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Pre-Marriage Questionaire

This is a re-run of a post from my personal blog from a while back. Those that remember when this went up on my personal blog and on facebook, remember all the controversy it caused, including phone calls, emails, and text messages cursing me out and telling me how much of a jerk I was. LOL. People are sha sensitive o… To thinnk that I’m teased as the sensitive. Anyways, some of my peeps have requested that I posted this up on here, so here goes:

 

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These days at my age, anytime me and friends talk, or hangout our gist always ends up drifting towards marriage. Doesn’t matter if we started the conversation about breast cancer, or Obama, or Okotoko. The gist will inevitably end up in marriage or at very least relationships. As most of my friends my age, I myself have gone through a fair share of babes, both good and bad, crase women o, ashawos join inside sef, the holy holy ones, the bipolar ones, the confused, the overly emotional o, the gold diggers with their eyes shining like touch light(not like I have any gold to dig sef), the ones that haven’t seen a kitchen in their life and don’t even want to know, the ones that can’t point nigeria on the map but will be at the first naija party dancing to Dbanj, add the ones that even say “My parents are Nigerian, but I’m from Wisconsin”, and the ones that have no time to date sef – just want to marry sharp sharp. Not saying any of these babes are bad o. Everyone get im own wahala and issues, and I’m no exception. My own is that I don’t want any of those in my life. In fact there are so many issues that I don’t want any parts of, that I’ve decided to start giving out a check list before or during the first conversation to avoid any confusion in the future.

What religion are you?
If Christian, what Church do you go to?
What are doing with your life? work as?, school for?
Where do you hope to be in 10 years?
Where are you from?
What are your people known for?
In your village, have you heard of people eating people?
In your village, are snakes royalty?
Is your village known for something bad?
Have you ever been blind-folded and taken to a “special” place?
Have you ever used Juju, babalao, or Witchcraft to solve your problems?
Has someone you or your parents hated mysteriously disappeared?
Has anyone is your family killed someone else in the name of politics? (Uncles, aunties and extended family included)
Are you an Ashawo?
Are you familiar with the term Aristo? How familiar are u with that term?
Do you have special “Uncles” that are not related to you that perform “special” favors for you?
Have you ever had sex with someone in exchange for gifts and/or money?
Can you marry a poor man that is working getting rich?
Do you want to be a housewife? If yes, why?
Can you cook? Are you willing to learn?
Have you ever lived in Nigeria?
Can you point Nigeria on the map?
Do you think you can ever live in Nigeria?
Have you ever been married?
Do you have kids? – How many? All same father?
Can you dance Yahoozee!!? (if you fail this one then no hope…LOL)

So far these are the questions on my pre-dating application form -Some by me, some by my parents. Knowing some of the girls I know, I might have offended some, but that one na your own wahala.

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If u no like am, then u don’t have to worry about me. The fact is, my life has tuned me to what I can handle, and what I cannot handle in my marriage/relationship life. Is it all good? No, but na so the thing be. Na so we see am. If u like, call am stereotype, or any other big big grammar u wan yarn. LOL. My own be say, if you no get A or at least B+ in my questionnaire then the thing go hard. Only if love blinds me for the first couple of years. Not saying that if u pass with flying colors then the thing go work o, but it’s start…LOL.

I believe everyone should have their own application questions, and maybe we wont have as high a divorce rate as we do now. Seeing that “love” has been misused these days, I’m not hanging my hat on love that much. Unless it’s Christ-like love. :) I really believe now more than ever that you can’t love someone unless you truly know them, and everything about them, and their background.

This is randomly for fun, and is just for laughs. Anyone that is reading this doesn’t have to take it too seriously.


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comments

254

Software Engineer, Web Developer, Promoter, Blogger, and pretty much a jack of all trades and master of 2. Writes a variety of topics, ranging from Social Issues in Nigeria, to Relationships, and even Random Rantings (both serious and humorous)... follow me on twitter

Comments

Comments
  • thedoubleprince October 26, 2009 at 8:27 am

    Ari baba and the 40 touts you are looking for our trouble…

  • TAG October 26, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    I like this list.

  • qb October 26, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    aribaba and the 40 ajebos..lol.. this shit is funny… i am def gonna start my own list you already know most important question for me is " what is ur status in america iE VIstors visa…. F1/H1 GREEN CARD HOLDER / BORN HERE OF WORSE OF ILLEGAL…..

    YALL ALWAYS CRACK ME UP….LOVE IT

  • lol:-) October 26, 2009 at 6:17 pm

    you forgot the most important question mehn,

  • lol:-) October 26, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    my bad,

    "what is the gender listed on your bad certificate?"

    • lol:-) October 26, 2009 at 6:20 pm

      darn it, Birth Certificate

  • Tatababe October 27, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    Lol! @ this list…everyone sure needs a list.

  • Deebs October 27, 2009 at 8:05 pm

    LOL! I love it, esp the "Are you an Ashawo?" and then asking "Do you have special "Uncles" that are not related to you that perform "special" favors for you?" and finally "Have you ever had sex with someone in exchange for gifts and/or money?" Just to clear up any confusion or potential ommissions… too funny.

  • Original Mgbeke November 3, 2009 at 11:19 am

    LMAO this is funny, why people dey vex? Hahahahhaha.

  • Deji D November 19, 2009 at 8:49 am

    "Are you familiar with the term Aristo? How familiar are u with that term?" lol

    The way i see it, its only the guilty ones that will vex. Nothing wrong with this checklist.

  • Sifushka November 24, 2009 at 6:03 am

    Funny…but oddly enough, the questions are actually valid…

  • Kodi November 27, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    so what's the term Aristo? the list is funny…esp the last one…now that I think abt it, it was written from a guy's perspective…so some valid questions are missing…but nice try.

  • Derrick December 14, 2009 at 4:30 am

    HAHAHAHAHA TOO FUNNY !!

  • omolara April 23, 2010 at 6:28 am

    funny bt sensible

  • bbola September 4, 2010 at 5:38 am

    Lmao . . ." In your village, are snakes regarded as royalty? Has anyone you or your parents hated mysteriously disappeared? " I can't believe people found this offensive . . .

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