“You don’t call me anymore…”
“You only call me when you want to have sex…”
“I asked you the other night, who was calling you at 5 A.M., you just brushed it off…”
“I feel like you’re using me…”
“I don’t fully trust you…”
“Why did you makeup with me after our abrupt breakup 2 weeks earlier?”
“Do you really care about me?”
“You’ve put me through too much emotional turmoil…”
“You can’t keep dumping me like this.”
“I don’t hang out with my friends like I used to because of you.”
“I’ve made a lot of sacrifices for our relationship”
Typical conversation in a relationship on the rocks. Not surprising, upon reading this, we have placed everyone in their (gender) role. We assume the female is the poser of the questions and is met with such a loud response of silence.
Ada and Emeka met at an event and they quickly found each other very attractive. They would talk every day and night on the phone and online…they used every means of communication known to man. They could not get enough of each other. Ada quickly started to feel she had met the man of her dreams. He liked the same things she liked. He was just the perfect match for her; a modern day man who respects strong women with great ambition, Emeka was Ada’s dream come true.
After one week of knowing each other, they became an item. Emeka and Ada was always together. Emeka could not believe it. He was with this beautiful woman with all the qualities he wanted. To add sugar to the Garri, she was fantastic in bed. “Wow!” From time to time, Emeka would ask Ada why she was with him. “I don’t have a house, I am just a young man trying to climb to the top. I’m not a doctor…” On and on Emeka would question Ada’s true intentions. “You are somebody, you have a degree, you’ve survived a lot of things in your life, you’re a strong man. You make me happy, you treat me with so much respect…I feel like you’re my soul mate” Ada would always assure him.
As if the relationship was not perfect enough, Ada would cook for Emeka, clean his apartment, do the dishes and so on. She even planed a surprise candle lit dinner for him, in which she modeled new lingerie she bought from Victoria’s Secret, for desert. ” Wow, no one has ever done this for me, ever in my life.” Emeka would say, over and over again. And Ada, filled with love, would always assure him that he deserved it and even more.
Suddenly, Emeka stopped calling as much. “What’s going on? Why aren’t you calling me like we you used to?” Ada asked Emeka one day. He replied by telling her he was getting busier at work. Ada, trying to be understanding, would go to Emeka’s apartment and spend more time with him. She always made the effort to make the relationship strong.
Emeka started to pull away even more. Ada would wonder what the problem was and would ask Emeka from time to time if he needed to tell her something. She wondered if he was just too scared to accept love, or if she was just smothering him. Emeka, who is an only child was abandoned by his own father (who is an Igbo man o) at some point in his life, and when it was time for the next family member ( his own mother, also an Igbo woman) to take over custody of him, she refused and allowed him to be placed in a foster home.
You see, Ada felt this overwhelming motherly instinct to protect Emeka and make up for his lost years by showering him with so much love. Emeka wasn’t too bad of a boyfriend himself. He was amazing in bed. Did EVERYTHING a woman would want a man to do, to please her.
She started to find out that Emeka was spending more time with his platonic female friends. These were the friends he told Ada about in the beginning of the relationship. Ada had no problem with Emeka having lots of female friends, he considered them his sisters who made up for the lack of family in his life. She just assumed they would know their place, or at least, Emeka would. One problem, they were over protective of Emeka and would always make him skeptical of Ada’s intentions.
Months passed by with Emeka’s coldness. After several sleepless nights and endless tears resulting from unanswered questions, Ada decided she wasn’t going to waste her time any longer. They would break up and get right back together. Several times.
Eventually, Emeka started getting fond of Ada. He cut down on the time he spent with his friends and made more time for her. He even gave her his second car. He was always a very thoughtful person. When he could, he would make sacrifices for her every chance he got.
Funny thing is, Ada was already gone. It was Emeka’s turn to cry her a lagoon! The set of questions above are the questions Emeka asked Ada right before their final break up.