Fashion!! Lights, camera…VOGUE! I think I’m just like any other lady that likes fashion and also likes to look good. But I would not call myself a fashionista. You know, the girls who must be on the very cutting edge of what’s in vogue. Sure, it’s great to look good but in the quest to do so, please be objective with yourself and take a good look in the mirror BEFORE you go out. Some ladies go out and see guys staring at them and feel, ‘Yes o! I’m looking hot!’ when the sad reality is that the chaps staring at them and gaping are actually wondering how to break the news to them that their outfit/look is so…wrong on every level.
I would like to take the liberty to give a few universal tips on how NOT to be a fashion victim:
1) Please if you are a Size 10 wear a Size 10 dress! Do not attempt to liquefy yourself into a Size 4 dress!!!Any attempt to do so will simply make breathing very difficult and make you look like a sausage.
2) Please DO NOT wear a thick strapped bra with a halter neck top!!!It is soooooo annoying to see a gorgeous top marred by some hideous black straps. Advice: get a strapless bra, girl!
3) Do not draw semi circles as eyebrows. It is not nice, people!! It makes you look permanently surprised and shocked.
4) This is a matter of taste really but I don’t think it’s nice when a lady lines her lips with black liner and then proceeds to fill in her lips with another colour of lipstick. If you MUST use black liner at least blend it into your lips a little bit. And along that train of thought PLEASE do not wear that hideous ashy, silvery lipstick that some ladies seem to favour. It truly does not suit any human being!
5) When putting a weave do consider the colour and texture of your natural hair first! There’s nothing more annoying than seeing a lady with coarse black roots, sporting a platinum blonde ‘do, with the said roots in full view. Not cool. (Still on the subject, please Mums don’t put a weave on your little daughters. They have the rest of their lives to wear that so give them a break. Offenders will be reported to EFCC).
6) Shoes are meant to be worn on the ENTIRE foot: not ½ the foot, but the entire foot! That means that if you are a Size 9 you DO NOT attempt to squash your foot into Size 7 slippers with half your heel sticking out! If you wanted really small feet maybe you should have discussed, with your parents some years back, the possibility of using the little wooden boxes those Chinese women used to wear to make their feet small and dainty…and grotesque.
7) Not ALL fashion trends are meant for ALL of us, ladies! The pencil jeans look is not a great look for those of us with ample rears, neither is the bustier top a great look for those of us with ample cleavages! Just because it looks good in the magazine doesn’t mean it will look good on you (ergo No.1). Please consider not just your Size but your shape/figure as well.
8) If you keep tugging at the hem of your skirt/dress/shorts or you feel like you can’t breathe then it’s either too short, too tight… or both, if you’re particularly unfortunate!! Sweetie, not everyone knows how to do CPR so if you faint you’re on your own (P.S do you really want some stranger doing CPR on you?)
9) Hygiene, ladies, hygiene!! Let’s not have BO, shall we? Enough said.
10) When doing nails, it’s usually best to go for a length that’s long enough to be appealing and short enough to be practical and classy. Class, girls! Class is the name of the game! When I see those impossible long nails I can already picture the lady in question doing the head roll, waving her fingers around and saying ‘Oooooh, girl. Oh no you didn’t…’
Here you have it people!!Care to make any additions?