So I have a faithful, supportive and good lady who by all right is a wife material. My understanding of love though is quite different from hers. She wants me to always show it in action and words (something I always try to do in my own capacity but it doesn’t seem to be enough for her), she calls me way too much (like every other hour), she always wants to visit and spend as much time as she has but I always get tired of having her around. I am a very conservative person and her own personality seems to be a burden on me. I love her but when I think of all the stress, I just feel like quitting. We are currently not on talking terms and I don’t even miss her. What can I do? Pls don’t publish my name. Thanks.
Thanks for writing Dear NwaVic at firstname.lastname@example.org. Your situation is one that requires a lot of self-refelction and self-truth. Love, standing alone, is not enough for a marriage. This is something I learned from Pastor Irukwu’s 7 Keys to a Successful Marriage which I blogged about last year. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, emphasis on the word “lifetime”. A person can be perfect wife material but you have to marry the person who is a perfect wife material for you. It is important that a married couple share similar life views and goals. It’s what greases the wheels of any relationship. If you can’t stand her now or don’t miss her when she’s gone, what will happen 10 or 20 years down the line?
Here’s what I think you should do. Get two pieces of paper and a pen. On one, write out the things you like about her and draw you to her. On the other one, write out the things you want in a lifetime partner/wife. Then compare the two. You should be looking out for common traits down the road that will KEEP you loyal to her. Marrying someone who constantly annoys you or is overbearing is not only a disservice to you but to her as well. I would suggest you talk to her about it but that would mean requiring her to change not for herself, but for you- which can be unfair to her, in itself. You should also read my post on 7 Signs You’re Ready to Get Married. It’ll also help you assess your relationship. When you make a decision, be ready to stick with it and its consequences, if any.
Above all, follow your heart’s intuition- do what gives you peace and if you’re not missing her when she’s gone, that may be all the hint of peace you need. Best of Luck!
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