This note was originally on facebook, but we figured it was a good rebuttal to the earlier post “New Age Nigerian Wife.” We got in contact with the writer of the note and she was delighted to share with the audience on here… so here goes:
Call me whatever you want but I am NOT destined for the kitchen just because some GUY says so. Yes, I am a woman but the ONLY duty that GOD designated to be completely mine in the marriage is to CARRY our children for 9 months. EVERYTHING else my husband can help me with. When GOD created WOMAN, He created her as a HELPMATE not a slave-mate for her husband. GENESIS 2:18 “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an HELP meet for him.”
There is no reason why I should come home from working a 12-18 hour shifts only to work some more in the kitchen while my husband is laying around, watching TV and being a couch potato. If he was giving the kids their bath or helping out then that’s ok. Spin that however you want. How will my husband tell me he loves me and yet I am aching in the kitchen after work, then I’ll go take care of the kids and then come to bed and meet his needs too, I guess? Let’s be real!
Do not misunderstand me. I do not expect my husband to be in the kitchen all day everyday but for him to feel he is too much of a man to do it or its ONLY to be done if I am “sick, just gave birth or on special occasions”? That makes me sick and think less of him as a man.
A loving relationship is based on service I SERVE my husband and HE SERVES ME. Did JESUS not wash the feet of his disciples? JOHN 9:5-14: Verse 14 says “If I then, your LORD and MASTER, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.”
Ngozi Oleleh says: “Plus what kind of message are you sending your kids, when they know your wife wears the pants in the house….” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I am wearing the pants if my man cooks? What does this dude think wearing the pants means? So if I cook for my husband everyday, does it mean he is the head? NO. If I “…SUBMIT myself unto my own husband, as unto the Lord (EPHESIANS 5:22)* and …as it is fit in the Lord (COLOSSIANS 3:18)* then he is the head. Submitting gives my husband the final say but believe me it has to be according to the word of GOD NOT MAN and I will give my input.
I would love staying at home, cooking, cleaning, having the babies, taking of the home and whatever else, but my husband should be able to BRING home ALL the bacon and I’ll COOK it.
Ngozi Oleleh also says “When guests come to your house, imagine the MAN, cooking and bringing out food from the kitchen to serve the guests…WOW…NOW that would be funny… Your friends and your friends wives will laugh at you.” How immature is this man to think the character of your marriage is based on appearances and whether your friend/friend’s wives will laugh at you? It would be awesome if my husband came in the kitchen to ask if I needed help and takes out some of the food. Yes, your friend may laugh but ask him how happy his home is, and the wife may also laugh but I promise you she is jealous and thinking WHY does my husband not do this. I have friends who are my age and some who have bring married 20+ years and practice this “NEW AGE NONSENSE” but they are much happier than the other married couples who do not. It’s a tried and proven method that builds a strong foundation.
Bottom line? Marriage and real love is based SOLELY on GOD and his WORD. The bible urges a man to “… love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT; Ephesians 5:25*”. Ngozi Oleleh has completely missed the point: It is not what you can get from your wife but what you can give her and vice versa. Christ first loved us not the other way around: 1 John 4:19 “We love him, because he FIRST LOVED US!”
1 Corinthians 7:4 The WIFE HATH NOT POWER of her own body, BUT the HUSBAND: and likewise also the HUSBAND HATH NOT POWER of his own body, BUT the WIFE. This guy obviously just sees the first part where the man has power over the woman BUT READ ON AND WHAT DOES IT SAY? Verse 3 says: Let the HUSBAND render unto the WIFE due BENEVOLENCE: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. Benevolence* meaning to perform kind, charitable acts: Isn’t cooking for your wife a kind and charitable act?
Finally, this is a conversation each and every couple needs to have this conversation BEFORE marriage! Each party should discuss where they stand, decide if you both can live with the ideals you set. CAUTION: This should take more than one conversation! Accept what your partner says at face value, do NOT think you can CHANGE him/her after marriage! Pray earnestly that God send you the bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh for the Bible warns “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:13-15. If you are unequally yoked and already married it’s not too late, pray for God’s forgiveness and healing in your relationship! Walk with him and he will guide your path.
* Bible verse was paraphrased/edited from the King James version.
*Definition from www.yourdictionary.com