Would You Confess?

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Cheating is something that always causes a lot of emotions amongst men and women. Men accuse women of cheating, and women just assume all men cheat. Often times people in relationships go about their business in relationships until someone is caught cheating. What happens if someone confesses though? Is it the same? Should the guilty party feel less guilty?

I’ve been married to my husband now for about 6 years, and just like any marriage after such an amount of time, the honey moon phase is over. Things have settled into reality and all those stars and sparks have pretty much died down. We don’t have any kids yet but we plan on having children as soon as he’s done with his post graduate studies.

I love my husband very much, and I couldn’t ask for a better man, but the only issue is that he’s off in the UK completing his studies, and I’m based in Port-Harcourt working for a contracting company. I would have left my job to move to the UK with him, but since we both decided it was a temporary thing, I decided to stay back in PH and keep home. It’s a bit difficult because I only get to see him once every 3-4 months, and it’s usually not for long. Sometimes a week or two, and sometimes it’s for an extended weekend.

Recently I met a guy at a work conference, let’s call him Sam. Sam is tall, handsome, built like a football player, and by any woman’s standards is very attractive. We became good friends (plutonic) and started having lunch together randomly during the week. I felt comfortable with Sam because I knew he was married and he never tried to hide that from me. His wife too was never around as she is a diplomat and travels a lot. For the most part I just really enjoyed his company.

A few months passed and Sam and I have gotten pretty close. We started going out for drinks in the evening, and talking on the phone at night and before we knew how we had come that far, we had gotten attached to each other. Initially my husband was aware of our lunch dates, but I stopped telling him when Sam and I would go for drinks or talk on the phone at night. I felt like he would get jealous, or maybe a part of me felt a bit guilty.

One evening after having drinks, we decided to go see a movie since none of us were rushing to go home for the night, and it was Friday. After the movie while we walked to our cars he held my hand, and I didn’t remove because I found it comforting. When we got to my car, he leaned over and kissed me, and it felt really good, but bad at the same time. All my hormones started raging and so I invited him over to my place, and we had sex that night.

I felt bad right afterwards, but as the days went by we continued to have sex, and it almost became a routine. Every 3-4 days, we hang out, we have sex, and that it. I’m getting very attached to him emotionally now, and I beginning to feel like I might get jealous whenever I do see him with his wife, But who am I to even get jealous? I’m married, and my husband has no clue what is happening.

I want to confess to my husband, but I’m not sure if our marriage will survive it. I love my husband and don’t want to lose him. On one occasion I has having sex with Sam, and I saw my wedding picture on the night table and had to stop because I felt so bad. At that point I knew I still had a conscience but somehow cant get myself to stop or to come forward and tell my husband.

My husband will be back in 2 weeks, and I’ve been battling over this decision for quite sometime and don’t know what to do. I know what I’m doing is bad, and I’m willing to stop.

If you were in my situation, what would you do? Would you confess? How do I even go about confessing this?

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29 COMMENTS

  1. LOL. This is funny. My advice to you madam is to hold that till you reach your grave. What he doesnt know wont kill him. Just be sure he never finds out.

    Bottom Line: DON'T CONFESS

    • Even if you tell him, he still wont forgive you so u have a better chance keeping your mouth shut. I can see that you're very naive

    • Oh pls, like he will forgive her at all. I also used to believe in confession, but ask your mother, she'll let you know what's up. And Bush girl is right, "Sam" will never leave his wife for you o. Shine your eyes. Enjoy while it lasts honey.

  2. Tell your husband whattttttt???????? Men hardly forgive women that cheat o. If you confess and he leaves you,you will lose both ways cos sam will not leave his wife and marry you. You both are trying to fill voids in your lives.If you love your husband like you say you do,end the relationship with sam and move to the UK. let sleeping dogs lie.

  3. Hnmm dats delicate ooh madam…if you love your husband like u say you won’t cheat on him in the first place….change your ways because no man can ever trust a woman dat cheats on him..its human nature, go and ask God for forgiveness

  4. Hmm! My dear I'm in the same (but different) boat. Listen: Although it started as a mistake and you never intended to hurt him, NEVER EVER confess. Women cheat because of emotional abandonment. Men cheat because…well just because. You never know what he's doing there. All those marriages that you admire, trust me, 60% of the wives have cheated at some point and 99% of the husbands too. So move on…it's part of life.

    Naive people who've never been married or just been married will judge, but they too will come around. I was the perfect wife. I wanted to be. But he just ignored me for years until temptation came knocking, because by the way, I'm fking hot too! He just thought I be firewood.

    You no handle your thing well, somebody else go do am for you!

  5. @reubenz leave all this spiro yarns…it can happen to any woman in her position…every woman craves attention…get real joor

  6. Hmm, my story is like urs but d difference is I married a guy for 5 years, I thot he loved me, he dictates when to av sex and when I revolted he wud ask me if I knew what comes out of his body, he even told my brother that. I felt so bad when I had to cheat on him, though the marriage has ended, the painful part then is when I av to masturbate with a husband in the house, now I don’t cheat anymore, it devalues u and makes Gods hands not reach u, u had no reason to cheat on ur guy, u av a lot to loose still going out sam desist from it, unite with God and give ur husband all u av got. Do u even know that God can show him those things u do if he is faithful to u. I wish u, don’t spoil things wen things are still ok for u.

  7. Hmmmm….
    I'm a guy and my advice to you is to tell him…….. ALARM BELLS!!!!!!

    Lets get back to reality, what ever u do dont tell him what happened…….
    If say na to go baba alawo or CCC make dem comot the thing wey dey make your body do giz giz for Sam make u do am…..
    Men dont forgive easily….. Telling him will make him lose his ego and whats a man without pride… u guessed right…. Nothing…..
    Listen to your sisters wey dey here o….
    All of dem dey yarn correct…… what he doesnt know wont hurt him…..
    so u better get out your wedding pictures, look at dem beautiful pics so u can remember how it used to be….
    Go to the bank and draw some money and plan a vacation with him…….
    Do what u will so u'll cherish every moment with him so when he goes u'll hold on to those things till he comes back again…
    And also talk more to your man….
    Sit him down, tell him to call you often, email, bbm each oda….. do everything in your power to keep comms going,….

    I don talk my own oh…. ehen….

  8. I don’t think that confessing to your husband is the right thing to do. What about is activities over there? How are you sure that he was not involve with women over there? Am not trying to justify your action, he might not be able to take it. I believe you should stop that relationship, especially the sexual part of it and move on with your life. Am sure the other man would not want to lose his marriage either. So both of you should get this behind you and move on with your lives.

  9. Funny, I'm a guy I don't cheat and never forgive cheating because if a hard working guy and hell handsome could afford to be faithful in New York of all place why not my fiance. I advice don't tell him if you plan to change your ways but I know very very well you don't the sex is not going to stop between you and sam. Be real to your self, sam is just having a booty call with you, you are the other woman so stop yearning for him and face your marriage. I can swear sam be laughing at your back while he jist his buddies over some bottles of bear and make fun of you and how you moan. If you want satisfaction hit me up Id send you a free dildo or vibrator to avoid you having a child for another man dat won't look like your husband by then fowl nash go show

  10. pls amswer me dis, which is more important; a fling wit a sexy married guy named sam or a til death do us part relatnship wit ur own man who although in d uk makes tyme 2 visit once in 3mnths (pls dnt end d affair if u re comfortable nd feel satisfied wit being d other woman)??? Ur job or ur marriage(pls consider movin 2 d uk wit ur husband cos he probably wuld get a job there on completn of his program)… And try nt 2 do anytin dat wuld lead 2 d end of ur marriage like tellin ur husband abt cheatin on him wit sam.

  11. my advice: say NOTHING, that is if you love your husband. But, if you don't love your husband, if you are willing to risk been ostracized and judged by your family and friends (and believe me they will), if you're willing to face the aftermath of your confession, then please, by all means, go ahead and tell your husband what you been doing while he was away…your funeral

  12. This is just ridiculous. I can't believe the comments on here. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him?" So what is worse, you confessing that you were unfaithful or him finding out from an external source that you cheated? Take your shot and find out which is really worse. I can bet you Sam's buddies know what is going on and even moreso, more people than you think already know. Word has gotten out, so don't be naive.Shine your eyes! If you confess, there is still a slight chance that he might take you back. If he finds out elsewhere, just forget about your marriage completely. What if you confess and he doesn't take you back? Well you did the right thing and your conscience won't bug you for the rest of your life. You learn from it and move on with your life. I know some people who were unfaithful and didn't confess and 15 YEARS later the truth came out, from outside. Is that what you want? I don't understand why people are talking about "his activities over there." That is just a childish way of playing down her act. He might or might not be. At least focus on the one that confirmed that she is indeed cheating! Just remember: you can't have your cake and eat it too! Here is evidence that the truth can come to light, years later.
    http://www.africanoutlookonline.com/?option=com_c

  13. This is just ridiculous. I can't believe the comments on here. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him?" So what is worse, you confessing that you were unfaithful or him finding out from an external source that you cheated? Take your shot and find out which is really worse. I can bet you Sam's buddies know what is going on and even moreso, more people than you think already know. Word has gotten out, so don't be naive.Shine your eyes! If you confess, there is still a slight chance that he might take you back. If he finds out elsewhere, just forget about your marriage completely. What if you confess and he doesn't take you back? Well you did the right thing and your conscience won't bug you for the rest of your life. You learn from it and move on with your life. I know some people who were unfaithful and didn't confess and 15 YEARS later the truth came out, from outside. Is that what you want? I don't understand why people are talking about "his activities over there." That is just a childish way of playing down her act. He might or might not be. At least focus on the one that confirmed that she is indeed cheating! Just remember: you can't have your cake and eat it too! Here is evidence that the truth can come to light, years later.

  14. Everyone has said it all but my advices is dat u follow ur heart.if u want 2 tell or not. u promise to be faithful to each other nd 2 stand by eachother,so wat happen 2 dat.THINK DEAR THINK.wish u all the best

  15. My candid advise it that Sam is fast becoming your albatross. Yes, u miss the this n that so now that u got some from Sam, let it sustain u till ur husband comes. I bet Sam's wife wikll forgive him and hold him in her arms even when she finds out or he tells her but wil your husband do same? (i SERIOUSLY DONT THINK SO). PRAY TO GOD FOR FORGIVENESS. HE WOULD ANSWER YOU YOUR REPENTANCE IS GENUINE. THEN RUN. FAST TOO.my 2 cents

  16. i will absolutely refuse to say anything! But if he asks me then I will Tell him the truth… there are things that are best left unsaid… In this instance her confessing will just be to ease herself the burden of the guilt. That load is supposed to be her punishment.. What i would do is find another Job preferably as far away as possible from PH… (Gotta be realistic, we cant both be hungry in the UK… lol).

    But in this instance, Ignorance is indeed Bliss.. he definitely doesn't need a confession… If it was the man that did the same thing to me, i wont want him to come and confess to me either…

  17. Whatever men or women do is out of the abundance of his/her heart desire, to be frank with you, you're not a truthful and faithful woman and that is why your extra-marital relationship came easily, you can not see forgiveness from God if the man you sin against had not forgiven you, so confess your sin to your husband and if he fails to forgive involve the Elders to seek for your forgiveness, people say this cheaply because they don't see the eyes of God through His glasses(word of God) this sin you call little can deprive you of entering into the Kingdom of God. You had been advised. take a right path then you will be free.

  18. @uba- culd u be anymore harsh nd insultin?? BTW neva 4get as humans, we all are likely 2 make regretable decisions at sm pt in our life, bt i guess u wuldnt knw anytin abt makin mistakes coz u re so infalliable(FYI i am nt sayin wat she did was eXcusably right howeva, bcos she posted dis lukin 4 advice it goes 2 reasn dat she at least regrets her actns)…. Mscheeew.

  19. Filebe jekowabe malobe omotibe bt majeko ma lobe wat am trin 2 say is dat u dnt av 2 tel u hubby bcs u guys ar jos avin fun kk telin him means ur reputation iz in sake

  20. See dts d problem wif dis world U̶̲̥̅̊ r a married woman nd yet dumb enuf 2 sleep wif anoda guyy jst cos ur man aint arnd nd its jst 4 a year correct ♍ƺ if I’m wrong.nywaiz it just sums up why most guys have no regard for women nd pls spare ♍ƺ d proverbial body no be firewood.U̶̲̥̅̊ saw d signs nd U̶̲̥̅̊ were daft enuf 2 continue going on.U̶̲̥̅̊ deserve wateva comes next.whore dts wt U̶̲̥̅̊ are cos nxt tym he’s away 4 sumfin important U̶̲̥̅̊’ll go back 2 it nd jst imagine U̶̲̥̅̊ feelin jealous about his wife nd still claimin U̶̲̥̅̊ luv ur guyy.fuck U̶̲̥̅̊ 3x ova

  21. I'm not married, never have but I will someday. Everyone who has spoken has said their opinion but in the end you'd still do what you want. What if the tables were turned and it was your husband who cheated, would you want him to confess to you? What if you got pregnant in the course of this affair then what? We all have made mistakes and God is always faithful to forgive us, how much more human beings. The truth is bitter and it may hurt but it always, always sets us free. Go before God and commit this situation into His hands, in the long run you'd still have to tell your husband. It's better he hears it from you like most people have said than he hears it from someone else. Cut every and I mean every form of contact with Sam, he's your Achilles Heel and he has to go. You love your husband and I'm sure he loves you too. It may take a while to gain your trust back, he may hate you for a while but there are consequences for every wrong action one takes. The devil is really preying on people's marriages and a lot have fallen into this kind of predicament. I pray God touches his heart and you both will be able to move on from this and make the best of your marriage. I'd leave you with 1st Corinthians 13:4-7

    And all of you who are condemning her, have you thought about the fact that it may not be the writer's personal situation? It may have been someone else's and he or she is just helping out? Before you remove the log in someone else's eyes, remove the speck in yours first. We all commit various sins but the main fact that this has been shared makes her a whore? Common where is the love? Constructive criticism goes a long way than condemnation.

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