I’m at a stage in my life where I have no answers. A lot of questions though but no answers…. it’s slightly annoying. Wait I lied. It’s beyond annoying. Trying to find answers to the questions, so unknown. It’s like an itch that I can’t scratch because I don’t even know how to locate “the itch”. I’m feeling empty to an extent. not the empty where you can diagnose me as depressed, just empty with waiting for someone, anyone to answer my “un answered questions” or at least give me insight of a world so cold, unloving…. survival of the fittest… smh.. I laugh. Are you laughing too? Come on join me so we can laugh together. I watch “for colored girls” today and cried. The tears of “DAMN”…. smh…. I cried for me because I too saw myself in one of the characters. Pathetic? no… Just real.
Why all these males in my life? What the hell do ya’ll want? huh?? All ya’ll want to do is.. F… full-fill those desires you have in-between your masculine legs. Not thinking with the right head that points up but the one that points down. No intentions of “cuffing”, just simply “smashing”… (Who came up with these foolish terms?) forgetting that we women have to deal with and carry the scars from the “I luv u’s, I’m sorry, I want you…” not thinking maybe my words are too strong for a soul like hers, or better yet maybe I should just tell the truth??…
Not U– understanding the pride of a woman is in her inner thigh. Yet taking it for granted to win a man’s heart. No man will stay no matter how good the pussy is. The “oh shits, gotdamn girl your shit is the bomb” will keep a man whispering sweet NOTHINGS in your ear… so it happens… there just words, just words because after he’s done, your done. the calls start to decrease, you start hitting him up more often, always suggesting things for ya’ll to do and him replying with “sure”….
Why C– can’t we see that in the beginning when we say “hmmm he’s cute” lol… ladies, ladies….we do, we just try to ignore the signs and start to envision the rest of your life with him. All of a sudden you see yourself in a white dress and he’s waiting down the aisle for you…. but of course it’s just a dream. Not real…..smh… try again with the next guy….. Sad that we put ourselves through this only to get his approval….
It’s slowly K-killing us… well its slowly killing me. Knowing you’re not the one I’m meant to be with. But then I try, well we try to mold ourselves to the image that he so wants… him not accepting us for us… its not meant to be… so why force it… “Is it by force?”… Smh… yet again at all the mistakes I’ve taken and decisions I’ve made just to be… wanted… lol
I can laugh at it now because I see my mistakes and I see where I went wrong at… but then the smile starts to fade when I realize there is a step I need to take and if I’m willing….
When I hear the raspy whispers of your voice, the sly smile in your hello, I start thinking white dress and you waiting down the aisle…. i stop and i think… it’s not real. It’s just a good time…. or better yet, just taking life as it comes…. I know you’ve heard this before… “Let it happen…”…
I’m trying to grasp hold of my life… trying to understand things that only I can’t get the answers to…. my soul cries out for better understanding and I know HE hears my cries….
As I look in the mirror and see a woman struggling…. I see the hurt from past “loves, relationships, hurt…” but then I see the smile of someone that knows…..
I am not A FUCK… just a woman with questions… yet unanswered.