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Open Marriages, A Do

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So I came across this lengthy but interesting article about parenting in an open marriage. It really got me thinking about the idea of polyamory, which is “the practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved.” This is a bit different from polygamy “the practice of marrying more than one spouse.” I believe we are all familiar with polygamy and it is practiced by a lot of cultures including ours. Polyamory, is what people commonly refer to as an open marriage; it is also different from swinging. Swinging is a “ non-monogamous behavior, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.” Now we are all on the same page with definitions, I’ll get to my point.

My first reactions to this article about a perfectly happy couple practicing an open marriage and raising kids was; WTF, hell no, this is craziness, immoral and some less polite stuff along those lines. But the more I read, I began to wonder if the author had a point. I mean, just a few weeks ago there was an article on jaguda.com about having sex on the first date and one night stands. An overwhelming majority of you seemed to think this is acceptable and normal for the 21st century. Our sexual moral standards are obviously more relaxed than they have been at any other time (except maybe in the US during the 70’s). We accept very casual sex; large number of partners, homosexuality and the list goes on. We have also as a generation redefined marriage, so it seems only logical that open relationships and open “marriages” are a natural result.

We also have numerous discussions about the high incidence of infidelity in relationships and marriages. For those of us in the states the idea of men being on the down low (sleeping with men while married) is a common concept. So my thought is, if we are going to cheat on our spouses whom we vow to honor and remain faithful to, why bother with those words. We might as well just throw those our vows out and pledge to be honest with each other. And if our desire to have multiple sex partners, then we can bring heterosexual and or homosexual lovers into the home openly. My rational left brain thinks that there would be less heartbreak for everyone involved. Besides I’ve heard men (Nigerian and otherwise) argue multiple times that man is not a monogamous creature by nature. So…..

Most people will justify their disgust with open marriages by citing religious reasons. If you are actually a truly religious man or woman, if you aren’t simply not a church goer, if you are/will be faithful to your wife till death do you part, etc. Then this reason is valid, however, if you know that religion is only a shield you hide behind and you don’t abide with the tenets of your faith, it becomes an insufficient motive.

Now after all is said and done, I know I couldn’t be in an open marriage. Other than my religious believes I am also a jealous woman; I will cut someone in a fit of jealousy. What’s your take on it? Could you be in an open marriage? Why or why not? Do you think open marriages are
acceptable for anyone?

Adios


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Comments

Comments
  • anabel February 27, 2012 at 8:36 am

    If the man wants to be in an open marriage, he should tell me on time b4 we get married so I can walk away. I’d rather stay single and openly mingle coz what’s the point? Unless the ring on my finger is gonna set me for life, aka pay my bills, lap of luxury bla bla, otherwise, what’s the point? Mschewwww

    • Vikolo February 27, 2012 at 10:12 am

      U can still pay ur bills without rings,na?

  • kiz February 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    open marriages? Whats d point of gettin married sef?, d truth of d matter is that through d centuries, we tend 2 think more like kids where anything goes as long as we get what we want. Grow up!, choose what u want, if its marriage, ok, bt try 2 faithful, if its open relationship, then remain single#

  • YesBoss February 27, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    Allow me to be blunt. If any of you support open marriages, you are deluding yourselves. Say bye bye to your fake marriage, one of you will get out sooner or later. And when you do, please come back after the fact and tell us why. Will and Jada and their alleged open marriage (which I've never believed for one second) are allegedly knocking on the door of divorce. So in this day and age, where you can do heaven and earth without marrying, for goodness sake, you even have people with 2 or more children, with the same person, dem never marry, you want to carry your head and marry and then say, 'oh we're in an open relationship we can sleep with God knows whom as long as we tell each other.' Please, why did you marry again? Let me say this as carefully as I can. People who cheat on their spouses suck. It's a 'lack of respect thing', sorry. Nobody has died because they didn't cheat, so it's doable. But for you to open the window to this, with your insecure self, you think you can stop your spouse from straying by giving permission to stray, please slap yourself. Yes, I said it, slap yourself. Unless you're the one that suggested this so you can eat your cake and have it too…then clap for yourself, but not too hard.
    That being said, the write up is great, nicely done. I mean if cheating is gonna happen regardless, why not just open the marriage up so that cheating becomes acceptable? In theory, it's ingenious, in actuality, it's a bad idea.

  • Gifthin March 1, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    This is such an egregious violation to marriage! I consider this insanity without mincing words. Should anyone be involved and consents to this act, is just a fool quote me.

  • marriage name change March 25, 2012 at 10:29 am

    The impact of open marriage on relationships varies across couples. Some couples report high levels of marital satisfaction and have long-lasting open marriages. Other couples drop out of the open marriage lifestyle and return to sexual monogamy. These couples may continue to believe open marriage is a valid lifestyle, just not for them. Still, other couples experience serious problems and claim open marriage contributed to their divorces. All couples in open marriages may therefore want to pay attention to their relationship maintenance behaviors.

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