Black Professional Woman

I wrote this a while back and it has nothing to do with my previous article so please do not bring that up here or try to connect them. I shared this with my family and friends back in January 31, 2008 on Facebook. Now I want to know what the world thinks.

Ladies, have you been in relationships where the guy told you that you need too much? I have.

Fellas, I know, you have been in relationships where you felt that your girl needed too much from you?

Please try reading with an open mind. I am sure you will still jump down my throat and that is ok.

“You are too independent!,” you say
Like it’s a disease or an ailment
But I recall yesterday
When you said “you are too needy”
“You are way too emotional”
“I can’t always be there for you”
“I can’t do everything for you”
So I stepped back
I revaluated my stance
I started to evolve
I went took classes to better understand myself and finances
I began to trust myself
And as I began to grow
The chant in my head grew louder
“I think I can! I think I can!! I think can!!!
I paid my bills, bought me some clothes
Some shoes and a nice car
I realized I never really NEEDED you
But I WANTED you
I wanted you there for me
I could do these things by myself, FOR myself
So my confidence grew and GRew and GREW
You started noticing the changes
You said “Finally! Handle your business baby!”
But then I handled it too well
I did not call you every time things went wrong
And then you began to say “You are too independent!”
“You think you don’t need a man!”
“Why won’t you let me help you?”
Bottom line baby, I don’t NEED you
I got ME, I WANTED you but now I DO ME
It’s too late to be my knight in shining armor
You took the back seat when I wanted you in front
To protect my innocence
My eyes are now open to the world
And though I do not like its harshness
I have saved myself
I have made it
I AM an independent woman

My message to the Ladies? Sometimes YOU need to handle your business; your man should not take care of your EVERY need or want.

To the fellas? Try to PROTECT your woman the world can be dreadful and she does not need to know its EVERY torment!

To all: Find a balance, let your man save you once in a while and be your woman’s hero!




  1. Personally, I've always encourage gurls that i know to get an education and a job, that is the number one sign that you are not a needy person. If you dont have an education or a job, then you need me, which might be cool for a while, but after the initial lust is over, I might start to question if you are with me because you like me or you need me. However some ladies, after the education and the job, always feel like they dont need a man, which is why you see alot of single(ALONE) succesful "INDEPENDENT" ladies. Some guys due to their weak relationship management skills dont know how to respond to a succesful woman in a relationship, so they start making comments that make themself feel better. At the end of the day, I put the onus on a Man to manage his relationship well, if you are sure of yourself and you handle ur business, you dont have to feel inferior to ur independent significant other..Realize, that while a woman dont have to need a man for everything, there are somethings she just can't do for herself, thats when she needs a Strong, Confident man to be there for her. Like the song says, "There is nothing more sexy than a gurl that WANT but dont NEED me"

  2. I loove this, Bola. Really really nice one.

    And Tunde, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. Good job!

  3. This is dead-on… somewhere in the whole independent women thing, we all kinda forgot that we both need each other, and no one should be more dependent on the other.

    Nice piece!