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African Men Will Cheat!

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I know a couple of men started muttering when they came across this topic: “what is up with Pamela and these kinds of topics?”. Yes, I know I have approached this topic from several tangents in different write ups -”men like wolves, small house problem etc”. But, I realized, that there is still a lot more I have to say about this. Maybe, this will be my last write up on this, who knows? Okay, maybe till I come across something that ticks me off. Last week, I got a chance to talk to a guy friend of mine who I had lost contact with in years, and he let it slip that he knows that his daddy was cheating on his mother. I remember being in shock at the blase way he mentioned it. I know African men cheating in most of their love/lust relationships isn’t a new thing but the tone that this was mentioned, made me realize that to many African men – CHEATING IS NOT A BIG DEAL! Having to deal with this onslaught of emotions, I decided that I need to discuss this with one of my Kenyan guy friends.    I realized that these two rules seem to be quite true of our men:

a) African men WILL CHEAT.

b)There is a cultural expectation for these men to cheat, as there is a cultural expectation for African women to forgive them and take them back.

At first, I was in shock at this feedback, because I am being told that as women, I should not expect simple givens like trust and ‘fidelity in a truly ‘committed’ relationship. So, my question really, if the situation were the reverse, “should I expect my man to be blase about it?”. Yes, I can hear the chuckles of some of the men at that statement. We know men will not put up with a cheating partner. I would have taken this further and called for an open relationship but that is a topic for another day.

Let’s deal with the basic question: Why do African men cheat?

a) simple answer: because they can and they can get away with it.

b) complicated answer: because they want to explore something extra, greed, insecurity.

Now, back to the main topic at hand: how do you know your man is cheating?

a) He picks up an argument every time – nothing seems to please him. The main reason for this is because, he is looking for an opportunity to connect with his new, “connection with the classic line, I am so misunderstood aka she doesn’t understand me but you do”.

b) Erratic behavior

c) You come across condoms in his car, his wallet or you notice that there are missing condoms in the pack.

d) He suddenly becomes too nice. For example, if you have a miserly man and all of a sudden he starts buying you stuff like there is no tomorrow, he is doing that to assuage his guilt.

e) He doesn’t notice you in your sexy get up aka freakum dress.

f) He suddenly becomes experimental in the bedroom.

g) calls you by another woman’s name during that moment.

h) Spends all his spare time on the phone with a particular female friend.

i) Raises hypothetical questions like, “do you think it is possible to love more than one person at one time?”.

j) wants more sex

k) wants less sex or no sex

l) turns off his cell phone when he’s home or with you or goes outside to make his phone call.

m) charger problems/lost cell phone/lost charger – being the reason you can’t get a hold of him for days.

I will end by quoting an African man who states -”if he’s African,he’ll probably cheat” and if you are a virgin and you are dating an African man – he’s probably cheating.

By the way – men could we change the lines a bit, if I hear, I am so misunderstood one more time – I will literally scream. oh yes, emotional cheating is still cheating.

Of course, women if you know more signs – we will like to know.


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Comments

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Comments

Comments
  • Brumzie January 4, 2010 at 6:33 am

    all I can say is…DAMN!

  • licious January 4, 2010 at 6:46 am

    Fact….

  • Deji D January 4, 2010 at 7:29 am

    The fact is people from all races cheat. People meaning men and women. Accepting a cheater is where the problem is. It tells them that it's ok. Victims really just need the strength to leave

  • I guess mine was che January 4, 2010 at 7:56 am

    Dated a guy and he showed almost all the signs above. He finally broke up with me and gave me a stupid excuse. Well I let him go because I am not going to convince you to love me. You have to want me. He tried calling me. I ignored his calls for 2 months. Now he texted me and says he is sorry, he misses me and wants to talk to me… Like I have been sitting around waiting for him to finally "know" he wants to be with me. Whatever. Men are complicated. All women want is to love you and be loved no other hidden agenda! mscheeew….

    • ThisGirl January 4, 2010 at 9:08 am

      Mumu guy abi? Now he wants you to jump over the moon that he want you back. How silly. Dear, ignore him. I'm sure you're already on to greener pastures.

      • I guess mine was che January 4, 2010 at 12:58 pm

        yes O! mscheeeww!!!

  • Elnuk January 4, 2010 at 8:44 am

    I agree with Deji. All men and maybe some women cheat! This sterotypical view about all African men cheat isn't a fair say. I have caucasian friends that also cheat. The problem starts when your wife or girl friend gets too comfortable after you "put a ring on it". They (women) believe that after marriage, I dont have to be attractive anymore. They walk around the house with a wrapper, panty hose on their head and …………

    This is not a good look. It does not help the man to see you the same. I have a girlfriend that I have refused to cheat on, because she continously challenges me with her beauty. Relationship is a two way street. Don't let the man batter you self esteem. Be the best you can and you will see changes.

    • ThisGirl January 4, 2010 at 9:05 am

      LOL LOL!! I can't!!! Not today! Haha! Are you for real? You think men cheat because you're wearing panty hose on your head???!!!! LWKMD. Sweety, I hate to burst your bubble but men even cheat on the most beautiful women in the world- even those that wear sexy heels 24hrs a day in the home. there are many reasons that a man might cheat. Don't be so myopic.

      Anyways, as I have already told my man- sure you can cheat but know that I can cheat as well. Tit for tat. You want to play, I will be more than glad to join you. We can even share stories.

      Does this mean I support cheating – no! Does this mean that if my man cheats I will run and cheat- who knows. Does it mean that my man thinks I am capable of cheating- perhaps not.

      I Just had to put the idea out there for him to digest and then proceed as he would like.

      Lets stop all this nonsense that if women were "perfect" and always pleased their men then the men would not cheat. Any person with half a brain knows that's not always the case. If it was that simple life would be a whole lot better lol!

      • Elnuk January 4, 2010 at 10:20 am

        yea.. ur right. It has been said that African men cheat cause they can get away with it. Do you blame them? That was the culture of the past, you get married to a man and you weren't allowed to divorce him ( cause the culture doesnt permit it. Your parents will never allow you back in their house). In North American, the culture still holds to some extent, but alot of women still don't have that courage to get up and leave. They believe they have to hold it together for the kids, but on the other hand they are still internally damaged. If you can show a man that you aren't putting up with his B.S then you can keep him in check to SOME extent. Men have this alter ego they have to feed, which is based on how many women can they conquer while they are here on earth.

        I still stay grounded on my conclusion that women still have their part to play and shouldnt think they dont have to look sexy anymore after dropping like two kids… Making the relationship exciting is always key regardless of how many year y'all been married.

      • Cheetah January 4, 2010 at 2:44 pm

        Tit for tat does not help improve the relationship or stop the cheating. Your man won't stop for fear of you doing tit4tat. In fact, it may make things worse. Be your non cheating self and pray God changes the guy. 2 wrongs do not equal 1 right

  • licious January 4, 2010 at 11:28 am

    FACT… My man doesnt cheat….

    LWKMD!….

    • I guess mine was che January 4, 2010 at 12:52 pm

      haha. I fo say! Get real honey! He does!

  • sophomore slut January 4, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    You do realize that even faithful men will get trapped in that maze of cheating signs you listed?

    More sex= cheating, less sex =cheating, no sex= cheating.

    Tell us how much sex is needed to be pronounced faithful.

    • belladonna1012 January 4, 2010 at 1:19 pm

      You are right o! We all go through phases where we can't get enough, and others were we are good with a little. So which one is it now? abi?

  • Brumzie January 4, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Lets be real…men and women cheat….

    What we are saying is…in the African society its acceptable (dare I say expected) for a man to cheat on his wife. And also expected that said wife not have issues with that…WHY? WHY? If she steps outside of her marriage she will be thrown out!!!!!

    But if her husband does the same thing…and she complains to whoever…she'll hear rubbish like:

    Doesnt he provide for you and the kids?

    At least he doesnt beat you

    He works hard to take care of your needs

    He is a good man…

    Look…on the real? BUMP THAT! I have been in a relationship with a man that cheated and I took him back because of this rubbish mentality that we dont even realize we're drumming into our kids heads….

    He said things like:

    I'll stop!

    I want to be with you!

    I'm sorry!

    I dont know why I did it!

    whilst sobbing with catarh flowing freely out of his nose…MSCHEEW!

    LIES! He did it because he could…and why not? I took him back! What an ASSHOLE!

    Its easy to say you will take the man back and forgive him…but, you will never forget…because men do not treat women outside differently than they treat their women or "Queen" as they call them….there is no difference between the way you touch her and the way you touch your woman…they are all WOMEN the SAME! If he tickles you while you are in bed and it makes you laugh…he'll try that on her…so…if you have that in the back of your mind…how can you forgive and move on? And if you cannot move on…then what is the point?

    The rules should be the same for men and women in the relationship. If you cheat…then I cheat or I leave you. I've told my man…should you ever feel the need or decided to cheat on me…make sure that guilt NEVER compells you to tell me about it…because I will NOT forgive you…because I cannot forget that you have betrayed me…because that is what infidelity is…BETRAYAL!

    • belladonna1012 January 4, 2010 at 1:21 pm

      Even the ones that do not provide still cheat because they want variety… mscheeeew. I know some broke ass married men that have tried to toast me. Sorry I don't do such!

  • Topic...dead horse January 4, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    Not all African men cheat *Gasp*. Yep, the temptation is alive and well but not all men cheat. Biko, let us all stop with the my own cheated on me, my father cheated on my mother…therefore all men cheat. Unless you have been with all the men in Africa, you can not make such a gross generalization (although, I will not deny that it is rampant).

    I come from a line of men who do not believe in double dipping when in a committed relationship (yes I am a grown man living in this century). I agree with most of the posts and the OP that said African men almost feel like it is part of the marriage contract to stray but there are some of us that are and have remained faithful to our women. Some of us consider the consequences (babies, diseases, scorned babies mothers, diseases). Some of us have a spiritual conscience too.

    Sadly, sometimes it has nothing to do with a woman's ability to turn tricks in the boudoir or look like Beyonce's finer twin. If a man will cheat, he will cheat unless he has determined in his mind to stay faithful. It takes self-discipline and determination to turn down women's passes and invitations but it is do-able.

    My dear African sisters, stop walking around with that "He is bound to cheat" attitude, give some of us credit. We give off the "cheater" signs in the beginning, we really and truly do. You just have to carefully look at our actions. There are happy women who have faithful men in their lives, they do not have three heads.

    • licious January 5, 2010 at 6:17 am

      TRUTH!!!!!!

  • Iamfaithful January 4, 2010 at 6:46 pm

    It is not fair to generalise this issue. SOME men do cheat but SOME men are also very faithful. When a man is cheating you will know but when a woman is cheating, if you don't catch her red-handed you will never know. Some men act like dogs i.e. you will know when they are sleeping with Miss A or B. Some women are like cats, you will never see them doing their acts. Even women go as far as cheating on their man with a TOY. How degrading is that or you are going to tell me that is not cheating?

    My sisters, the fact that you have not met a faithful man does not mean that there are no faithful men on earth.

    • licious January 5, 2010 at 6:15 am

      Oh using a TOY is cheating?!?!? well I'll be damned….

  • This topic gets me i January 4, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Well, I am a female and I have debated this topic with my best friend (guy), brother, in law, cousins — all guys of course. Everytime the topic is mentioned, all I get is a simple shrug of the shoulders accompanied by the following annoying phrase: "boys will be boys". Excuse me? Who the heck made cheating a thing to do for men? Guys always have some stupid excuse about cheating being in their DNA as an attempt to convince women why they do it. And sadly, lots of women fall for that crap. If women stand up to their men and make it not OK to cheat, trust me, men will not cheat because there will be no one to cheat with. Instead this whole cheating frenzy becomes a vicious cycle all because their are women willing to help the men cheat, and there are women willing to take them back.

    I am not trying to place the blame on women. But since guys have decided that their brains are located in their p****, then I guess we women have to do the thinking for them. I refuse to settle for a man that even remotely thinks it's ok to cheat. That's why before I even date a guy, I try as much as possible to get their stance on the situation. Of course some of them will lie — but you would be shocked how many guys have a nonchalant attitude towards cheating and they wont hesitate to tell you because they think it's "normal".

    In fact this topic wears me out. I only pray to God to give me a man that is ready to stay with me and fight off all temptation that come up during our relationship — after all, that is what loyalty is about. These days loyalty does not exist anymore. Good single ladies out there, all we can do is pray and patiently wait on God to provide goog, loving, and loyal men if any exist anywhere. If we reap what we sow, then why can't I get a good man? I have never cheated on any one, yet I keep getting cheaters – why? God dey sha!

    • lanre January 6, 2010 at 7:20 am

      Can't you make a simple point without insult.

  • anonymous January 4, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    Yes African men may cheat more because the culture allows that to get away with it, and this culture is perpertuated my men and yes I said… women. And I am an african woman. But guys from all backgrounds can cheat, just as guys from all backgrounds can be faithful.

    Either way, keep this in mind, cheating definitely opens the door unnecessary stressors i.e venereal disease. I hate to be a naysayer, but I am tired of seeing guys, and on one occasion a woman get diagnosed with HIV at the hospital and not tell their partner because the infection was the result of an affair. It's all fun and games, until you get the visitor that comes to stay.

    I am sorry, I had one of those incidents today, so I'm still venting. Yes condoms are very helpful, but they are not foolpoof, please hold body, and don't abuse the trust that your partner and/or your kids place in you.

    • belladonna1012 January 5, 2010 at 7:47 am

      wow you really put things into perspective. Cheating hurts the family and can destroy the family. Imagine if HIV is introduced.

  • Osayande Felix Omoka January 6, 2010 at 3:34 am

    This is certainly an opportunity for people to discuss social and cultural issues in Africa. I would say that there are traditionally two parties here, a man and a woman. But there are those who are male in appearance but are sympathetic to the female complains and some reasons are that their fathers' treated their mom with respect and honour or grew up loving mom more than dad. Another is that there are women(older women precisely) who have been well treated and would kick aside the general notion of the fact that the African man must cheat. I have heard women bring up stories of cheating wives too.

    In marriages there are issues the greenhorn would discover like sex, sex performance, money issues etc. But this topic is narrowed to the sex part. Society of Africa today is slowly loosing from the tight reins of the old order. Now women are able to have a fair share of their rights.

    Finally, the notion that the African will cheat is old fashioned as we have more girls cheating now. Environment matters and i would like to show you people and places where cheating is little to nothing accounted. I hope you do get to understand that "If you say African men must cheat" this idea goes into the minds of the kids coming up. They learn from us. With education and openness people are able to make better decisions as they see the consequences for their cheating actions.

  • onyinye January 6, 2010 at 5:55 am

    not all men cheat…there re some few good men out there…n it happens cos the woman is scared to leave or be left alone or allows it; which boils down to insecurity…if a man cheats he's not worth it….love is simple not heart breaking abeg…easy!!

  • Harry Baba January 6, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    I don't like this topic shah. Men cheat, women cheat, the "African" part there seems to seperate African men from the rest of the world as a group that is known for "cheating" or cheat more than any other class in society. in light of the recent events this is bad timing and frankly illogical and untrue.

    please post and promote something positive in relation to Africa and its people. I know sometimes media folks seek to market and push "sensational" stories to the public. It gets people talking and increases the hits to ones site.

    for right now the timing might be a little off

    i still love and support Jaguda 24/7! you guys are family

    my 10 kobo

    Harry Baba

  • TheDoublePrince January 6, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    Cheating is universal…. I guess Tiger Woods is Nigerian too… Female and Male cheat

  • nana January 7, 2010 at 5:22 am

    This is part of the African culture. He can't be cured from cheating. Let's look at Zuma (SA) as a prime example of this piece.

  • belladonna1012 January 7, 2010 at 8:07 am

    True story. Names have been changed to protect identity of the individuals involved.

    Lola went to an owambe party and met Segun. Segun chased her and eventually Lola gave Segun her number. Segun calls Lola the following day and they talk. Lola tells Segun that she is a single mother of 4 so any man that is going to be with her has to be able to step up. Segun says no problem. He loves children. He has not been able to start a family yet even though he is 45 because he did not want any baby mama drama, and he has been waiting for the right opportunity. So Lola says ok. My colleague is having a party for her mom later tonight, why don’t you meet me there so we can talk some more. Segun is delighted and gets directions to the party.

    So later that evening, Lola is at the party and Segun calls her and says he is outside. So Lola goes outside through the basement door to meet with Segun. So she is walking back into the house with Segun when she bumps into another of her colleague Titi. Titi sees Segun and is delighted “Ah Uncle Segun you are here!”

    Lola: “Titi you know Segun?”

    Titi: “Yes! I sang at his wedding three weeks ago. This is Bisi’s husband.”

    Bisi is Titi and Lola’s 28 year old co worker that has been smiling extra hard over the last few weeks because she just got a “husband”….

    • thots January 9, 2010 at 5:33 am

      This is soooo sad (for bisi). And it happens all the time.

  • Aribaba & The 40 January 7, 2010 at 9:22 am

    j) wants more sex

    k) wants less sex or no sex

    That's very conflictiing ooo… So the man has to want to same ammount of sex for the duration of his relationship all the time?….lol.

    Anyways, I believe cheating is a global thing and happens in all races. The difference is as the writer pointed out, it's for some reason more acceptable in our culture, partly because for most of us our parents or in some cases grandparents are the first generation of monogamous marriages in africa. Most african men had the opportunity of marrying more than one wife, and in some cases (islam) still do. I'm not trying to make excuses for any man cheating, I'm just stating why I think it's more acceptable in our culture. It's a transformation from the polygamy to monogamy, and it's not a switch. The more people stand up against cheating the less tolerable it'll be.

    Our parents are able to say things like "just bear with him" or "Men are just like that" because they saw people around them in their younger lives in polygamous marriages. In our generation it's more frowned upon than it was in previous generations.

    Oh by the way, Women cheat too sha, and some men forgive :)

  • FoxychickIsi January 8, 2010 at 6:53 am

    Hmm.

    My main grouse with the cheating thing is not the issue of broken fidelity, it's the issue of disease. I don't understand how guys don't even think about their health when they are digging into the punani of some skank they know nothing about. Imagine if he not only gets something from her, but passes it to his wife. You not only betrayed her trust, you made her sick.

  • Ngozi N. February 15, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    Its horrible how men in general cheat. I grew up in the US. Dated American men first. Some cheated. Then decided to date Nigerian men. The two I’ve dated have cheated. Then after the cheat they beg to come back. WHY?? If you didn’t have the decency to be faithful why should a woman go back. You men are horrible.

    • Heidilou April 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

      I too have fell for one of these seemingly wonderful african men. All he did was cheat and lie forr nearly 2 years. Turns out he had a wife living here and one in Africa. What a waste of my time.

  • Naija Divas May 6, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    I don't think women should make this more complicated than it needs to be. If he cheats and you know you dipped out a couple of times yourself (be honest now…) suck it up, talk it out, and move on if you want your relationship to work. If he's a straight asshole and he stays cheating on you left and right and you have been faithful — move the frig on man. Too much energy is wasted on men and relationships that are not worth our time.

    Naija Diva out!

    Swagger up!

  • Katherine May 18, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    The worst part is that women also expect women to put up with it. For example I had an argument with my mother over what one should do when your partner cheats, she said men will always cheat it's not a big deal and I said I would divorce the man instantly. Anyway for me my solution is that I just don't date African men period (actually I don't like African men for many other reasons as well, to the extent where I don't even consider my African male friends to be true friends, some of them think they are my close friends but in reality they are just acquaintances and they are dispensable to me, but I do have close African women friends). I haven't dated an African man since 1998, and once you stop dating them you won't go back. I do understand that not everyone has the option of not dating an African man so hopefully a more generally applicable solution can be found. However if you have the option, don't waste your time and emotions on an African man, although other men cheat too, they don't act like they are entitled to cheat, also regarding other aspects of the relationship other men will treat you better.

  • elizabeth May 19, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    all men cheat!!PERIOD!!white or black…u just have to know how to deal with it….

  • chi June 16, 2010 at 4:47 am

    whats d fuzzzz about men cheating,why do we ladies like pointing finger to our male counterparts when in actual

    sense we d ladies are d worst set of beings on planet earth.a man dating a gal cheats on his gal with one other

    gal,while a gal dating a man cheats on his man with 4,5 other men,so whos worse off.you see ppl cheat,so its left for you to know what is good for you,and if you know your man or woman is cheating on you and you know it,

    and you are tired of the whole thing,i guess you know what to do.in the actual sense i think they are the ones who are more faithful to their partners,except for the married ones.

  • chukky June 16, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    really disappointed with the writer of this article,you generalizing stuffs like this makes young readers start inculcating the wrong ideas into their head,because when a gal thinks every man is a cheat out there,you start grooming gals that think and act like sluts every where. because the writer doesnt date men with strong morals and upright men doesnt make all men a cheat.when gals just go out and start dating any man who is loosed in morals,you see all manner of nonsense,and you come out and start writing rubbish.what happens to all the upright men with good morals,cos you have never dated one doest make all men bad.because if one junkie comes out from no where after exploring a couple of whores and start saying shit like ALL GALS ARE WHORES.doest make any sense at all,because when you generalizing you thought on a handful of gals you have dated and you start writing crap like this,really makes people have funny thoughts about the other sex.so for next time sake,please try to be fair with your writings……………..THANKS

    • Kylina June 19, 2010 at 4:54 pm

      Well, I have dated many African men… and I am afraid they are all the same indeed! They lie and cheat with a lot of ease…

    • Linka February 5, 2012 at 7:11 am

      You are wrong.
      It is my personal experience that African men are not the best choice for a strong, stable, respectable relationship.
      I have tested this painful theory over and over again, simply because I was naive and stupid enough to fall for African men over and over.
      The result was always the same: Pain, shame. And now it's disgust.
      Conclusion?: African men, Carribean men, African American men are NOT FRICKIN WORTH THE TROUBLE!
      I think most self-respecting women are realizing this more and more.

  • Kylina June 19, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    Yes, it is true: African men cheat and they lie! They can sleep with 3-4 women at a time and still behave as if you are the only one he is seeing! Even when they are caught and you have proof of their infidelities, they will still deny it and make up all the stories in the world (She is a friend, she is the one pursuing me, I just wanted to buy something from her …hmmm I can only imagine what!) They feel no remorse for doing it and will even try to make you feel like you have lost it (since you are imagining the whole thing, you must have lost your mind, right?)

    The ironic thing is that they swear they are looking for a serious relationship and that special connection! They would not even see something special if it hit them in the face! Truth be told: They think they are God’s gift to women, therefore, they should share themselves with as many as possible…so giving and unselfish of them, don’t you think? I am about to vomit…

    I will no longer date African men! And if I am being called a racist for it: so be it! I much rather have some prejudice and be called a racist than a STD and be called a fool!

    For you out there who is considering dating and African man… Don’t! He will only break your heart!

    • hotchick April 24, 2011 at 11:07 am

      Oh so true – lie, lie, lie with three or four at a time and STD included – my own experience – do not date them – is there a site one can post them to save other females

  • chukky June 20, 2010 at 9:37 am

    see who get choice oooooooooo

  • Lite8016 February 3, 2011 at 4:59 am

    true they cheat a lot

  • Joseph April 19, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    Men are cheating with women and they are not all cheating with the same woman. Women cheat just as much as men. In fact, both civil and moral law require the woman to say no and the females are not saying no, all a man can do is ask for sexual favours. Married or not, many, many, married women are not saying no.

    A woman is more likely to cheat then a man is, simply because they are given way too many opportunities to do so. Why can’t both men and women be completely loyal to each other. If you think you are missing out on something, talk about it to your mate and I am sure he or she would be happy that you did. But on the other hand i guess no one really cares any more, it has become the norm to cheat. It gives the person a since of excitement. Bottom line if one makes a dedication you should stick to it!

  • Joseph April 19, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Men are cheating with women and they are not all cheating with the same woman. Women cheat just as much as men. In fact, both civil and moral law require the woman to say no and the females are not saying no, all a man can do is ask for sexual favors. Married or not, many, many, married women are not saying no.

  • nelly July 8, 2011 at 7:23 am

    I hate to say it but its true I am from the caribbean and I dated a guy from ghana,all he did was cheat and lie I then found out that he had a wife here and in ghana.he broke my heart and was a complete waste of time.even though we used condoms I still got checked out thank God I am std clean and HIV negative,I was told by a friend of our that he’s been asking for me want to know were I am and whatt im doing,whatever I don’t even look at him anymore period I run like the cartoon bird road runner.peep peep im out don’t want him.good luck guys and gals just pray God will send you someone great since all of this I have moved on and im happily married.one love

  • DrNiknik July 8, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    Although I sincerely try to find the best in everyone, I have to agree that from my own personal experiences African men do cheat much more readily and openly (at least openly to their other African guy friends) than any other group I know. I was married to one for 4 years and always suspected infidelity- tried couselling, I even asked I there was something I could do to encourage him to come home to me and not them. Although he never openly admitted his cheating until I lied and told him I hired a private investigator, I was shocked when I found out that he never used a condom. From my estimates and many confirmations, he was with at least 10-15 different women every year. I am so thankful not to have gotten anything too serious from it. But being married to African introduces you to their culture and friends and family. Of the African men I know and/or socialize with, only 3 of 30+ have not cheated consistantly on their spouse or gf that I know of. I’m sorry to say that proportionally, I know much fewer white guys that cheat on their significant other.
    I’m not trying to say don’t be with them because many African men have a lot to offer: culture that focuses on bettering the family AND the community (not just the individual). I personally love the music, dancing and general acceptance of others as family. Because of this, I find it hard to be satisfied with anything else. Sure, I’ve dated men from central America, Europe, the Philippines, laos, india and America, as well as men from more than 13 different countries in Africa. I’ve realized that when you know exactly what you want in a man, you will never find it, rather, figure out what is most important to you and learn to compromise with the less important things.
    After my divorce I swore off Africans (zambians in particular), at least when it came to emotional attachment. Then, after our divorce was final ( I had moved to a different city a year earlier without him), I continued to be an integral member of the Zambian community of WI, MN and IL and still maintain open communication with my ex. I was shocked at how many of my ex husbands “friends” tried toget with me! It took a while but they eventually learned that it was never gonna happen and many of the guys now see me as their “sister” and are rather protective of me. Recently, I started talking to one of the guys that I had met several times before but never really knew because he moved to a city near me and I was the closest “Zambian” to him. We hung out one night, and instantly clicked. So one of the guys who is overly protective of me but also very close to this man advised me to “take it slow” but wouldn’t explain. So “Katuna” (don’t wanna use his name) and I have been together for about 2 months now and get along very well in so many ways. Being the person I am, I chose refrain from judging him as a “potential cheater” and just took each day as it came. My last husband married me to try to get citizenship (beyond the green card he had), didn’t have a job and refused to go to school even though he never graduated highschool, was a quick learner and I offered to help with his studies and finances even though I was working 2 jobs to support us. I am now half way done with my medical doctorate which has made me nervous that a man may try to marry me for the money too. So when Katuna came along, he had just been naturalized as a us citizen, started a supervisor position at a food manufacturing corporation that is paying for him to get his masters degree in food science. At least I knew he wasn’t after my money or my citizenship, plus he was well educated, so naturally I was attracted. And then today I get a call from one of my “boys” who was worried about my relationship. There was a bachelor party several weeks ago out of town was full of drinking, going out, talking, and nshima. I trusted him to be faithful, and why not, he hadn’t lied to me or proven himself anything less than trustworthy. So my guy tells me to “just be careful and dont get too involved too quickly”. Lucky for me this guy was not close to my man, so I was able to get him to explain how he knew for sure that my man wasn’t being true. I figured someone started a rumor (happens ALL the time). Finally he told me that evey guy there went out that night and brought a woman back to the hotel with them. They only had 2 rooms for 15 guys, so my guyfriend bargained and got 3 more for a reduced rate. He took one room, another took one room, and then my sweetie took the last. There were only 3 guys there that were single, most of them married. So now I have to make a choice: I am going to talk to him about it, but I’m not mad, just disappointed. Who knows where the road will lead me, but somehow I just can’t escape Zambia, and a big part of me doesn’t want to….

  • meme August 2, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    I’m an american who has dated 2 w. African men(sierra leonean).they both cheated. The first I got rid of after 6months. My current one cheated once( met w/her face 2 face),he has used every line in the book 2 flat out deny he doing anything now. My heart knws otherwise. But for some reason I can’t let this one go.stupid. right? But I see the good man he can beif he would just keep his prick in his pants! It is true all men no matter color or culture they wi cheat. Women should learn not 2 b so free with their goods.

  • yoyo August 14, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Note to self: “Stay FAR AWAY from African men!”…No one will be taking advantage of this virgin. >:) ….P.S. That probably means staying away from most men in general as well lol.

  • Mena September 27, 2011 at 4:16 am

    This all together is horrible and I hate to say it but the African man that I dated in college did cheat on me a lot and thank God I did not contract a disease from his nasty tail. I am married now and to a man from Ghana and as much as we love each other I have a gut feeling that he is hiding things from me that may effect our marriage:( Now I want to separate from him and just be by myself, just me and the lord. If I find out that he is cheating on me or has cheated on me or has another wife in Ghana I will be hurt and probably slap his face:/ All this cheating is unnecessary and is why we have all of these horrible diseases in the world, God does not like all of this. I hate it so much when these African men say they are "Christians" and go to church every Sunday and still cheat on their wives:/ I know one thing you reap what you sow, the bible says so. Enough of my venting:) I have know good and bad African men and men in generally, So ladies we have to be more careful and ask God to give us wisdom and discernment when it comes to finding the right mate. If my negative gut feelings turn out to be true about my husband and his evil endeavors I pray for God to show him mercy. Adultery is a sin. NO! It is not bloody okay for a man to cheat, We African women need to wake the hell up and kick these evil, flesh desiring African men to the side curb and leave a note on them warning other good women of their evil, hurtful,endeavors :) Of course I am referring to the BAD African, American,European, men who cheat and think it is okay. It is never okay to hurt a good, God fearing women.

  • SEcharleschukwum@ March 17, 2012 at 9:34 am

    yes, HE does cheat. He cheated a lot. And everytime he cheated, I got the prove. When confronted, and he was caught red handed he threw tantrums like punching or "stop over analyzing me", "don't question me", "you're imaging things. I wonder what goes in that head of yours" and lots more.

  • Womanhurt October 29, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    Hi all. African men cheat and they are proud of it, fact! African woman take it as a norm! My husband is African , most of my friends are Africans and they all say – cheating is ok, they all do it(man), while woman would say, that you just have to accept it and not bother because it is inevitable. I used to say “my men is different” but till very recently. He has cheated, as expected, and would not even take it seriously. When I was asking my African girlfriend for advice, she said that I should just pretend not knowing, do not tell him and just live as nothing happened, and no matter what cheating, I would not even think of leaving him. She had three husbands, all cheated, and she still thinks that it’s ok. That’s just their mentality and culture!!!
    Sick! Right now, I am just trying to deal with it myself before I confront him, I need to decide what to do next, we have 3 kids, but I can’t stay in unhappy relationship just for them. Also he has done it before with the same woman, who is way older than me and not as attractive, makes me physically sick!
    Everyone can cheat, but Africans expect to be forgiven on an instant and forgotten about, no consequences, otherwise you have been unsupportive wife!
    It’s a fact, that’s my life today !

  • AMIR November 17, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    PEOPLE WILL ONLY DO WHAT YOU ALLOW….MEN OR WOMEN…WHEN YOU CATCH THEM……KILL THEM!!!!!!

  • Gail March 3, 2013 at 4:55 am

    I am on the brink of dating a Nigerian man, my first ever, a virgin in that respect – he pursued me hard and has promised me the world. After reading all these posts I am now having second thoughts!

    • Shan May 31, 2014 at 12:15 am

      They can love you while simultaneously think it’s acceptable to cheat, and boy can some of them sweet talk their way out of it

  • Shan May 31, 2014 at 12:13 am

    Can’t help but wonder if it’s possible to change this culture. Mine had a girlfriend when we got married and has been sleeping with strangers the entire relationship

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