They come in all forms: Brolic, Robust, Slim, Tall and Short. They take on the following appearances: Macho, Self-confident, Bold and Sure. While this may come as a shock, these descriptive adjectives describe a wide range of the cowardly “men” that exist before us all. The cowardliness spoken of is usually demonstrated at parties, social mixers, gatherings, events, etc. It is almost certain that at an occasion, a guy will notice a female who captures his attention and thus secretly admire her all night whether from afar or near. But because of his irrational feelings of anxiety, it prevents him from speaking face to face with someone who he possibly started planning dates with in his head and watched all night. Quite simply, it is ever clear that self-proclaimed men of today rather approach and pursue females they perceive as easily attainable based on her physical presentation; dress and overall look, and her level of confidence, which can be used to their advantage.
Most adults- young and old may remember growing up being told by mature ones, “Guys love a challenge. They want something they got to work hard for. Anything that comes easy, they may take it, but not seriously.” Today, the only “challenge” most guys explore are choosing between the easy and the easiest. This by no means is in a sexual context (although there are guys who will take what generous females give), this only concerns male pursuits toward either a potential possibility at moving past that first hello, or maybe even something long-term. Such wise words once taught by older ones have become completely futile, as proven by “men” today.
Two months ago, I went to a dressy-casual event and the Nigerian in me was forced to “overdress” by basic-people standard. In a red form fitting mermaid skirt made with ankara material, and a cropped blouse, I unintentionally managed to be the main attraction. Apart from my own self-flattery and compliments I gave and kept to myself, several females complimented me on how I looked. Also, the amount of stares from jealous females who refused to articulate their admiration was up for my own interpretation to believe that they thought I looked outstanding also. Several guys however were caught staring, though not one came up to me to introduce themselves. In fact, there was one young man in particular who I noticed looking at me throughout the night but ended up exchanging numbers with a “Simple Suzie.” The nickname used refers to a non-sophisticated female whose appearance lacks maturity, where her only make-up applied is lip-gloss, or if she’s really basic, vaseline. When put into perspective, “Simple Suzie” got play, while “Lady in Red” left home without a new contact. And while it should not be frustrating that a person who is clearly not on the same level as you walks away with a number, it does. You may say to yourself that if that is the case, you do not want a scared and weak guy like that who cannot even approach you. The fact is, that because I carried myself in a sure, and confident manner and appeared easy on the eye with exquisite and regal presentation, I was obviously pre-judged to be a snobby, rude diva. What guys usually interpret from a confident, well-dressed, beautiful lady is that if approached, she will outright reject his efforts or she thinks she is too good to be talked to. Such interpretations are simply just a reflection of a guy who has not come to manhood.
A popular catchphrase unfortunately and often said by women is, “Men find me intimidating.” In this context, the word intimidating usually refers to how a woman carries herself, along with her goals and working accomplishments, which are the unfortunate explanations for why she is single. Author of 2009 New York Best Seller, Think Like a Man, Act Like A Lady, comedian Steve Harvey explained useful points to a female guest on a talk show who felt she could not get a date or find love because she intimidated men. She expressed that she found herself to be intimidating to guys because of her salary, professional title, and her demanding presence. However, Harvey brought out an important point when he asked, “How can it be that a guy can find a woman intimidating if a woman is naturally who he is designed to be with?” In case it did not settle the first time, Harvey asked, “How can it be that a guy can find a woman intimidating if a woman is naturally who he is designed to be with?” Clearly, there is no reason or excuse at all for a man to be intimidated by a woman when a woman is meant for a man.
During very upsetting and frustrating conversations with male friends, they explain that most guys will talk to and approach a female who they feel may not reject their efforts. Obviously, there is something guys look for in women that bring them to approaching them. In heated debate, a popular question they say most guys ask themselves is, “Why would I go for someone who I feel will only shut me down?” Most likely, their feelings are based on their own insecurities but can also be their ability to be realistic, because lets be real, some guys will see a woman and automatically anticipate rejection. It is important to be realistic of what you can and cannot have though when viewing a woman to be intimidating because of irrational judgments from face value and conjuring up senseless excuses, it is necessary to evaluate your manhood. Furthermore, they also explained that when guys notice a girl who seems “out of their league” they rather pursue a female who does not. Notice there was no mention of the word, settle. In this context, settle would mean choosing someone less than. However, there would be no need for a guy to choose someone less than if he is not less than himself. It is important to stop using settle as an excuse when quite simply, he just has nothing to offer a woman who he views to be about her business.
The advice to women frustrated with guys and their “Simple Suzie” “attraction” is not to become basic but to keep on being fabulous because a real man awaits who will with ease, step up and go after what he truly wants. So again, “Men,” The word is not settle, you have only matched someone on your level.
By: Ashley I. Okonkwo
Photo Credit: http://www.bet.com/news/health/2012/04/20/is-acting-like-a-man-hurting-black-men-emotionally.html