This week has been one of the busiest for me this year. Asides being an artiste and an engineer,I trade(general hustler). I meet different people everyday especially married women in the most posh and the less posh places. Each has a story to tell about their relationship, marriage and the general ‘love razz-matazz’ …also something not too pleasant happened to a friend of mine so it’s from all of this I gathered what I’m about to share with u today!
There are CRITICAL moments that will either break you and your man apart… or keep your relationship going strong? How you handle those moments means everything to the future of your love life. I have observed and noticed with time that pulling away is very common for a man – even in the best of relationships.
What matters here is not that the man is pulling away, but it’s how the woman handles the situation
when he does. Because you’ll never be able to generally control why he pulls away, but you CAN have full control over how
you respond to it. Think about that for a minute. You have enormous power in your relationship with a man to steer things in a positive direction… even if he’s not “cooperating” with you in any given moment.
Let me ask you this:
How do you usually respond when a man pulls away? Do you get upset and react out of fear to the problem he’s creating? Or are you conscious and aware enough to take a moment to make a different choice – a choice that could reconnect you both right away rather than push back when you feel him pulling away?
A large part of handling this situation with a man actually involves not DOING very much at all. If you’ve ever heard of the expression “action in inaction”, you’ll want to keep it in mind here. The concept is that NOT taking action and giving up control of a situation is sometimes the most powerful action you can take. Why? Because you’re allowing events to unfold naturally(painfully slow too) and you actually get to learn information you can use to take the necessary
Let me show you what I mean in the context of this all-too-common relationship scenario where a man pulls back.
- TAKE A STEP BACK YOURSELF:
When a man who has been showing a lot of interest in you suddenly pulls back, your immediate reaction is probably to launch into “fix it” mode. You might start to worry, ask him what he’s thinking and feeling, and generally try to “fix” the situation. While this might seem like a sensible, proactive thing to do, it usually ends up leaving you frustrated and can actually create more
distance between the two of you. That’s because when one person in any interaction becomes the “convincer”, the other person will usually resist. It’s human nature, and you probably know it all too well from your experience with men. A key to not falling into the trap of trying to fix things when a man withdraws into himself and to not drive yourself crazy trying to get him out of it is to first understand if this is a pattern HE HAS in his own life. If so, the first you need to do is to get clear that this is NOT about you. Doing that will allow you to clear your mind and stop acting from a place of worrying or wondering if it’s something about you or your relationship.
- IDENTIFY HOW HE’S WITHDRAWING:
Taking a step back also let’s you do something else; It gives you a chance to observe him and if his withdrawal is more a pattern of his own rather than a reaction to something specific in your relationship. There are two common ways a man can withdraw. Let’s call them “annoying withdrawal” and “dysfunctional withdrawal”.
Annoying withdrawal could be when a man pulls back into himself and his own mind for a few minutes or hours and takes space for himself. Sure, he might shut down his feelings and communication, but he doesn’t do this for long. He is also able to come out of it and ultimately communicate and allow space for your feelings once he’s out of it.
On the other hand, dysfunctional withdrawal does not allow for your feelings. It usually lasts longer and is more isolating and intense.It repeats frequently in response even to seemingly little stresses or things a man isn’t capable of handling emotionally, and it does not ultimately allow for the exchange and communication that a real relationship requires.
- THE RIGHT KIND OF ACTION THAT BRINGS HIM CLOSER
Once you get the first two steps I shared above, there’s a simple way to permanently avoid the kind of withdrawal that makes you feel less appreciated or understood by a man. A man falls more DEEPLY in love with you because of the way you handle the importantmoments in your relationship – in ways other women can’t and don’t.
That’s it for this week folks. Have a nice weekend.
Plug: Check out Nyore’s new single Me & You that was released earlier this week.
Image Source: relationshipplaybook.com