So I’m sitting on the MARTA train on the way back from the airport watching a gay couple kiss, giggle, and in general just be lovers (don’t ask… they were in my face) and one thing that came to my mind was the whole fight for gays to be able to get married. The heated debate comes up every now and then about how gay couples should be able to get married. It seems like once they are able to get married they’ll be happy… Or will they?
At my age, I’m at the point where everyone is looking at me like… How far with wife now? My aunties are hooking me up left, right and center with so so and so’s daughter and everyone is encouraging me to go to one wedding or another… One convention after another. All my unmarried mates both male and female seem to talk about marriage 60 percent of the time. We all discuss how we can’t find the right one… All we want is the babe to be like this… All we want is a good naija guy… Why are naija babes so this? Why are naija guys so that? The feeling I get a lot is that once we find that “good enough” (no one looks for perfect anymore) mate, then we’ll be happy and marry, have kids and join the Mr and Mrs club. Life will be all good right?
The other day I had a very deep conversation with my mom about the difficulties in marriage and how it’s important to look for potential pot holes before you enter… Family background, attitude, finances and the likes. After debating back and forth, she ended the conversation with “anyways at the end of the day, marriage is God’s help and luck.” Now I’ve heard that before, but coming from my Momsy after she had narrated stories of uncle this, and aunty that and the problems they had in their marriages, that statement hit home. “Marriage is God’s help & Luck” doesn’t sound very encouraging to me.
I started thinking… This uncle has this wahala, and this one has that wahala. Combined with the marriages I’ve seen crash within the first year, and the 50 percent divorce rate, we’re not looking at very good odds. For us Nigerians that like to feel like our culture is different, and we don’t do divorce… News flash… We might not have as high a divorce rate as yankee, but we make up for it in “separations”… That’s what the stats don’t cover. Or we stay in unhappy marriages just to keep family, in laws and the community happy.
The burning question remains, why are a lot of people so in a hurry to get married when we’re looking at a 50 percent success rate at best and on a decent day we’re looking at 35 percent? It’s like saying I want to getting into something with my fingers crossed… Kinda like a gamble. I’m not a big gambler but I’m sure 1/2 are not very good odds. I’m sure if CDC said u have a 50 percent chance of catching of getting swine flu if u go to El Paso,TX not many of us will dream of going there in the next 2 years.
These days it’s scarier cos I see a good number of people who shop for husbands and/or wives like they are shopping at Walmart. Pick this one and go. I see friends that get married after 6 months of knowing their partner. Some after 9 months… I mean I know there’s no real time schedule for these things, but we’ve got to be careful. I am not married or on the way to it, but I honestly pray no kind of love will make me want to marry sharp sharp. I know a lot of people my age especially girls, feel like they’re running out of time, but believe me it’s better to marry late than marry early and be the divorced person with a kid or two at age 29. Not a very good look.
When it’s all said and done, I’ve concluded that marriage no be by force. If it happens the way God wants it to happen then all good, but if not then life continues till it happens.
Topic is open for discussion. I’ve said my own… Make I hear wetin people wan talk. I just had to say something about what I’ve been noticing recently sha.