I don’t know it all, I can’t even claim to,nobody does and there are no laid down rules for how a relationship should run.but I started off by talking with women I knew who had “landed” great guys… desirable, successful men that any woman would consider a “catch”…It goes without saying that many other women had tried (unsuccessfully) to tie these guys down. So a couple of years ago when I started wondering what was up with me,my friends,and our failed relationships,I started digging! Buying and reading books on relationships,and knowledge is power for real. Not surprisingly, I started to notice some common things…
I noticed that there was one distinct thing these women(who hooked these great guys) did at the very beginning to make a man see them as his “future” rather then just a “casual partner.”
Each one of them also had a unique, yet simple and accurate way of instantly “sizing a guy up”… so they NEVER wasted time on a guy who wasn’t up to their standards (Several of these methods actually got the guy to spill his own “dirty secrets” without knowing it!)
I’m gonna ask some questions, and I want you to be very honest with yourself as you answer them.
- Have you ever met a guy who seemed to be “Mr. Right”, but whilst getting to know him better you could just tell he wasn’t on the same ‘connection wavelength’ with you. You were attracted to him, but he just wasn’t into you the same way you were into him? In your mind, you could sense what a great guy he was, and what a great partner he’ll make and that, somewhere deep inside, you both shared this strong “chemistry” that made you feel close and comfortable. But for some reason he didn’t want to truly connect with you?
- Have you ever slept with a guy just after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, and you shouldn’t do it,but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened; He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Of course, the worst part wasn’t that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn’t have done it in the first place… but you did it anyway.
And the BIG ONE:
- Have you ever dated a GREAT guy for a long time… I’m talking about six months, nine months, or even longer, and it was getting to the point where you needed to have “the talk” with him. But when you tried to bring up the topic of having a relationship and making a bigger commitment, he just took off, and then he gradually was becoming distant from you… and the relationship ended soon after? You were trying to get CLOSER to him, and somehow he kept moving farther AWAY from you?
I’m sure your girlfriends were like ”forget that guy jor,he’s a total jerk” or they said: “He never see him mistake yet,by the time he go realize am,e go come beg you.” But he never seemed to see these mistakes… or even miss you…and you still dey wait for the ”BEG”..and you are still single.
And the worst part of all: You kept thinking about it. Matter of fact, it really got to you. I’ll bet the REASON why it got to you is because you worried that it might have been something to do with YOU (and not just because he was a total jerk). Many young single women still think they weren’t faultless, but I’m telling you that in every ‘sweet’ turned ‘sour’ relationship, Girl, u had your fair share in messing it up! And you may have caused the guy’s ‘mess up’ too… Here’s how:
I coined it… The 3 Deadly Mistakes Women Make With Men Without EVER Realizing It.
Through my personal experience but most importantly the experience of other ladies and talking to a lot of great guys I’ve found that these 3 mistakes are responsible for more failed dates and relationships with men than any other factors. Here they are:
Mistake #1: Leading A Man To Think You Are “Needy” And “Insecure”
I put together 3 major ways you can set off a man’s “Insecurity Alert” and make him think twice about pursuing a relationship with you. Sadly, even confident women often “accidentally” give off one or more of these signs… and just one can kill the chance of a man asking you on a second date or wanting to see you again!
As you read through these signals men pick up on as “needy” and unattractive, ask yourself if YOU have ever been guilty of committing one of these deadly mistakes:
- Talking or saying nasty things about your ex boyfriends: Saying bad things about men you have been involved with actually reflects the negative back on YOU. It makes a man worry you are carrying around “baggage” that HE will have to deal with should he become involved with you.
- Speaking negatively about other women: When women call other women names like “slut”, “bitch”, and “crazy”, it is anything but impressive to a man you are attracted you. Women will often do this when they see a good looking, desirable woman, especially if they feel their man might be attracted to her. This just makes a man think you are trying to cover up your own insecurities, and looking for validation and attention. Nne, this one na mess up o!
- Too much physical contact,especially in public. As a babe, u gasto hold your side! Let the guy do the touching. We know say you dey trip for the guy and he don dey hold your mumu button, but allow him do the work! If you are constantly hanging on a man or touching him too much he’ll start to see it as clingy behavior, but you’ll never hear about this from him. It’s far better to save your touches for short and infrequent moments that will surprise and enchant him.
To Be Continued…
Image source: http://whyblackwomenareangry.blogspot.com/2010/07/are-black-churches-keeping.html
*** Nyore, is a Reggae/Dance Hall Nigerian Artist with major commercial success and hits including Boss Man, Rodeo & Number ft. Naeto C