Tags Posts tagged with "men"



How many of you out there use fitness trackers like Jawbones, FitBits, or apps to track your fitness progress? If you’re anything like us, most of you will have dabbled at one time or another with working out how much active time you have each day and how to get fitter, faster. But what about in the bedroom?


Today we’d like to reveal the prototype for the ‘SexF’it’! Worn at the base of the penis and connected to a free mobile app via Bluetooth, this hi-tech cock ring not only stimulates a harder erection with the tight band but tracks your performance during sex using internal technology similar to a pedometer. Powerful stimulating vibrations will tantalise both partners during use much in the same way as a conventional cock ring, but also allow for a revolutionary ‘pacing mode’ that vibrates in time to a pre-set rhythm. Match the rhythm with your thrusts for the most effective stimulation. Notification lights on the top of the ring will also show what mode the SexFit is in, and illuminate in the centre when the rhythm is steady.

When the centre light is lit, the user is hitting peak performance and matching the rhythm set by the training programme. Too many lights and the user will need to slow down, and not enough lights will advise them to pick up the pace.

A speed button on either side of the gadget can also be used to adjust the speed of the training session ‘on the go’.


Prototypes for the SexFit are in development and Bondara hope to be starting product testing before the end of 2014.



 Source: bondara.co.uk

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Types of men to avoid
Types of men to avoid

Hey Hey Hey My Jaguda peoples! I’m back again (I know I’m a trouble maker) but this time I bring good things in the form of advice. In 2013, in the age of twitter, facebook, instagram, myspace, blah blah blah it’s no surprise that a good number of the people we end up meeting and dating are from the virtual world.

If you want to lie to yourself then lie, but for those that do set P or intend to set P with those peeps online, here are some tips of type of guys to avoid.

1. Mr Noise Maker

Yes! This guy is always on every discussion that’s going on. Every fight, every game, every political discussion, everything he must talk. One has to wonder, does this guy have a life outside his phone or laptop? You can spot him by the 556k tweets he already has (most of them retweets of his replies) or the numerous updates that clog your minifeed. Chances are he’s a popular person on social media, but there is a greater chance that he’s a lamo in real life. Don’t believe me? Meet one of them. Hopefully you’ll get to have a full conversation without him constantly on his phone updating something.

Some call them twitter celebrities, me I call them noisemakers.

2. The I Hate Women Guy

You know you’ve seen them. Every excuse to bash a girl they are on it. Calling girls ashawos, hoes, etc. They get all the retweets and think ultimately they are making sense but in reality they come off as complete idiots. One has to wonder if these guys have mothers. On the flip side they rarely have anything positive to say about any woman, and in their books all women are evil. Frustration due to lack of P? Maybe. Who knows?

3. TMI

Oh-M-G!! These are the guys that don’t have a close lid on their page. If it’s on their mind they are sharing it. Be it issues at home, in their relationships, business, whatever. If there’s a problem, that ish is going on facebook, twitter, etc with immediate effect. In my opinion it’s just tacky, and who knows, maybe when/if you guys date, and break up and your whole gist will be on CNN & BBC the next morning. Yea, if you like your business to yourself, run from this guy when you see him.

4. Mr Big Baller

His profile has all the achievements he’s ever had in his life! If he won 10 naira in a competition, he’ll add “N10 winner 2013” to his bio & profile. He’s always bragging about how much he’s making, what he just bought, that he’s in VIP, who he’s chilling with, posting pics of cars he probably doesn’t own or houses he doesn’t live in. I mean I know social media is for sharing but jeez, no one needs to know if you just made 20 naira yesterday. That’s for yourself.

Reason to avoid this guy? The big letdown! After all the bragging you’ll be thinking he’s living the life, however….. Nothing. Probably has none of the stuff he’s bragging about. Real big boys move in silence :)

5. Mr See My Body

Let me just say this first, there’s nothing wrong with sharing an occasional body photo or gym photo every so often, but if every other picture of you on instagram or faceboook is about your body then one has to wonder if you have anything else to offer. I mean your last 4 avis or profile pictures don’t all have to be you half naked. We get it.

You’ll see him always updating some gym status, or talking about eating healthy (always) or constantly showing the 6 packs. I mean I like looking o, but after a while he will just come off as doing the most…. Unless of course he’s running a fitness business :)


Ok that’s all ladies. I’m sure there’s plenty more types of guys to avoid on these things called social media, and I’d like to hear what you have. So yea, let’s hear it.

What kind of men do you avoid on social media?

PS: I don’t hate men, I just think some of them are dumb.

Image Source: http://www.mandommag.com/2013/04/smut-marriage.html

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They come in all forms: Brolic, Robust, Slim, Tall and Short. They take on the following appearances: Macho, Self-confident, Bold and Sure.  While this may come as a shock, these descriptive adjectives describe a wide range of the cowardly “men” that exist before us all.  The cowardliness spoken of is usually demonstrated at parties, social mixers, gatherings, events, etc.  It is almost certain that at an occasion, a guy will notice a female who captures his attention and thus secretly admire her all night whether from afar or near.  But because of his irrational feelings of anxiety, it prevents him from speaking face to face with someone who he possibly started planning dates with in his head and watched all night.  Quite simply, it is ever clear that self-proclaimed men of today rather approach and pursue females they perceive as easily attainable based on her physical presentation; dress and overall look, and her level of confidence, which can be used to their advantage.

Most adults- young and old may remember growing up being told by mature ones, “Guys love a challenge.  They want something they got to work hard for.  Anything that comes easy, they may take it, but not seriously.”  Today, the only “challenge” most guys explore are choosing between the easy and the easiest.  This by no means is in a sexual context (although there are guys who will take what generous females give), this only concerns male pursuits toward either a potential possibility at moving past that first hello, or maybe even something long-term.  Such wise words once taught by older ones have become completely futile, as proven by “men” today.

Two months ago, I went to a dressy-casual event and the Nigerian in me was forced to “overdress” by basic-people standard.  In a red form fitting mermaid skirt made with ankara material, and a cropped blouse, I unintentionally managed to be the main attraction.  Apart from my own self-flattery and compliments I gave and kept to myself, several females complimented me on how I looked.  Also, the amount of stares from jealous females who refused to articulate their admiration was up for my own interpretation to believe that they thought I looked outstanding also. Several guys however were caught staring, though not one came up to me to introduce themselves.  In fact, there was one young man in particular who I noticed looking at me throughout the night but ended up exchanging numbers with a “Simple Suzie.”   The nickname used refers to a non-sophisticated female whose appearance lacks maturity, where her only make-up applied is lip-gloss, or if she’s really basic, vaseline.  When put into perspective, “Simple Suzie” got play, while “Lady in Red” left home without a new contact.  And while it should not be frustrating that a person who is clearly not on the same level as you walks away with a number, it does.  You may say to yourself that if that is the case, you do not want a scared and weak guy like that who cannot even approach you.  The fact is, that because I carried myself in a sure, and confident manner and appeared easy on the eye with exquisite and regal presentation, I was obviously pre-judged to be a snobby, rude diva.  What guys usually interpret from a confident, well-dressed, beautiful lady is that if approached, she will outright reject his efforts or she thinks she is too good to be talked to.  Such interpretations are simply just a reflection of a guy who has not come to manhood.

A popular catchphrase unfortunately and often said by women is, “Men find me intimidating.”  In this context, the word intimidating usually refers to how a woman carries herself, along with her goals and working accomplishments, which are the unfortunate explanations for why she is single.  Author of 2009 New York Best Seller, Think Like a Man, Act Like A Lady, comedian Steve Harvey explained useful points to a female guest on a talk show who felt she could not get a date or find love because she intimidated men.  She expressed that she found herself to be intimidating to guys because of her salary, professional title, and her demanding presence.  However, Harvey brought out an important point when he asked, “How can it be that a guy can find a woman intimidating if a woman is naturally who he is designed to be with?”   In case it did not settle the first time, Harvey asked, “How can it be that a guy can find a woman intimidating if a woman is naturally who he is designed to be with?”  Clearly, there is no reason or excuse at all for a man to be intimidated by a woman when a woman is meant for a man.

During very upsetting and frustrating conversations with male friends, they explain that most guys will talk to and approach a female who they feel may not reject their efforts.  Obviously, there is something guys look for in women that bring them to approaching them. In heated debate, a popular question they say most guys ask themselves is, “Why would I go for someone who I feel will only shut me down?”  Most likely, their feelings are based on their own insecurities but can also be their ability to be realistic, because lets be real, some guys will see a woman and automatically anticipate rejection.  It is important to be realistic of what you can and cannot have though when viewing a woman to be intimidating because of irrational judgments from face value and conjuring up senseless excuses, it is necessary to evaluate your manhood. Furthermore, they also explained that when guys notice a girl who seems “out of their league” they rather pursue a female who does not.  Notice there was no mention of the word, settle.  In this context, settle would mean choosing someone less than.  However, there would be no need for a guy to choose someone less than if he is not less than himself. It is important to stop using settle as an excuse when quite simply, he just has nothing to offer a woman who he views to be about her business.

The advice to women frustrated with guys and their “Simple Suzie” “attraction” is not to become basic but to keep on being fabulous because a real man awaits who will with ease, step up and go after what he truly wants.  So again, “Men,” The word is not settle, you have only matched someone on your level.

By: Ashley I. Okonkwo

Photo Credit: http://www.bet.com/news/health/2012/04/20/is-acting-like-a-man-hurting-black-men-emotionally.html

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Gentlemen! I know you’re probably thinking you don’t do these things I’m about to list out but before you say that with confidence go through them and be sure. Sometimes you men are so used to doing these things and getting away with it that you barely know that it’s a huge turn off, and depending on who you’re doing the do with, might deplete the experience for both of you.

Here are the biggest ways you could be turning a woman off in bed without even knowing it.

Bad Grooming

Just like you like it shaven or at least well kept down there, so do we women. No one wants a jungle stick scratching and pounding our juice box. Aside from it being unattractive, it actually makes things kinda uncomfortable and itchy. Do us a favor will you? Trim it down a bit or better yet, clean shave it.

Acting out like those Movies

Yea we get it! Most men got a lot of their skills from blue films, but that doesn’t mean you’ve turned into Mr Marcus & the woman you’re sleeping with probably isn’t Jada Fire either, so tone down all those extra actor moves and find out what exactly your partner likes. Not every woman wants to be hanging upside, sucking your thing, or having your juices sprayed in their face. That’s a no no.

Talking too much

Who’s your daddy? Whose ish is this? Tell me you like it?  Yea Yea Yea, please just shut up. A few words here and there is good, but constantly talking while doing it can be a huge turn off for women. I mean, are we having a conversation or what? If that’s the case we might as well stop and talk. Please men, tone down the talking.

Pushing Her Head Down To …

This is probably the biggest turn off for me personally and I find that a lot of men still do this annoying act. Don’t press her head down as an indication that you want some dome. If she’s up for it then she’ll do it without you having to ask, and if you do ask, ask nicely. No one wants to feel like they are an ashawo or something that you just press their head down anyhow. STOP IT!

Being Selfish

This is related to the point below. Now say you’ve asked your girl to go down low, and she obliged, can you return the favor? Women don’t like selfish lovers. It doesn’t have to be about just going down, but doing what she wants. It cant just be about you you you and pounding pounding pounding. Take the time out to find out what she wants and do it. If you do so believe me she’ll repay you 5 times more.

Too Aggressive

I admit some women like it rough, but in reality that is a pretty low number. Most women prefer the gentler approach of love making. No woman wants to be treated like they’re being abused or something. She’s a woman not a random toy so treat with care. Don’t go about pushing and grabbing and shoving. Be gentle, but firm. It’s not just about you and getting yours. If she does like it rough, then be sure you’re both on the same page.

Too Timid

Women don’t want an aggressive guy but they don’t want Mr. Too Shy To Touch. Being too timid is just not good at all. It can actually lead to an early time out (if it’s me). Don’t be afraid to be explore, and be adventurous. Try new things and don’t be shy about doing something freaky every so often, and don’t just stick with just one position. *sigh*… Big Turn Off!

Entering Hole #2 Without Asking

Some women like it, some don’t, but the worst way to attempt to find out is to just try and ram it in there! Some women don’t mind (me) and for some it’s an absolute no no, and even for those who don’t mind, you have to get a bit mentally prepared for. The worst thing is a surprise attack. It is not only painful but it’s also very disrespectful. Again, grounds for early termination of contract.


Well that’s all folks! Ladies, drop a note if I didn’t cover all basis. What turns you off? Men take not, and learn. Drop a note if you have any questions, and please feel free to comment.

Peace out!

Jummai :)


We don’t mean to lie but we kinda have to, just to keep the peace.

Yes, we females are far from perfect.

I’m really sorry ladies; I guess I feel I owe it to them.

So here are the top 10 lies woman tell men. Once again, I’m really sorry ladies.

1)      I don’t care how much you earn. In my opinion, this is the biggest lie unless the woman knows beforehand he will never earn as much as her anyway, then it’s not really an issue. Woman do care, they want stability and financial fulfilment. If we know that you can’t provide that for us…well…in the words of a kanye ‘Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger…’

2)      I don’t mind that you look at other woman. What? Really? Do you actually believe that? When a woman says this, she’s trying to prove to you that she’s an open minded and a patient person. Inside she’s screaming ‘how dare you look at her! In fact if she does say this lie…RUN! She’s more likely to be one of those jealous-psycho chicks…still think she’s worth it?


3)      I can’t wait to meet your mum. She can wait, a very, very long time. She probably would only want to meet her on the wedding day. Most women are scared of meeting the mothers, they know she’s the one who can make or break the relationship…


4)      I like your friends. She loves the fact that they strip her of all the time she could spend with you and she especially loves when you and your boys hang out at bars and clubs. She’s obviously lying to you, she’ll only say this to be accommodating at first but there is a limit!


5)      I’m in no rush to get married. Lie.Lie.Lie. She’s watching her biological clock, she’s attended too many of her friends weddings, and has already eyed her wedding dress. If it was possible, she would push you down that aisle!


6)      I never tell my girlfriends about you. She does, all the time. She tells them how wonderful you are, what you wear/eat/like/dislike basically EVERYTHING! Trust me there isn’t a conversation between the two of you that her girlfriends aren’t aware of.


7)      I like you just the way you are. This isn’t a lie per se, but there are probably one or two or three things that she’s planning to change about you. At least she isn’t insulting you, I mean no one is perfect right?


8)      I’m fine. She’s not. If you had to ask, then you should be smart enough to know she isn’t okay with you. Sooner or later, all that pent up anger she’s been holding in, will explode in your face. Woman use this lie as an emotional defense, we expect you to know what the problem is already.If you want to save your relationship, sort out the problem quickly.

 9)      I love sports! If you’re lucky enough to date a girl who does love sports, then this may not necessarily be a lie. However if  she hates watching sports, she’s lying to prove how much you have in common and that she’s different from all your other girlfriends. Speed up a couple of weeks and she’ll be complaining every time that you watch too much sports.

10)   I could never lie to you. If we lived in a perfect world, perhaps.

So now you know, your women are from perfect but then neither are you. Most women only lie to you to protect you and to save their own skins in some situations. Good thing about these lies are they are not intended to hurt you just mostly to flatter you.

I am not condoning or condemning women that lie but showing that these lies are part of everyday life and nor am I generalising that every woman lies.

So do you agree or disagree with my top ten lies? What other ‘lies’ did I leave out?  Let me know your views in the comments section.


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How to find a GOOD man?

WARNING! This article contains highly valuable material on finding a ‘GOOD’ man. If you are not a ‘GOOD’ woman, don’t ruin it for the rest of us. I urge you, please do not read further.  If you are a ‘GOOD’ woman, read on and enjoy J

The title almost suggests that there is a secret hidden place full of men in the world and if you’re ever so good, you might find yourself stumble upon such a place. Sadly, the closet place I can think of is a football match.

N.B Feeling slightly bitter over my last relationship, so do please allow a high level of male bashing.

So How? Where? Who?

First things first, why do you want a man? Evidence upon evidence suggests if you don’t love yourself first before getting into a relationship, you ruin it for the rest of us. How? Let’s break it down shall we?

Unloved (you) x Good guy =Typical Male Bastard x Unsuspecting innocent woman = Bitter unhappy woman (me)

Love yourself first. For the sake of womankind, you owe it to us and more importantly yourself.

Loving yourself includes having a busy social life and that means getting OUT of the house, meeting different people and having a jolly time while doing it.

Where are they? Ah… now that would be telling…no seriously…they’re everywhere! Look around you, guys are everywhere. Don’t discriminate places. Can’t count the amount of times I hear ‘You can’t find a good guy in a club’. Bullsh!t. Now, unless you’ve been attending Sadomasochism nightclubs, chances of finding a ‘good’ guy there are going to be a bit on the slim side aren’t they? Or maybe you believe in the mantra ‘good guys are in the church’….hahahaha…you’re more likely to actually find a ‘Bad’ guy there…why? Because you’re going to HAVE to forgive him 77 x77 times and which guy wouldn’t like to take advantage of that? Don’t go to the same old places, switch it up, and live a little. Guaranteed, you will meet someone.

Unless you’re psychic…

NB If you are, please contact me, we are going to make a ton of money!

You don’t know who you’re going to end up falling for, so give guys a chance because you never know. He may not look like Idris Elba or Denzel  but do you look like Beyonce or even Kelly for that matter?

Be approachable! Let your body do the talking! Smile, look happy… I don’t mean grin at every tom, dick and wale but show a smile once in a while.

Stop comparing guys! Chances are that they won’t meet your past standard anyway and no one likes to be compared.

N.B Do you hear that Mr Ex?…No one likes to be compared…NO ONE…KMT!

Anywhoo, unfortunately, they haven’t yet made the technology to spot a ‘good’ guy, so it’s really up to you. I believe it’s a good idea to date around and see who fits with you; some people may not feel comfortable with that. Understandable but in my experience, the people that wait around for the ‘good’ guy tend to wait for so long and end up falling for a very good impersonator of a ‘good’ guy like my ex.

I said ‘DATE’ around… not ‘SLEEP’ around, there is a difference…look it up!

Good guys aren’t that rare. If you think positive and don’t go out for the sole purpose of ‘I need to find a man’ because chances are you will get stickered with ‘desperate’ on your forehead. If you’re always looking like you’re having a ‘GOOD’ time, a ‘GOOD’ guy will always gravitate themselves towards you.

Look GOOD. Too many women I know, look like crap, yeah I said it. If you dress like you’re allergic to mirrors, then you can’t be helped. Appearance is a strong factor in getting a ‘good’ guy. Don’t fall short.

I hope this article can at least give you some useful pointers.


If like me you think guys are undercover bastard’s i.e.  like my ex and if it wasn’t for the fact that I was Nigerian and therefore have to get married, I wouldn’t…at this point in time…touch them with a barge pole…but…maybe that’s just me.

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I have come to realize (after various attempts) that having a relationship is hard work and requires patience. Every relationship has its ups and down. There is a thin line between staying in a relationship to work things out and being stupid. Here are some reasons I believe you should put an end to a relationship. I decided not to be biased towards any sex during the writing of this post.

1. No Privacy

Your partner monitors messages and e-mails, whenever you receive phone calls (s)he is always trying to know who you were talking to. You literally have to lock yourself up in the toilet to pick up calls. End that relationship!!! Before you know it (s)he will ask you to put your phone on speaker and starts deleting messages and e-mails (s)he feels are not important. Find someone who is loving and caring not a control freak.

2. Interference With Other Relationships

When your partner hangs out with their friends it is ok, but when you decide to hang out your friends it becomes a big deal. (S)he throws tantrums like a child and blackmails you emotionally. When you wave aside the blackmails and hang out with your friends, when you come back, there is some sort of “punishment” for leaving him/her alone. End that relationship!!! It starts that way and before you know it (s)he wants you to place them before your family. Find someone who enjoys being with most of the people you care about. If not, your relationship will be full of frustration.

3. Your Personal Life Is No Longer Personal

You are out with your friends and your partner suddenly blurts out ” (s)he cries when (s)he has an orgasm” and when you try to call him/her on it he/she simply tells you it was just to make the conversation amusing and you are too sensitive.
Whether you’re humiliated or not, as long as he/she thinks your personal life would make conversations amusing, end that relationship!! Find someone who wants you to be happy and confident about yourself and your life.

4. Cannot Let Go Of The Past

We have all experienced disappointment in life, but we try as much as possible to get over it and move on with our lives. Even in relationships we have to let go of those who have hurt us.
If your partner keeps on talking about his/her ex, takes you to places the ex took him/her to, hoping to run into the ex, or (s)he sometimes calls you the ex’s name, end that relationship!!!! You do not want to be with someone who is thinking of someone else half the time (s)he is with you. Find someone who is ready to have a relationship with you rather than someone trying to use to get to his/her ex.

5. Abuse

No one deserves to be abused. Whether it is physical,mental or emotional, (s)he has no reason to subject you to that. When in love it is very easy to justify and explain your partner’s behaviour but you deserve better treatment from him/her if (s)he wants to be with you. End that relationship. Find someone who knows your worth and respects you.

You are probably nodding your head as you are going through one or more of the above. If so, maybe it is time for you to make a change. I would never try to break a relationship, but if this post has made you take a long look at your relationship, then were you really happy to begin with??

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What exactly do women want? I have asked myself this question numerous times and I have tried hard to figure it out. Truth be told, it might vary from woman to woman but really, we guys do not actually have a clue as to what women want. Even some of these women do not actually know what they want. Most women you meet tell you their ideal man should be tall,dark,handsome,rich and blah, blah,blah. At the end of the day they meet the man and at the end of the day something is still missing. They still have something to complain about.

A girl and a boy meet and like each other and naturally she expects the guy to make the first move. If he moves too fast, he is desperate, if he takes his time, he is slow and has bad timing. What do women want?

Let us assume he gets the timing right by a stroke of luck, if he compliments her (genuine or otherwise) he just wants to sleep with her. If he does not throw the compliment around, he is not romantic and he is not open. What do women want?

She goes on a date with him, if he tries to be nice and opens doors and holds the chair out for her during the date, he is trying to hard and it is not in our culture. If he does not open doors or hold out the chair for her, he is not a gentleman. What do women want?

After the date, they probably are close and the feelings are stronger, if he does not reply her chat on time, he is busy with someone else and does not have her time. If he replies her immediately he is jobless. What do women want?
If he replies her with ‘K’ she is boring to him. If he types an epistle he talks too much. What do women want?

Finally they start dating, and things are all rosy. If he asks what her day is going to be like, he does not trust her and he is allover her. If he does not ask after her plans for the day, he does not care about her. What do women want?

If she gets into a fight with her best friend, and you decide to stay out of it, you are not supportive of her. If you decide to weigh in on it and say your mind, you are insensitive. What do women want?

If she asks you if she has added weight, and you say no, you are lying to her. If you say yes, she gets angry at you and starts feeling insecure and haunts you with what you said. She shows you girls who are skinny and asks that is what you want right? What do women want?

If you decide to hangout with your guys one weekend in the month instead of with her, she feels spited and says your friends are more important than she is. She makes you feel guilty, but when you want her to spend a weekend with you instead of with her friends, you are too possessive. What do women want?

If you decide to watch football instead of go shopping with her, football is your priority. She says things like how much are you going to get for watching it. If she decides to watch Kardashians and you say same, you are selfish. What do women want?

The list is endless. It takes a lot to actually understand women. A wise man once told me , if you want to be happy with your woman, just take her as she is. They are emotional and at times will do things that just makes you wonder if they are babies. Never try to change your woman.

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Breaking News: Men love Bitches.

So, women regularly call men dogs, men return the favor referring to women as bitches. I am as feminist a 21ST century woman can be (without the bra burning of course). For a long time I was offended by the word “bitches” I felt it was derogatory, insulting, objectifying and many more things. Yet the older I grew I realized that some women are bitches, and there’s just no other word for it. Now as a good Christian girl, I don’t say the word out loud but I sure do think it. You knowingly sleep with another woman’s man? Bitch. You mess with men’s heads just to get money from them? Bitch. You spread rumors about another girl because you are jealous? Bitch. I think you get the picture.

Now, after a particularly messy break-up I decided I was done with playing wifey. Why would I spend my time cooking, cleaning, and bending over backward for a guy who hasn’t put a ring on it? So I decided no more, I was going to give as good as I got, No More Miss Nice. When I announced this decision to a friend of mine she gave me a synopsis of the book “Why Men Love Bitches”. I laughed so hard because I really couldn’t believe it, no man wanted a bitchy girl over a sweet one, I was sure of that. Besides, I wasn’t leaving my nice girl persona because I wanted men to love me, but because I just didn’t want to have anything to do with them.

I was sure this was going to make me a social pariah; no guy would be interested in a girl like me, right? Wrong. I got more attention than I ever had in my life. It seemed that the more demanding, less compromising, more uninterested and more like a “bitch” I acted, they couldn’t get enough. I was confounded, I wanted these guys to leave me alone and they were sticking like white on rice. These men were by the no means the scum of the earth, a lot of them were very decent. There were a few dogs in the mix of course and for them I had no sympathy. But after a while I began to feel bad for the good men.

I felt perplexed why would any good man put up with a woman who acted like a spoilt 7 year old? Before anyone says for the sex, I wasn’t sleeping with these men. And even if I was, would sex (even amazing sex) make a man stay with a women whose attitude sucks? I started looking around
and I realized that the girls who demanded that guys take them shopping, buy the new i-phone or whatever gadget caught their attention seemed to have the men who behaved best. While, the nice understanding ones keep getting made fools of. What kind of a crazy world do we live in?

I am not a man and I cannot claim to understand this phenomena. I am also not old enough to have the privilege of seeing what becomes of the women I know now (bitchy and nice). Ultimately, for me I decided that the mean girl persona is not who I am. I definitely came away from that phase of my life more assertive, confident and blunt as heck. But I am still the type of woman who wants to take care of people, and I love both aspects of myself.

However, I am still perplexed, so please, if you have an answer for me, leave a comment

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During my twenty-six years I’ve been toasted by a variety of men. I still get a surprising range – from pre-teens (here I hold my head) to older men on their last leg looking for that young “side-kick”. Taking in their personalities and mannerisms I have noticed patterns that create what I call “The Manly Assortment”.

Everyone knows that deceptive piece in a mixed assortment of chocolate. The one that looks promising from the outside. Sculpted with smooth mounds of milk chocolate forming intricate shapes, alluding to grandeur and more inside. Hopeful you take an expectant bite only to be disappointed. For inside there is nothing – nothing but air.

He is called The Aspirant.

The Aspirant is a guy that is always aspiring but never achieving. Some may even consider him the worse of the lot. Mainly because his outward potential is so prominent. A glance or word from him and you know he is meant to be a king some day. Some day… a day that could never come.

This is not a bash of The Aspirant. He is most dangerous because he is the most lovable. You fall in love with that potential you see and feel. He is passionate about his vision. It burns to the touch stinging your skin yet exciting you nevertheless. It’s a force that rocks you to the core and makes you an instant believer at the first deep gaze from his eyes into yours. In them you see a whole galaxy not just stars. There he is master of the universe and able to control the flow and passage of time and eternity is at his fingertips. You are also there as his chosen Queen to rule together forever. Extracting yourself from that time warp takes a very quick and aware mind. To survive, you have to learn to pour salt on top of everything he says. The sharp taste should wake you up to take a second glace at what exactly is going on. What you observe may tear your heart or irritate you to unbearable levels depending on how far you’ve fallen for him.

The Aspirant, dear soul, is a tragic figure. He wants so much to be greater than he is to the extent that he would do anything absolutely anything to reach his aspirations. Anything but honest hard backbreaking work. He may try at first, but the lures of get-rich-quick fixes are too strong to keep him on a straight and laborious path for long. Especially when he sees his mates already making it while he stands on the sidelines wearing what he now considers as rags. Worse yet he has a sweet tooth for the high-life and name brands. This is where the tragic cycle stems. His goals are wealth and influence yet the work to get there is long and hard and requires austerity. However his wants are immediate so to satisfy his sweet tooth he sacrifices the road and takes short cuts that deviate him off his path. Resulting in meandering forever at the beginning and never reaching the end to his goal.

My dear if you’re eyes are widening and your heart is stuttering because you realize this guy is too familiar for comfort – RUN. Right now you may think back to the times you’ve had to support his cravings with your own pocket money. Sweetheart before he makes you as wretched as he – get out. Are you shrugging? Thinking you’re “The One” – the woman that could change him and keep him on his path. After all, his embrace warms you with that passion he has. It cant all be just empty hot air… right? Love if he hasn’t changed by now; trust he won’t be changing anytime soon. Some of you may have invested so much already, emotionally and financially, that you are reluctant to leave at a loss. This is destructive thinking because as with any black hole your investments will just continue to be sucked in, never-ending ‘till you’re a shell of your former self. Again, all I can tell you is to GET OUT – quiet your heart and save yourself to love another day.


You can follow me on NotSoSkinnyDreams.com

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During my twenty-six years I’ve been toasted by a variety of men. Even now I get a surprising range – from pre-teens (here I hold my head) to older men on their last leg looking for that young “side-kick”. Taking in their personalities and mannerisms I have noticed patterns that create what I call “The Manly Assortment”.

One morsel I find particularly interesting is covered in smooth extra dark chocolate. Sculpted in hard and clean lines till you bite into it and find a warm caramel center with surprise chunks of hard macadamia nuts.

He is called The Connoisseur.

The Connoisseur can be easily mistaken for a player. Like a player he’s known and been with many women. However unlike a player his motives are not so base and shallow. A player is in it for the game for the kill. The Connoisseur takes it as a learning experience. His appreciation for women can be seen as almost intellectual. Like a connoisseur he knows many varieties, has tasted, smelled and broken down the complexities of each knew flavour he’s acquired. I liken it to when I obsessed over bread. Once I tasted one I never forgot it. The smell, texture, and flavour never left me. I loved finding new kinds to add to my repertoire, as does The Connoisseur. Later in his own private moments he brings them out reflecting on memorable moments he had with each and what had drawn him to them. If he considers them conquests or more I am not so sure myself. The guy is a bit of a mystery and you can never really know everything about him mostly because he does not know himself. He desires love but may not trust that one woman can satisfy all his needs or at least 88.9% of them. The older he gets the larger his repertoire grows and the larger it grows the pickier he becomes. Duplicates and variants are not allowed in his collection. Sadly the dearth of his repertoire that he has painstakingly accumulated may be his own undoing. With a deep sigh The Connoisseur continues his search.

I caution ladies whom come across The Connoisseur. If you yourself are a connoisseur and would appreciate what he offers and not regret what he does not… then enjoy. Enjoy while you can but remember you could also become a crystallized memory. Joining his collection, to be brought out later for reflection.


You can follow me on NotSoSkinnyDreams.com

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Recently I went to a get together – the usual Nigerian affair. A mingle of long weave, suggestive smiles and glances, primping girls and predatory males. I played the game of who’s slept with whom and who’s on the hunt again. Or better yet who’s NOT slept with whom – would probably take less time.  My demeanor was as usual noncommittal and slightly bored disguising my intense scrutiny. I quickly became bored with my game and turned for some idle chitchat with a reasonably attractive guy next to me. Soon I was praying my flirtatious smile was still on my lips and my eyes hadn’t glazed over. Before I gave up all hope and became a true sleepwalker a conversation sparked that drew my interest. My brain having checked out came back to attention excited to be back in action.  Ok I’ll be honest I would’ve desperately clung onto any debate for life support. At first the conversation was cotton candy stuff… who’s the prettiest vocalist… blah blah… fast forward >>>> So a guy starts up a complaint about women who wait until it’s too late to settle down. The typical she should’ve given the chump from her past a chance complaint. Whatever… What really caught my interest was when he said, “All women should know their expiration date”. Eh? Expiration Date? I’d never heard of that term applied to women. I already knew where he was going with this but I listened intently anyway.

So it turns out that from the ages of 26 to 30 women expire. My 26th birthday had just passed so you can imagine my feelings after hearing that. I rubbed my forehead as if my Sell By date was stamped there. Maybe my clock was going down over my head like in one of those V8 commercials. That’s when the ridiculousness of it all hit me. Me? Expired ke? RUBBISH! I confronted the guy:

“So when [THE HECK] do men expire?”

He looked at me like I’d asked the most foolish question he’s ever heard. He smirked “We don’t expire”. He even had the nerve to try to sympathize with women… saying it’s a sad but true situation. With a sympathetic glance at all the women in the room he left leaving us to chew or more like mangle his so-called “words of wisdom”.

I’ve thought about it since that day. Grudgingly I agree with the guy somewhat. In the Nigerian community by 30 a woman who is still on her own is seen as a stigma. Even now when I tell men I’m single and have been for some time I get “What’s wrong with you” as they walk away backwards. (Shrug… that is for another post). These days’ a lot of women have different priorities from women of the past. Where in the past building a family may have been at the top of the list now a career, financial stability, etc. may top it. I know personally I am more career and goal oriented, in the process of attaining my goals a man will naturally fall into place (lol I know I may be attacked on this point). Call me Americanized but the 30s are a woman’s best years… married or not I will live it up to the fullest. Only God can tell me when I’m past due.

However I do not agree that men don’t expire. All of us know of or have seen that “old guy” at the club or at parties. Trying to hit on the younger women and just looking like a doddering fool. My friend, come out from here JARE. You have passed your delivery date!


Image Source: http://www.webstockpro.com

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Have you ever gone to a Nigerian social gathering, and suddenly wished you’d stayed home and not showed up, in the first place?

Well I have!

I attended a social gathering that was supposedly for networking. It was nice, filled with hard working young Nigerian men and women. One tiny problem, everyone looked alike; they all had their certificates or professions mapped on their foreheads with no personality!

You know what I mean. Now, we (proud Nigerians) are hard working people, we love life, and we love to live it. However, something has been bugging me for the longest time, and It’s time I asked a simple question…

Why are we so UNIFORM?

Have you not noticed? At social gatherings, 98% of the ladies have fake weaves (usually almost as long as Rapunzel’s hair), makeup looking like they just came from a face painting contest (looking like clowns), attitude as if they’ve been beaten and warned not to talk to strangers (even if na them dress up and drive 50 miles to come find husband O). The only thing that comes out of their mouths are: “well, I’m in Med School.” They have no personalities, they won’t even be nice or smile at a fellow sista! They’re so programmed that even if you ask these ladies: “what is your father’s name?” They will respond: “hahaha, I’m in Med School…”

The men nko, oh boy, the men! They are standing around in corners, with their often bushy (uncombed/unbrushed) hair, all of them have a Ralph Lauren Polo shirt on (with fly-collars and a Bluetooth ear piece on one ear), clumped in groups, talking amongst themselves. Maybe because they’re scared to step up and approach the drag-queen look alike(s), or they just don’t know watin “social gathering” mean. If you feel me say AMEN!

And I stand in my little space just watching everyone. Body language, eye connection, fake smiles, one is scratching her stinky-greasy weave, the other one is bad-eye-ing another girl that looks better than her, one dude is talking about soccer, while the other is checking his cell phone (that has no reception in the area) for the 20th time e.t.c.

And don’t be the new person who enters the room; you will be the new exhibit on display for the next five minutes. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) will stare at you and size you up. The ones wey go judge you, go look you and detect say you get 3 parents, you be igbo girl, and you wear a size 6 shoe, you must be 25 years old, used to date their best friend’s papa-brother’s-pinkin’s-aunty’s-son’s-cousin, in 1999. Worst of all, she dares to not be a doctor? She’s an economist? What taboo! Yet, they don’t know your name.

It’s time to grow up and be human for a second. We wonder why we no get husband/wife? Well, you need a personality makeover! No one wants to be with a “Zombie” *in my Fela accent*. If this is you (and you know it is), give that weave back to lady Gaga, tone down the makeup (it’s ugly) and use colors made for black women. Fellas, step up and talk to that chick you like, be RESPECTFUL, try not to ask stupid (LAME) questions. Be yourself! You don’t owe anyone any explanation!

Variety is good!

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In this game of relationships and what have you, how honest should you be with your partner?

The other day, the Oga Jaguda himself hopped on Verastic’s radio show and asked why women lie about certain things. One of those things included the number of sexual partners that a woman has been with.   According to Mr. Aribaba, if a woman tells you that she has been with 3 men, you should double that figure and assume that she has been with 6 men.

Well…here’s my 2 cents:

I believe that some women lie and modify their numbers because some men can’t handle the truth. If you guys truly were the open minded and non-judgmental creatures that y’all claim to be then I bet more women would be forthcoming about their pasts. I mean, imagine a scenario where you meet a woman who checks off everything on your so-called wifey list, and then the (dreaded?) conversation about past sexual partners comes up, in which she reveals that she’s been with 10 men. Now let’s assume that this woman is 27/28, so if you do the math and assume that she’s been sexually active since the age of 17 (best case scenario: 1 partner per year), why then do some of you men act all shocked? You instantly retreat and tell her that “ah, 10 men…that’s way too much”. In your mind, she’s been tainted…she’s been with too many men and is on that borderline ‘ho-status’. As you think your judgmental thoughts, you conveniently forget that at age 30, you average about 2-3 women/per year so let’s not even think about your numbers. You conveniently forget how you have been ho-ing around the state of Alaska, with different women.  It’s a tough world, you say…and the world is filled with double standards so while your ass is clocking 50 in the numbers game, you next a woman who has been with 10 men.

Hey, at least she was honest. So much for honesty, huh…

So, the woman learns her lesson, moves on to the next unsuspecting sucker who swore that he’d never marry a woman who has been with more than X men. So, when the question comes up this time around, she’s wiser and  quickly does a few modifications:

That Chinese guy in Alaska – subtract

The African American man in Houston – subtract

Those two Naija guys in London, and California respectively – subtract

Even the Naija guy in her zipcode who is pretty discreet, and doesn’t roll in the circle – subtract

Because, she’s wise and she knows that there’s no way in heck the man she’s seeing will find out. And abeg before you come at me with some nothing is hidden under the sun ish, save that for the next person. Some things stay hidden under the sun.  Now don’t judge her now and give her the side eye, thinking that she’s already started off her relationship based on a lie. He and she who is without sin should cast the first stone…
Sometimes a girl has gotta do, what she gotta do.

So, as you can see I’m definitely all for the system of modification if you think that your partner can’t handle the truth. Your sexual history doesn’t always define you. If a woman has been with X men, that doesn’t necessarily make her a ho/hoochie and all the labels that the world will reserve for her. Unfortunately, with a lot of guys it seems that once they hear X number…everything else fades into the background, and it’s a wrap.

So, to answer Mr. AriBaba’s question…that is why some women lie about numbers. I personally don’t get why people even want to know how many men/women you’ve been with in the past.  How does that affect the price of crayfish in the market? If you truly can’t handle the real answer, then don’t ask.
In the meantime, I will start claiming -3, for the number of men that I’ve been with. ;)

The usual disclaimers: Reading is FUNdamental for all. If you scroll up, you will note that I said ‘some’, not ‘all’. So ladies and gentlemen, this ish doesn’t apply to everyone. Some women will give you their tried and true digits, because for some…honesty is indeed the best policy.


I wonder what goes on in the minds of men who decide that after making promises to move heaven and earth, find that heaven is too far and earth is too heavy. I’m talking about marriage and divorce. Ok, it’s not a ‘biggie’ in the western world, but for where I’m from, it’s a taboo that is rapidly becoming a norm – Nigeria. Before I got married, we talked about what we would not allow in our marriage – the D word. Then less than 4 years later, it’s all he wants.

So yeah, some have valid resons for getting out. Like maybe she suddenly sprouted and extra mammary gland, on her chin, no less. Or he’s a wife batterer. Those are reasons enough. But what of the completely innocent? I may have not been totally innocent but, isn’t that why the vows were written? When you love someone, you should know they are not, and will never be perfect. When you decide to marry that person, you should know that changes will occur. That sweet lepa will become orobo after giving you sons and daughters. She will fart in front of you and not apologise for it, afterall, no be crime. She will, after a while, not wait for you when you come back from work in that skimpy little thing. Her name will become Mama Bomboy. (Can I just say here, that after my one, I’m still as lepacious as before the big bump.)

So why is divorce the latest trend in Naija? One of the resons he gave was that he was too young when he got married. Abeg, dem force am? His family told him to wait a bit longer. He said no. He was sure of what he wanted and he wanted it now. He was warned that divorce is not an option. He swore it wouldn’t become one. Please, if you want to rock life, feel free. Rock the life before you make some promises to the young lady you have no intention of keeping.

This part here, is my opinion and mine alone. I think that some men, are actually boys trying to be men. Just like it felt good to wear daddy’s suits and shoes, they find out too soon, that their shoulders are not ready for the responsibility of a husband and father. Like the one I married. He cannot say what I did to warrant divorce. Was I a nagger? No. Was I unfaithful? No. Even though he would have the whole world beleive that. Did I disrespect him, before his friends and family or to his face when we’re alone? No. Not even a pointed finger he got. Was I a lazy-lady? No. Did he get it whenever? Yup. To my detriment sometimes. So why? I was becoming like my mother. See me see wahala. No be my mama born me? Abi na monkey I for resemble?

He was not ready for the committment it takes to build a ‘forever’ relationship. I was submissive to a fault. My friends and family called me a mumu wife. I took all his bad which shockingly(NOT), included infidelity. I forgave. My crime was just too much for him to forgive. Well, when I heard of what other women have gone through in the hands of these ‘boys’, I feel sorry for the girls with stars in their eyes. I’m sure some men left their homes because of unbearable circumstances, but for those of us who did no wrong, it is a painful thing to go through. Even though the number of divorcees are extremely high, I still feel like an outcast. I would have felt better, I think, if I did the wrong he accuses me of. I’d have had a few regrets. Now, all I have is what…where…when…HOW?

I’ve stopped trying to understand what happened or why. I am very ok. This is the first time I think he would be truthful if he said, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’.

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So Ghollywood decided to make this movie called Heart of Men and when they put out the preview, you would think Africa had decided to go into the porn business. Anyway, the movie finally came out and i won’t hesitate to say i searched for it to watch it. It was like a 1.2 hour movie and I can honestly say … IT WAS CRAP!!!
Maybe if they took the time to develop the story line or develop the characters, the story would have made more sense. However, one is left filling the blanks and with more questions than when you started watching the movie. You are just confused and have to come to your own conclusions about the movie. I feel like they focused most of the movie on the point where the sex scenes was coming up. And even that part was a hot mess and came up as a pointless. Even the frigging sex scene wasn’t well done!!!  However, when you watch the preview, most of the focus was on the sex scene so people were waiting for the movie just to see what that was about
To tell the truth, I feel like Ghollywood is trying to enter into the level that Hollywood is and there’s nothing wrong with that. I do find something wrong with not developing good scripts and characters and trying to use sex as the tool to do so. It is already accepted that they have great productions and their movies look good. Now all they have to do is get to the level they want to get to with some class!!!
Anyway, here is the link to watch the part, The interesting one is from 4:07 – 6:46. Enjoy.


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It’s the year 2009 and with each passing year, more ‘Independent Women’ anthems seem to be hitting the airwaves. We ladies are feeling like ‘we got our own’ and in general, feeling more financially independent.
Which brings me to the topic of today…

As we dey here, dey do ‘Ms. Independent’, are we adopting that same approach to dating and relationships? Specifically, I am curious as to which stage in the courting process, if at all do you ladies offer to pay for the date?

Imagine if an object of interest is courting you, and wining and dining you, and let’s assume that you guys have been on about 4 dates so far. By the 5th date, do you feel like you should reach into your wallet and at least offer to pay for the date, or do you feel that if a man is wining, dining and courting you, it is his financial responsibility to pay for all your dates?

Granted, this mentality of women offering to pay for dates or going dutch appears to be pretty westernized, seeing that if you are dating a man in Nigeria, it is very unlikely that he will even entertain the idea of a woman offering to pay for the date.

And of course, I’m not going to leave the guys out of this one so I will remix the question and throw it right back at y’all. If you’ve taken your object of interest out on 5 dates, and by the 6th date she has made no moves to reach into her wallet, or at least offer to pay for the date, how would you view this?
If a woman offered to pay for a date, would you be insulted?
And more importantly, would you ever ask a woman to go dutch with you on a date?

Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s discuss.

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Hey guys, Mgbeks here!

Lately I’ve been pondering on this issue of sex in a relationship and why it is SO important to men. I keep having conversations with guys who insist that if their girls aren’t giving it up then she got to go. They say things like ‘body no be firewood o’ or ‘Even if I agreed to not wait with her till marriage, I would have a jump off on the side’. I’ve even heard things like ‘You have to test drive the car before you buy it’ and even worse…’If she isn’t giving it up, she will be NEXTED’.
I once had a conversation with a guy who had been in a 5 year relationship and when I asked the no sex question, he replied and told me that if his girlfriend had asked him to wait till marriage, they would not have lasted for 5 years.

Once again, I’m picking on you men because I can’t tell you that I’ve ever heard a female tell me that if there was no sex in a relationship, a guy would be instantly NEXTED. Honestly, I realize that body no be firewood etc etc but seriously guys, is sex the ultimate thing that makes or breaks a relationship?
Imagine if you met a woman who was everything that you wanted and more, would you really let her go because she wasn’t willing to hit the sheets with you?
What is the huge fuss over a maximum of 1 hour of pleasure…and please I’m cutting y’all some slack up in here ‘cos if we have to keep it 100, it probably wouldn’t even reach one hour. LOL, I’m just saying though…
I mean, the thing just tire me o. My ladies, are you feeling me on this or am I alone on this one?

My dudes, please feel free to comment o. I welcome all questions, comments and insults. Ha Ha! I’m just trying to get a general understanding of this right here.

Why is sex so important in a relationship?

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A picture is worth a thousand words
A picture is worth a thousand words

“My wife can never cheat on me.” (said with conviction). Those were the words of one of my older friends when asked if his future wife would ever cheat on him. So I asked him why he felt that way, “why don’t you think your wife will ever cheat on you?”. His response? “Women just don’t cheat like that.” I coughed, scratched my neck, turned around to make sure I was the only one that heard such a naive statement, and proceeded to laugh like I was watching an old school episode of Papa Ajasco. I can’t believe he just said that… like, u no dey watch Desperate Housewives? or Snapped? Or have u been living under a rock for most of your life? But then again, it dawned on me that a good number of men feel that way – that their women can’t cheat or that for some reason women don’t have urges to just creep with Jose the gardener, or Monday the house boy. If they only knew.

They say experience is the best teacher, and as cliche as that sounds, it truely is. My lesson came at the hands of my first girlfriend in college in Nigeria. I was just as naive as my dear friend mentioned above. So when my girlfriend told me she was virgin and that she was saving herself for marriage, and all that good stuff, I believed it – swallowed and digested it like it came straight from the Bible. Turned out that she was giving the goods to some other guy that I knew, and I was there forming holy holy, and playing patient, understanding boyfriend. Yeah I know – just low. Funny thing is that I didn’t know until about 3-4 months after we broke up. It’s so interesting how the victim is the last one to know. SAnyways, these days when a girl tells me she’s a virgin, I smile, and sarcastically reply “I’m a virgin also. We’re all virgins…lol.” Sorry, but the only virgin I know is the Blessed Virgin Mary.

I bring this up as my own personal example of how some women (not all) can be very sneaky, and deceitful. I was being nosey today on some nigerian blogs, and came across very interesting gist on Linda Ikeji’s blog about Ikechukwu’s (Killz) girlfriend cheating on him with his good friend. According to Linda Ikeji, his facebook status after he found out, read: “Kills is single. Women cheat and with your friend too? Of all the women out there, aint life grand?….Men and women are equally animals when they choose to be.” Wow. Looks to me that Killz didn’t see this coming at all. That had to hurt.


The common notion has been, and to a certain degree still is, that men are dogs, men cheat without any remorse, and women are innocent victims that deal with these useless men, and get hurt time and time again, while remaining so faithful to their spouses. Really? I personally disagree. I do think men cheat, but I also think women cheat too… probably just as much as men do. The difference? Women cover their tracks very well. They have a lie to cover the lie that covers the first lie. They never confess….EVER!, and their stories always line up perfectly – well, almost perfectly. As my homeboy would say, “a woman can sleep with someone and pretend it never happened, and just like that, it never happened.” Women are just plain sneaky… kinda like snakes. Men on the other hand, are like dogs. Some men will hump some and everything that has a female reproductive system. They will probably leave traces all over the place, fumble on lies, and tell lies that don’t even make sense – like “I was watching the game at my friend’s place”… even though she knows fully well that the game ended 4 hours ago. Just like dogs, men commit the crime and leave the evidence hanging all over the place. It’s just plain pitiful sometimes.

Bottom line is that women might not necesarrily cheat more than men, but they sure do cheat better than men do.

So as I conclude this post while listening to TLC’s song Creep, I can’t help but think, If I had spent more time listening to the lyrics of that song, instead of dancing the butterfly, I might have learned a thing or two about women creeping, and saved myself some harsh lessons. Or maybe I would’ve just learned the way I did – via experience. Your thoughts… who cheats more? who cheats better? who rarely cheats? who is more of the victim?

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this post are the views of Aribaba, and does not reflect the views of the entire Jaguda Team.  Make we no lose customers abeg…lol.