What Do Men Really Want?


Today, I feel the itch to write something, so I guess I might as well write down the bruhahas from within…or where ever the heck bruhahas come from.

Okay call me an Ijebu goat for finding this out late, but I must say that the ideas men have about what they want is absolute fuckery and just down right confusing. I always thought they were the less complicated sex, but boy was I wrong. So, I think it’s about time they get down from their imaginary high horse, perch and realize what they want from women simply does not exist. And to think they are the first to point out women’s fault about being too picky.*hiss*…. Hypocrites…*hiss*

I just watch them move that thing on their face while they mouth out THE simple things they require from us women. They want a good girl, then its… nah mehn bad girl or bust….she must be nice…wait..naughty…be happy and ready to please, but any more emotions than that, would be too emotional for them.

Let’s not forget, they don’t want a car that hasn’t been tested, then again a new car wouldn’t hurt…hmmm…no they want a used car with some millage, or is it a new car has been warmed up regularly…or maybe a certified pre-owned…who knows what they want. Oh wait, I think it’s a new car that does the job of a used car with minimum millage…millage good enough for go… I don’t even know sef.

What about those that require a loving and caring woman, but when she loves enough to ask who’s calling at 3 am then she’s a way-too-psycho bitch for you. Or if she calls every other hour just to check up, then she’s too clingy, or when she cleans, and dare I say it, cares for you, then she’s too like mama/mummy…..but I thought you want a caring girl….I mean what the frak?

Oooo…they also like the homebody girl that is pretty neat… hold up one cotton pickin’ minute….they want a homebody who likes to party all day everyday cos homebodies are just too boring …but doesn’t that defeat the “homebody purpose”…*scratches head*…they wouldn’t also mind the life of the party girl, but still she must be shy, reserved and know how to dance and let loose at the same time. It just boggles my mind.

This is a famous one I hear all the time: “I want a model type chick”….lol…so model chick is delivered now…leave it to those dandy guys to come up with shit like, “no way mehn, she is too long some how.” I thought you wanted model, so how is that? Or you’ll hear, “my body does me some how around her..she is just long and skinny, or her neck is long ooo.” But have you ever seen a 5’2 model before….like seriously dude? They want a size 2 waist in a size 12 hips coupled with beyonces’ butt… dont even get me started with the breast… lets just say they wouldn’t mind if she suffers from back pains…u dig? Oh wait, did I forget to mention flat ass is a sin?…haven’t you heard? You might as well start finding Asian men, cos naija boys ain’t having none of  that “flat as kite” ass. But, then again, if its too big, then they don’t want something they can’t handle…so which is it?…cos I know there’s also something wrong with moderately sized ass…I heard that before…”too up or not onion enough…or to saggy”. Oh please gimme a fraking break.

How about, wanting a woman who takes good care of herself – you know..hair’s in place, nails done, clothes fly and shit etc. Yet they don’t want a high maintenance girl…funny, because last time I checked these were the traits of such girls and not Mary-Amaka. Then there are the “i love the all natural girls”….you got to loves those ones….they love them natural….they say they love girls that can live without yaki, outre, fiber or wig on her head….not that there’s anything bad about what women choose to use on our head o, but they (the men) shout the loudest about how unattractive it is for girls to be fake all over…thing is these are the same monkeys that flock around the false eyelash, fake hair, green contacts, pancake wearing babes, while the natural ones keep waiting for godot. Now if you know Beckett…you’ll know godot never came.

It really confuses me, when men say they like something, and when you finally have the option to choose it they take the opposite or ask for extra jarrah. How about being clear for once and stick to your preference. So you like a little something extra….thats fine..we all want that too…don’t just wahala me or say “we want very simple things” when you are just as complex as us girls.


  1. All I want is a woman who is sure of herself for goodness sake! Stop telling me you are all I need and then get jealous when I happen to glance at other girls. Know yourself before putting yourself out there because we men are hunters by nature and we prey on the weak.

  2. Men are complex yet simple. Wise women have mastered how to handle the one they are with. It takes a wise smart woman to keep a home. Men on the other hand don't know what they want. I see chics play ojoro on them all the time and they fall mugu! Tomorrow they will say " you are not the girl i married" wetin you dey expect when you focused on all the wrong things and didn't watch out for the signs? Men don't know what they really want and i hear only the smart women that can play their game get married.. wetin i know? I am just a by stander in all of this. LOL

  3. All I want is a woman who is pretty, smooth skin ('cos I don't like beat-up looking chicks), has hips and, definitely, a nice derriere. I have zero-tolerance for flat ass women, can"t stand it. She also has to be intelligent and should want to understand me. Cooking and the penchant for hanging out or partying with me is a plus, as long as she is not a slut who chases around men.

  4. You dey mind all these "basterds?" But who can blame them…they say 'its a mans world'…Women running around like chickens with their heads cut off to fall in one of the many categories in the bid to 'hook' a man. So today they want beyonce hair and they get it. Tomorrow they want india arie, they get it…Why then should they figure out their standard and stick to it?

    Women need to stop lowering their standards…they are making it extremely hard for the rest of us that do have some standards. A dude takes one look at you and wonders why he should go through the trouble with you when he can get one with little or no standards.

    We have created monsters!!!!

  5. What kind of clown states that he has 'Zero tolerance for a flat ass chick?'…it is obvious that he is a CHILD and not a MAN. I mean, people have problems in this world and this character is stating zero tolerance. Micki fricki please!

    Aniwoos as to this thread, these so called men are obviously a very confused bunch and ladies we need to learn to not feed into their foolishness. I mean, women are changing their ways and modifying themselves all in this quest to be accepted by characters who obviously have no idea of what they want. Ladies, in the end you will be very surprised to find that the women that they usually end up with are some women that inspire a whole bunch of BLANK STARES…like 'Is that really who he decided to marry after all the mouth he made?'. Please, let's do us and not even focus on these confused bunch of men. Nonsense and ingredients.

    • Because that na the woman who fit tolerate hin nonsense na? U no know before? Who hin go marry before? My dear make we really leave matter. Sometimes men think they are so wise but they end up with women who show them pepper.. you know wetin be pepper? Ehen scotch bonnet pepper!

  6. Ahhh! Sister u don yarn d whole truth, anyhooo d one wey vex me pass is d punks dat say dey like d naturals lmfao! Actually ykno der is natural makeup sef dese days, d earth tones, d neutral shade of lipgloss, lipstick eyeshadow everything. One day after my 37minute make up session i went to work nd dis dummy co-worker of mine jst came up to me nd said 'ykno y i like u? U r a natural beauty'

    They r all dummies, men r like 3yr olds. Oh i remember once my friend had this punka** boyfriend dat was a natural babe liker he stopped her from fixing her hair, nails, she cudnt even use eyeshadow but lo nd behold he cheated on her with this hot babe wey dey (1) fix nail (2) wear fake lashes + (3) contacts (4) weave ons i mean WTF!

  7. Best article so far

    I had to read this out loud to my boyfriend because I think that nigga is confused like the ones you mentioned. Men are confused and stupid and mad.

    I just got this sense of feminism in me after I read this.

  8. Lwkmd….rotflmao, this is funny but true. It has even come to the fact that when tell guys imma virgin….. They laf or pity me like I'm yesterdays news yet they speak diff bout wanting to marry pure girls…I know 3 of those kind of fools called men

    • when they find out ur a virgin, they do everything in their power to de-virginize you. they just want u 2 fall in love with the dick…then they know they have you in the palm of their hands. lol.

  9. Women get over yourselves. No matter how you complain , you would still get back to please us until you fit our mode.

  10. You want to figure it out so dat u can fake it.huh?Be urself,like the manufacturers product u are, don't worry,the consumer knows what he wants.lol

  11. Good article and funny too, but the only flaw is the stupid bastard men u seem to hang with… Such loser are ones u mentioned in your article. And from what I got, that are insecure sons oh whores who ware trmendously indicisive and need to be flogged. Let any of my male friends say something like that….I would slap the dick out of his body.

    And @patrick…you just like the authors male friends are stupid foliag and crude…and I hope you find a wife tht would eventually control the shit out of you. Fit mold…you must be insane.

    Pleaseif you are looking to date anyone dump those negative male friends around you that encourage al that rubish. I'm sure you are better than trying hard to please them or finding out whatever he heck they think they want.

    • loooooooooooooooooooooooooooool.. hahahaha..wow you sound very burnt oo.. sheeet. Naija MEN are y'all gonna take that?

  12. awwwwwwwwwwwww….so true…the hair part is soooooooooo real. I have experienced it in the past. I have natural hair..however when i choose to wear my natural hair to a party or an event my toaster decrease drastically. But when i wear my remi hair down to my buttocks…i fit get marriage proposal. Tahhhhh naija men

  13. I must register here that I am a man. A regular man. Infact a 'guy' in every sense of the word yet I am very different from the man/men you describe here.

    My grandmother used to say 'make goat marry goat and make chicken marry chicken'. You cant be A-class and expect to find relationship success from a D-Class man and vice-versa. So start from there, are you rolling with dudes in your 'category'? or are you an ex-bushmeat who is trying hard to blend into a new socio-economic class and therefore everything u do seems not to be working?

    About the other wants and needs, I believe men are as guilty as the women. Its human nature, we are prone to boredom with old property so its your responsiblility to retain the newness of whatever it is that your relationship is based on. So if na friendship bind una together, figure out ways to refresh and renew that. If na yakki and 3-in-1 hair, french-tipped pedicured nails and beyonce-hips u take catch the man, you are on your own on that one because you go de work round the clock for a long long time.


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