Welcome to Twitter; The New You…


I’ve been seeing a lot of twitter rants around and I knew it was just a matter of time before I wrote mine up. First of all, my definition of a rant is “to speak violently, and sometimes incoherently on a matter” so keep that in mind as you read (emphasis on incoherently).

See, when I first joined twitter I was relieved that I had finally found somewhere that I could anonymously (sort of) speak my mind in it’s most raw form. Facebook had become too crowded with judgmental all-up-in-yo-bizness family members that everything you said was dissected and scrutinized so much that the best you could do was post a “TGIF” (on which a family member was sure to comment “Thank God I’m Forgiven”.. Just saying). Anyways, I used twitter to spill my incoherent thoughts and exhibit my crazy weird almost creepy nature.

Twitter became the sweet escape where I could finally be MYSELF.

I found like minded people that shared  my likes, dislikes, sick thoughts, beliefs etc etc and it was oh so sweet (like the taste of cold soaked garri and sugar after a hot afternoon of cutting grass with a blunt cutlass). Then people that I actually know in “Real Life” also discovered twitter. Didn’t stop me from expressing myself but, out of respect (and simply because I’d rather keep some of that stuff to myself), I decided to tone it down a bit. I still used the medium to speak my church mind but in a little bit more PG-13 mode.

And that is when the problem started. Since some of my followers were also friends (or acquaintances) in real life, I started noticing some serious inconsistencies in their portrayal of themselves on twitter and the way they actually were in real life. Now you might be thinking ”but bros, isn’t that what you do too? are you not different on twitter and in person?”.. Very good question, and I will explain. See, If you know me in person and you read my tweets, you can see a relationship between my twitter handle and my real personality. Get it?.. If I post a tweet that seems a bit racy, anyone that knows me in person can understand that it is something I can possibly say in normal conversation because that’s the kind of person I am. I will not necessarily say that thing out loud, but I can. And people that know me, know I can. So I tweet it instead.

Understand? (Abeg if you still don’t understand, go jor. mtcheew)

Anyways, so yea. I noticed that some people that I know in person decided to take advantage of the anonymity (so to speak) of twitter to forge for themselves a personality that almost completely contradicts who they actually are. It’s like they used twitter to become who they either wish they were or the idea of the person their followers think is cool. People suddenly started saying anything that would get them the most followers or retweets, be it yabbing another person, kissing a local celebrity’s ass, “f***ing cursing like a** s**t after every f***ing word“, or mistakenly leaking nude pictures on purpose. I mean, it was out of hand even before I knew it existed. That’s when I put the pieces together.

What I thought was the perfect avenue for inner self expression became the photoshop of the online social world. Give any roadsider a BB in naija and they can win the “Twitter Personality of the Month” award (Believe it or not, that actually exists). Twitter has become the avenue where you can create the “You” that you want the world to see, with very little effort. It’s like a lot of people no longer speak what they really think or believe, but what the general public thinks is cool or right. People are no longer themselves but who they wish they were or who their followers think is cool. But of course there are the people that tweet exactly who they are and what they think, and are sometimes even worse than those that are faking it.

Twitter is where you can find 14 year old virgins that will verbally school you on all the sex positions you didn’t even know existed. Where you can invent an entire day of assorted events from chillin’ with the “hommies” to going to see “That hot babe” and then heading to the club to “Pop Rozay” with “awon boyz”, all done while you were sitting in the living room watching TBN with your father, or while you’ve been making aunty Yemi’s hair since morning. Twitter is where a girl can go on and on about the imaginary guy that has been toasting her, or express her love for her “Boo boo” of 2 years whom no one has actually seen or seems to know about. Don’t even let me get started on the misleading avatars.

Now you might want to ask (and by all means, do) “But guy, not everyone is like that now, you sef why you just dey vex?”.. And to that I say, very well put Captain Obvious, not everyone is an attention seeking monger, of course. But the few that I have come across have caused this rant.

Maybe I’m just having a bad day, or I’m over-analyzing things, or maybe it’s all in my head. But you can’t deny that you have one or two people that act like so on your timeline. This is not something that keeps me up at night, it just all hit me at once that I decided to pen it down. I guess one thing I can take out of this is, thread with care.. That P you are setting with that hot babe via twitter might just turn out to sound like a man, slap you with gbagaun for days and possess body odor. Just saying.

Some might agree with this rant, and if you do then I tip my hat to you for recognizing. To those that don’t agree, you can take this as another point for my rant. That anyone can sit behind a computer and make up whatever they like.


  1. Lmao, well said. I think People have misused the real purpose of "Twitter". Like You said, it was fun when you Joined, (when i Joined). But it has been a Mess since Blackberry went to Nigeria, and every body can access the internet.. Attention seeking is a Nigerian "Thing" . Anyways, Fake Lives wont last for so Lone. One day Fowl yansh go Blow. Doffs hat

    Dont Sub me Again OOOO! I no Like am!!!

  2. Why most 9jirians b d ones dat spoils thins..? Early this month, 9jirians where named d highest population on fb nd dey hav been spoilint my pages wit unnessesory likes nd comment on any status posted by a girl nd now twitter… Abeg na baba God go help us joor….mtcheeew

  3. Lmao, well said. I think People have misused the real purpose of "Twitter". Like You said, it was fun when you Joined, (when i Joined). But it has been a Mess since Blackberry went to Nigeria, and every body can access the internet.. Attention seeking is a Nigerian "Thing" . Anyways, Fake Lives wont last for so Lone. One day Fowl yansh go Blow. Doffs hat

  4. Many People have

    misused the real purpose of

    Twitter. And Like You said too many Misleading avatars, and Fake People are now Twitter Users…..lolzzzzzz

  5. Gbam!!! You need an award! Aribaba should probably start given awards for the most truthful write up for the week…. If you can't say it in real life, keep it away from twitter!

  6. i feel this write up bro…

    From an unbiased point of view who are we to tell whoever how to use twitter?
    We are complex beings and even in reality people do not portray their real self so how much more on twitter?
    And its the same people we probably try to avoid on face book that find us again on twitter…..
    I guess that is why we have control over those we follow and choose to relate to….
    if you wan follow me and i no wan follow u na ur problem be that…..
    n if i wan follow u and u no wan follow me back i go swallow am like man…. lol

    this actually opens up another discussion about people who actually live off being oda people….
    so their reality is based on lies for survival…..
    Choice is a very strong word…
    we just live in a very distorted reality which make the virtual world even more distorted….
    i dey gbadun u though and dats y i follow few people and mostly the people who know me follow me…..

    Na d way bros….

  7. @Bytechunks, I feel ur vibes. Who are we to judge?! Bt to be sincere fake ppl ar evrywhr even in reality. Twitter is just a platform for ’em to express thr unreal world n fable ideology


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