Am I The Only Girl Who Doesn’t Want To Get Married?


I’m pushing 30 very soon, and when I look at a cross section of my friends I find that I’m the only one who 1. is either not married or 2. not really desperate to get married. In actuality I feel like I don’t want to get married. Not because I hate men or I’m a lesbian or anything like that, I just don’t see why. Now before anyone starts analyzing me, No my parents are not divorced, I’ve not been abused in a past relationship, and I’ve not been cheated on (that I know of anyways). Simply put, there’s nothing I hold against men. Thanks.

In 2012, there are a lot of alternatives to getting married  for a woman. I don’t need a man for money, I have a pretty good job. I don’t need security, I have ADT for that, and if I need/want children there’s the sperm bank and/or a sperm donor somewhere probably ready to give me the goods, so why really should I want to get married? Why can I just have boyfriends and friends that I hang out with from time to time, and still keep my indivuality and most importantly, my space.

My space is probably one of the biggest factors why when I really sit down and think about it, I’m not sure I want to cook myself up with a man and be married for decades or until death. I’m barely pushing 30 and the thought of being with one person for the rest of my sixty-something years on earth is actually scary.

My Mom, Dad, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Friends have all called me all sorts of crazy, and ‘too independent’ but I really don’t give a sh*t really. I’m not going to be making someone else happy at my expense, and being all politically correct and acting like everything is golden.

From what I’ve noticed when it comes to marriage, 70% of men never want to get married and 70% of women can’t think of anything besides a wedding, so there’s already a big disconnect. I talked to my cousin just before she got married and not once did she mention how life was going to be after the wedding is done. Nothing about where to live, how the money will be made and bills paid, rules of the house, dealing with other famly members, future of the children etc. It was all this person is performing at the wedding, and my intro music is xyz, and all those random things that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of a marriage. Unfortunately, this is the case with a good number of women in today’s world. Blame it on tv and the wedding business.

Seeing as me I kukuma no send wedding tings, and I tend to look at things from a realistic stand point, let me not deceive myself and say I want to share room with someone for the rest of my life. Or that it’s one one person I’ll be knacking till I’m 90 years old, and someone will come and be asking me which money I made and sharing bills and the likes. Or someone’s mother coming to stay in the house for 6 months and I have to suck it up and say ‘Yes Ma’ to everything she says. Tufiakwa! I’m sorry I no fit. Are there happy things about marriage, and happily married people? Yes. Absolutely. But I feel like in 2012, those things can come without a marriage institution holding me down. After all, I might be feeling secure in my marrriage, and divorce will just come knocking one day, then what was the point.

I don’t mean to sound so pessimistic but as a realist these are the things I see as serious possibilities in marriages, and the ones that I’ve decided that I don’t want to deal with.

I talk to all my friends about my views and I swear they make me feel like I should go see a shrink. “No girl your age should feel like she doesn’t want to get married.” The heck is that even supposed to mean? Why can’t I just think the that way? Must I think like every other girl in the world? Is there a rule that says “Women must want to get married”?

With the way people make me feel, I feel like I’m the only girl who doesn’t want to get married. Or that I’m crazy to feel the way I feel.

Am I?


  1. Wow! I thought I was the only girl who thought this way.

    thumbs up. I’m with you on this. A lot of people in my opinion get married because that’s what you’re supposed to do as opposed to what you actually want to do. Anyways to each is own.

    Jummai I’m becoming a fan of yours o. U dey pen better thing for paper.

    • No She does NOT need a shrink, just because she thinks this way now does not mean she will be single, lonely for the rest of her life, she sounds like a logical person if u ask me.. what i picked were the valid things i.e life after the wedding Mayhem, the REAL marriage not Wedding.. Red inbetween the lines not just the obvious.. That is why there are so many people Married but are single in their lives.. YES YES i said it people hide it but there is only 1 TRUTH.

      • Jtown your head is there. … Funmi love sounds like one of those people that’ll be forming happy marriage and hasn’t slept in her husband’s bed in 15 years.

        Park well jor.

  2. Don’t be a lonely fool at 40 wishing you got married when you were still young and hot. a word is enough for the wise.

  3. Nothing do you o. The way I see it our happiness comes first. If that happiness aligns with someone else’s then lets go there but if not, na to maintain

  4. I really feel u girl! I just turned 25 and everyone seems to be like babe wats up and I’m like give me a break I’m nt ready yet and they look at me like I’m nt normal. I tell pple its even cos of my parents I’m going to attempt getting married bt it has to be someone I’m crazy about.

  5. I think this is your personal believe, and deep inside you feel insecure about so you need a positive public opinion to justify yourself, I will give you three reasons why you are wrong…1:we humans are incomplete in our nature, man was made to complete a woman’s irrationality, while woman was made to complete a man’s lack of danger receptors among many other things, 2:you can’t raise a complete child as a single parent, imagine what your life would have been like without your dad, a man has a role to play in a child’s life same as a woman, and both cannot be improvised.3: what makes us humans is our ability to impact on each others life, and if you want a life that will only make you happy and not another person, then you will be surprised to find out you won’t be happy after all, happiness comes from what you do for others, not from what you do for yourself

    • Is that so? LOL. I’m insecure cos I don’t want to get married? I’m getting you.

      I still a man, but I just don’t want the marriage. Is that too much to ask? You’re acting like I have committed a serious sin. Am I worse than those that get married and sleep around anyways?

  6. Marriage is deeply rooted in faith..
    It’s one of God’s expectation from us.
    issues of faith aren’t deal with by thinking rationally or objectively.

  7. Marriage is deeply rooted in faith..
    It’s one of God’s expectation from us.
    issues of faith aren’t dealt with by thinking rationally or objectively.

  8. @BigSmarth,u r on point brov.@Bushgurl &reyy,I dnt wanna assume u gurlz/ladies nid2c a shrunk.cos I gues u nid more dan dat….if una wan b reverend sistas,we go undastnd,but una dey circular world dey tell us say una no wan marry..let’s assume,God in His infinite mercy has given man(human being)d brain to improvis;I min a woman can get pregnant witout mating,wat wud ve bcom d fate of most of our gurls/ladies..evn God in His commandmnt said,go ye into d world nd b fruitful&multiply….so4dis reasons,abeg make una tink am wella ooo cos ur mama&papa marriag born u ne&u too must do same…..#GodIsWatchingYou#

  9. You are waiting for sperm bank. When you clock 45 you will understand why it’s adviceable to get married. I also pity your unborn sperm bank children, cos their father will be an annonymous person. Wisen up and teach good manners of womanhood to these small girls that are already hailing you. Your write up is cool, but if your sperm bank children grow up seeing many men who claim to be your friends around, they will surely question you one day.

  10. Are you that ugly? You just dnt want to accept the fact that no man wants to marry you. You are now making it look like u r the one making the decision. @bushgirl, ur name speaks for u, dats why u think u dnt wanna marry… Maybe you think u r hot, by the time ur clock thick to 45 then u will knw dat u r a bad market vegetable

  11. @big smarth Ʊ ® so on point…dear poster logically speaking,i must say Ʊ vﻉ been brain washed by some fools who do ŊðƮ see good things in marriage..firstly Ʊ said Ʊ dnt see ur self being with a man 4 some 60 blah blah blah… I wonder if Ʊ vﻉ male friends. Secondly 4 Ʊ τ̅☺ eva vﻉ a thought of sperm bank makes me feel Ʊ ® a feminist n very soon if Ʊ dnt change mentality Ʊ wud probably join dis women liberation nonsense…lastly i don’t tink Ʊ came from a christian background n dats it was easier 4 someone τ̅☺ brainwash Ʊ… N A̶̲̥̅♏ sorry 4 those giving Ʊ any fasle hope dat Ʊ shud maintain coz tym will com dat space Ʊ thought τ̅☺ keep 4 urself Ʊ definitely nid someone τ̅☺ fill it….

  12. Hw are u goin to spend ur late 40 down to 60 witout a man to love u and what is the future u puttin down for children if u planin to have one anyway……I.b

  13. Hw are u goin to spend ur late 40 down to 60 witout a man to love u and what is the future u puttin down for children if u planin to have one anyway……I.b…y

  14. My contribution is that,don’t think u can be happy wen people around u are not.don’t just be lonely in the world.hanging wit frnds wuld turn to insult at some point wen they are busy wit their own think.

  15. what nonsense I can’t even imagine u talking about sperm bank, u trying to use cover ur flaws to make it look like dats u decision, the girl dat wrote this article, is as daft as an empty draft, and u girls are hailing, join her and see ur end, I will like to see what u will do when clock 45. Epitome of signs of end time

  16. LOL. The comments are funny. Especially the men that are insulting me on top my own view again.

    It can’t be hurting you to that bad to see a woman decide she doesn’t want to get married.

    Who said I can’t have a boyfriend at age 45. There are plenty of men out there that’ll probably want to cheat outside their marriage with a woman like me. So please everyone just calm your horses. It aint that deep.

    To those that left sensible comments both agreeing and disagreeing with me, thank you 🙂

  17. Jummai, do me favor, go ahead and don’t get married, then in 30 years from now post another article and tell us how *HAPPY* you are! You will not because some people choose to abuse marriage then you condemn the marriage institution , there are bad news in almost every sector of your lively hood yet we still live it, there r
    Are many great married couples. I think you should look at the positive and leave the negative

  18. Personally, I tink sometimes I feel ∂ way, jummai feels but den ∂ idea of actually getting married 2 sm1 I love and who loves me back overshadows that feeling, but den again am still skeptical about the marriage thingy cos I met a married man and he wanted me 2 date him, and I said no cos if i was his wife, I wudnt want my husband 2 do such but he just laughed and told me that my husband will definitely cheat as its ∂ reigning trend and going thru all that hurt wen it happens just makes me tink twice if marriage is actually worth it, so its so unnecessary 4 U guys 2 insult her just bcos she speaks her mind and marriage favours the men cos δεƴ still get 2 do watever δεƴ want so please, be realistic

  19. @ chika, this shows how shallow you are, your insult is dully taken my dear! Do you have a family??? I mean is your dad legally married to your mum??

  20. Its perfectly fine that you dont want to get married. Your reasons are clear and concise.You dont have to get married but when your family one day perishes from this earth it will be good to have a companion or husband you can share with and lean on in hard times, your siblings might be there but they will also have their own families.You can still have your personal space when you are married along with a two income household which will enable your children from the sperm bank to attend better schools, live a better life, and have your ADT protect your nice house that was purchased with the two incomes. There are so many kinds of marriages, and not all African men expect the females to do everything. I grew up around conventional and unconventional marriages. It is what you make of it, and what kind of partner you decide to marry. You dont have to marry an african, but if you do, remember they are so spread out globally. They have incorporated many ideas from other cultures into our own culture so it has changed the ways some of the man think. If you want a French Jewish Nigerian born in China you can find that now ( you get my jist) . There are stay home African dads who take care of the house duties while their wives work, there are Africa couples who adopt instead of having children, african who dont even want a wedding and go to the court house or head to vegas.

    Men dont want to get married for the most part because women in this society have made it so men are sorted after and these female compete to get these men, while back in the day women were the sorted out sex. Why would you buy the cow if you can get it consistently for free and have women fight over you. Men get married for many different reason but for the most part they see the importance in having their own families like the one they grew up in. The only thing I noticed is that you have described marriages in which someone with your personality cannot take part of. Marriages in which the man is catered to for the most part. Wishing you the best, the decision is ultimately yours. x

  21. Reading this post is like a breath of fresh air for once a woman who doesn’t feel her ultimate goal in life is to be married. Different strokes for different folks, i personally believe marriage should come when you think you are ready for it in all forms not when society deems it fit for you.