Tags Posts tagged with "dating"

dating

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When single and wanting to maintain that status because of desires to have fun; usually consisting of casual or consistent sex and talking to several people at once to boost up ones own morale, while perhaps also gaining sexual and even financial favors are typically the objection for such single ones when meeting someone new.  After meeting a new person who the individual may either find physically attractive or otherwise- but because they show interest may therefore be entertained, most likely will be stored as a new phone contact and thus the beginning of regular or even random communication.  Mindful of the fun he/she wishes to gain out of the potential “relationship,” motives whether direct or indirect are displayed.  In many cases however, what originally was meant to be a distant and selfish relationship based off of fun and games, turns into strong feelings of fondness, joy, and entitlement.

“Catch no feelings” is a phrase frequently echoed by the experienced and careful, which almost serves as a code of conduct when dealing with the opposite sex because it warns against the subconscious development of unintended feelings.  Obviously, when single and having fun, the point is not to have a care in the world (while still being safe) and to satisfy personal interests.  Any other outcomes like feeling the absence of and wanting to know whereabouts are emotions that having fun avoids, and in the words of Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”  Clearly, such emotions were never the intention, but when it turns into that, that single person must decide whether or not they can handle that their feelings toward the person they have been casually involved with has changed.  Unfortunately, having fun tends to be a selfish course but when two people are on the same page, the merrier. Also, the truth is, having fun does not only include sexual and financial pleasure but going places and doing things recreationally enjoyable.

For those not careful; regular exchange and private time spent can lead to “catching” feelings which changes the initial approach from carefree to concerned. At the beginning when motives are directly or indirectly displayed, which can include being sexually pushy or subliminal about financial and sexual wants, at some point there becomes a different mindset where having fun takes a backseat and one becomes way more involved emotionally, physically and even financially than intended.

For example, a guy friend of mine who never meant for things to have gotten serious with a young lady who because of physical appearance would have never considered anything outside of a sexual relationship grew attached.  At first, he like many single guys had a deceptive approach used to convince the young lady into believing he was sincere with mature intentions.  His games and way with words were well received and returned with kind and caring gestures, and soon enough, sex.  As imagined, for her, sex created a sense of possession over him and she therefore began treating the “relationship” as something worth working on: investing time and energy.  Subconsciously, she became someone he could trust and got comfortable around.  When he knew of other men trying to talk to her he got jealous and frustrated whenever time spent together was interrupted.  However, no doubt were there moments when he was disappointed with where things escalated to but felt it was foul to end it and not to mention, he simply became emotionally attached.

For some, developing feelings are an inevitable result, especially if things are not kept in check.  Too much time spent talking, sleeping over, and doing things together only leads to developing feelings.  And while some will accept the change or even struggle with it, others find being attached a headache they cannot handle thus finding a way out.

By Ashley I. Okonkwo

Photo Credit: http://madamenoire.com/82399/first-date-signs-that-a-man-will-be-controlling/

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They come in all forms: Brolic, Robust, Slim, Tall and Short. They take on the following appearances: Macho, Self-confident, Bold and Sure.  While this may come as a shock, these descriptive adjectives describe a wide range of the cowardly “men” that exist before us all.  The cowardliness spoken of is usually demonstrated at parties, social mixers, gatherings, events, etc.  It is almost certain that at an occasion, a guy will notice a female who captures his attention and thus secretly admire her all night whether from afar or near.  But because of his irrational feelings of anxiety, it prevents him from speaking face to face with someone who he possibly started planning dates with in his head and watched all night.  Quite simply, it is ever clear that self-proclaimed men of today rather approach and pursue females they perceive as easily attainable based on her physical presentation; dress and overall look, and her level of confidence, which can be used to their advantage.

Most adults- young and old may remember growing up being told by mature ones, “Guys love a challenge.  They want something they got to work hard for.  Anything that comes easy, they may take it, but not seriously.”  Today, the only “challenge” most guys explore are choosing between the easy and the easiest.  This by no means is in a sexual context (although there are guys who will take what generous females give), this only concerns male pursuits toward either a potential possibility at moving past that first hello, or maybe even something long-term.  Such wise words once taught by older ones have become completely futile, as proven by “men” today.

Two months ago, I went to a dressy-casual event and the Nigerian in me was forced to “overdress” by basic-people standard.  In a red form fitting mermaid skirt made with ankara material, and a cropped blouse, I unintentionally managed to be the main attraction.  Apart from my own self-flattery and compliments I gave and kept to myself, several females complimented me on how I looked.  Also, the amount of stares from jealous females who refused to articulate their admiration was up for my own interpretation to believe that they thought I looked outstanding also. Several guys however were caught staring, though not one came up to me to introduce themselves.  In fact, there was one young man in particular who I noticed looking at me throughout the night but ended up exchanging numbers with a “Simple Suzie.”   The nickname used refers to a non-sophisticated female whose appearance lacks maturity, where her only make-up applied is lip-gloss, or if she’s really basic, vaseline.  When put into perspective, “Simple Suzie” got play, while “Lady in Red” left home without a new contact.  And while it should not be frustrating that a person who is clearly not on the same level as you walks away with a number, it does.  You may say to yourself that if that is the case, you do not want a scared and weak guy like that who cannot even approach you.  The fact is, that because I carried myself in a sure, and confident manner and appeared easy on the eye with exquisite and regal presentation, I was obviously pre-judged to be a snobby, rude diva.  What guys usually interpret from a confident, well-dressed, beautiful lady is that if approached, she will outright reject his efforts or she thinks she is too good to be talked to.  Such interpretations are simply just a reflection of a guy who has not come to manhood.

A popular catchphrase unfortunately and often said by women is, “Men find me intimidating.”  In this context, the word intimidating usually refers to how a woman carries herself, along with her goals and working accomplishments, which are the unfortunate explanations for why she is single.  Author of 2009 New York Best Seller, Think Like a Man, Act Like A Lady, comedian Steve Harvey explained useful points to a female guest on a talk show who felt she could not get a date or find love because she intimidated men.  She expressed that she found herself to be intimidating to guys because of her salary, professional title, and her demanding presence.  However, Harvey brought out an important point when he asked, “How can it be that a guy can find a woman intimidating if a woman is naturally who he is designed to be with?”   In case it did not settle the first time, Harvey asked, “How can it be that a guy can find a woman intimidating if a woman is naturally who he is designed to be with?”  Clearly, there is no reason or excuse at all for a man to be intimidated by a woman when a woman is meant for a man.

During very upsetting and frustrating conversations with male friends, they explain that most guys will talk to and approach a female who they feel may not reject their efforts.  Obviously, there is something guys look for in women that bring them to approaching them. In heated debate, a popular question they say most guys ask themselves is, “Why would I go for someone who I feel will only shut me down?”  Most likely, their feelings are based on their own insecurities but can also be their ability to be realistic, because lets be real, some guys will see a woman and automatically anticipate rejection.  It is important to be realistic of what you can and cannot have though when viewing a woman to be intimidating because of irrational judgments from face value and conjuring up senseless excuses, it is necessary to evaluate your manhood. Furthermore, they also explained that when guys notice a girl who seems “out of their league” they rather pursue a female who does not.  Notice there was no mention of the word, settle.  In this context, settle would mean choosing someone less than.  However, there would be no need for a guy to choose someone less than if he is not less than himself. It is important to stop using settle as an excuse when quite simply, he just has nothing to offer a woman who he views to be about her business.

The advice to women frustrated with guys and their “Simple Suzie” “attraction” is not to become basic but to keep on being fabulous because a real man awaits who will with ease, step up and go after what he truly wants.  So again, “Men,” The word is not settle, you have only matched someone on your level.

By: Ashley I. Okonkwo

Photo Credit: http://www.bet.com/news/health/2012/04/20/is-acting-like-a-man-hurting-black-men-emotionally.html

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I think the biggest reason for multi dating is perspective. When you are dating one partner your judgment seems to more clouded as opposed to when you are seeing several people and are blessed with the chance to remain objective by reason of the gift of comparison. You also see members of the opposite sex for who they really are instead of idealizing them and ignoring their faults.

Another pro of multi dating is the higher chance for success as dating just one partner is an all-or- nothing situation. Dating many people increases your chances of one of them working out. If you were applying to college, you wouldn’t apply to just one would you? You would send application letters to many in order to increase your chances of being admitted to at least one, which you hope turns out to be the best choice for you. See? Same difference

Multi dating spares your feelings as you do not attach yourself to one person in an overly deep manner. If your relationship with one partner begins to turn grim, you have the others to fall back on. Not to mention that multi dating keeps you constructively busy by giving the much needed added color to your social life. You do not want your social life to be defined by just one person do you?

On the other hand, multi dating has its cons;

There is a chance it could blow up in your face, you get a nasty reputation and several people’s feelings get hurt in the process. But isn’t there a saying that ‘love is war’? Why must you be the one to put up with disappointment and being hurt over and over again?

Multi dating is a choice that should not be made if you are looking for a serious relationship. Take it from the attitude that you are basically looking to have some fun and build your ego. Multi dating ends technically when one of your partners becomes your exclusive boyfriend or girlfriend. In other words, it is a fun selection process.

What do you think? Is multi dating a good idea after all?

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Ladies, have you ever been on a date with a guy and he is just dropping the ball left, right and center? And guys, please I’m not sure if there’s a manual you guys are supposed to read before going on a first date with a girl, but if there is, you really need to take it seriously.

I was sharing stories with my friends and I was stunned at some of the first date stories I heard from them. Well, I’ve had a few myself so I cant say I was surprised but some stuff I heard was downright interesting.

Too interesting that from that conversation I got a nice comprehensive list of what not to do on a first date. That is if you don’t want to automatically disqualify yourself from a babe on a first date then just be mindful of these things that are right there on the don’ts on a first date for men.

Men please pay attention, and women just drop your stories if you feel moved or just say “Amen” in agreement.

1. Expect Your Date To Pay For Half

I’m not sure if it’s the Naija babe in me, but I just can’t get with this paying for half of the date business. Ndi Ocha na kpo ya “Going Dutch,” but me I call it “Going Cheap.” The quickest way to lose a girl, especially a Nigerian girl is to mention anything like paying half. You might not even reach the end of the date. We might as well cut the date in half too.

I mean you asked me out right? So why not pay for everything? and I’m not going crazy on the bill, that’s a different story altogether. Bottom line. You mention half or dutch, even as a language sef, and you can delete my number or pin immediately.

2. Talk About Yourself The Whole Time

OMG! Have you been on a date with a guy and he’s just talking about himself? “I’m general manager of this…. My father did this… I own this… I drive this” Urgh! I mean me too I want to talk too now. I know some men like to hear themselves talk, and if that’s the case you can talk to yourself while I quietly exit the date.

On a first, there’s something called conversation, and it’s between 2 people, not 1. Let the girl talk also, and bring up topics that can be shared by both parties.

A lot of men drop the ball in this area and it’s sad.

3. Make Sexual Innuendos

This is almost an automatic dis-qualifier. It’s the first date, and I’m not an ashawo in Abuja or Lagos, so please don’t start making any kind of silly sexual jokes or innuendos around me. I’m not saying that I’m a “holy holy never had sex” but if I went around having sexual discussions with every guy I go on a date on then nah to begin collect 20k so I know I’m officially ashing out myself.

All these guys that like to feel like “players” all the time do all this stupid mess, and they start wondering why she never called back.

Guys take note; Leave the sexual innuendos till later later… when she’s comfortable enough with you.

4. Dish About Past Dates

You’re talking to a guy and he starts telling you all the atrocities his ex-girlfriend did to him, his brother, his mother, his father, and how she’s lucifer’s daughter. Red Flag!!! That’s not cute at all, and it shows that you can’t even compose yourself enough to give yourself a shot with the next girl.

Moreover if you’re that concerned with telling me about all the bad things your ex did then why are you on a date with me? I don’t want to hear that, and in the back of my mind I know that of we date and don’t work out then I’ll be that ex you bash to the next girl.

No Thank You.

5. Text/BB At The Table

Businessmen and entertainment people take note. Ladies like attention and it’ll be nice to have your attention for the 2-3 hour date period we’ll be on. It shows that you’re actually interested in me.

Some guys just don’t get this. Every text or BB that comes in they must reply. Heck who knows maybe they’re sending their own sef. It’s highly disrespectful to continuously do that on a date. If Barrack Obama is calling you then tell me so I’ll tell you to go and we’ll link up at another time.

So guys, that’s it o. Una don hear. Don’t fall your own hand and deprive yourself of some correct babe by doing some of these stuff listed on a first date. I think most ladies will agree with me and say this is definitely ground for disqualification. Not one single one in particular but maybe a combination. Then again if you’re like me, one of these can kick you out of the door immediately.

Ladies, help me out ejor, and drop some comments. I don’t believe Jaguda.com is removing subsidy for comments :D

 

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During my twenty-six years I’ve been toasted by a variety of men. I still get a surprising range – from pre-teens (here I hold my head) to older men on their last leg looking for that young “side-kick”. Taking in their personalities and mannerisms I have noticed patterns that create what I call “The Manly Assortment”.

Everyone knows that deceptive piece in a mixed assortment of chocolate. The one that looks promising from the outside. Sculpted with smooth mounds of milk chocolate forming intricate shapes, alluding to grandeur and more inside. Hopeful you take an expectant bite only to be disappointed. For inside there is nothing – nothing but air.

He is called The Aspirant.

The Aspirant is a guy that is always aspiring but never achieving. Some may even consider him the worse of the lot. Mainly because his outward potential is so prominent. A glance or word from him and you know he is meant to be a king some day. Some day… a day that could never come.

This is not a bash of The Aspirant. He is most dangerous because he is the most lovable. You fall in love with that potential you see and feel. He is passionate about his vision. It burns to the touch stinging your skin yet exciting you nevertheless. It’s a force that rocks you to the core and makes you an instant believer at the first deep gaze from his eyes into yours. In them you see a whole galaxy not just stars. There he is master of the universe and able to control the flow and passage of time and eternity is at his fingertips. You are also there as his chosen Queen to rule together forever. Extracting yourself from that time warp takes a very quick and aware mind. To survive, you have to learn to pour salt on top of everything he says. The sharp taste should wake you up to take a second glace at what exactly is going on. What you observe may tear your heart or irritate you to unbearable levels depending on how far you’ve fallen for him.

The Aspirant, dear soul, is a tragic figure. He wants so much to be greater than he is to the extent that he would do anything absolutely anything to reach his aspirations. Anything but honest hard backbreaking work. He may try at first, but the lures of get-rich-quick fixes are too strong to keep him on a straight and laborious path for long. Especially when he sees his mates already making it while he stands on the sidelines wearing what he now considers as rags. Worse yet he has a sweet tooth for the high-life and name brands. This is where the tragic cycle stems. His goals are wealth and influence yet the work to get there is long and hard and requires austerity. However his wants are immediate so to satisfy his sweet tooth he sacrifices the road and takes short cuts that deviate him off his path. Resulting in meandering forever at the beginning and never reaching the end to his goal.

My dear if you’re eyes are widening and your heart is stuttering because you realize this guy is too familiar for comfort – RUN. Right now you may think back to the times you’ve had to support his cravings with your own pocket money. Sweetheart before he makes you as wretched as he – get out. Are you shrugging? Thinking you’re “The One” – the woman that could change him and keep him on his path. After all, his embrace warms you with that passion he has. It cant all be just empty hot air… right? Love if he hasn’t changed by now; trust he won’t be changing anytime soon. Some of you may have invested so much already, emotionally and financially, that you are reluctant to leave at a loss. This is destructive thinking because as with any black hole your investments will just continue to be sucked in, never-ending ‘till you’re a shell of your former self. Again, all I can tell you is to GET OUT – quiet your heart and save yourself to love another day.

 

You can follow me on NotSoSkinnyDreams.com

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During my twenty-six years I’ve been toasted by a variety of men. Even now I get a surprising range – from pre-teens (here I hold my head) to older men on their last leg looking for that young “side-kick”. Taking in their personalities and mannerisms I have noticed patterns that create what I call “The Manly Assortment”.

One morsel I find particularly interesting is covered in smooth extra dark chocolate. Sculpted in hard and clean lines till you bite into it and find a warm caramel center with surprise chunks of hard macadamia nuts.

He is called The Connoisseur.

The Connoisseur can be easily mistaken for a player. Like a player he’s known and been with many women. However unlike a player his motives are not so base and shallow. A player is in it for the game for the kill. The Connoisseur takes it as a learning experience. His appreciation for women can be seen as almost intellectual. Like a connoisseur he knows many varieties, has tasted, smelled and broken down the complexities of each knew flavour he’s acquired. I liken it to when I obsessed over bread. Once I tasted one I never forgot it. The smell, texture, and flavour never left me. I loved finding new kinds to add to my repertoire, as does The Connoisseur. Later in his own private moments he brings them out reflecting on memorable moments he had with each and what had drawn him to them. If he considers them conquests or more I am not so sure myself. The guy is a bit of a mystery and you can never really know everything about him mostly because he does not know himself. He desires love but may not trust that one woman can satisfy all his needs or at least 88.9% of them. The older he gets the larger his repertoire grows and the larger it grows the pickier he becomes. Duplicates and variants are not allowed in his collection. Sadly the dearth of his repertoire that he has painstakingly accumulated may be his own undoing. With a deep sigh The Connoisseur continues his search.

I caution ladies whom come across The Connoisseur. If you yourself are a connoisseur and would appreciate what he offers and not regret what he does not… then enjoy. Enjoy while you can but remember you could also become a crystallized memory. Joining his collection, to be brought out later for reflection.

 

You can follow me on NotSoSkinnyDreams.com

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So I’ve read the article on Broad Spectrum Toasting and I thought it was downright hilarious. It got me thinking of my most successful one time toasting methods, and I decided that I’d write the best and most successful ways to toast a babe, in my opinion. Keep in mind that for guys, 50% successful rate is considered pretty high as most of us guys have been rejected since we could talk to a babe. With time I started learning the more successful tactics, and knowing which style to use with what babes as not every babe is the same. So here goes:

1.Forming: This is probably the most successful of all my methods. When I say form, I’m not saying form all the time o.. I just mean form sometimes when it’s needed. When is it needed? Ok.. let’s take this example. You know u’re looking on point at some party, bbq, wedding or social gathering, and there is this fine babe that every guy in this world has been approaching since the event started. I mean the babe don tire for guys, but you want to approach too, but if you do then u’re going to get an F immediately cos u’ll fall into one of the many, so what do you? Go hangout with her friends in close proximity to her (hopefully u know one of them). It’s better if you go with another guy friend so u don’t look weird. Gist with everyone at the table(or vicinity) but barely speak to her. As in just be flirting with the babes to a point where most of the babes at the table wont mind giving you their number, but the babe you’re actually interested in? fashi her side… Besides being cordial, and maybe answering a direct question or two, ignore her. I don’t know what it is, but most fine babes don’t like being ignored. Plus that makes you look like u’re not like every other guy that has been approaching her with “Baby, what’s you name? what’s your sign?” (who started that rubbish line anyways), and you don’t look desperate. Towards the end of the night you can casually approach her without too much aggression and without really putting in the effort, or you can wait till a couple of days later if you know you’re likely to see her again. By this time, the babes have definitely discussed how “cool and down to earth” you were, and so when you finally “run into her” you’ve already had a chance to showcase your personality, and you have a greater chance on snatching her up. All this is assuming you actually have a good personality. I don’t know about everyone else but this works for me about 60% of the time which is pretty high on the guy toasting scale. Toasting success rate: 60%

2.Pose with your fine friend/cousin: I’m not sure how to explain this but a fine babe will always make even the most wor wor guy look a lot better. In my experience, a babe will pay attention to you more if you are with a fine babe. So for me, if I’m going to a party, wedding, banquet or somewhere that will have some toastees, I try to go with one of my finer female friends or cousins. I’m talking, the finest of all of them. The one that will draw attention to herself and indirectly draw some attention to you too. The babe will give u small levels…like “omo see that babe wey this guy dey pull ooo”… no one has to know that she’s your cousin or anything like that until they ask. Of course you make sure babes wey full ground see you with the babe, and you can even go extra by making sure you get your friend drinks and take care of her very well. If na party, you can even dance with the babe sef, and all together have fun. Eventually you can approach the babe you like calmly, and if she’s interested she’ll probably ask, “what about your gf?”… then you can laugh and just say, “oh no that’s my cousin… we came together”Th cos “blah blah blah.” Some babes wont send, and wont ask, but if she saw you then she probably has thought about it but decided not to ask. This method works for me about 40% of the time. The fall out is you risk being considered a woman wrapper, or sometimes your friend is just not fine enough to make anyone think twice, so you’re left being another regular ass dude. Toasting success rate: 45%

3.Effizy: Now most babes might deny this, but girls like effizy. Not arrogant effizy, but low key, big boys move effizy… this can work if you actually have the levels to pull the effizy. Anything from organizing VIP in the club, to knowing the club owner and he sends bottles your way, or even something like seeing the babes outside of a club and telling the bouncer to let “those babes in” without paying. Of course the babe and her 6 friends will be pretty delighted that this guy they don’t even know just let them in. “He must know someone in the club”… “maybe he’s the owner…or promoter”… you’ve sha done small effizy. Sometimes you can just casually send a bottle to their table just cos. Effizy is a pretty wide range of stuff… the way you enter a place, or the car you’re driving, or the big boy gestures you’re doing… all of it is effizy and babes like it. The down side is that some babes actually find all that effizy annoying and more than likely the babes you’ll attract will be babes that are attracted to you because of what you have or seem to have and not based on your actual person. Not all, but a good number. It is what it is. Toasting success rate: 50% (depends on the type of babe you’re trying to attract sha)

4.Don’t speak much: I know this one works pretty well cos my brother uses it to the full extent allowed by law….lol. While I’m out being my typical lively self, by brother is just grabbing attention from babes because he’s just quiet. In most instance, don’t speak until spoken to… barely say much… if they are arguing or having some debate where your opinion is wanted, just make a few statements that make sense and continue forming quiet boy. It can get to a point where you might almost be considered rude sef, but hey… na so you be. You’ll grab the attention of most babes in the room cos you’re on the mysterious side. This works well for the most part. The down side is that you risk being too quiet that you’ll just go unnoticed, and if you’re not a fine boy, no one will even send you message sef. You’ll just be there doing quiet boy for nothing…lol. Lucky enough my brother na fine boy so it works for him. Toasting success rate: 50%

5.Just enter the babe: Now this is one of those hit and miss moves. You’re at an event or a gathering and you see a babe you like, and you just go for it. You get extra liver that day and you don’t send anybody message. You’re just entering the babe full force. She go gree or she no go gree… wetin concern you?…lol. This has worked for a lot of people I know, so it has to be pretty effective. Maybe it’s the fact that the guy is bold or aggressive that makes the babe like it. Some babes like that alpha male, aggressive type guy and so it will work out for you. The down side is that a good number of babes don’t like that extra aggressive move, and you might risk looking desperate or maybe being one of those “Why is he not getting the point?” type of guys…lol. Plus you might end up getting the number but it wont lead anywhere… let’s not even forget the risk of getting fake number sef. Babes will do anything to get rid of a guy that is not getting the point. Toasting success rate: 30%

6.Let’s be friends: I don’t know if I can consider this one time toasting per say, cos it’s a gradual, over the course of time, type of move. You’re the babe’s friend, and you guys have been cool since 19**, and always talk every now and then, you’ve had gfs, and she’s had bfs, but you guys have been attracted to each other for a min. You guys end up being single at some point and you’re doing the friend friend thing, and inch closer and closer until eventually you enter the babe’s heart to a point where she starts “considering” you as a potential… you’ll hear the typical “I feel like he understand me very well”, “We know each other like the back of my hand” and of course the comfort level is already there so it looks to everyone that this is a match made in heaven if it works out. Risk? Once you enter the friend zone it’s pretty hard to come out. Once the babe labels you as “brother,” “bestie,” or even worse “bff” then there’s very little hope for you. Let’s not even think of when she starts hooking you up with her best friends. That means, she can’t even see you as a fine boy sef… you’re just her friend. “I can’t even imagine being with him… it’ll be weird.” Toh… that mean say nothing for you and you’ll have to endure countless tales of all her guys for the rest of your life…lol. Toasting success rate: 40%

For now that’s all I have as my successful toasting tactics and the potential pitfalls. Once again this was partly inspired by “broad toasting spectrum”, and so I decided to think of all my toasting methods that have worked in the past. Most of them here are one time toasting moves.

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Collaborated with Tay-d

You know that book of codes, which has so many unwritten rules of conduct ( like guys code of “bros before hoes” or girls codes of “never dating a friend’s ex”)? Well in that unknown book, its been established that members of the opposite sex can’t just “be friends”. Even movies propagate this misconception. Take for instance, the movie “Brown Sugar” – first friends, girl likes guy, guy likes girl, guy gets married, guy gets divorced and eventually guy gets with girl and a whole lot in between, but I wont get to that; you all get the idea. This cements the whole idea even more.

Ok how about I make it more personal. Lets say, there have been 2 friends, Sade and Emeka, who have known each other for a little bit and yes, they did have feelings for each other but it was never explored. Regardless, Sade somehow manages to compare every guy she meets to Emeka as he becomes “her standard”. As expected with time, Sade wants more but Emeka doesn’t and the feelings did get in the way of the relationship to the point of them not talking at all for a few months.

Now hit the forward button, Emeka calls and they reconnect and the FRIENDSHIP (nothing else) springs back up. More importantly, this time, they make it clear that they are just friends with “minute” benefits and nothing more and both agree. People around them say that they get this uncomfortable vibe (or “sexual tension”) between them. Emeka and Sade don’t deny that but they claim to take it in stride and say it is all just in fun. So the question is, can two people of the opposite sex just be friends, or would one day have these feelings take over? And do you think this “agreement” between Emeka and Sade will work?

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It’s the year 2009 and with each passing year, more ‘Independent Women’ anthems seem to be hitting the airwaves. We ladies are feeling like ‘we got our own’ and in general, feeling more financially independent.
Which brings me to the topic of today…

As we dey here, dey do ‘Ms. Independent’, are we adopting that same approach to dating and relationships? Specifically, I am curious as to which stage in the courting process, if at all do you ladies offer to pay for the date?

Imagine if an object of interest is courting you, and wining and dining you, and let’s assume that you guys have been on about 4 dates so far. By the 5th date, do you feel like you should reach into your wallet and at least offer to pay for the date, or do you feel that if a man is wining, dining and courting you, it is his financial responsibility to pay for all your dates?

Granted, this mentality of women offering to pay for dates or going dutch appears to be pretty westernized, seeing that if you are dating a man in Nigeria, it is very unlikely that he will even entertain the idea of a woman offering to pay for the date.

And of course, I’m not going to leave the guys out of this one so I will remix the question and throw it right back at y’all. If you’ve taken your object of interest out on 5 dates, and by the 6th date she has made no moves to reach into her wallet, or at least offer to pay for the date, how would you view this?
If a woman offered to pay for a date, would you be insulted?
And more importantly, would you ever ask a woman to go dutch with you on a date?

Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s discuss.

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abstinence

Hey guys, Mgbeks here!

Lately I’ve been pondering on this issue of sex in a relationship and why it is SO important to men. I keep having conversations with guys who insist that if their girls aren’t giving it up then she got to go. They say things like ‘body no be firewood o’ or ‘Even if I agreed to not wait with her till marriage, I would have a jump off on the side’. I’ve even heard things like ‘You have to test drive the car before you buy it’ and even worse…’If she isn’t giving it up, she will be NEXTED’.
I once had a conversation with a guy who had been in a 5 year relationship and when I asked the no sex question, he replied and told me that if his girlfriend had asked him to wait till marriage, they would not have lasted for 5 years.

Once again, I’m picking on you men because I can’t tell you that I’ve ever heard a female tell me that if there was no sex in a relationship, a guy would be instantly NEXTED. Honestly, I realize that body no be firewood etc etc but seriously guys, is sex the ultimate thing that makes or breaks a relationship?
Imagine if you met a woman who was everything that you wanted and more, would you really let her go because she wasn’t willing to hit the sheets with you?
What is the huge fuss over a maximum of 1 hour of pleasure…and please I’m cutting y’all some slack up in here ‘cos if we have to keep it 100, it probably wouldn’t even reach one hour. LOL, I’m just saying though…
 
I mean, the thing just tire me o. My ladies, are you feeling me on this or am I alone on this one?

My dudes, please feel free to comment o. I welcome all questions, comments and insults. Ha Ha! I’m just trying to get a general understanding of this right here.

Why is sex so important in a relationship?

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Scene from popular movie, The Break Up
Scene from popular movie, The Break Up

Bill and Casey have been together and dating for a little over 5yrs. They both live together and have always done everything together. In the beginning of the 6th year, things start to get sour, the spark was gone, the romance going down the drain, and everything seemed to be crumbling. One night, Casey wakes Bill up around 2am with the dreaded phrase “we need to talk!” Bill bracing up for the worst, wakes up to hear Casey pour out her venom on how things have been going on lately. She starts with the most mind twisting question for any dude in a relationship; do you love me? Bill lost for words, delays in answering and Casey passes the instantaneous judgment that Bill doesn’t love her and dishes out an even more confusing phrase well…“I love you but I’m not in love with you”. Bill knowing that things haven’t been great lately and that the spark is almost gone amicably agrees for them to separate and date other people. Casey (unconsciously) excited is ready to go look for an apartment but Bill being a gentleman & nice guy offers her the other room in the house for her to move into. The question is…would you let your ex live in same house with you and be free to date other people?