Faulty Morals and Weak Characters

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One of the things I noticed while I was in Nigeria was the level of moral decadence and the disrespect of the marriage institution and any kind of commitment. I know some people like to disregard bf/gf commitments with statements like “until there is a ring on the finger” blah blah blah. Na so? If a man/woman can’t even be faithful while dating, isn’t it obvious that marriage is not gonna cure them of roving-itis? A ni my eyes saw things in naija, ko ti e funny.

I went to this joint in Ikeja called La Cachette with some of my friends. While we were leaving, I noticed some guy outside rubbing and kissing up on some chick. Immediately I saw his face, I recognized him, but I just couldn’t remember where I knew him from. When he saw me I could tell he knew who I was but he chose to ignore me. So as I walked past him and his tenderoni, a light bulb went off in my head and I turned around and shouted “Victory Temple” at him. “You go to my church” I said to him. And in my head I finished the sentence with “…and you are married with kids”. For shame! He looked like a deer caught in headlights. Foolish somebody. All of a sudden the mumu started saying “mo gbe o, o ma so fun iyawo mi”. I don’t think I have ever said 2 words to his wife talk less telling her she is married to a ho. I hope for her sake, he used protection.

Imagine all these useless men going to naija to go and collect STDs loju dozen and coming home to infect their unsuspecting wives. Is this what married life is about? One of my male friends who also happens to be married told me point blank  “I came to naija to do obo”. For my non Yoruba speaking folks, that basically means “I came to naija to fuck”. Simple and short. I’m like what kind of devilry is this? Your wife is in the states with your son and you are here in Lagos screwing around. I thought he was joking, until he came to meet us at a joint with his girlfriend. As in HIS GIRLFRIEND! A married man with a girlfriend. I don’t get it. So is this the marriage folks keep yapping about? I am telling you our generation is doomed! Apparently fidelity is a luxury in a marriage and not a requirement. Eyin ladies if you got ears better listen. At this point its only a dummy that will let her man go to naija alone. Aside from the men having a variety of women to choose from, all it takes is one encounter and they have used jazz to steal your man. Some of those girls in naija aint playing. Abi what else will make a man leave his wife and 3 kids in yankee and shack up with some girl in naija? Ko ki n she oju lasan. Again, this is how these alakoba okunrin will just come and dagbaru your life. All because you want to yansh puxy.

I told my friend’s dad about the guy from my church and his tenderoni and he was like “enh hen? He went to naija to relax. He went to relieve all the stress of yankee”. His wife nko? The one taking care of his kids? Abi she doesn’t deserve some relaxation? Aiye ti baje se. At this point I don’t even expect fidelity from any guy I choose to date which is a sad reality. I know for a fact if my husband cheats on me, I will harm him. So why derail my own life because some idiot couldn’t keep it in his pants? I can’t do it. If horny-ness enters the equation, there are ways to handle that. I do not have to be saddled with some miserable whore all in the name of being married. The saddest part is these are the scenarios me I witnessed because I have heard even worse stories from other girls. At this point I’m gonna have to say deuces to marriage until further notice.
Peace!

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47 COMMENTS

  1. GIrl this is soooooooooooooo tru and thanks for writing about it. I also was recently in naija and i saw things that disgusted me even from my own family members! a total disregard for marriage and commitment! I just pray sha……my fiance man….shittt man….don't lemme think of it…God is in control! But yea I will harm him!!!!!!!

    • In as much as I condemn infedelity among married and unmarried people, I do not comprehend with most of the comments written here " I will harm him" and the use of " God" as a back-up support. If you replace evil with evil, what good have you done personally? Is this something approvable by God? The intents of the heart of an individual is the driving force for thier actions. Not all Nigerian guys willing to travel alone to Niaja have the intention of cheating or disregards marriage. Someone who wants to cheat does not need to travel all the way to Nigeria to do so; it can also be done where he is based. Thus, this is not a thing of Niaja but can apply anywhere around the world. Its all about the individual morals.

      For the single ladies, this should not be an article/post that should discourage you from marriage to Niaja guys. People's experiences does not mean you also will be a victim. we all sometimes dream of bad memories, but it's up to you to claim it or rebuke the dream. Marriage is a beautiful thing and also honourable. I cant be scared because of someone's else experience of it.

      Stay well

      • I get what ur saying dah bassman.

        However I'm not thinking about it the way you are. I say God is in control because he in fact is in control. I know that he will not allow such thing to happen to me AGAIN!!! i am not implying that GOD will approve of my hurting him just as God does not approve of adultery!!!! but i am human and i have been in that situation before and it does not feel right and i am just being honest when i say i will hurt him. its not easy to give ur full self to someone only to be betrayed and then he calls it a mistake!!!? so yea i pray sumthin like this never happens to me because i might hurt him.

        i am not speaking of this from non experience. I mean the article is simply confirming all the things which i have already seen. This article did not make me turn away from marriage but instead it has made me realize that other people are also seeing the things which are happening. I haven't been married before but i sure have been in a long term relationship which resulted in heartbreak because of this cheating thing. and yes it took place on American soil but that is not the point. the point is that there is a complete disregard for marriage and commitment. I believe tag was exposing how "normal" this behavior is becoming. We all pointed out how people are looking at it as a small thing, like its not a big deal when it is!!!

  2. Let us not have the misguided ideas that men are the only ones who cheat. I keep reading articles like this and listening to various sentiments been expressed by women that make it seem like all men are animals and women are pure and holy gifts from heaven. The last time i checked the skanks these men are sleeping around with are women also so that just shows a lack of loyalty within your organisation (women) lol. the only reason men can cheat is because what one woman wouldnt do, there will always be another skank to pick up her "slack" so to speak. I personally know of a legion of skanks that kept toting around the "men are dogs mentaliy" and "a good man is hard to find" bs while they themselves are raggedy skanks, playing away matches on the poor unfortunate souls that find themselves being in relationships with them. So lets not keep carrying around the ridiculous mentality that men are the only ones that cheat. i bet you, lots of married women and women in relationships are taking major pipe from the muscle bound houseboys they keep at home. so as far as im concerned, cheating is an tragedy that spans across gender lines. and contrary to popular and misguided belief, women arent all jewels. They are just more discrete since there is a social stigma attached to being a skank as a woman as opposed to men.

      • I wrote this based solely on what i witnessed in Nigeria. I am very sure there are married women who have no regard for their marriage but i didn't encounter any of them. Keep in mind that i also highlighted the issue of the girls in naija who do not care if the guy is married. I am speaking from a female POV.

  3. This is so unfortunate. Marriage has just become a game. People get married because they can, and because they have found someone who loves them enough to want to spend the rest of their lives with them. But after the wedding, who cares if they do what is expected of them within the marriage. What I don't understand is why people that have no intention of being faithful even bother getting married. I mean, marriage is not by force. There's no cardinal rule that says that everyone on the face of the earth must be married, so if you feel like marriage isn't for you, or if you feel like you cannot do what is expected of married people, then why bother? I just don't get it.

  4. This is true for both men and women. Cheating speaks lowly of the women who sleep with men that cheat. It shows that there just as many skanks as are cheaters. Marriage, once a respectable institution has now become something of utter disdain to out society. U cannot be in a relationship and be worried free from the issue of infidelity. Lord redeem our society.

  5. Quite honestly, I am not sure that talking about people cheating makes a difference… like TAG said I just hope the guy used protection.

    My other thing, we really really need to stop acting like people just started cheating in the last 5 years. Cheating is not a new phenomenon, it's as old as man, and both sexes have always been involved. If anything at least now people recognize/acknowledge that it is neither right nor smart… but then again, it doesn't seem to make much of a difference.

    My suggestion: if you can't be failthful, then be in an open relationship, both parties can do their thing, and both know what's up. Who said you can't eat your cake and have it…

  6. And furthermore, I am Nigerian and I love my country and all, but why anyone would leave a country with about a 1% HIV infection rate (the U.S); even less among heterosexual women, to one with a 6% rate (some parts of Abuja have been reported to have a 10% HIV positivity rate) to f**k…. well it's take a special type to retard to not only see that as a brilliant idea, but to go as far as bragging about it…. just saying!

    • Deebs or whatever u call ur self…. you are a very stupid person and a fool to say that 9ija is 6% HIV and that your hungry American. are 1%HIV…..How can you believe that the country where u have the biggest number of gays in the world is 1%HIV? do nigerian have the same number of gays? is it very easy to find ponografic movie in Nigeria? let me tell you something if u don't know….American have the biggest number of HIV in this world belive it or not. IS SHAME THAT YOU HAVE ABADON THE COUNTRY GOD HILSELF CRATED U IN AND CHOOSE ANOTHER 4 UR SELF. SO U'R WISER THEN GOD ABI? this is how you pple go that America and take them like gods….and make yourself so inferio.

      • Your rant reeks of denial and ignorance. Continue pretending to yourself that there are no Gay people in nigeria to your own peril. You think people in Nigeria will declare they are positive? knowing the kind of stigma that comes with it. People in nigeria are dying from AIDS/HIV only they call it a brief illness or they lie about it. Continue ranting like a mad person. Maybe it hits close to home?

        • Obiwon, I wish Nigeria did not have such a high HIV rate, that's why I do what I can increase information about prevention and educate people about the negative effects of stigma associated with HIV and how that negatively impacts the lives of those living with AIDS. It is most likely true that Nigeria has a lower percentage of openly homosexual men, but the main route of transmission of HIV in Nigeria is heterosexual intercourse (i.e M to F or vice versa). Which is why if you're a heterosexual man even if the infection rates were the same in both countries (Nigeria and America), America would be the better country to have unprotected sex because most of the infected individuals are men… and that's not rocket science.

          Unfortunately, Nigeria does have a higher rate of infection, it is down from 6% and estimated currently to be at about 3.5%, however, because of our population of >140 million people that makes us the country with the second highest population of HIV positive individuals in Sub-Saharan Africa. And Sub-Saharan Africa has the highest number of HIV infected individuals world wide. You can take it or leave it, but the bottom line is that it is true.

          That being said, I actually take offense to your tone because to me you sounds like the kind of person who won't get tested themselves but will be the first to propagate the stigma and misconceptions associated with HIV positive people. First of all, you can relatively healthy live with HIV if you have access to medication and are compliant, and there are many couple homosexual and heterosexual where one partner is positive and the other is negative (they are call discordant couples). And thirdly, people have sex everyday and many of them with people that they're in love with, and due to lack of knowledge or the unfortunate incident of a condom breaking they became infected, and that does not make them morally inferior to the rest of us.

          My point is this; the fact that there is a higher HIV rate in Nigeria is in no way a reflection of the moral fabric of the country, because Americans and Europeans like sex as much as the average Nigerian, it is a reflection of the education in the general public about the HIV prevention, the proper use of condoms, and access to condoms (and yes! for some odd reason everyone's having sex, but they're a stigma associated with buying condoms in some parts of the world, Nigeria included).

          For the record I love Nigeria, I am proud to be Nigerian, and I love it too much to let people wallow in the deadly comfort of ignorance.

          by the way this is the link to the 2008 stats, I think they are the most current:

          US: http://www.unaids.org/en/CountryResponses/Countri

          Nigeria: http://www.unaids.org/en/CountryResponses/Countri

      • Another Nigerian in denial SMDH. Lets assume you are correct and the HIV rate is higher in the U.S. At least the people in the U.S. have access to treatment and are able to still live a long fulfilled life (i.e. Magic Johnson). How many people in nigeria even know if they are HIV positive or not with the nonexistent healthcare, or those that are aware how many can afford proper treatment. Like TAG said people are dying from HIV/AIDS in naija but they wanna call it oju aiye. Its about time we start taking the situation for what it is. And what exactly does access to porn have to do with HIV again? Your post just reeks of ignorance. So because there are more gays supposedly in the states that means they must have higher infection rates. lmao

      • Obiwon, you know why naija no dey progress or move 4ward? Pple like you full everywhere….Ignorant, unexposed and lack vision to address problems pragmatically

  7. I went home in august and i noticed the same thing. I even had some family mems tell me that it happens…. as if it's okay. What TAG is saying is very true, but it doesn't make me want to run from marriage. It just makes me want to choose wisely who i say "I do" too. It also adds to my distrust for my beloved naija men and thank God that there are african-american/black MEN with SENSE. God go help me sha…

  8. …'tis pretty unfortunate, however, 'we' allow these things to happen and that is why they thrive. Maybe 'tis high-time we started calling a stone…..a stone rather than calling what is bad…….not good.

    The guy who honours not his wife and goes a-playing, is wrong.

    The lady defies her vows by getting emotionally intimate with another, is wrong.

    The guy who cheats on his girlfriend, is wrong.

    The babe who allows men to grease her hand eventhough she is in a committed relationship, is wrong.

    So, what do we do? Let's join hands together and not condone this nonsense again. Let's dared to bring back the moral standard our parents generation had of relationships, matrimony et al……

    For if we do nothing and this decadence thrives this much in our generation, what are we going to seek in our children's?

  9. I would also cause harm to husband if I found him cheating. I'll go "waiting to exhale" on his ass. lol.

  10. Everybody has spoken well here. But i just want to add that let there be no generalization of people and discouragement from marriage. Truth is some people are born to screw up.

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