Just Friends or Just Denial


Collaborated with Tay-d

You know that book of codes, which has so many unwritten rules of conduct ( like guys code of “bros before hoes” or girls codes of “never dating a friend’s ex”)? Well in that unknown book, its been established that members of the opposite sex can’t just “be friends”. Even movies propagate this misconception. Take for instance, the movie “Brown Sugar” – first friends, girl likes guy, guy likes girl, guy gets married, guy gets divorced and eventually guy gets with girl and a whole lot in between, but I wont get to that; you all get the idea. This cements the whole idea even more.

Ok how about I make it more personal. Lets say, there have been 2 friends, Sade and Emeka, who have known each other for a little bit and yes, they did have feelings for each other but it was never explored. Regardless, Sade somehow manages to compare every guy she meets to Emeka as he becomes “her standard”. As expected with time, Sade wants more but Emeka doesn’t and the feelings did get in the way of the relationship to the point of them not talking at all for a few months.

Now hit the forward button, Emeka calls and they reconnect and the FRIENDSHIP (nothing else) springs back up. More importantly, this time, they make it clear that they are just friends with “minute” benefits and nothing more and both agree. People around them say that they get this uncomfortable vibe (or “sexual tension”) between them. Emeka and Sade don’t deny that but they claim to take it in stride and say it is all just in fun. So the question is, can two people of the opposite sex just be friends, or would one day have these feelings take over? And do you think this “agreement” between Emeka and Sade will work?


  1. I'm a guy, and I can say that two people of the opposite sex can be friends… I mean there has to be some boundaries, and there's more likely to be sexual tension if a) the two are obviously attracted to each other b) they spend a whole lot of time together… Let's just say that combination can be trouble, but besides that i see no reason why a guy and a girl can't be good friends. I have a good number of females friends that i'm close to, but nothing has and probably wont pop off.

  2. i totally agree. Theres no such thing as two people of the opposite sex being just friends. It does not work and will never work. Its 1 of 3 things, it s either they are having something, av had something or about to av something. take my word for it, been there, done sveral research on it, and i can tell its the same all over. Thank you.

  3. It's possible as long as both of them make it CLEAR that in no shape, form or fashion, in heaven, on earth, in hell & beneath hell will this "thingy" EVER amount to anything else but platonic friendship!

  4. Guys and girls can be friends, it's easy, and it's important that we have good friends of the opposite sex (helps with issues of translation!). But you can't be friends with someone you're attracted to, it either is happily ever after as a couple, escalates and blows up, or you stop being friends until you're no longer attracted to each other.

    So in short, no the agreement between Sade and Emeka won't be simple and it won't stay simple. Sounds to me like Emeka is getting the better end of the deal anyway, and Sade is feeding an addiction to a man while claiming it's ok he doesn't think she's the hottest thing he can get his hands on….recipie for disaster me thinks!

  5. It can happen, one of my closest friends since high school is a guy and nothing has, is or will happen between us other than a platonic friendship. I think guys need to get over thinking that they are so irresistable. I think this blog stems from the male ego, thinking that he can have any girl he wants if he puts in work. Truth is, women control such matters, so as long as she says it's platonic…. it's platonic.

    • I am actually a woman and I wrote this blog. I have no problem with men and women being friends, (in fact, one of my best friends is a guy). What I am saying is that when you have gone past the road of "doing it" with your so called friend, then that friendship is kinda messed up. I haven't seen many friendships that survive this becasue (whether people want to admit it or not), one eperson always wants more than the other is willing to give and wahala happens through that. Not denying that the male ego isn't way elevated or that the woman doesn't control things, but that isn't the case here. This is more about what happens after that line has been crossed? Can they still remain just friends or will there always be that between them stopping them from being just friends?

  6. I agree that girls and guys can be friends. Sometimes its even good when people of opposite sex have a friendship. But as others have stated, boundaries must be set. Both parties must understand what they want, friendship, friendship with benefit, or intimate partnars. There is no in between. Both parties must remind themselves that their friendship is imporatnt and nothing should come in between their friendship. But altimately, guys and girls can be friends

  7. am in dis kind of situation and its not d easiest thing. We know we like each other. But drz no taking things further and all dat. Cos of some 'reasons'. i neva caught feelings in d beginning of our friendship.. But now we're really really close and mehn! Derr are so many feelings to catch. U noe wen u spend like half of ur day with one person everyday single day. D feelings would wake up nau! Lol. Derz d occassional sexual tension. But it can be overlooked. But the main thing is goin past dat… Setting boundaries and of course giving other prospective toasters a chance cos dats were i think i made a mistake.

    • And that's where the problem crops up, When that person becomes your standard and when you catch feelings so much that you feel like if you are patient enough, it will happen and therefore, you don't want him to think he doesn't have a chance so you start fashing other toasters or not taking things with them seriously. I agree with the people who say this isn't something that can happen or if it happens, it will not end well because in the long run, since that line has been crossed in the first place, it will continually be crossed and when that's all that is happening, there will be problem b/c na human nature to want more and when person B is not willing to give what person A wants, hostilities or animosities crop up and yawa go gas from there and it will all go downhill from there. People who are in this sort of thing don't want to believe and say it can be done, but wait and see, no matter how long it takes, that will be the case. Just get out of it now while you can or just accept that yall have crossed that boundary and yall are not friends anymore, y'all are past that (f-buddies or lovers, whichever yall wanna become, but not friends) and deal with whatever y'all are now.

  8. i think in very rare situations can both sexes remain friends. But in more situations i've witnessed and probably being a part of….the relationship can never be the same…once the line has been crossed..its crossed. And i do think even though they might try to remain friends there is always one member of the party who still has feelings that have to be diguised!

    And in the case of Emeka and Sade, they are either going to eveolve into a natural relationship…or somebody is going to get really hurt and damaged….i'm just saying!

  9. "… do you think this "agreement" between Emeka and Sade will work?" They would rather it worked but, truth be told……it just might not. Yeah, they just might be able to pull of the 'just friends' but, it sure will also come with its attendant repercussion……which is, their prospective toasters will simply be intimidated or simply perish the thots.

  10. I agree with Aribaba (I like the name BTW- very unique). You CAN be friends with the opposite sex as long as Attraction is not a factor. I have ALOT of male friends that I have been friends with for close to a decade without any problems- we text, call and chat with each other and there is absolutely NO problem. In fact (I am married) and one of my closest friends is a guy who recently got married and I was there for the wedding, I'm friends with his wife and whenever I go to the town he lives in I call him. As long as you keep proper boundaries and obey what GOD says then you're good to go.I am also very close with my hubby's brothers and cousins- we can sit down and gist for hours and they have even taken me out to join them on some outings. The thing is to always be aware of your demeanour, reasons and motives behind such friendships an of course, GOD. You dont make 'rules' as such and you know when you're getting to a dangerous place where you have to step back and reevaluate. That said, if we think we cant be friends with the opposite sex then we may miss out on some truly enriching relationships in life!

  11. I have tried platonic friendship with women in a couple times but in both cases the relationship headed south because the women wanted more. I was not interested in that sought of relationship with them but they thought we could head that way. I have not attempted that kind of friendship since the last one. I have a serious girlfriend and do not know why these other girls want more.

  12. LOL… I have friends in that category, it wil work as long as both parties understand and stick to the code of conduct for their " friendship" . However one person always wants more, its balancing the wanting more and the not responding to the feelings that'll make or break the " friendship".