I’m Your Partner Not Your Kitchen Slave… The Rebuttal to “New Age Nigerian Wife”

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From Jaguda:

This note was originally on facebook, but we figured it was a good rebuttal to the earlier post “New Age Nigerian Wife.” We got in contact with the writer of the note and she was delighted to share with the audience on here… so here goes:

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Call me whatever you want but I am NOT destined for the kitchen just because some GUY says so. Yes, I am a woman but the ONLY duty that GOD designated to be completely mine in the marriage is to CARRY our children for 9 months. EVERYTHING else my husband can help me with. When GOD created WOMAN, He created her as a HELPMATE not a slave-mate for her husband. GENESIS 2:18 “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an HELP meet for him.”

There is no reason why I should come home from working a 12-18 hour shifts only to work some more in the kitchen while my husband is laying around, watching TV and being a couch potato. If he was giving the kids their bath or helping out then that’s ok. Spin that however you want. How will my husband tell me he loves me and yet I am aching in the kitchen after work, then I’ll go take care of the kids and then come to bed and meet his needs too, I guess? Let’s be real!

Do not misunderstand me. I do not expect my husband to be in the kitchen all day everyday but for him to feel he is too much of a man to do it or its ONLY to be done if I am “sick, just gave birth or on special occasions”? That makes me sick and think less of him as a man.

A loving relationship is based on service I SERVE my husband and HE SERVES ME. Did JESUS not wash the feet of his disciples? JOHN 9:5-14: Verse 14 says “If I then, your LORD and MASTER, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.”

Ngozi Oleleh says: “Plus what kind of message are you sending your kids, when they know your wife wears the pants in the house….” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I am wearing the pants if my man cooks? What does this dude think wearing the pants means? So if I cook for my husband everyday, does it mean he is the head? NO. If I “…SUBMIT myself unto my own husband, as unto the Lord (EPHESIANS 5:22)* and …as it is fit in the Lord (COLOSSIANS 3:18)* then he is the head. Submitting gives my husband the final say but believe me it has to be according to the word of GOD NOT MAN and I will give my input.

I would love staying at home, cooking, cleaning, having the babies, taking of the home and whatever else, but my husband should be able to BRING home ALL the bacon and I’ll COOK it.

Ngozi Oleleh also says “When guests come to your house, imagine the MAN, cooking and bringing out food from the kitchen to serve the guests…WOW…NOW that would be funny… Your friends and your friends wives will laugh at you.” How immature is this man to think the character of your marriage is based on appearances and whether your friend/friend’s wives will laugh at you? It would be awesome if my husband came in the kitchen to ask if I needed help and takes out some of the food. Yes, your friend may laugh but ask him how happy his home is, and the wife may also laugh but I promise you she is jealous and thinking WHY does my husband not do this. I have friends who are my age and some who have bring married 20+ years and practice this “NEW AGE NONSENSE” but they are much happier than the other married couples who do not. It’s a tried and proven method that builds a strong foundation.

Bottom line? Marriage and real love is based SOLELY on GOD and his WORD. The bible urges a man to “… love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT; Ephesians 5:25*”. Ngozi Oleleh has completely missed the point: It is not what you can get from your wife but what you can give her and vice versa. Christ first loved us not the other way around: 1 John 4:19 “We love him, because he FIRST LOVED US!”

1 Corinthians 7:4 The WIFE HATH NOT POWER of her own body, BUT the HUSBAND: and likewise also the HUSBAND HATH NOT POWER of his own body, BUT the WIFE. This guy obviously just sees the first part where the man has power over the woman BUT READ ON AND WHAT DOES IT SAY? Verse 3 says: Let the HUSBAND render unto the WIFE due BENEVOLENCE: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. Benevolence* meaning to perform kind, charitable acts: Isn’t cooking for your wife a kind and charitable act?

Finally, this is a conversation each and every couple needs to have this conversation BEFORE marriage! Each party should discuss where they stand, decide if you both can live with the ideals you set. CAUTION: This should take more than one conversation! Accept what your partner says at face value, do NOT think you can CHANGE him/her after marriage! Pray earnestly that God send you the bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh for the Bible warns “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:13-15. If you are unequally yoked and already married it’s not too late, pray for God’s forgiveness and healing in your relationship! Walk with him and he will guide your path.
Enough said!

NOTE:
* Bible verse was paraphrased/edited from the King James version.
*Definition from www.yourdictionary.com

88 COMMENTS

  1. Wow. Very well said! All of it. I'm sorry to say, but I would be disgusted to meet any man who believes that it is solely the duty of the wife to cook and "serve" him. A real man is confident in himself to not need his woman to "serve' him so that he can feel powerful! A wife knows how to respect this kind of man.

    LOL. I loved the part about the man bringing home ALL of the BACON!

    These men want their woman to keep to their stereotypical "womanly" duties, yet they will not hesitate to collect the woman's paycheck after a hard day of work! Na wa o! I just can't LMAo.

    To the men out their that recognize they want a help mate and not a SLAVE- you will soon find a gem that will bring happiness to your life and vice versa!

    • you are a lazy brat… thats why u agree with this nonse Article… the kitchen is the woman's department… my mum says that a man has no business wth her pots and the rest of her Kitchen untensils…

        • feel sorry for urself and Died at it… like mother says dont go in pot… only woman are allowed to go in her pot…

          • if you must insult people can you at least get you Mother to review your replies?? because it seems you mother only talked more about cooking and never taught you how to speak English.

      • What kind of imbecilic moron is this "Teacher mimi how to read" sef????!?!? what cave have you been living in? in case you are not aware, this is 2009. After such an intelligent article, this moron had to pop up out of the wood works to spew such ignorant buffoonery. I want to believe that there aren't people as unintelligent as you are in this world but then again i have learned that nothing is impossible and as soon as you feel like you have heard the most stupid thing ever, some mo-tard comes up with something even more intensely stupid. So for you and all the idiots you represent, i want you to find the highest cliff with the sharpest rock beneath it and fall off it onto those rocks, just to ensure that you get cut up properly and stop crowding up the earth. You are wasting valuable space and taking up valuable oxygen.

    • take ur oviation to somewhere else… go learn how to cook for ur husband… not trying to convert your man if you have any into your steward…

  2. Wow. Men should realize that most women that cook and "serve" them is not because it is the mans birth right, but because of the love we have for our husband. it is by no means an entiltlement. It can stop anytime, anyday it is abused. So if you are off work and I come home from work and you have been chilling all day watching ESPN, don't expect me to come home and hop in the kitchen to whip you up something to eat. If a man loves his wife he should be thinking along the line of. "O it's my day off, my wife is at work, let me go get the kids, make us some dinner." Or if he does not feel like cooking, he should order take out.

  3. Great article, the author was very eloquent in putting her point across. I mean, it's like if he gets home before me it would be nice if he fixed dinner or made himself useful in another way as opposed to crossing his legs and waiting for me to get home.

    If doesn't only apply to cooking, Saturday mornings when we wake up and you see me scrubbing bath tubs and trying to make OUR home clean, why not pick up the vacuum cleaner?

    OR

    You can even take my car out for an oil change, take the trash out/do some yard work to even things out. I believe that the woman will probably carry the majority role as the primary caregiver and caretaker but seriously dudes, don't sit around with that 'it's your job' mentality. Contrary to what a bunch of you think, a lot of women will bend over backwards to make their man happy and take care of things on the home front but the instant you start spewing some arrogant, male chauvinistic nonsense, then it starts to go downhill from there.

  4. I am a dude I agree with bolaessence in every regard. Bigups sis, and please tell these naija dudes who think that being a man is ignoring every responsibility less making babies. Mehn! How I wish guys would really step up to the plate. I'll definitely post this on my profile for as many to read. Bigups once again.

  5. This is the dumpest topic on jaguda…. The woman(wife) was created to be a helper to her husband.. she is caregiving in nature, not just to her husband but her family and children… if you are unfit for your role as a woman and a mother get a sex change, marry another woman(since you are the new generation) and she will cook for you… but if not then shut ur trap and embrace your role as a wife, sister and mother… If your husband or boyfriend wants to switch roles with you thats his cup of tea… All these New Generation thinking is the reason why divorce is rampant in our new generation. going back to the old days the African woman's role has been very vital to the sustainance of the family.( I suggest you watch the the triple heritage documentary by ali mazrui) men did the hunting and strenght demanding farm work, while the woman does the weeding and plants pepper and vegetables, the women also sells the crops in the market.. all this are fulltime jobs. how many men sell tomatoes or pepper in the market? this wives are in the market all days selling, when they get home, do expect their husbands to cook them meals? My Mother worked a fulltime job like my father, but she still found time to show love to her family and take care of her caregiving role… she did it with smiles… it will be a shame to her if she was found slackin… I love her to death, thats why mothers hold this prestigious place in the african society… but it seems like the women of our generation arent build as strong as our mothers and grandmothers.. dont give that, we are more educated crap, cos you are not… Stop making Oprah and Beyonce as ur role models.. who are their parents? Listen to the song sweet mother i no go forget you… is there a song that says sweet father or strong father?

    • So you base your opinion on the fact that there is no song that says sweet father or strong father. LWKMD Gosh, the internet is just too accessible. Every idiot alive can come and spew nonsense.

      By the way, if the number of meals cooked by your mother is the only way love was conveyed in your home, then I feel very sorry for you. You have been shortchanged….There is more to a mother's love than the amount of food she can prepare with a firm smile on her face.

      • Idiot i am sure you will not breast feed… the only love u will offer to ur husband is in the sheets.. i am sorry for the guy that marries you.. thats is if you ever get married to a man… your a the type that is unfit to be a mother

    • woman should learn how to cook and stop carry about ur duties… very soon you will start expecting us to give birth to babies for yall… you know these technology thing can do wonders… wonders shall never end

    • @ Teacher Mimi how to read…..you are such a Sexist fool..if you want to live in the past were women waited on men do so..good luck finding a dumb a&& partner that shares your views..If you thought this was the dumbest topic then why did you take your time to type a book just to reply….dumb misogyny looking a&&.

  6. Teacher Mimi how to read……I agree with you leave these lonely champions of female empowerment. look around you its a man's world. yeye's they have been trying for years to change the natural order of things asuch so much confusion, some foolish men accept it and don't even know their roles. Let me just lay it out here and Teacher Mimi how to read…..you don't have to go back and forth with these miserable individuals….you see some people see things and keep talking intelligent to look good and sound very new age like the have arrived, they talk about how things are supposed to be not considering that ,there are some things that will never change. So here is the sad news for my new age sycophants…..MAN HAS AN EGO THAT NO MOVEMENT OR LEGISLATION CAN EVER CHANGE, AND AS LONG AS MAN HAS CHOICES IN THIS WORLD TILL HIS 90 OR EVEN DIES, THEY WILL NEVER SETTLE FOR SUCH NONSENSE. Teacher if one starts trouble move to the next one don't bother ,or marry many to nuetralize their nonsense…….don't waste time with such stress. After all i can be polygamous, NEW AGE WOMAN TRY BEING POLYGAMOUS NOW OR ABI POLYANDRY……man will always get his way so TEACHER ignore these ramblings…….relax and find you two or three. leave these new age problem for some of these new age men fooling themselves here……..wawancin banza.

  7. Preach! because it was done this way in this past does not mean it was right. Subjugation of women is never right. If some of you men are willing to stay in the stone age do so, don't expect any educated and enlightened nigerian woman to stay there with you sha. Hell…we already earning way more than y'all suckers. buahahaha. (totally not the point :)). ITS CALLED A PARTNERSHIP. IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THEN GO TO DICTIONARY.COM FOR DEFINITION!

  8. Preach! because it was done this way in this past does not mean it was right. Subjugation of women is never right. If some of you men are willing to stay in the stone age do so, don't expect any educated and enlightened nigerian woman to stay there with you sha. Hell…we already earning way more than y'all suckers. buahahaha. (totally not the point ). ITS CALLED A PARTNERSHIP. IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THEN GO TO DICTIONARY.COM FOR DEFINITION!

    See another fool, i've bait one again Teacher Mimi……LISTEN TO ME OLODO SUBJUGATION OF WOMEN, nobody says subjugate, did you hear me talk about people that like to talk intelligent and ignore reality FOOL that's people like you. who are you earning more than, anything you earn is because a man employed you and allowed you fool. And point of correction the disparity in income is still evident between male and female,btw black male and white male, btw white female and black female and who is at the bottom black female. check your facts before you talk. your big mouth like partnership, every institution has one leadership, one captain. Is ther partnership with obama or yaradua or even school president, foolish…..just intelligent nonsensical unrealistic talk.

        • Why are you replyng tag. Dont you know she has a phd in stupidity… the girl is overwhelmed with the Tv pop culture.. she doesnt know that it is far from reality.. even female Professors in college run home to make dinner for their families. Kitchen belonging to the woman and this is not just an african Idea. in the whole world women are the kitchen CEOs… even Madam Lawyer/attorney/Barrister Michelle Obama Knows not expect a hot meal from Barack; this was before he became president… also have in mind that Barack interned under Michelle and was a jnr lawyer to her.. Michelle should be your role model, i am sure she will teach you the traditional role of women not Oprah and Janet Jackson.since you ladies are more educated than ur mothers and know more than them.

  9. lol…u guys are too funny! this rebuttal says it all about that retarded ignorant thingy ngozi wrote! 🙂 u try o! i wouldn't have even dignified that with a response…

  10. MY GOVERNOR, RET NAVAL OFFICER MURTALA NYAKO IS MARRIED TO TWO WOMEN, ONE IS A HIGHLY EDUCATED SCHOOL TEACHER THE OTHER ONE A SITTING JUGDE IN NIGERIA GO AND CHECK. FOOLISH EDUCATED AND ENLIGHTENED…..I THINK WHAT WE HAVE IS A NEW WAVE OF LAZY AND IMMORAL NIGERIAN WOMEN WHO HAVE WATCHED TV TOO MUCH AND READ A FEW BOOKS, GO TO CLASS AND PASS, RECIEVE CERTIFICATE AND CHANGE ATTITUTED AND THINK THE ARE NOW TOO GOOD. TO HELL WITH THAT NON SENSE. MY UNCLE I WOULDN'T MENTION WHAT STATE ALSO, IS ANOTHER GOVERNOR WHO HAS THREE WIVES ALL EDUCATED AND TRAVEL ABROAD ALL THE TIME AND COME BACK SANE, SO I HAVE SEEN FIRST HAND WHAT A REAL WOMAN IS NOT THESE ONES WEY THINK CASUE THE HAVE INHALED FOREIGN OXYGEN THE HAVE BECOME OYINBO….JARGON.

    • Huh? First off, since you're from an overly educated polygamous family, why do you have everything written in caps? Also, the fact that your uncles wives travel abroad frequently means absolutely nothing. How does that relate to this post?

  11. First question…Is the "writer" a nun or something coz the bible verses are a bit too much

    Second question…Was this "Ngozi Oleleh" ever married to this "nun" and later on divorced her coz the venom and "attacks" seem to be solely on him

    Now…Ms. "Nun" I don't know the kind of men you are attracted to or subsequently looking for (if you are single) but I don't know of any sane man that wants to deal with someone who'll justify petty things such as cooking and bathing kids with bible verses (call me crazy but that's the TRUTH)! I'll also like to see the statistics on the "New Age Nonsense" which you claim to be a tried and proven method coz I damn sure know my mother wasn't "sharing" responsibilities and playing tit for tat as to who does what, when and under what conditions with my father and they've been married and rocking for over 30 years!!! Its always good and even "sexy" (no homo) for a man to help out in the house but I have a HUMONGOUS problem ironing out my duties in my own house (God forsake that woman the would suggest that to me)! Somethings are better left unsaid and allowed to come naturally than to start policing a man in his domain.

    • THANK YOU SO MUCH Ekwensu, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO HAMMER TO THESE PEOPLE, MAN HAS EGO SOME THINGS ARE MEANT TO BE LEFT UNSAID, A MAN WHO MARRIES OR GETS WITH A LADY FOR LOVE WILL NOT LEAVE THE ENTIRE BURDEN ON HIS WOMAN. HE WILL HELP BUT DON'T COME OUT AND SAY THIS IS WHAT HE MUST DO AND THIS IS WHAT YOU WILL NOT DO, WELL SAID EKWENSU. NA GODE MAKA SOSAI.

    • who ever you are and where u are God will bless you… very soon there will be a technology that will be able to make man carry babies in an artifical created womb.. I am sure one of this idiots would say if you love me carry for 4.5months then I will carry for the rest.

    • No, I am not a nun. I do not think I can handle their duties and obligations. Sorry the Bible verses offend your sensibilities but they are to buttress my point so as not to argue blindly or stupidly. Are you a Christian? If not, then of course the Bible verses were too much. I do not recall calling anyone out of their name so please refrain from the name calling as it takes away from your argument. We learned to debate intelligently in school so let’s try practicing that.

      No, I was never married to him and I only mentioned him twice. No particular beef against Ngozi and what he believes. There are woman out there who will agree with him as we have all seen. Therefore they will make better matches.

      I love the children and the household and I have taken care of both. Therefore I can say from experience it does not count as “petty”. You wake up at 6am get three children situated, do laundry, consistently pick up after the kids, feeding and entertaining two toddlers and a 6month old baby who wants your constant attention, cook, sweep the kitchen, vacuum the house, wash the bathrooms, do not sit until 6pm and can’t get to bed until 8pm. After being on your feet all day and then wake up in the morning to do it all over again all by yourself and then tell me again how petty taking care of kids and keeping a home is petty. I have done all these things and got a new perspective about stay at home moms. It is not an easy job and I applaud them. Tell me how a woman can do all these things on her own without her husband’s assistance. Why do you think most single women are struggling? A lot of young ladies think it’s an easy job due to their lack of experience in the area.

      My parents have been married for 26 years this October and I have certainly learned a lot from them. It is not the number of years that matter but the character and strength of those years. Being miserable for 30years does not count as a strong relationship which is why we see people getting a divorce after 40-50 years of marriage.

      Love has no pride whatsoever. Think about why you would “have a HUMONGOUS problem ironing out my duties in my own house”, is it because you are thinking of your spouse or yourself? Will your ego benefit her? NO? Well that’s not love. Because if it was you would put her first and not your ego.

      Notice I never refuted that the man is the head of the household and that he has final say, because what he does is blessed by God. But I will have my peace at the very least. I want to stay home and be the “traditional wife” not because I am not educated, or because some man wants me to but because the home is my passion and if my man can keep my there while keeping us financially stable then BRING IT!

      IF YOUDO NOT TAKE ANYTHING FROM ALL I SAID SO PLEASE HAVE THIS DISCUSSION ABOUT WHAT YOU AND YOUR SIGNIFICANT’S OTHER VIEW BEFORE MARRIAGE. IT CAN ONLY LEAD TO CLEAR UNDERSTANDING OF EACH OTHER’S VALUES AND A BETTER MARRIAGE.

      THE MAIN POINT IS TO TALK AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU EACH WANT AND GO FROM THERE.

      NOTE: I will not comment on this subject anymore because I have said my peace and I rest my case. Good luck to you all in your relationships! 🙂

      Much thanks to those who left pleasant comments and those who argued with intelligence.

      • VERY VERY WELL said BolaessenceO. God bless you real good.

        Also, thumbs up for the well articulated message AND response (i read the first piece by the Ngozi person lol) even though his writing was too silly to be considered a piece worth responding to, your retort is more enlightening and so well put that i find it more educative than vengeful.

        Once again, well said and well done.

        cheers.

      • The bible verses did not offend my "sensibilities" and you can buttress e'ry point you make with a bible verse and try to follow it if that's what you but Mathew 5:30 says [And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell] and I hope you'll have no hands by now since we gotta "FOLLOW" what the bible says. And pls don't equate writing "long notes" and quoting the bible as debating intelligently coz for one, this damn sure ain't no debate…its a simple expression of our personal views! I don't want to believe you were coerced into having 3 kids back to back so if you do the crime, then ger ready to do the time (Now…I ain't calling your kids a crime) but just using an expression coz I believe you knew what it felt like taking care of the 1st but having the subsequent ones.

        I'm not asking you to be a slave to your hubby because times have changed and we gotta adopt to it as humans but traditionally in Nigeria, we as a people have maintained a certain way of life within our family structure and it has seen us through generations upon generations. Even the present day man in the village doesn't sit down all day snuffing, playing checkers (draft) and drinking palmwine while the wife splits wood to make him launch! Its definitely not an ego thing but once you start "assigning" duties thats when people start adding & subtracting what their partner does and that's how petty things spring up to cause problems. Yes I said humongous earlier and I'll say it again, its a HOMONGOUS & COLOSSAL issue for me to start assigning duties at home!!! E.g. I don't have a problem cleaning the bathroom or taking out the trash but when a wife or girlfriend makes it a point to tell me that she doens't "do bathrooms and trash" then I'll also make it a point to tell her to do #1 & 2 outside and stuff her trash into her handbag since she's so high & mighty that peasants like us have to clean after her.

        I'm never going to having a discussion with my wife as to who does what in the house otherwise we might as well discuss who owns what and how we are gon use it on daily basis. She can do whatever she feels like doing as a woman and I'll do the rest and keep it moving. Life's too short for all these jabs…if y'all can't compliment each other without defining your house rules, then you shouldn't be married.

        • Ekwensu you are a very intelligent man, and well articulated. no one said cooking and taking care of the house degrades you because you are educated and can't do it, i have been unemployed and did it. i currently take care of two kids that don't belong to me as far as bathing, taking them to school, cooking for them and so forth even when the lady is in the house.(and i'm currently employed and she's not), but these are my options. for a woman to explicitly tell me to do these things cause its my job or we have to share because she is educated………..BULLS**T. These women quoting bible and pushing for change, what for? You are very right maybe nxt tyme i'll tell them to share mortgage, car-payment, fixing-tire, for those doing construction work to make ends meet let them follow you, mechanics too. REAL MEN DON'T COMPLAIN ABT ROLES WE'VE PLAYED AND STILL PLAY SO WHAT NONSENSE, YOU WANT TO GIVE ME INSTRUCTIONS on what i need to do and what you can't do because you have read books and watched TV. kai our generation………roles models, beyonce, foxy, brown and the likes of them "strong independent black women". no wonder the oyinbo babes dey get all the men now, they work too. I went to one Naija wedding and full of educated single Naija babes aging, come see the men with foreign women……..OLODOS

  12. Please who are these resident dumb forks that have taken over the comment boxes on this website? Absolutely polluting Jaguda with their foolishness.

  13. very soon there will be a technology that will be able to make a man carry babies in an artifical created womb.. I am sure one of this idiots would say if you love me carry for 4.5months then I will carry for the rest.

    • Teacher we have just been wasting our precious time, these Nigerian girls know this for a fact. if they leave for yankee fo school, 90% of burden has been daddy. In fact in Naija school fees-daddy, sick-daddy for hospital money, clothes-daddy. i have hardly seen a real man say go and ask mommy, or complain i want to keep some of my money for me go and ask mommy, even child support was designed for man even if woman is working. Wether a man reads till his Ph.d you'll never hear him say i no fit do this to feed my family. Fixing roof when its leaking or tire when e burst na man job, we never say fix it this time next time it's you, what is decieving them is TV, in this parts of the world some women have picked up some men's role and subsequently what is happenin now is you hear them sayin men ain't shit, when it's them that said they want to be like a man so when men say ok, they ain't shit(they want it all). now their agents want to bring us the same confusion. so that they can openly say in the future we ain't shit, real men don't complain about the roles we have been assuming for centuries we just do it and end up sometimes dying in the process while they outlive us……i'm not even going to talk again.

  14. I thank God for my boyfriend….thank God i didnt end up with one of you sexist bastards that think the whole world revolves around you…when i come home from a hard day at work and my baby's home before me,he welcomes me home ,rub my tired feet and hustles up some badly cooked spagetti bolognese (lool) which i totally appreciate because he cares that much about me to appreciate that i've had a long day at work…that shows love,partnership,affection,passion…..and this is what makes our relationship work so well…just cause he's ready to help out sometimes doesnt make him any less of a man,i still am ready to cater to his every need at all times but i refuse to be somebodies slave,i didnt spend almost 18 years at school to turn to someones personal housegirl…

    Now if you're looking for a slave and a woman who just slaves all day in the kitchen cooking for you thats ur damn wahala,u can always go 2 d nearest village and am sure they'll be plenty of them…HOWEVER A REAL MAN APPRECIATES A STRONG BLACK WOMAN REMEMBER THAT ONLY A WEAK MAN FEELS THREATENED BY HIS WOMAN'S STRENGTH

    • LOOOOOOOOOOL……U GUYS R EXACTLY WHO I MEAN BY WEAK MEN…THANX FOR YOUR RESPONSES….2 EACH HIS OWN…..I'VE SAID MY PIECE AND I'M OUT…LATER

      • weak men indeed, if you knew who i really was and how i treat my woman you will know you are very useless indeed, and come to think of it she's not even African and does not have mouth or new age mentality like you, you women when you leave your country you know your rights even more than the original residents of your host country. LAZY IRESPONSIBLE WOMAN.

    • Educated fool you are the Bastard,”HOWEVER A REAL MAN APPRECIATES A STRONG BLACK WOMAN ” where is that in the Nigerian Vocabulary. return to your roots……is your father weak? sounding as if you are American. we are talking about natural roles you are talking about 18yrs in school so what? no one said enslave and you said you have been to school.

      • Dont mind her, she is controlling her boyfriend with remoted control… he just settling for less now . dont worry when he meets and experiences a real woman and strong woman, he will be quick to leave you, then you will wallo in selfpity.. wondering what you have done to deserve this 10th heart break… if you like dont address real issue before its to late.. know ur role as a woman

        I sure you think that when u use the word sexist and male chauvinist to label men, them men will be bambuzzled into being your puppet.

  15. Well said! All the TOUTS that don't agree with this article should hit their heads on d wall!!! Nonsense ignorant fools!

    • so we must agree, who do you think you are talking too, see what i'm talking about….go and sit down somehwere, ignoramus.

  16. LWKMD! OMG i should make it a point of duty to come on this site everyday. These comments just made my day see me dey laugh go. lol @ teacher mimi how to read talking about men being pregnant. Anywho i think both Ngozi and Bola made very strong arguments and i guess it all comes down to what sort of ideals your partner possesses. There has got to be a compromise at some point!

  17. All i can say is that Everybody is right, but just know that too much of anything is bad….A WOMAN SHOULD NOT TRY TO BE THE MAN IN THE HOUSE…….(TO BE THE BREAD WINNER) allow a men to be the man of the house……. any job u find urself doing see it as a hubby and not a do or die affair…..Women have all the responsibility to take care of the Children, mentally, physically and spiritually…….Men are ment to be the bread winner of the house….Why will a woman come back late in the night and will want a man to understand that she had a hard long day…meeen that is BULL SHIT……. Some men dont even know how to cook but love food, they dont know how to do domestic chores. A woman makes the home what it shld be for the family.

    Also, Men shld try and be romantic with their wives…i think helping in the kitchen and with other domestic chores is fun… dont see it as something for women alone….you make ur family live happily and united when u try to help out….im a woman i know that it is fun cooking and gisting with my husband, somtimes i cook and he wash plate or he cook and i help to wash……ONLY WHEN HE HAS SOME TIME

    • You are a happy woman……………this is what i call strong black woman. Enough common sense you get. the rest talkin rocket science and experiment. When you are tired he loves you and knows when to pick up the slack and vice versa, but setting roles and expectations. GOD BLESS U OJARE! you be true Angel

    • I agree with Angel to a certain degree, but I don't agree with the statement that a woman should not take her career/job as seriously because her "role" is to take care of her children. So basically you should forget that you spent all that time and money going to school, grad school, doing internships, sleepless night e.t.c, I guess we should see that as an investment towards marriage; a way to ascertain that you get your parents a sizable bride price.

      I think that a woman may end up being the "bread winner" because she has a job that will pay better than her husband. I think that regardless of that they should have MUTUAL respect for each other. And seriously! they should figure out the cooking situation between themselves if it really means so much to them. But a woman's decision on how far to pursue her career should be based on her values and not on making another person – man or woman – happy. Because when the cookie crumbles, she will be the one picking up the pieces. People always talk about how a man should love you and accept you the way you are, but for some reason, some Africans seems to think that this should include your spiritual, sexual abstinence et al. Character traits that African view as "values". I personally think that ambition, drive and a willingness to work your butt off for your goal, should be trait that a man should accept as part of who you are if he wants to be with you. If I find those trait desirable in a man, I expect him to find them desirable in me too.

    • Excuse you? How does a woman working hard translate to trying to be the man in house??? So the females career should be a hobby? Wow. Just wow. Why go to school then? So that the woman is able to intelligently entertain her husbands coworkers? Or maybe homeschool the kids? Oh well, to each his own. I just hope all you women that are preaching 'house-wifery' studied home management in college. Cause it will be a waste of money to obtain a profesional degree just to sit at home and work as a hobby… Part time job I can undertand. But hobby? Wow!

  18. A man should help around the house. This doesn't mean the woman should wash the dishes and tell him have you washed your plate today? It isn't so but a man has to help around the house. A woman will adore and cherish you more when you help out. Having each other's best interest at heart is the key here. Remember you are meant to work together and help each other out. I am sure there are men out there who wouldn't mind helping out.

  19. Good talk make nija Men hear am. As for the Nigerian wives when Oga dey help ard dont command him also like ur boy boy. Let everythg be done wth understandng and love. Happy Married Life Guys……….

  20. Men have no excuse but to help around the house, *most" african men are fond of shoving every domestic duty to a woman. Haba she is not a machine now.. she be human being.. so i believe it should be a 50/50 thing.. not saying we women should forget our duties in the house, but it should be a combined effort. Marriage no be prison oh..

  21. hey guys lets gets dis clear, the fact he is not helping and sitting in house and watching tv, means he is tired from his own work place too, and secondly he has provied for the house so you dont expect him to bring the food and still cook it for you all because he loves you and you the wife work for dat long amount of time. you got into dis marraige because you wanted to be taken care of and it is obvious he is feeding you, clothing you, chothing your children, paying thier fees, the house light bills and infact you even hav tv channels to watch. so pls get your mind together and work in your homes to keep your marraiges because if you get a house help then wahala go come. look at EPHESIANS 5:22-25 which says wifes submit yourself to ur husbands and it also asked the husbands to love thier wifes. its high time ladies stop complaining and get to work sharply. peace….one love

    • Based on your argument, if you work and are tired when you get home then you don't need to help and also if you buy the food then you should not cook it. So if your wife also has a job, brings home the bacon and buys the food, then she should just laze around. The summary is that your argument is faulty. Working and making money does not give any party in marriage the right to act like the own the other person (that also goes if the woman is making more money). It should be a partnership, not an arena for close-minded, irrational, chauvinist pigs to shine.

    • boi, stop!!!! like the girl said in the post, if he can provide ALL the bacon, than i will gladly cook it. but if i gotta leave the house and put in my 8-5 to help support the family, then u better believe that i expect some help from my man at the house!

    • you must be a man who lives in Nija…. did you read what she said. she's also working 12-18 hours, also providing for the home, the kids and herself and the man…..y does culinary responsibilities have to be solely hers??? that can be split as well

  22. Awww crap! lol when i read this i knew Naija pple will go bananas with opinions…..

    Women love to take care of their men and their families, it makes us happy… be appreciateive and help put guys…it only gives us more time to spend servicing you in the bedroom…. 😉 abi no b so?

    • i hear ya about the bed servicing (lol), but u don't want ur wife to be too tired to do her share in that area too, a bi? lol.

  23. OUCH ! THIS HAS GOT TO BE ONE BITTER PILL FOR US NAIJA MEN TO SWALLOW !!

    OK WE HEAR YOU..IF YOU WORK TOO..AND HELP OUT WITH SOME OF THE BILLS AND FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITIES..THEN HELL YEAH ..WE'LL HELP YOU OUT WHENEVER ! I SPEAK FOR MYSELF THOUGH ! I KNOW MOST NAIJA MEN WILL BE TOO PROUD TO SPLIT THE BILLS IN THE HOUSE..! WELL NOT ME ! BRING IN SOME OF THE CHEDDAR..I'LL EVEN GO GROCERY SHOPPIN FOR UR SWEET HARDWORKIN SEXY ASS.

    IT'S ALL SACRIFICE AND COMPROMISE..LIKE SOMEONE SAID..A MARRIAGE SHOULDN'T BE A PRISON SENTENCE FOR ANYONE..I DON'T MIND BRINGING OUT THE FOOD FOR GUESTS OR EVEN COOKIN IT FOR THAT MATTER..AS LONG AS SHE'S DOING HER OWN QUOTA ! HAPPY DAYS !!!

  24. I dont mind cooking for myself and my honey.

    I am a working professional and I still don't mind…

    I love to cook and eat "good" food.

    It makes me feel good when I create a masterpiece and my sweetie loves it.

    Hanging around the house on a Saturday, just relaxing with some wine I love to cook and eat and….

    Cleaning is nothing… I like my house a certain way with good smelling plug-ins and candles so as long as he just picks up behind himself along the way, such as throwing dirty clothing in the hamper, putting dishes in the sink or dishwasher then the cleaning is easy.

    I like to spoil him and vice versa… 😉

  25. That's why so many Nigerian women are in their LATE 30's and still single..trying to blend Yankee culture with Nigerian culture…or taking out Naija culture entirely. If thats the case they should marry a Yankee (American Oyibo or Akata) man that cooks and call it a day. people should look at their parents marriage , learn what made it work (if it was good and still active) and see what good points they can take from them. Nothing wrong with a man cooking for his wife, family , once in a blue moon or buying dinner, but for some reason single Nigerian Women in America always bring up this silly issue….why are you concerned cooking for your husband? did your mother not cook for your dad???

  26. nothing wrong with a man cooking once in a while or doing other stuff around the house…all this should come NATURAL…and for some reason I hear to many SINGLE Naija women mention this…they have not even been married yet and are already complaining about cooking….they should seriously look at their mothers and see how they did it….take a cue from them and at the end of the day instead of marrying a Naija Man and going through all this anticipated BS (in their eyes) go marry Oyibo…it's all about compromise….get to know your new husband…just don't focus on his car, house, nice job….get to know him and he you….Everything should run along naturally and smoothly…..but when people marry for the wrong reasons…like a Business Marriage Partnership (He marries her because she will be a nurse and make a lot of money OR she marries him because he has a nice job, house and car) when you marry for $$$ reasons and NOT love,friendship and companionship…Kata Kata go bust!!

  27. Naija King… I have looked at my parents marriage and that of their friends. But more importantly than a marriage that is still standing is a marriage that is happy! Unfortunately as much as you want to compare you can’t especially in America. Not because we Nigerian women have “grown wings” for lack of a better term but the life style is just not the same. Neither are the responsibilities or the shear load of things to be done in this country to maintain a home. A great home at that.
    There is just too much to do now for a woman to handle on her own. If a man marries now, in this country he has effectively given up the luxuries a similar Nigerian man may have enjoyed just for the burdens of this country. Due to the demands to stay afloat in America women now have to work. Keep in mind the writer states she doesn’t mind perfroming the traditional roles as our mothers before us did but the flip side is that man should make enough that she is not also outside the home more and therefore unable to handle it all.
    As you stated there has be an understanding between the prospective married individuals…. Folks this kind of stuff is what should be discussed during courtship! That’s the whole point? GET TO KNOW YOUR SPOUSE.
    I have moved out of my parental home and my mother is now starting to complain after 27 years of marriage… Why? She just can’t do it all and this is without kids to care for. Now that my siblings are out of the home, my mother who is a nurse and works 12 hours shift just CAN’T do it and my father doesn’t help… Why? He never had to so he doesn’t know he is supposed to. I was the last buffer who did all the house work so it wasnt impossible for them but am gone now.
    Now one of three things we happen, they get a divorce, they hire help or dad starts picking up a mop. Well one of those did happen. They are stuach DeeperLife members so divorce wasn’t a choice, they cant afford help on one income so yes the old dog learned new tricks. My dad picked up an iron, brush and mop. Oh it’s hard, it has its fail days but they’re making it work.
    I can’t wait to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary!
    It has to be done my dear, there has to be compromise if we want this great heritage of ours to live on in this country. Old doesn’t mean right. Men your wives need you to step up. Show them you are man enough to spend time giving your children a bath or helping mommy in the kitchen. You’ll have well rounded children and you woman will show loving that some men will only hear about and never taste. Cause the love that comes out of a woman when loved all round is a myth untold.

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