Proclaiming to be a “smart,” “different from all the other chicks,” “never want to be a typical negative statistic,” “I will never trap a man,” “I will never settle,” “I want the best future,” “I deserve a great family,” shouting woman who becomes head over heels in love with a “God-fearing” man, “man of my dreams,” family man, etc, ironically is unwed; and after years of being in a relationship. However, the worse part in addition to being unwed while living with their non husband is giving their uncommitted boyfriends something more valuable than sex, but a child. The so called “God-fearing” man is one having children out of wedlock. How ironic? Such women have held themselves up to high standards and yet have become the same negative statistic they never wanted to be…contradiction indeed.
It is perfectly understood there are countless individuals engaging in sex before marriage, whether it is in the name of love or so casual where first names are unknown, either way they must expect consequences; planned or unplanned. Those whose intentions are to become pregnant in a relationship can be one of few things; either the woman may have wrong motives such as having a child or even children solely to keep the man around with hopes that her man may marry her, or those who carefully plan on having a child because they think for it to be a step forward in the relationship when really they have totally done things backwards.
Clearly, things are done differently today from how our grandparents and generations that came before them did things when it came to building a relationship. Relationships were had from separate residences. For example, your grandfather after a date with your grandmother would drop her off at her place and go to his own, instead today when the date is over the two take off their shoes to put them inside the same closet.
Perhaps the cliché, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage” strikes a familiar melody. Those words, in that order, represent the ideal steps every parent wants for their children. No parent wants to raise their children in broken homes; visiting daddy or mommy elsewhere, or growing up with parents who aren’t married-though with the example of married parents absent from the home, history tends to repeat itself.
To give a man a child is giving him the ultimate gift (life) one can give, therefore commitment should come first. In order that a woman give a man child, that man she calls boyfriend should first sincerely commit through marriage proving he is ready to spend his life with the women he claims to be the one-the one he is in love with.
Does the baby shower with all the gifts, smiling faces, food and music make the woman forget how backward she has done things? In their defense they may say, “We don’t need a piece of paper to prove our love.” And what they need to hear is…shut up! You want the ring, 40 acres and a mule. It is a woman’s dream to be married to the man she is in love with and would certainly take pride in flaunting her wedding ring to the world. That expression is pure hopelessness. She has convinced herself that although she may not have the ring, she has beautiful kids and her boyfriend of over five years who is “like her husband” is comfortable with the way things are and that is what works for them. Nonsense!
Women need to stop with their, “I’m too smart of a woman to be a fool” attitudes when they do not mean it. They promise themselves they would never trap a man by getting pregnant, and they would need to see a ring first before giving their man certain privileges, so on and so on. That kind of woman comes a dime a dozen; they birth a child out of wed lock, not as a wife, but as a girlfriend.
The standard they’ve set in regards to having the perfect family isn’t so perfect. The” God-fearing,” family man they label, “soul mate” hasn’t put a ring on it despite sharing a child together. The strategy in having a child to prompt the man to ask for a woman’s hand in marriage is not by force. Maybe he’ll marry you, maybe he won’t.
Women start making wise decisions and live up to the standards you swear to live by. Lead by example and think carefully before giving your boyfriend’s, children.
By: Ashley I. Okonkwo
Photo Credit: http://mommytoomag.com/category/pregnancy-gallery/