Let’s have something between us is basically code for; “I am seriously bored so give me your heart let me use it, stump on it and leave you heartbroken”. You might be thinking, that’s a bit too harsh and it doesn’t possibly apply to everybody, well you are not wrong but if there is going to be a relationship it should have a definition. These days people have different relationships with different names ranging from; lovers, just friends, kicking it, hanging out, friends with benefits and sometimes friends without benefits and whether you think its valid or not, it is a matter of opinion but the most important thing is that the two parties involved understand what their relationship means, what they are getting into and why they are getting into it . But the word ‘something’ basically means ‘nothing’ in the field of relationships. Now if Ali meets Simbi and says “babe I think you are cool and fun loving and I want us to have something between us “ the sensible thing for simbi to reply should be “ what exactly do you want?” because if you ignore it and make assumptions, most of the time there would be a conflict of interest. Men and women reason on different levels and no matter how much it is debated and contested, the male psyche is way different from the female psyche. Now when I say men and women reason on different levels, I do not mean one is superior to the other, it is a difference of let’s say, apples and oranges, both are fruits but comparisons wise have different characteristics.
My case study for this topic is Nicole. Nicole is a friend of mine and as babes now, we all hang out discussing each other’s love life and of course as college babes we all pass through a phase where we basically throw our sense of ‘right and wrong ‘out the window and act principally on bravado. She claimed she was having ‘something’ with this guy and the terms of this ‘something’ was basically that they would only see on weekends and some nights because he was so busy but when his schedule cleared up they would catch up for the lost times. We gave his cute nicknames like captain dreamy, sex on a stick and some other names that make girls feel good. As time progressed they never went out together and according to her she was having a nice time and she claimed that there was no pressure to it and that when she wanted something more serious she would voice her opinion to him. We all thought that was an awesome package, she was essentially eating her cake and having it too. She got the “good parts “of the relationship without the over bearing hassles of an actual relationship. But then everything started to spiral out of control. They ACTUALLY never went out together, when the rest of us would go out with our dates she would call him up and his response would be “babe you know we don’t do that” and when they happen to meet in a gathering with other mutual friends he basically ignored her, but she still claimed that it was fine.
Firstly it takes a really strong girl to be in a relationship where 100% of attention is not showered on her at all times, talk less of a relationship where zero attention is given. Then Nicole started to change from the strong willed law student we knew and loved to a raging lunatic. She started going insane. We define insanity as doing the same thing but expecting different outcomes and that basically was Nicole. She would go to his house and he would say he is not around and but she would see his car parked in the drive way. She would stay up late because he claimed that he was so busy with stuff and he could make a quick stop at weird times of the night and most of the time he would not show up. She stopped telling us, her friends any detail about her “something relationship” because he told her not to and when we asked if she had was ready to take her relationship to the next level she would fox her way out of giving us a definite answer. That is when I knew that Nicole and her guy were on different pages of a very big book. She thought that he just wanted to take thing slow and see where the relationship would lead to but the boy had no intention of moving forward with her, she was basically a toy that he played with on weekends and some nights and he didn’t see anything wrong with what he was doing. But it did not end there. We all went out for a friend’s birthday party and Nicole’s boy comes in with another girl, a girl that he introduces as “his girlfriend.” We all had stunned looks on our faces and we did what we do best , ‘BBMING’(black berry messaging ) the hell out of her phone. “When did you guy break it off”, “eyah good for you he is just a pig”, “I did not want to tell you before oo! But you can do better”. Nicole with a flushed look on her face ran out of the party, realized some minutes later that Nicole was unaware on the “girlfriends’ existence and was being strung along for months just because he could. After some weeks she summoned courage to ask the guy ,what the hell the last 7 months was all about and he told her that he thought she understood they were just chilling together and he did not want anything serious.
My question is this, what permits a guy to think that he can treat a girl like that? Like some piece of trash? Like she is a toy he bought from Wal-Mart and can return when it was broken? The sad thing is that a lot of young women enter relationships without knowing what exactly the terms are. Just as you should not sign a contract without reading the fine prints, you should not go into any relationships without verifying the terms and conditions.