Marry By 25 or Expire By 30

13

Alright party people…as we continue to ponder and bask in the “What Are We” article with the various “deduced” endings, I say make I take style vent again on the suffer wey I don suffer in this my 25 plus years of living (waste your time guessing my age & gauging my mentality…thunder go fire you)! As hard as it is for men these days to commit, imagine wetin life go be like if you fall into the hands of this “I-must-marry-by-force” babes, oh boy…na game over for you be that one oh! As the saying goes “different strokes for different folks”, e get people wey their lifetime achievement na to drive a particular car, others na to buy house, some na to go vacation somewhere, some na to get 3 pikin from 4 different men (no question my math skills here, I have a damn Master’s degree in Engineering!!!), some na to co-sign X number of babes, some na to get PhD, some to confuse X number of sugar daddies, some na to die plenty times before their actual death, others na to dey chop rice for another person funeral (but them no go wan die make other people chop for their own) etc and finally some na to MARRY BY FORCE!

But before I begin, in my usual disclaimer…I wan warn all those single people wey dey give boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife advice when them never even experience am! If you know say you no get at least 5 years experience in this arena, no chook ya yeye mouth inside this yarn make devil no come kiss you for night oh!

Oya listen to this flow, first of all, don’t get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing (do I hear Amen in your voice?). He, who finds a wife, finds a good thing & ye shall obtain favor from the Lord. I am all for the sacrament of matrimony but I honestly don’t believe it’s meant to be for all & sundry. It is not a rite of passage for any gender but unfortunately, a lot of parents inculcate in their kids to pursue this thing like pesin wey dey pursue snake inside im house. In fact the new motto now is “Start selling by 25 or expire by 30” and as true/shocking this may sound, I seriously think a lot of young folks take it literally and even start “selling” early even before the market don mature.

I waka enter house one day, as soon as me and my ex jam, I notice say she breathe steam comot from her ear, nose, eye etc. Ah ah…omo, my liver drop immediately oh. I look her hand first make I dey sure say she no carry dagger or acid or anything else (I know say e no fit be gun coz una too cheap to spend money 4 gun). Meanwhile, I don also take style look the mirror behind her in case one witch deliberately put lipstick for my shirt without my knowledge (oya…all ye ogbanjes jump on the lipstick case). So I come calmly ask am;

Sanka: Hey babe…r u ok?
Ex: [blank stare]
Sanka: [waving hand in her face & thinking na so madness dey start oh]
Ex: [blank stare]
Sanka: Is e’rythin alright? Is there a problem [for my mind I don dey think wetin dey worry this girl sef, eh?]
Ex: I’m fine [turns and walks away]
Sanka: Ah…ok nah, lemme settle in
Ex: [yells out] there’s food if you’re hungry
Sanka: I’m good…had sumthin heavy for lunch earlier [thinking – if them send u come, u no see me]
Ex: Whatever
Sanka: Thanks!
Ex: Eh? Did you just say thanks? To who? Ur father or your mother?
Sanka: Ah ah, wetin dey worry u zombie sef, them no dey thank people when they offer you food for ur village?
Ex: I don’t blame you
Sanka: Ah…madam sorry oh, no vex…my bad, my wrong, my fault, ABEG!
Ex: That’s what I thought!
Sanka: R u sure everything is ok?
Ex: For the 1 millionth time, I AM FINE!!! Quit asking stupid questions, Arrrrggghhhhh!!!!!!!
Sanka: Oh wow…ok, I’m going to bed, goodnight.
Ex: [humungous sigh]

I know say the main event dey come coz u know say women no dey leave things alone, so I go to bed with 1 eye open (before this babe tries to harvest my kidney & post it on e-bay for sale). Around 3am, I feel a poke on my back and I know say war don wan start be that but I was like, lemme hear this chick out and figure out what her grievances are. In the meantime I’m already pissed coz I gotta be up in 3-4hrs. So this babe starts to lament how we’ve been together and how things have been and what the future could hold and all that good stuff for over 10mins meanwhile she’s been sounding Greek to me for the past 9.5mins coz I was sleepy as hell. So at the end of the whole thing, this babe vomits “So when will you see my parents?” Ummm… Hei! I turn around and look behind me in case she was talking to somebody else (seen or unseen). So I calmly ask her whether she was talking to me and she says “Yessss.” Omo…at that time, I was less than 25, so all my life just flash through my eyes and I’m thinking to myself, “na so this girl wan take cage my life”? So I quickly gather myself together and I ask her again what I was suppose to be seeing her parents for and she says to “introduce yourself” and you know…. (before she finishes “you know”) I was like…listen, unless this house is on fire don’t ever wake me up again! And the fire better be sipping through the door before you wake me oh. What kind of nonsense? Imagine!! This babe waking me up at 3am for this nonsense…hiss.

But the next morning, boyz begin think; This babe obviously don calculate for her head wetin things suppose be at this time in her life, and seeing as I be the person wey fit the equation at that point in time, and I no dey cooperate, the thing go from being concerned to vexing. I no understand how person go just vex like that ooo.

Needless to say, it didn’t take long before church agbasa, and both of us went our separate ways. Today babe is married, and I’m happy for her o, but at my current state I’m not even ready for marriage not to talk of back then. So babes, and bobos… Too marry no be by force, and if you no say u no ready, no need to smile fake smile because of pressure from peeps, and on the other hand no need to dey vex for person wey no ready. If im no ready, then that’s what it is… Come back another day or try the next person.

So make I hear from my people… I do bad thing? Or not? Drop one or 2 comments biko.

 

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13 COMMENTS

  1. My dear you know do bad thing O! People should get married when you are ready. I feel you when you talk about how our parents have inductrinated us about this whole marriage thing. As a result most of use (me included) rush into a marriage that we know is not right for us and end up in divorce by the time we are 30. I have made up my mind I will not be one of those parents that will talk about marrying to their children. I don't want them to feel any pressure from me. When they are good and ready to make that move they can and I will be there to support them. Better you marry when you are older and mature and stay married till death do you part, than for you to marry when you are young and end up in divorce… That's my 2 cents…

    • My sister… when you get to that age, I hope you'll remember what you just said. Can you see our generation?? There is no clear distinction of right and wrong anymore. Human beings are made to have companions (however many is another issue) but they need company.

      All parents try to do is held their kids build company with some1 early in life.

      This is because, the older you are, the "wiser" you become, and even the bible says it, being more knowledgable is not really a good thing. You start to think, when older, that "hey, wetin I need to marry for self, when i fit enjoy my life with no commitments etc". But trust me, its get to the exact point when u'll be with so many ppl but you'll be alone. Then you'll wish u had married earlier. Now, some ppl marry early and break up early, but it has nothing to do with age, it has all to do with the individuals involved. Factors like selfishness, greed, and "grass greener on the other side syndrome", etc are the principal cause.

      Anyways, marry is good. If you can respect it. Now if u cannot respect it – at any age, then you need to stay away. But its something you have to put an effort into and ppl usually dont. (but these same ppl will kiss their bosses asses at work just for promotion and ish but wont put the same effort in their relationship).

      I don too yan jare… enjoy!

      • @Ammonia i do not agree wit ur oppinion ,bcos wen u r young u mak alots of mistakes dats y must early marriages do not last.

    • I really agree wit u, bcos wen u r matured and ready 2 marry its difficult 2 mak mistakes bcos 4 any action u tak ,u think abt d gud and bad effects.

    • Well said babe! I do believe that marriage is not for everyone. If one has experienced divorce at a young age, all your idealist expectations turn and face reality. It's ok to have a life long partner and not marry in cases like these. But then again, them go say na America change us. Maybe we're being more realistic than our parents.

  2. OMO YOU NO SABI HER AGE WHEN YOU BEGIN TO FRIEND AM… MOST NIGERIAN WOMEN ALREADY KNOW WHAT THEIR WEDDING DRESS WILL LOOK LIKE… ANYWAYS WE THANK GOD SAY SHE DONE MARRY… IS IT IN OUR CULTURE MARRY AT AN AGE RANGE… MOST OF OUR MOTHERS AND FATHER DID THAT.. WE GOT TO CONTINUE THE LEGACY OF OUR NIGERIAN CULTURE.. REMEMBER THEY SAY THAT A WOMAN IS VERY RIPE AT 25…

  3. This is freaking funny and absolutely fantastic writing. First up you are definitely not wrong for not wanting to get married. I applaud you for not being like most cowardly 9ja guys who beat around the bush with girls. But then again when you are a certain age cohabiting with a Nigerian girl, what do you expect? That's why folks always need to know what they want out of relationships before starting. If all you want is fun, make sure the chick is on the same page or else. Be prepared for 3am wake-up calls.

  4. LOL… Sanka is off the chain. But in all honesty who go wan marry babe above 30… unless 're 40 or so. lol. jk….kinda

  5. omo, dis ur narration dey very 4ny. Na u get ur mind. Do wat u think is d best 4 u. Bt avoid early mistakes….i’m out!

  6. my guy you too funny. but why you go allow girl live with you before when u know say u no dey ready for marriage. no be force but no start wetin u no go finish oo biko since u no ready stay away from babes

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