Yep. When I say opening up the relationship, I actually do mean having an open relationship. A friend and I were having a conversation about relationships and somehow got into the concept of an open relationship. Interesting conversation I must say. Made me think, and eventually do some investigation, and then write.
What is an open relationship?
An open relationship is a relationship in which the people involved agree that they want to be together, but in which romantic or sexual relationships with additional people are accepted, permitted or tolerated. – Wiki
Sounds pretty intense right? I mean why would you be ok with someone else chopping from your house? Then again, it could also be a way of reassuring one’s self that the person you’re with might just be the best there is for you or maybe you just want to experiment with other people. Get stuff out of your system before you close the door for good. Or in some cases the freedom to dip outside ends up relieving some of the tensions of “closed” relationship.
I did some “google research” and found 3 major things that make an open relationship pretty difficult to handle, and so before you consider going into it, you should be aware of these things:
1. Jealousy: Jealousy is the biggest obstacle to creating a successful open relationship. A lot of us get jealous once we realize that the person we’re with is with someone else. Having intimate conversations, Kissing, touching, having sex… choi! The thought of is most times just drives people to the wall… Rightfully so. The traditional closed relationship provides an illusion of a sense of security and once that’s gone and the insecurities are open, jealousy comes in more times than not.
2. Untrue To Oneself: If you know you can’t handle an open relationship, then don’t agree to one. No need deceiving yourself and your partner into thinking it’s ok, when you don’t really think it is. Most times the other party is doing their thing, and you’re dying in silence and eventually in the future you just might grow to resent your significant other for that reason. Be real… If the idea comes up and you can’t handle it then just say no. I no fit.
3. Breach Of Contract: Yep. It’s like a contract. If you agree with your partner that it’s only going to dates, and hanging out with no sex, and you have sex, then you have broken the contract. Most times couples in an open relationship agree on terms, and set to apply those guidelines, however, sometimes one person or the other breaks that contract and it ends up feeling like one person cheated on the other person.
The concept of the contract is all about trust, and if the contract is broken, the trust is gone with it. (More on Rules of an Open Relationship soon… I found this very interesting set of rules)
With that being said, I can understand how it’s a very touchy subject for most people in relationships and marriages. It’s one of those things some of us don’t want to entertain, but then again it does have its benefits.
– It can bring you closer to your partner: Sounds weird but if you’ve seen the movie “Hall Pass” you’ll know why. Sometimes we get caught up in what is outside of the relationship that we forget what we have at home. But when we see for ourselves what is out there compared to what we have at home, it might just give us that assurance that “Omo nothing dey for me out there.” The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
– In a weird way also, the idea of having sex with another person doesn’t have to be a relationship ending tragedy. For some couples, living out a fantasy with another person brings a weird sense of relief in a relationship, and if it’s communicated properly to other person, then the cloud of cheating doesn’t loom over the relationship, and the honesty and transparency that comes with that can end up being a good thing in the relationship.
I personally found all these facts about open relationships pretty interesting. It’s always good to read about different strategies couples take in the course of this thing we call Love & Happiness. Hey…. Will & Jada Pinkett-Smith are happily in one, and their marriage seems to be moving right along…. so far.
So with that being said, what are your thoughts on an open relationship? Is it something you would do? Why or Why not?… Let’s discuss.