Therapy for the Broken Hearted

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I think it is a little unfair to call someone a liar when they break your heart. With emotions running through high tension cables and sparks flying in every wrong direction, the route to vindictive is the easiest to take. When mugs and plates have been crashed across walls and each party is finally left to themselves the pregnant pauses and lines of thought set in.

First accusation usually goes like this- ‘You lied!

Which is probably true except it is also likely to be a half truth as it is a confirmed by my personal dealings that in every relationship there is not only one liar but two and sometimes several others chipping in suggestions from the outside. And what do you say your ex partner lied about? That they would always love you? How about if I told you your heart lied to your brain that this was the truth? This applies to every other promise in the book such as ‘you’ll always be the one’ (which is not French for ‘I will settle for you despite the smooth entrance of a more convenient partner’). I have always heard that an angry man means sixty percent of what he says. Therefore by my own deductions, if my partner is not particularly upset I won’t take any promises made by him seriously. Human beings are not God, and last I checked those with super powers only exist in comic books, movies or once were human.

Second line of accusation ‘How could you throw all we had away?!

The constant here is ‘had’ considering the reason for this outburst is all you thought you both had suddenly does not exist anymore. I liken this situation to giving away old clothes. When we give away our old stuff, it does not particularly mean we never cared about them. It just means we are creating room for better stuff. All you ‘had’ with this person might have been temporary or a permanent fixture that anyone could walk away from. If no commitment cemented on the grounds of marriage was reached, you didn’t have it all anyways.

Third accusation streams as ‘you wasted my time.

This buttresses the number one lie. We all lie to people -even to ourselves. Was it a waste of time when as you kissed you envisioned your life and afterlife with this person? What if you were not breaking up and one of you died? Would it still be a waste of time? Is it realistic to expect that one human being has the power to constructively fill the gaps in your life given the chance? I believe this is a tantrum thrown out of an innate sense of incompleteness. Lesson being, grow into a complete individual on your own and never wait for another person to couple the broken pieces of your life.

And now the reason for this outburst is….

Boy met girl and girl liked boy. Several days passed and they basked in their new found attraction on facebook, twitter, bbm, skype and with several phone calls stretching for hours. Two weeks later boy invites girl over, girl hesitates but goes anyway. Two days later girl goes home. Boy says he had fun, girl says ‘me too’. All seems well then suddenly, boy stops picking calls and won’t read bb messages. Girl wonders if boy has been run over, arrested for DUI or is in trouble. Common sense says, boy has lost interest.

In conclusion,

Many times I have tried to mask disappointment from broken friendships and relationships with external attention given from people I have never met. This terrible trait is second to moving houses or towns to escape memories or situations I would rather tackle head on.

I don’t know if I will subscribe to another solution to my faltering choices but if blogging is as good therapy as they say, there might yet still be hope.

5 COMMENTS

  1. Good afternoon, Christine.

    Truthful and straight-to-the-point post. 😀

    Heartbreaks are always a long walk especially for people like me who are emotionally inclined to a high degree.

    You’re with someone for 6 years – grows from instant attraction to crush to infatuation to love – and the person suddenly starts behaving awkwardly. I do think that’s a hard nut to crack. You become so confused and lose yourself. I can’t deny it never happened to me – it did; I lost my memory for almost 2 months.

    But, truth is if I was really okay with myself (just like you pointed out in your post), I wouldn’t be hurt that much. Life is a teacher though and I’m daily working towards self happiness.

    You sound like you’ve been heartbroken. Have you?

    Regards,

    Chukwuka.

    • Everyone has been heart broken one way or another.
      as long as there are relations (friends, colleagues, vows etc) there is plenty potential for heart break….

  2. :). Heartbreak like lot of emotionally inclined words are relative. I wont ascribe my exact feelings in this article to heartbreak….."disappointed" might be the most logical way to portray it. Yes. But wether the right lessons have been learned from my experience is what is important. I'm glad you enjoyed reading. Blessings

  3. There’s no denying, dis post of urs spells out d truth about relationships…. We culd use precautive steps in relationship running if we only we knw d truth… U have thrown more lite 2my undastanding. Tanx..

  4. I enjoyed the write up…….
    Humans are complex and im sure when you were writing this u were in a rational/sober state of mind…..
    Thats the only frame of mind one can see reason……
    once that is gone then we humans are capable of anything…..
    Great food for thought……. i like the fact that you menitoned disappointment…..
    Thats very sensible…..

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