shaky and controversial circumstances. come to think of it I believe, Religion does not make a man, but his love and obedience to his creator and the way in which he lives with his neighbours. However as young people make sure you`re marrying for the right reasons because when the chips are down whether your parents approve or not…..s@#$t happens and when it happens you`ll have to clean it up all on your own, people may come and talk, but it’s the two of you who would have to deal with sleeping on the same bed facing the wall or talking to each other via BBM even while living in the same house or hitting his head with a frying pan when some bimbo from the office calls him…ouch! However at the end of the day prayer will always be the key, marriage is serious business, so seek ye the kingdom of God and its righteousness, surely the rest will be added unto you, so if you`re ready to marry , if you`re not a prayer warrior, learn it because the Big Guy up there is the only one who determines whether a marriage will work or if it would go up in flames. Well thats my take, so what is yours?

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  1. Marriage is a union of families rather than two people. If your parents do not approve then you are in trouble because there will not be peace. If I meet a girl and her parents insist that we will not marry, I am running out the door. Marriage is hard and I do not need unnecessary wahala.

    • Spoken like a true ignorant Nigerian man. So the whole family will be living with the couple abi. It’s about the couple. Family blessing are a plus, but not mandatory.

      • Eziokwu … You are very mad. If my momise and my wife don't see eye to eye on it will make my house very uncomfortable especially after my wife has given. It is a must that Momise go come and take care of the baby. It is hard to imagine my wife vexing for me because my own mother is in the house. Biko, pack your things and waka. You new Age Nigerian woman you guys are in trouble. Good luck

        Don't get me wrong the couple is paramount but family is a close second. In my opinion family blessing is required because without it there will also be beef for no reason.

        • Mekus without a doubt family is extremely important but you over estimate its importance by asking someone who you love enough to want to marry, to pack and go cos of your mum. Incase you forgot, your mother is hopefully very happily married to your dad. It's your turn to find that happiness for yourself unless you plan on spending the rest of your life with mum.

          In Naija and I believe in the African culture as a whole we marry not just our spouses but their families as well. Ideally when parents realize how happy the spouse to be makes their child, they'll all find a way to make it work. Marriage is stressful enough as it is; which is exactly why you want the one you love by your side.

          Besides if u are igbo, you know it is wifeys momsie that does the omugo so biko be careful before you get your behind kicked out your own home Lolz.

        • Wish you a happy married life with you mother o! So You wont even bother asking your mother why she dislikes a girl she doesn't know? Its not that u have taken a stripper home. For you to take this Girl home to family must mean this girl is doing something right *as we all know not every girl has the privileged of meeting the guy's family*

          You sound like one of those people that will allow Family to walk all over your wife and not put them in place. if They cant give you any other reason besides she isnt same religion as you or from same village street as you… surely u will need to put them in their place. If you are a christian show them the bible reference – Ephesians 5:31 "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh"

    • Spoken like a true ignorant Nigerian man. So the whole family will be living with the couple abi. It's about the couple, and the parents blessing is good, but not mandatory

  2. But Catholics and Anglicans are so close in religious structure it's complete stupid to think of why they cant marry. Not like we're talking off some extremes like Islam and Scientology.

  3. I don't think religious denomination should be such a big deal. They are other issues to worry about than to streamline yourself. I agree it's always better if you are the same tribe, religion, village and blah blah blah, but ultimately it's about the 2 people

  4. In as much as we’ll like to exclude religion and parental consent, we cannot deny there importance. unfortunately, parents are not always right. the religion part can be tricky; unless one partner is ready to make d sacrifice, it will impact the resulting family- kids torn between what religion to follow.

    d koko, try and get their consent, it makes it easier, the same religion, very safe, but in the end, its the 2 of you that counts

  5. Family blessings are a plus but not mandatory – but the pragmatics often dictate that this is obtained, unless from the get go the couple make a decision to strike out on their own and 'forget' they've got family.

    Marrying across significantly different cultures and religions often requires a lot of compromise in deciding a middle ground, otherwise there is the risk of spawning ideologically confused children.

  6. Mekus I agree! They don't have to love me but at least know their boundaries and the said husband should be able to stand up for me when things come up but if they say Mba! we don't want this girl and make a big fuss then my dear hayam out the door. Family problems na one of the big things wey dey break marriage up

    • "Dont get me wrong, but I believe our parents have a right to offer their suggestions in the choice of life partners for their kids" the comment is true and I agree, I also think that just as its a parents right to offer suggestions, its also the children's right to accept or reject the advice period.

  7. Mekus is just a Mama's boy. What kind of comment is that? Please you have to be a man and step up to mom if she crosses the line, and also stand up for your wife. It can't be "if my mom doesn't like, then that's it". Who says that? Rubbish


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