Another Man’s Success, is Another Jealous Nigerian

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Every first Friday of each month you can expect me to deliver reads on social issues, offensive truths, and positive Nigerian/African matters

 With the fast paced spread of gossip amongst Nigerians it’s almost impossible for any gist to go unheard.  At the mouth of verbal “newsletters” one thing is for sure, you’ll hear about your neighbors issues, your colleague’s divorce, your cousin’s cheating mate, or a recent financial dispute amongst family members living back home.  Amongst all, you can guarantee that family, neighbors, people near or far and even tourists back home will hear about the financial success of a mother’s child in America, Europe, or anywhere else around the world.  The accomplishments of the financially successful individual would no doubt bring a family happiness, pride, and of course the enjoyment of spending, while it brings others bitterness and resentment. 

It is obvious there are plenty Nigerians who do well for themselves and their families.  Many have an honest living as doctors, nurses, business men and women, and earn degrees from distinguished universities.  Their children generally follow in their footsteps; do well in school, then take up legitimate professions earning money well enough to live comfortably and beyond.  This however does not settle well with Nigerians who can only wish to have half of what the accomplished do.  It’s almost as if jealousy runs in the DNA of Nigerians.  They hate to see and hear about how well someone else is doing especially if they grew up with them, knew of them through a friend, may have went to school with them, or through some other connection.  What follows are false and wicked circulating rumors.  For example, people may say it was “fraudulent” business that got them into their desirable positions, or dishonest practices that helped to advance their positions and earn them more money. 

A friend of mine spoke to me about the vicious rumors spread about her mother who is the successful parent to 9 children all living abroad, the owner of a day school for children in kindergarten to high school, and the director of an educational program in Nigeria.  Before these blessings, she used to earn money for her family by selling foodstuffs to those in the community with the help of her children.  Eventually, the money came. Her school had become fully established then people started accusing her of killing her own mother as a sacrifice to get where she is.  Can you imagine? What an envious spirit, so much so that such wickedness is spoken.  To further stress the issue, my aunt was recently able to buy a 5 bedroom house in Los Angeles.  She spent years living in a rough neighborhood in LA in a cramped apartment with her two toddler children and husband while working and saving to buy a home.  She regularly received visits from her Nigerian girlfriends all of whom lived in the same rough neighborhood.  However, soon after moving, her friends stopped visiting her.  They stopped coming because it frustrated and upset them that they weren’t the ones in her position.  Their jealousy caused a friendship to be terminated over common life changes.  Misery doesn’t always need company after all!

Jealousy does not get disguised in competition.  It is no secret Nigerians love to show off when they go out; from the fashionable clothes to the cars.  Mission accomplished, people noticed it. However, for the next parade, prepare to be outshined by someone who has spent way beyond their means just to try and appear they are doing better than you.  Rather than to genuinely be happy or motivated by those doing well for themselves, families, and others, you can count on jealous and envious people to stir up wicked lies, conflict and harm.  And to those, if you want to have money, and buy big house, have gateman and S Class Mercedes Benz no one is stopping you.  Quit being frustrated by the success of others while your own dreams have not manifested.  As they say, “Don’t jealous me.”

As a citizen of the real world, of course this is not to categorize all Nigerians as jealous persons.  It is only to show that there are many who are.  Also my focus will always be on Africans, not Latin Americans, Caribbean’s, etc.  Yes there are those from every country that can identify with many of the topics discussed but to gist about them is of no relevance. 

By: Ashley I. Okonkwo

Photo credit: http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/africahaveyoursay/2010/09/is-it-the-right-time-to-invest.shtml

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27 COMMENTS

  1. I agree with you bro…..

    Some people even find it difficult going back to Nigeria cos dem sabi the meme wey dem i go see…..

    If you give them the same amount of money (relatives), they'll complain, if u give dem different amounts they'll say u rank some of them higher than the others….

    All in all one cannot satisfy human beings.

    I believe one must just do their best, be true to themselves, do what u can do to help others (while being cautious) and answer to God as well. o gugo… (finish)

    I have come to even realise that the friends i have now are more important to me than family. they tell me the way it is, no a$$ licking and all…. if im wrong they say im wrong and if im right they encourage me to get better….. And i return the favour cos the time they dedicate to correcting me and being there for me is an irreplacable investment….

    They are friends that have become family… na so God do am….

    Great article man….

    Cheers…

  2. You said it best"jealousy in imprinted in de minds of nigerian"we take playa hatin to a whole new level.we so quick to judge and criticize for no damn reason even if we ourselfs are doin good…its not a trend or problem it more of a way of life for we 9jerians.it all bores down to de concept most of us have seen and lived through of de rich gettin richer and de poor wallowin in misery,poverty and ignorance.u don't even have to be poor to be criticized and ridiculed….u jus have to be 9gerian and doin de damn thang

  3. "Quit being frustrated by the success of others while your own dreams have not manifested", I could not have said it any better. It seems like these folks have too much time on their hands and don't know what to do with it. There is nothing I despise more than a "bad belleh". Sha, I thank God for his blessing. Jealousy and envy will never be my portion in life, AMEN!!!

    I really appreciate this article.

  4. True talk! People need to start doing stuff for themselves and stop complaining or worry about what others have,and how they got it. Again great job Ash!!!!…:-)

  5. i like..well said. some people can;t stand to see others achieve something great. instead of trying to aspire to great things all they know is jealousy and gossiping.

  6. Very well written and said, as a Nigerian I know for sure all that you have said are facts of what really goes on in Nigeria. I also thought that, you should have mentioned that these people who gets envious towards a person truthful and hard working success will take it into their own hands also to make sure that, the person's success will turn into a horror, by doing evil things "Native Doctors". But I have JESUS in my life, so these kind of people will not see me, when I succeed in Jesus name.

  7. Jealousy is everywhere, it comes in different shapes and sizes. Its consuming people day by day i hope people read this article start to realize we have to love one another and not be jealous and envyous

    Great article

  8. Loved this! Its sad that many people tend to have that "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome going on when in fact while someone may have something good going for them, you may never be able to see the struggle they may be going through all at the same time.

  9. Like it was said jealousy is a big big disease………..and its sad how nigerians well africans in general behave then want to assume juju business whatever happen to working hard for what you do and all will be well towards that end…….

  10. "Dont Jealous Me" I always liked seeing ppl cmg out with their best during nigerian occasions, I guess since im so used to it, I just view it as normal. In my guess, this actually effect our culture to be fullfiling in a way. Apart from the Jealousy aspect. Nice Article Ash Loved it 😉

  11. True Talk.Well written and said. Nigerians need to get this act of jealousy out of there system. They are never happy to see someone achieve good things. Good job Ify

  12. Its all to common smhh…. someone struggles and sweats to reach and achieve something and when they do, everyone else gets mad because they themselves havent reached anything… so in order to better please themselves and decrease their sadness they look to spread rumors about that person. you stay writing bout the realest stuff ashash 🙂

  13. Wow. Deep article Ash, it is very thought provoking. It always surprises me that people start to get jealous of someone elses success. Instead of being jealous on someone for their success, take notes on how they reached the top. Again keep these articles coming Ash. Very insightful!!

  14. U have to know that Naija people always have bad belle towards each other… it's a known fact. The reason? Only God knows, but it's a fact that once u're doing well, there are a million and one people trying to see you fail.

    Like Oyato mentioned, people rarely realize that it's a lot of hardwork and sleepless nites that bring about the success people attain… They see the end product and want to start doing bad belle for them. Abegii jare… clear road

    Once again… great post Ify. Loves it. 🙂

  15. Hey Ash,

    Your articles continue to discuss issues that are relevant to the way in which Nigerians interact with each other in the US.

    Though jealously is an innate quality in everyone, among Nigerians this quality transforms into hatred because everyone is desperately striving to escape poverty.

    The consequence is not just that it fuels interpersonal hatred but creates gaps in the Nigerian communities; it's really disheartening when family friends stop talking and supporting each other because one of them has a breakthrough.

    As immigrants in this country, we need to support each other. Hoping that someone else will fail will not advance you in any way, rather one should strive and pray for their own success.

    • wowww…u hit the nail on the head. yes jealousy is innate, though amongst Nigerians it transforms into a whole nother level, sometimes hatred. it also absolutely creates gaps in the Nigerian communities and many do have aims to escape povety. thank you for the feedback, its much appreciated.

  16. Yet another thought provoking article, keep it up girl you will go far.

    P.S.

    its sad its not just the adults jealousy is affecting but the kids have contacted this sickness too.

  17. Very nice Article that is very true. If one is getting good money or earning good money in his life. Other people i mean others in our relations only they feel lot of jealous. By the way thank you so much for the nice article.

    Thanks
    jealousy quotes

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