Dear Perfect-Man Hunter,
Oh you’re looking for the perfect man? Tall but not too tall that he looks awkward, dark but not too dark that he can be called a blackie…no wait light-skinned but not too light, handsome enough that all the ladies would notice when you walk into the room on his arm, yet on your leash and loyal and strong enough to withstand such temptations.
You want a man who makes at least $80,000 a year, is a hustler and will provide you with everything you’ve ever dreamed off. At the same time, you want him to be at your beck and call and spend quality time with you. He has to have a degree, have his own place and drive a luxury car. You want a “business-man world traveller” but he can’t travel so much that you start to feel lonely. A man who loves you unconditionally but not overwhelmingly, is sweet but not soo sweet that he appears soft. You want a man who cooks and cleans. One who is confident but not arrogant. One who is smart but not too much of a nerd. You want one from a good family. You want him slim but not too skinny, “healthy” but not too fat, muscular but responsible-looking . You want one without children or any baby-mama drama. You want one with a pointed nose that fits his face just right. One who opens the door for you at all times. You want a man who puts the toilet seat down, and knows to wipe the sink when he’s done brushing his teeth. Oh no, there can’t be any toothpaste stains in the sink or boxers on the floor. You want a man who’ll support you in every way while you sit at home and file your nails. Oh, there has to be a man who is self-confident but who’ll listen to all your instructions. You want a gentleman who’s slow to anger but not one who ignores you when you throw tantrums.
You claim you are traditional and you want a man who exclusively provides for the family but you don’t submit to him. He must be “traditional”, yet you get to flip out on him whenever you want. Or is it that you want to be a fully-fledged career woman, solely making life decisions, yet he still has to maintain “control”. You want a man who’ll watch you be angry, yell and shove him and do nothing but at the same time, you don’t want a pushover for a man. You want him to be muscular and strong. He has to be strong-willed and just dangerous enough to keep you on your toes. You want him to understand your every emotion but not too much so that his love for you makes you want to gag. He has to tell you he loves you everyday but not too much that it starts to irritate you. He has to be “good” bad-boy, right?
I hate to break it to you oh perfect man hunter….there is no such thing as a perfect man. You can’t have it all. If this letter hit home for you, please look in the mirror and ask yourself how perfect you are. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a good man who loves you unconditionally and who can support you and the family you make with him. In fact, its what you should look for. However, for every awesome characteristic a human being has, there is a flaw. Your duty is to prioritize and decide what you can or cannot handle/tolerate in a man. In essence, stop looking for the perfect man and start looking for the perfect man for you.
For example, if you are looking for a drop-dead gorgeous Idris-Elba look alike, you have to be emotionally strong enough to handle the attention he’ll get from other women. Same thing goes for marrying a celebrity of any kind. If you are looking for a man who is very in touch with his emotions, you can’t be with a “bad boy”…but then the ones who are soo caring and loving aren’t ‘dangerous’ or challenging enough for you to appreciate.
Also, you can’t claim to be a modern-day woman and expect your husband to be stuck in the 70s. What do I mean? Take for example, the girl who works full time but expects her husband to pay all the bills AND take her every word as A and Amen. I hate to break it to you but you can’t want a traditional man to the T and then try to control him. Choose an era both of you agree to fix your marriage in or better yet, create your own. After all, back in the day when men paid all the bills, women didn’t work AND they were submissive. Ask your grandmother if she ever flipped or walked out on your grandfather. That should answer your question.
I could go on and on but my point is this- You can’t have it all…
When you find a good man with the “important” qualities that make a good relationship/marriage, hold on to him. He can’t be perfect, because neither are you.
NwaVic – www.nwavic.blogspot.com | firstname.lastname@example.org |Twitter & Instagram @nwavicesq
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