Blackberry Dilemma


I had been the proud owner of a blackberry for quite a while, but the blackberry messenger tool had just started heavily catching on. So like everyone I braved up and put my pin on my Facebook status (I swear, it seemed like a good idea at the time). Anyway, of course I received tons of random invites but I was able to weed through them and only keep favorable contacts. I was quite proud of the way this adventure turned out; I even made a new friend, Jimi.

Things started moving really fast and Jimi began to occupy a very prominent spot in my life. I guess it didn’t really matter that we practically lived on two different planets, and that we had never seen each other. We were just having fun, you know, keeping each other company. It wasn’t a big deal and there weren’t any feelings involved.

It’s funny actually because for the first time I didn’t even try to do any kind of research on this dude o, I just took everything at face value. No Google searches, no calling up the girls to find dirt, no digging for old girlfriends, nothing. Regardless, about 4 months into the whole thing I received very credible info that this dude was “married” to some chic (married in the sense that he had been hard core dating this chic for years). Damn!!!

For the most part one would think that it’s no big deal right? Wrong!! Jimi had explicitly told me that he was single and that he had been for a while. He had even told me about his past relationships and I was going around thinking I had finally met an honest man. How foolish of me! Anyway, being the curious person that I am, I asked him. Of course I didn’t tell him my source (credible as it was), but I outright asked him if he was dating someone. I even went as far as to tell him the chic’s name (oh yeah, turned out that I know the babe through distant connections . . . small freaking world!).  He denied it, vehemently if I may add.

Needless to say, I continued contact with Jimi. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I believed him, but I just wasn’t ready to stop talking to him. I guess at this point I had finally stopped deceiving myself that there were no feelings when In fact the feelings were there, at least on my part. I mean, two years later it was quite inevitable. Keep in mind that at this point there hadn’t been a physical meeting; but oh the chemistry was there.

A couple of months ago, I went to visit some of my family who coincidentally live in the same country that Jimi does. I was very excited because we finally got to meet face to face. My entire three week vacation there came and went by so fast. Jimi and I met and it was great, we hung out quite a bit and had some fun – a lot of fun actually – and really enjoyed each other’s company.

. . . So, here’s the dilemma, me and Jimi have kept in touch since we saw a couple of months ago. We still talk everyday just like we have for the past two years. We still have intimate conversations and there is almost an element of exclusivity even though we have never clearly defined what we are to each other. Typically, this would be perfect for me because I’m usually wary of commitments. But in this instance, I can drop my pride and say that I have definitely “caught feelings.” Anyway, my problem is that I am still pretty positive (I would say about 85%) that Jimi is still dating that other chic, but I really do like him and I enjoy talking to him even though I know “we” are not really going anywhere. A part of me feels that I shouldn’t care about the other girl because I can’t be blamed for him lying to me; however, I’m a female and I understand that I would still be really upset if the tables were turned.

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  1. thats a bit harsh Effiko. If you read the article properly you will see that she stated the guy lied to her. By the time she finds out the guy has a chic she had developed feelings for him. As much as she should leave him now that she knows, its not that easy to just drop someone you have feelings for regardless of whether they have someone else or not. Please live in the real world abeg.

    My dear Chris, I feel your pain. I am in a very similar situation whereby I am in a love with a man that I shouldn't be in love with and i'm finding it hard to let go. You need to talk to Jimi and find out honestly from him whether or not he has a chic. You will make him understand ur feelings and that you are not messing around you need to know the truth. When you do find out the truth and its confirmed he is seeing someone else it will stilljavascript: hideMsgBox(); be hard for you, but at least then you can start working towards letting him go.

    Good luck hun….all the best

  2. What kind of nonsense is this? so you've considered how it feels if the table were turned and you still want to go ahead. ngwanu go ahead and continue in a relationship that leads to nowhere. While you are blocking your blessing ol' dude is eating his cake and having it.

  3. @Efiko, wooow, she said, she believes he has a gf, the question is whether she should care or not….

    LOL…bikko! If the boy talk say im no get girlfriend, na by force? Maybe he really no get gf! And frankly, it's much ado about nothing since this boy is as you say on another planet. Poor boy and his alleged girlfriend from 'credible' source, he's probably as single as the day is long. Anyway, I say leave that boy alone, 'uncatch' those feelings…it may not be easy, but it'll be for the best…not because of this phantom girlfriend, but because he just sounds weird

  4. its normal for d feeling to sring up like that, consider the source of the information if its reliable. Information is best when verified, now it has not been verified/confirmd. If u realy feel something 4 him, believe him but be careful cos u may be in a fantacy world!!!

  5. Quite frankly i dont know why we women can be so carried away, this really isnt about who he is dating or not….a man who obvioulsy likes u or wants to be with should have define or clearly said his intentions by now. he cant be stalling forever …now u have "met" after two years and all u can say is u enjoyed each others company?? Serzly.. u can do better if u ask me, channel ur love and catch feelings in a well deserved corner.
    Goodluck wiv ur choices>

  6. Oh Sweetie, you need to woman up and get yourself the hell out of that situation! I've found myself in a position where I found out there was another girl involved and I backed out right away. It's hard, I know but you have to do it. At the end of the day, all you have is your dignity and pride. If you continue with this situationm, you won't even be able to be proud of yourself because you know how foolish this whole things is.

    My advice to anyone, male or female is to think rationally BEFORE you catch feelings. Emotions cloud your judgement so once they arrive your defenses are already down. Even if I'm physically attracted to someone, if I know there is no long term potential or the relationship won't be something fulfilling I won't even bother.

    Good luck!

  7. I like this comments….but for real tho. sometimes we get involved in things so much that it becomes so difficult for us to get out easily. i would say try talking to homeboy and ask him. If he's still seeing the other girl. Cuz believe me am a guy and we all like to oppoutunity of every chance we got. If he's still with the other chick. let him be a by gone

  8. Its very low of her, I would say she made herself cheap. Did she say she also climbed the guy, men she really was not it. Its a let down on womanhood but then women can be very……..