What Is Healthy?

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What constitutes a healthy relationship? Would we know one when we see it? Better yet, would we know what an unhealthy relationship looks like?

Many of us, unfortunately, have grown up in unhealthy relationships. Be it as a result of “culture” , religion, or just plain old human upbringing. The older I get, the clearer it is to me what a healthy relationship is. However, in a twisted way, it gets even blurrier when I look at relationships that have lasted for a long time. How does one keep safe and not push everyone out of your life as soon as u spot a flaw. Nothing wrong with being picky. The rest of ones life should not be taken likely.

Even if we may not know what a healthy relationship is, at least we should know what it’s not.
Here goes…

When Your Partner Hits You Many of us would laugh and say “oh please, this is obvious”. While it’s easy for us to judge those who’ve allowed themselves to be abused by another, in the real world it doesn’t seem to be so easy to walk away. Take a look at some long term relationships, some of the husbands or wives will admit to being subjected to some form of physical abuse at some point in the relationship. Keyword: SOME. If your partner EVER raises their hand to hit you, hit the road. Fast! If not…

When He/She Cheats On You Another obvious red flag right? Not always so. They say once a cheater, always a cheater. Never give excuses for someone else’s selfishness. However, in a sick-twisted way, I have noticed too many long term relationships have dealt with this or are still dealing with this issue. In your clear mind, this is not a good sign. It will break the trust and cause a lot of heart ache. And trust me, if he/she is not faithful to you now, he/she will not change when you get married.

When He/She Constantly Brings You Down This is a tricky one. Many of us want someone who will tell us the truth, even the ugly one. However, when you’ve built such a relationship it’s very easy for it to become a parent-child relationship. Men hate when women nag as much as women hate when men boss them around or verbally abuse them. Verbal abuse can be very hard to spot. Just pay attention to what comes out of your partner’s mouth. If they have more negative things to say than good, you may be with the wrong person. It will not get better, you’ll start to resent each other. Tough love gets old eventually. Worst of all, they may eventually become an enemy to your progress.

The divorce rate in western and non western countries has increased. While the reasons I’ve mentioned are not the only reasons, they are the major reasons anyone should walk away from a relationship. So, we ask: “Who will stay married?” Well, I don’t know. I just know that there are great humans out there who want what’s healthy as well. I fear getting advice from older people because sometimes they’ll act like these actions are excusable. Is anyone as confused as I am?

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6 COMMENTS

  1. I like the part that when you confide in elderly ones especially our naija parent (assuming you are nigerian), they ll ask you what did you do to him before he beat you. Or they even tell you to go back and beg him. SMH… I know. As for me the last person I dated was engaged to someone else in another state and he almost hit me one time. If my reflex had not been sharp, I would have gone home with an eye looking like I had on a smoky eye shadow on. So I am so VERY happy and content been single. I strongly believe we should all try the single thing. No, you cannot talk to an ex as friends while being single. Just be single, it's very refreshing and when you eventually get into a relationship. You ll be able to read between the lines. Oh and there is one big one, let him know your expectation when you start dating at the beginning, say after 3 months. So if you all are not on the same track, you can dust your slippers and MOVE ON.

  2. Confused???? Hnmm! if u cant accept ur partners imperfections how do we survive as human… If u dont who will… So many have walked out of what could be fixed for the better or seen as a perfect relationship… U go wait tire u no go see one perfect man here or there white or black, "Those when no dey talk, nah dem even get the worst Xter pass seff…" ..If u are looking for a perfect relationship be lover or partner u better search well to see that "PERFECT HUMAN"…
    I ASSURE U THIS, ONLY THE PERFECT PEOPLE CAN & WOULD RUN A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP IN THIS IMPERFECT HUMAN LIFE WE LIVE IN…..
    Forgive & forget why do we believe in our respective religions… They all talk about forgiving & pardoning.. our fellow human… And that's a good example of LOVE.. If u say "Love" Be ready to take what comes with it, Live with it, sometimes die for it, if u believe? kill for it, play fool for it, be a Mugu or a Maga for Love or for ur wife or partner… In-short why are u in-love if u cant bear ur partner Loving them means u are ready to take them for what/who ever they are & all their flaws gos with it………….

  3. completely agree wit vikolo cos i believe a healthy relatnship is nt built by perfect individuals but by d perfect understandin, love nd tolerance of a imperfect partner esp in his/her moment of greatest imperfection… Howeva, i wuld neva advice any1 2 pretend in a relatnship cos it breeds resentment so if u cant tolerate ur partners imperfectn, dump him/her cos wen u find sm1 u truly love, u wuld be ready nd willin 2 accept them without considerin their shortcomings and imperfectn.

  4. hi plz am a guy and i need a hep form you guys i have a babygirl that my girl have bon for me but my girl mother dont want me and the girl but be4 she like me and na she chege har atintu plz i need hep

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