Every time I have a conversation with my mom about ‘the new man in my life’ (in her hopeful mind), it goes like this:
Mom: So, any better?
Me: At all o. This DC/MD/VA is quite dry.
Mom: Na wa o, so you mean that all these events that you go to, there are no men?
Me: There are men o, but they aren’t stepping to the ladies. Don’t worry ma, it’s not just me…it seems to be a world wide issue.
A real world wide issue it is, because it seems that everyone is wondering where the correct, single and eligible Nigerian men who are actually looking are. If you ask the women in America, they will tell you that all those men seem to be in Jand or Naija. The women in Jand claim that those men must either be in Naija or Yankee, and the women in Naija either say that they are non-existent in Naija, or they say that there are men, but these men aren’t serious. So, my brothers and sisters…the issue of ‘where are the men?’ definitely seems to be a world wide Jamb question (as we will say on Twitter). Till date, no woman has discovered that tree where one can pluck a single and eligible bachelor.
Here’s my 3 cents on why men aren’t hollaring/why we can’t seem to find their hiding places…
1. Nowadays, men seem to have a lot of options: According to various statistics, women outnumber men in material ratios and I’ve certainly observed this in the DC/MD/VA scene. If you attend a typical party around these parts, you will see quite a large number of females compared to the guys. So, of course the men have tons of options and don’t seem to feel the need to extend themselves in an effort to approach the ladies. In fact, it seems that the ladies are the ones who are extending themselves to approach the men. To pour additional pepper to the wound, men abroad are not just limited to Nigerian women, and they can take their pick from women of many races. What can I say? Must be nice…
2. Location, Location, Location: Back in the day, when I was new to the scene, I used to harbor hopes that I’d meet a man during the course of the usual partying and clubbing activities. As the years progressed, I realized that all those runs were all in vain. I mean, I’m actually not of the school of thought that you can’t meet ‘wifey material/husband material’ in the club, but I think that the competition is too ridiculous. You dress up and leave your house feeling like the hottest babe on planet earth with your cascading curls of weave, sexy dress and sky high heels…only to run into 20 other women who are just as hot as you or even hotter than you. Men in these kind of scenes have tons of options, and unless you know how to juggle 5 martinis while standing on your head, I don’t know the kind of competitive advantage that you hope to have in other to get a man to notice you, talk less of even asking you for your number. Now let’s not even talk about weddings…your chances might be greater but it’s still not guaranteed that you will meet a man at a wedding. I think that the men at weddings fall into three categories: Married, boo’ed up (with their girlfriends possessively clutching these men to let us single ladies know that he’s off limits), and single. However, like the guys in the club…the single men at weddings are faced with tons of options so odds are that you won’t depart the scene with a number. And good luck with trying to find him at church ‘cos church ain’t what it used to be in this day and age.
So if you’re on the lookout for a dude, maybe you might want to check out a location other than the obvious club, wedding and church. House parties, game nights and such smaller gatherings are more intimate and might yield better results. I’ve found that it’s much easier to strike up convo with the opposite sex in those kinds of smaller settings. I know a Naija girl who met her guy at an electronics store so you just never know what random locations might have in store for you.
3. You’re ‘old news’: Ok so if you’re like me and have lived in the same hood for the last 10 years or so, you might have discovered that you’re kinda like old news. Harsh? Maybe…but hey we gotta call a spade a spade abi? It’s like this…around these parts, I pretty much run into the same set of dudes at the same ol’ places. Party on Friday, you see them. Wedding on Saturday, they are in the building, Church on Sunday…ebe ano! And around and around it goes in the same old cycle. I pretty much think that these dudes have been seeing me around for the last couple of years, and in my mind…if they didn’t holla in 2005, what will suddenly make them decide that I seem hotter and more interesting in 2011? Sorry…I’m old news and they want fresh faces. Being ‘old news’ can indeed be a hindrance to meeting dudes (in my opinion).
4. Being a ‘pack rat’: Most men are intimidated by packs and unfortunately most women tend to roll in groups and generally hang out in those same groups. We go to these weddings and events, and dance with our groups so if a guy was even trying to approach you, he might be intimidated by your group of homies. His heart will start beating and his palm will start sweating when he considers the prospect of approaching you and possibly receiving serious ela in front of your friends. Hey, I can’t say that I blame him if he stays away for that reason. I for one will definitely admit that I enjoy rolling to an event with at least 2 people. And even as I’m writing this…I’m not promising to wander away from my group of girls in order to look less intimidating. But at the same time, I’m acknowledging that it’s a factor that might prevent an interested party from approaching.
5. Fate is not on your side: And if it aint, then it aint. I believe that the business of meeting a guy banks on fate/chance/ right place, right time etc etc, and if none of these are on your side then nothing for you. Sorry…
So, in conclusion…I personally think that these are some of the reasons why it’s so hard for us ladies to find these elusive single, correct men. My advice: Don’t sweat the issue. If it’s meant to happen, it will happen. I have since gotten over the ‘I hope I meet a man at this place‘ mentality, and it simplifies things for me. So, until I find that magical tree where the single and eligible bachelors are waiting to be plucked, I shall continue to carry on with business as usual (while giving my mother disappointing responses every time she asks me the famous Jamb question…’so any better?’).