Cheating: A Nigerian Man’s Passtime


Hey everyone!! This is my first time posting a blog on here, so please be nice. 🙂 If this is received positively, then I’ll definitely be writing some more blogs for you all to read.

The title should most likely give you a clue as to what I’m about to talk about. First and foremost, I’m not trying to be a male-basher because I’m very much a fan of GOOD men Nigerian or otherwise.  I’m by no means lumping all of you into one pile.

Ok…I’ve had the opportunity, I guess you can say, to see this behavior in Nigerian men who are in committed relationships, and Nigerian men who are married, and it just amazes me how effortlessly these men disrespect the women in their lives.  What I don’t get is this: what is the obsession in having more than one woman in your life? Does it give you some sense of accomplishment? As in, have you truly HARRIVED if you have a wife and 2-3 girlfriends on the side?  Be it Sunday the local molue driver, or Chief Something-or-Another, our men seem to find pleasure in having the attention of women other than their significant others.

True story: Myself and a couple of friends went out to a party in NY and we ended up meeting a guy friend of ours at the lounge (for the sake of saving their identity, his name is Seun).  He happened to be there with one of his older friends who we’ll call Kola.   As the night goes on we’re dancing, laughing, and we start thinking that the guy might actually be pretty cool.  Mehn…as in, things just change towards the end of the night.  We started noticing that he’s focused some serious attention on one of our friends (Lara) who by the look on her face truely couldn’t be interested in him.   This was clear to EVERYONE else but Kola.  Lara was yawning, rolling her eyes, looking off into the distance as the guy was talking the whole time, checking out other guys that were walking past them.  But out of respect and not wanting to embarass the guy, she’s not disrespecting him like she would do some young guy that was yanning dust because Kola is truely old enough to be our Uncle.   I  know, I know, why does his age matter??.  But you have to admit, naija culture and respect can be a little confusing.  The guy is like dancing with her by force, holding her hand by force, not giving her an inch to even walk away.  We all know that there is no way we’re not going to collect the gist of the arrant nonsense he was probably spitting in her ear when we went home, so the rest of us were just giving them the space without being too far away.  As we’re all leaving, the guy is feeling very very familiar with all of us because he’s holding our hands, laughing and joking like he didn’t just meet us 3 hours ago.  Fast forward to us getting home.  Lara tells us that dude was macking HARD!!  Saying how he wants to fly her out to Nigeria 6 times a year, buy her whatever she wants, shopping this shopping that!  She should even give him her account number and he’ll just be depositing money in it whenever she needed!.  If it was some JJC babe she would have just swooned for him.  He put his best game out there.  But she’s 23 years old, and wasn’t falling for that speech.  She even joked about just taking him up on the shopping offer and maxing out his cards just to show him that a man his age shouldn’t be rubbing and touching on a woman that isn’t his girlfriend or wife.  But I guess she never went through with it because none of us got our portion of that shopping spree.  LOL.  Fast forward again to about 2-3 weeks later.  I guess they realized Kola was on one of these social networking sites and they decided to check out his pictures.  Tell me why this idiot of a man was actually in town with his WIFE HAD JUST GIVEN BIRTH???!!!! Can you freaking imagine???

Thats the kind of situation I’m talking about.  If Lara had actually been one of those females that enjoyed milking guys for what they were worth, Kola would have kindly obliged and probably in exchange for something more than just conversation.  It just makes me wonder why our men feel the need to deal with so many different women at once?  The grown ass man clearly wasn’t finding it difficult to get women since he was married with children.  So why the infidelity?  I know our culture allows such behaviors due to our polygamous past, but they at least made you marry the other woman even if she was just a concubine at the end of the day.   Nowadays so-called Christian men take part in these activities and have numerous females in London, Nigeria, and the States.  They literally have women on their payroll by giving them monthly allowances and etc.  Or they have completely separate families who are unknown to each other.  Its appalling because most times, the women that are their wives are usually ok with this, until one of those young girls gets pregnant or something.

Do you think it will ever stop being such a norm in our society?  Who is more at fault, the men for doing it, the wives for turning a blind eye to it, or society for not speaking up when they see such indecencies are taking place in their surroundings?? As nosey as naijas are about other peoples business, aren’t we in a way enabling these men to continue being the way they are by not denoucing their behavior?

Miss_Deola: The Reforming Ajebotta. 😉


  1. I agree with you o jaguda.

    this is really getting way too far and what freaks me out is the stuff you hear about a man's world.

    Point is, if one guy thinks he can play cool pranks then he should double and buggle up cos two can truly and yours sincerel'y' play the game too.

    We can all be faithful to our man while he fucks every tom, dick and harry and have selected mistresses in every corner of the world.

    It's not done.

  2. Deola,

    i cannot for the life of me answer ur "rhetorical" question.

    All i can say to women is, Get a bloody job. Don't let ur marriage define u. Don't listen to his sweet lies "Oh Baby, u don't need to work, i can make money for the both of us" TRASH i tell u. Cuz u cannot leave under any circumstances. He is your financial source.

    Women, please be wise. 2 children that's it. 3 if u make good money. So if he bails out or decides to go play with some young thing he saw on the street, u can very well fend for ur children.

    That is my own two cents.


    i am no male basher. It is better to be wise than foolish. be like the 5 wise virgins in the bible. Keep that extra oil aside.

  3. This topic will continue to be debated for years to come until the men start putting themselves in check. Like Chayoma said, i will be hard pressed to feel sorry for a woman who did not have the common sense to make her own money. I don't care if you choose to be a housewife, make sure you have money somewhere so at the end of the day, you can leave. Oro love ko le le yi. If a man disrespects you and jeopardizes your health by going out there to sleep with other women, you better wise up. This is why there is a need for feminism in Nigeria and before some useless men start barking bout feminism, feminism does not = man hating. Feminism gives a woman the right to choose. And what is so annoying is that OUR OWN MOTHERS have this mentality of "okunrin ni won". Who bloody cares? Is that supposed to be a get out of jail free card? Women, wise up and stand up for yourself. No be by force to marry or stay with a cheat.

    • Completely agree that nains in desperate need of feminism and empowerment to women, it is only when women start to make their husbands face the consequences of their actions that men will begin to change – with no consequences why would they ever change- their having their cake and eating it too!! Smh

  4. Okay, i'll b brief.

    Guys like "Chief" are looking for girls they can play with. This is bcos when u girls get married, y'all dont do d things u used to do prior to marriage. Constant nagging,accusations,lack of sex,too much attention to d kids, demanding, amplifying stress etc. so tell me, y wont d man go out?? Do u think men enter into marriage with d intention of cheating??u have to stop and ask urself (or d man) what drove him into cheating, ask him wat he is running from, and question his rational for his doings.I bet u'll c why men tend to act how they act when u hear his response.

    Additionally, some girls love to be in d situation ur 23 year old friend. they love to be exculed from the fantasies of an awesome relationship topped with breakfast in bed, openned car doors etc. they love to be with a guy who can provide thier every vain need without the responsibility of having to cook,bear kids,take care of the family etc. So clearly these girls will jump on this oppurtunity (like my ex girlfriend). Dont spoil the market of these chics with blogs like these.LOL…

    • Is this a joke? Nagging and blah blah blah. Abi are we to believe the man stays romancing her after marriage. Marriage is a joint effort so stop trying to lay the blame at the woman's feet. You must think the woman is supposed to cater to your every whim or something. After giving birth to your children, she is supposed to be dolled up every day and sexing you every night. Awon oniranu. If you have problems with something your spouse is doing, then you approach them AND TALK ABOUT IT, not go out and cheat. What kind of remedial mentality is that?

      • Elle,

        So what if the guy has talked about the issue and tried to resolve the issue countless times with the wife and she still chooses to be stubborn??

        Let's face it, u know guys like to feel "like the man". They never like to be ridiculed or disparaged, they wanna feel that they are in control. If you take "masculinerity' (if thats a word) that from a man, he is going to go out to meet someone who can "treat him as a man" to try and gain it back.

        My mum was like that, stubborn as hell…would disrespect old man in public, sometimes even embarassing him – i was 11 then and even I understood how embarassing s#it was. Not until old man went out to "redeem his ego" did my mum calm down She realized she could lose him and at 40 plus 3 kids, yeah twill be kinda hard to remarry.

        So yes, the man might have just been a plain DOG, thats a possibility, but he could have been driven to do what he did by is "better half". Right now we'll never know put I tell you this- Men are not heartless, they have consience too!!

        • donTMC, please define stubborn? And how does dat justify the men cheating like heck? Because the way I see it, no normal woman will ignore her husbands attempts at trying to resolve vital family issues unless the man is really doing something wrong or going about it d wrong way. Granted, some women let themselves go (so do the men by the way), but I'm pretty sure some of them try to maintain the man's interest and once they notice it's a futile attempt, they give up ( I have my thoughts on this topic but will leave it for now).

          There really is no justification for cheating as a man/woman should be accountable for their actions. Each one is responsible to protect his/her institute of marriage. It does not matter is a prostitute is practically trying to RAPE you… U are responsible for your actions and decision. Trying to blame the wayward girls, negligent fat wife, noisy kids, pressure at work, boisterous friends, etc etc is nothing but cowardice. There should be no reason to go out for attention to help boost the man's ego. That just doesn't seem to make much sense. U mentioned the women want breakfast in bed, open car doors, etc which the men don't really maintain to the same level, if at all, after the dating era… in ur opinion, should that be a justification for the women to seek attention elsewhere? And by attention, I mean… go out, flirt and sleep with other men.

          Also from the story of your mum, there are counter stories where the man's cheating backfires. Also, a lot of men disrespect their women in public too just so they can proove they're the MAN. Just can understand the emphasis men put on trying to impress their friends so much…

          Oh yeah, believe it or not, GUYS do NAG also… marriage is not easy. So, when there's the option of getting wat's supposedly lacking in ur marriage outside, u might as well not get married cause let's face it. Nobody is perfect! The couple need to strive towards perfection TOGETHER!

  5. Una dey crase!!!..what does being married have to do with keeping one's self well exercised with fresh young blood? Did the man in question promise her anything other than shopping and good times? Did he propose to her?

    Men just like to keep the marraige "fresh" by making sure that all the oil changing and styles are current–who eventually benefits from this–THE WIFE.

    So abeg please–especially the single girls falling all over demselves to respond to this beautiful write-up. Play your role! get your hand bags and keep it moving.

  6. This is very interesting. I believe our society allows for Men to be way-ward, and all, but responsibility should also fall on the women also like Chayoma mentioned. People will only disrespect you as far as you want them to… If you allow your man to run the streets or turn a blind eye once, twice, then more than likely the guy will just continue cos he feels there is no consequence for his actions.

    In addition, a lot of young babes do actually like married men that have the money to spend on them… *Aristo runz and the rest of them*… forgetting that one day dem too go marry and one young Ify or Funmi will come and be "entertaining" their husbands. If these babe weren't sooo willing, and in some cases seeking then things might be different.

    Men also need to step up sha… If you marry babe, then try to stay in the house…. our biggest problem is that we put ourselves in situations that will cause us to want to cheat. If you're married, then no more random flirting with random babes just cos… one day flirting go turn to hanging out, then going out to club, then one day one day…u're nyashing the babe.

    Sha sha in all… I think the society has to stop being too accepting of it… It has been very acceptable and that doesn't put the fear of God in men. lol.

    Btw… these days women cheat just as much as men, but they are better at it than we men are, hence they are able to get away with it better than we are. I personally have lost all respect for the moral structure in naija.

    • look this thing has happened since the invention of man and woman and institution of marriage! As I said everyone should just "play their role"…The writeup for me seemed to indicate more natural bitterness at not being selected by the "uncle" who focused on the least interested woman in the bunch. (We all have our experience of barking up the wrong tree:).

      After all they were playing along and instead of spitting out the drinks he was buying in righteous indignation–dem dey drink and dance dey go! Deep down they understood the numbers game–if they dont do it–some other babe will be there enjoying the goodies. Classic game theory here…LOL

      This is not a Nigerian problem its a worldwide problem, and thos women that turn a blind eye "stay married"…as opposed to the misery loves company approach that is being subtly peddled in the great write-up. (I did enjoy reading it–but don't support the conclusions)

      • I don't exactly get what you're saying…are you insinuating that the rest of us were "bitter" towards our friend??

        Thats my simple problem with some people…see the big blow-up about us just accepting drinks from the guy, who we just met througha very good friend of ours. But no one says anything when they know a married man is publicly galavanting around town with a girl young enough to be his daughter. *shrug* i just don't get it.

  7. It;s easy to blame the 'man' I think the major problem is what 'women' are accepting. The wife that turns the other cheek and the mistresses/concubines/girlfriends that talk to men who are married.

    A man will only do what u allow him to do, so if women keep allowing it, then it will continue to happen.

    The level of materialism in naija is too high.. if the women cant be bought then the men wont have any way of buying them.

    • Excellent point my brother… It's not always our fault. U need to see the way Babes throw themselves to married men in naija… I mean it's too much. Not saying that gives men the right all the time, but it does not help a man "trying to be faithful"

      • You make staying faithful seem like such a hefty and hard task. All you have to do to politely tell the girl(s) I'm marriend, or I'm in a relationship. Women do it all the time when they start getting unwanted attention from men, hence the "I have a boyfriend" line some of you guys have heard. LOL.

        But I won't say that all women stay faithful…you just won't catch them paying rent, school fees etc. They understand the "nature" of their relationship with their men on the side.

        • Staying is no easy task… Let's be real. It takes some serious discipline to stay faithful cos temptation will definitely come to both men and women.

          Also… typically babes are more attracted to guys that are married or hooked up. Babes(not all) for some reason find that exciting. U ever heard that a wedding ring makes a guy ten times more attractive.

          Again I'm not saying that these are excuses for people cheating, but I will say that staying faithful is a choice that requires discipline, and it's not easy in the face of temptation.

    • LOL!!! Dont mind the silly girls. Dem don drink the UNCLE drinks finish come dey act like na them holy pass.

      If you dont want to be hit on, then dont interact with men- sit in ur houses, watch Oprah and dont bother the rest of the world. Na wa, what is it self?!!

      • LOL. Its a free country, me or you choosing to go out is our personal decision, BUT the invasion of my space by you trying to spit game at whatever cost, is where problems arise. Its also not by force, and its also not right for you to approach a woman anywhere. LOL. Especially if you have one waiting at home cooking efo riro and pounded yam for you. Shebi??

        • Deola,

          Like say you don max out responses. The guy was trying his luck and you guys were taking him for a ride drinking his drank. The issue on this post is that whether or not the guy had a wife you and your mates would have still maxed out his cards simple.

          Try this next time ok; you and your friends should tell any man like that to his face to leave you alone as he has a wife at home. Make the statment as embarassing as possible for the man. I bet you he will step back with his spit and you guys will buy your own drinks.


          • Uche… to be fair she did mention that they didn't know he was married until 2-3 weeks after the incident… So at the time they got drinks from him, they didn't know he was married with kids. He might have been an older single guy.

          • Ok if you insist on pointing out the specifics of the story; then one could argue that their vex na say the guy wowo abi? Even at that the still drink the guys drank.

  8. it's girls like you that cause it…y are you taking drinks from ppl u don't know and expect u n ur friends to go free (awoof dey run belle)…my dear nothing is free…n dat ur so called girl friend "who is not like other girls" but "joked" abt maxing out his card on a shopping spree is really in a "league of her own" and she better pray to God that one of these days she doesn't jokingly max more than credit card (STD's, live n health)…it takes two to tango my dear.

  9. LWKMD!!!1 The comments on this post has made ma laugh man! I guess Ms deola wont be writing again. coz she only wanted positive reactions!

    my 2 kobo's- Its takes two to tango therefore, Women liberate yourselves and dont keep on allowing your men to cheat. Men please have the fear of God in you when you about to do some of you fuckrey's its just not fair like in the case of this dude that was in town for his childs naming ceremony. Women cheat too no lie, but common, dont even try and compare the stats on that one.


  10. LOL @ all the people that seem to completely miss the point of what I'm saying. At everyone who is condeming us for letting him buys us drinks…let he who is without sin be the one to throw the first stone. Its really crazy how people try to call out people for behavior that they take part in. Getting irnks bought for you, is not at all that serious. But obviously, if you're unattractive, its naturally harder for you to see where I'm coming from. We were ok getting drinks from him because we knew Kola through our friend. But please believe that we were buying drinks for ourselves as well, the guys were just trying to be gentlemen. Its no biggie. At least we didn't just walk away right after getting the drinks, as some of you females have most likely done, and some of you guys have had done to you…which probably explains your bitterness. 🙂

    To everyone else who realized that the problem goes so much deeper than just buying the drinks…thank you. You people have common sense…which isn't so common anymore.

    @Licious, no where in the entry did I say I only want positive comments. Everyone has their own opinion, and its obvious that a majority of people agree with the moral dilemna in which we're facing as a people. There is never going to be one black or white answer to the question…its like asking which came first, the chicken or the egg?? So I'm not mad at anyone who has an opposing view point. Its easier to pass judgement when you're not directly affected by the issue.

    • This one is directly to you Ms Deola aka The Reforming Ajebotta……LMAO. I am a guy and you are a girl. If I offer you a gift and you refuse it, it means you don't want me but if you accept it, it means you're giving me the go ahead or the green light. You mentioned he bought you and your friends drinks and you all kept on accepting it bearing in mind that your friend Seun was trying to hook his uncle "Kola" to you guys by saying nice things about him and how paid he, Kola, is. First of all, for Seun to be telling you girls about the financial side of his uncle to you girls means that you babes are that kind of babes, the materialistic ones.

      Back to the topic, you said he, Kola, is really an uncle as he's old enough to be your uncle. Based on what Seun described him to be, is it possible to find a Nigerian man that old and well accomplished to still be single and unmarried or without a partner with kids??? Did you have to wait 2-3 weeks. Having that in mind, you still went on receiving his offer on drinks and then, you have the guts to come and yarn okpaks on this blog. For the mere fact that y'all went to look for him on those dating sites means y'all were kinda interested in those promises he made to your friend.

      You guys played easy to get and that was why Uncle Kola played along. Majority of Nigerian babes LOVE awoof stuffs and in most cases, the only type of people who can satisfy their greedy and lustful urge are extremely older and rich men who can afford these things without a bother. Please be sincere Ms Deola, did you and your friends have money on yourselves to pay for your drinks or were you expectings guys to do the paying while yous do the drinking…… Cos if you had money on yous and all of you had dignity, y'all will reject his offer on drinks and buy your drinks with your own money.

      • Ms Deola AKA the reforming ajebotta aka Aristo Girl!!!


        Lesson of the day: If you set corn for bird ein must chop!!!

        (No hard feelings sweetie, this is just a blog 😉 )

      • boi, stop! have u ever bought a drink for a female? pls tell me u didn't think she was diggin u just because of that? a drink is simply what it is, a drink. u offered, so thank you. that's all. it takes more than a drink to get a gal's attention, buddy. personality, conversation, looks (not shallow, just honest)…these things are also important. man. I may have drink money in my purse, but there's no need in using it if someone wants to buy me a drink. that's more gas money for me!

        also, most men will stunt, and show off their financial status if they know they ballin not because they can target those materialistic girls with their super sensors or whatever, but because they feel that's their best feature and they don't have enough confidence in just being themselves, to get a girl's attention.

    • Unless I cannot read

      "Hey everyone!! This is my first time posting a blog on here, so please be nice. If this is received positively, then I'll definitely be writing some more blogs for you all to read"

      Oh wells I guess no more blog posts from you..LWKMD!

    • To the reforming ajeburrer: I was thoroughly entertained by your writeup and expect an encore soon. I just don't see a problem here:) Thank God for young club girls that keep our hearts racing ***evil grin***

      Naija is always fun and much better 'success' rate:) too many gyels eye don tear finish for obodo oyinbo…(but if you see how the girls gel for whiteboy for the same dropping of "goods" that is another story you should consider)

      keep it up.

    • Deola you really said it all in your the very second sentence of your write up. Let he/she who has no sin throw the first stone. So why you come dey yab the man wey una drink im drank?

      • Uhhhh…because I've never cheated on attempted to cheat on my significant other. LOL. You no dey read the ting well???

        Uche I dunno if you're a guy or girl…but can you seriously say that you've never bought a female drinks before, or you've never received a drink from a guy before??? Unless you're super broke, then I find that hard to believe. Even broke guys will buy a drink for a girl they're feeling just to form small. LOL. Mehn…abeg, say something else.

        • I am a guy, and I do actually buy drinks. I always do it for a purpose. The sin you guys committed is that you guys were enjoying is favour knowing full well his intentions and that wasn't fair irrespective of the fact that he too was playing rough. So do not throw no stones.

          • that's y its good for girls to make their own intentions clear. this drink is nothing more than a drink, pal. this isn't an invitation to invade my space and get on my nerves. it can be said alot nicer, of course. but once this is established, he will either reconsider his offer, or be a man and by that drink.

    • LOL. Its a free county. 🙂 And I only had 4 comments. Thats the thing, I 'd much rather have an open discussion than just reading all these attempts to yabb me. 🙂 But wurrever mehn. I'll def be writing again because all these internet thugsters don't scare me. Everyone has their own opinion.

      But myself and my friends included are no Aristos babe…my parents don't allow me to lack anything, and I know how to handle my business, so no man can ever do shakara for me because of phone credit or clothes etc.

  11. Ihave to disagree, the fact that you accept it when a guy buys you a drink means absoluately nothing, same ting if he takes me out on a date and pays for dinner. As a matter of fact, with some (not all) Naija guys, it's almost more of a blow to the ego to refuse a drink so you accept the offer to be nice…. also since he knew he was married it is HIS responsibility to be faithful to his wife even if a girl had thrown herself at him, and vice cersa with a married woman. I think cheating husbands will become less accpetable in our society when women are 1. able to leave cheating husbands despite the associated stigma of beind a divorcee, 2. have enough financial independence that they can leave their husbands and still give their children as good a quality of life as they would get from their father, 3. we have effective laws in place which will enforce child support and alimony payments (which can be from husband to wife or vice versa depending on the circumstances of the marriage). I believe that the presence of the latter two points will reduce the stigma associated with divorce. But I do not think that one can eradicate unfaithfulness from any society, but they can at least make it less acceptable from men in Nigerian society.

    Hopefully, HIV will help Nigerian men at least wrap it up, even though that only gives about 85% protection (with typical use), it's better than nothing.

    • So far, I think you have made the most sense in this discussion. I mean, each individual should protect their status and relationship. It's the man/woman's responsibility to be faithful to their spouse. The fact that Miss_Deola and co. took drinks from the fella shouldn't be cause enough for him to want to take it to a different level. His wife just had a baby for crying out loud… what is he doing chasing* young girls in a bar/club? That's just plain wrong!!! For all we care, prostitutes could be throwing themselves on him but it should be HIS responsibility to remain faithful to the wife and kids. To the institue of marriage. SIMPLE!

      Guys send drinks to girls or buy 'em drinks sometimes as a mere tribute to their beauty 🙂 or for several other reasons. Some girls accept with no intentions of acknowledging the guy. Others might see that as a sign that the mister can afford other things and decide to act on it depending on their morals/goals etc.

      I totally agree and preach your numbered reasons for the actions women and society should take to curb this ludacris of men having the freedom and RIGHT to cheat. My addition to yout list the fact that women shouldn't even wait for society to remove the stigma… who cares wjat society thinks? They're not the ones living with a lying, cheating MAN! They're not that ones that'll deal with the STD's or outside drama when/if it comes. To protect the kids, I think divorce should be the way forward… a marriage without trust is WORTHLESS!!!

  12. Why is divorce the answer to a cheating man? The answer is don't marry a cheating husband to start off with. We women see what we want to see and marry what we want to marry.

    99% of the time you know your husband to be will cheat on you in the future before you even married him, but you married him because he's the finest guy alive or his daddy is Bill Gates. My point, is before you get married to a guy, OPEN your eyes, talk about guys that cheat and see his response, do your own investigation.

    It's sad how people throw divorce up and down like it's some kind of badge of honor we girls should use to threaten our husbands. I can clearly see that majority of you do not come from divorced home. Take it from a child of a broken home, it is not cool and your children suffer most of the scar. Don't get me wrong, I"m very proud of my mother for wearing that scarlet letter in our society, but it still does not mean that we children didn't suffer for our parents sins.

    • Are you seriously saying that most women with cheating husbands knew he'll cheat? I don't htink that's fair though. Cause let's face it, some people know and don't care, some know but prefer the money to their husbands loyalty, others really did not intend to live with that or even sign up for that one!

      I choose to believe that some men can be very deceitful and in all fairness, women too (nobody is perfect). Long story short, people don't always know what they're getting themselves into. Also people don't always intend to cheat.

      Ummm, divorce is certainly not a badge of honor or something that should be thrown around to scare the guy. It's just something that should really be implemented if one has a constant cheating husband. That's my own 2 cents. The kids can either live in a dysfunctional home or a single home. Neither of which is preferable…

      Tolerating the man's infidelity is worse than stepping away. Your mother has thought you that you want to look out for signs of a cheating man before you get married… which is one good lesson that came out of that. No?

      • The truth is 90% of the women know their husband will cheat on them because they have seen a certain trait but they choose to ignore it, while love is shacking them. All that glitters is not GOLD. I'm not saying you should sit your butt down and suffer.. i'm talking more of the prevention rather than the cure. OPEN your eyes before going into a relationship. We need to start talking more about what NOT to look for in guys and ways to build up strong families. The family structure in today's society is such a joke.

        And for the rest of us that chose to investigate, there is still no guarantee. People change. He could still end up being a dog, well that's the I'm sorry case. It's your life and you can either stay with him or move on.

        • Divorce?? You are pretty very ignorant for this blog. What are u?? Like 18?? How can you say that "you can see traits of cheating in a man but get blinded by gltteries"??

          You need to wake up from that heartbroken land of urs.

          (P/S: dont take this personal…its just a blog)

      • divorce is never the answer. not everything u get yourself into is going to be easy. that's y u have God to run to. just count on Him to bring your husband back to you (free of disease too). i'm not married so this is coming out of the mouth of someone who doesn't know how it feels to know ur husband is out there having his fill of other women, but hopefully, u'll take up my way of thinking.


  14. it looks like a lot of people are focused on the drinks than on the main point and I'm sensing they are venting from personal fruitless drink buying experience or in no show after

    Please free the girls joo. Did they force the shameless married man to buy them the drinks? *hiss*

    That man is a piece of shit, and I hope his rusty grey haired D*ck gets chopped off one day for screwing around on his wife. STD's are real, and many African women have gotten it from their promiscuous hubbies. These men are sining against God and man and thats deep!

    To answer the question, the men, the young goldigging chics and the society are all to be blamed with the majority blame on the man cos he is the one that took the vow.

  15. No vex.

    I'm not saying its right but I'd also say this………….it takes two to tango. If there are ladies who wit 'get with' a guy and not find out who he is, what he does, what his marital status is etc, there will always be guys who would take them up on the offer. Married or not!

    Not saying it's right for married men or for men in relationships to cheat, it is wrong and should be condemned. However, ladies not everything that wears trousers, has a sexy voice and calls you baby, is a man! 'Nuff said

  16. Well, there is one solution to all these…………

    A true man of God will at least be faithful to God and a true woman of God will be as well. Their true relationship with their true God will keep them grounded. In this case, even their marriage will please God ! Consequently, they have nothing to worry about really except to please their God and the issue of unfaithfulness is eradicated unless either one of them deliberately choose to commit adultery !

    So my verdict: strive to be a TRUE person of God and marry a TRUE person of God.

    Some may say " there are men that are faithful without being a TRUE man of God….hmmm. yes there are but not a lot when compared with those that are not, some men fail when they are in their 50's or late 50's so it is rare to find those that stick to end.

    By the way this is just my opinion, if anyone doesn't agree, well, I can't do much about it , but please do have a lovely day !

  17. about cheating, i believe a woman can tell SOMETIMES if a guy will cheat. you can start up a conversation about cheating and hear his response and observe his reaction to that topic. i had one idiot in the past tell me that it's ok for men to cheat but not women because our bodies are designed to have babies so we'r not supposed to mess around….wat-everrrrr. actually, i ve heared similar bullcrapp from two other guys. i think if thats the way nigerian men think, then that is a very ignorant way of thinking. men also use the excuse that cheating is in their nature….p-llll-ease, they can tell that to the monkeys. don't get me wrong, men can look just like women ( cos i do admire a good looking guy if i see one) but that doesn't give them any reason to try to get into every p%$*#. i believe it should be 50:50. if i'm in a real relationship and i'm faithful to my man, i expect him to do the same to me, otherwise peace-out. there are too much diseases around and i still have a long road ahead of me to fall sick. some women can actually tell if a guy has cheating potentials but they are so into the guy that they overlook the signs. my dear ladies, every little thing counts. pay attention to details. i've been there and its not a cool feeling at all. I BELIEVE THAT ONE OF THE QUALITIES THAT MAKES UP A REAL MAN IS HIS ABILITY TO CONTROL HIMSELF.

    as for buying drinks, if a guy OFFERS to buy me a drink at the bar, i'll accept if i feel like as long as i didn't ask him to (not that cheap or broke) but that doesn't mean i'm giving anyone green light. who does not like free stuff. i can accept the drink or drinks and still not even give out my real name or digits.

    • i feel ya on the free drinks deal. u offered, so that would be rude of me to reject, rite? lol.

      but seriously, many guys are good at hiding their cheating characteristics, so you're not likely to see any warning signs flashing over their heads, warning you to stay away from a future filled with heartache.

      as for those lame-ass excuses…LMAO. pls tell me ur joking and that men do not actually think we're gonna fall for that mess! pls tell me ur joking girl!

  18. first of all you say "in our society" and your story apparently took place in the U.S, i believe. You also are obviously Nigerian so i don't know what society you are talking about. such scenario plays out differently in both cultures so its important to stick to western values (if they have one) when dealing with men in places like the U.S (whether Nigerian men or not) and refer to the homeland values when dealing with men in NIgeria.

    this is what i mean; if you are talking about the U.S.(when you say our society), i am sorry to say but it is very different from the typical Nigerian society therefore men in both cultures behave very differently, the importance of values and fidelity in a relationship is a very contrasting issue between these men of the two cultures. if you've lived in the U.S then you obviously know that am not lying.

    so we men are influenced by this western cultures when we move to the U.S, not to say that there aren't a number of NIgerian men with jacked up values and sense of direction (in a relationship) that live in Nigeria but they are not as much as you would find in the U.S.

    So to cut the story short, we NIgerians get influenced by western cultures and when its dawned on us or when we face the consequences of this disruptive cultures we start looking for help by turning to our once abandoned (so called backward) home culture (also as metaphor for our "good" Nigerian men).

    You may want to ask what is so western about your culture from this story that makes you guilty of the situation in which you found yourself. well let me tell you. Decent Nigerian girls in NIgeria don't go out to clubs to meet guys (marriage materials) in clubs (remember? if not then ask someone) .what ever happened to meeting guys in a more relaxed atmosphere, a kinda church gathering, work social gathering, school maybe or just more dignified venues…let me stop here for now and leave date for you to ponder upon ……~kicksknowledge 1

    • ha! the church, the social gatherings, school…they're just the weekday club scenes. The same ppl u see at these scenes are the same ones that u peep in the club on the weekends actin up. sorry to break it to you.

      and in western culture and over there in good ole nigeria, men are equally trifling. i got friends who's family members are always doing something on the low, thinking no one knows about it, or who may not care about it at all–the gossip always makes its way back to the states. hell, i got my own share of cheating uncles or cousins from nigeria. so don't exclude nigerian men living in nigeria from the count. if u need proof, shit, talk to one of them…what are they called, aristoles, that seem to be all over the place in nigeria. my cuz schools there and no many girls who are in little side relationships with married nigerian men.

      lastly, nobody said that they go husband hunting in the club. if u happen to meet ur future husband in the club, its most likely isn't intentional. it probably just happened.

      so now, let me stop here for now and leave dat for you to ponder upon, sir. 🙂

    • I am confused as to which culture is supposedly more faithful the US vs in Nigerian. I grew up in Nigeria and have lived here for the last 9 years and I have to say that Nigerian Men in Nigeria as far worse and cheating is condoned, accepted as the norm and a good wife/girlfriend is one that understands this and stands by her man regardless. Nigerian and non-Nigerian men in the US cheat as well, but when word gets out, it is frowned upon and the lady is encouraged to find someone who has more respect for her. Cheating is just wrong on so many levels, but if you're going to cheat please wrap it up… AIDS no dey show for face!

  19. truth is a vast majority of nigerian men live to cheat and they cheat to live….if anything they r talented in cheating n lying…..if cheating had a world cup…guess who the flipping winners would be…but hey, u gat to be good at somin

    i get so fcking sick when i hear nigerians nagging about western yaddy yaddy blah blah blah

    wat has being western got to do wiv lying to ur wife day in day out and cheating all over the place like its running out of fashion

    do u think nigerian women, enjoy being cheated on, u think its fun for them

    at blooger…to b honsest i blame both sexes for the alarming rate at which cheating goes on within their culture…yes i am a british nigerian but i am happy to say that…i am not party to any retrogressive, oppressive, taking one step forward and taking thirty backward culture

    if u want to be a polygamist…go ahead and be one, let the women know wat they r getting for their money

    and pls for the sake of equality and fairness can women be allowed more than one husband tooo….oh i see the colour in ur cheeks drained real quick

    nigerian guys always take the issue of cheating lightly, cos it isnt their balls that is hung out to dry in the harsh baking sun of emotional distress…let ur wife cheat on u, then u tell me if u felt a bit ticklish…absolute BS

    back to the topic…nigerian men ..oh they leave much to be desired…i wont even appologise for the generalization ….because the % that dont cheat is hardly nearly compensation for those that do it

    ive dated quite a few nigerian guys in the past and am currently dating one….i had to leeave my prev boy friend cos……my compensation was babes, no matter wat i did i would never have left u for any of them girls and of cos i never slept outside…..oh for pete sake….i had enough, i did serve him my own dish of revenge fresh out of the freezer b4 i left his cheating balls

    i told my current bf…if u must cheat just make sure i dont bloody catch u, which is impossible cos one day monkey go go market e no go return…i put my cards flat on the table no effing cheating, i cant handle it and i cant tolorate it, am tired of revenge sex with an ex or a shag buddy…i just want plain old honesty or new honesty…if ur good then i will be good

    u see i can honestly say that i operate a free and fair policy, if after 5 to 10 years of being together u have a one night stand or somin……i can 4give u….a slip up abi….no wahala…wat i cant stand is having a secret affair bhind my back….the lies and shit…i just wont be able to trust u any more so we might as well call in the cleaners

    i know i have deviated but i will try to tie it in with my next point…nigerian women too give man power….they condone the uncondonable….they r slowly rotting inside but continue to put up a brave front…..except u dont love ur man…wat women in her right senses wld know her man has just come off another pussy and feel happy with life…..very effing few… a three some perharps lol

    nigerian women need to take charge of their destiny, u wont be surprised to know that part of the hand me downs u get from ur mother is how to suffer cheating in silence…they norture u till it bcomes ur nature….they tell u it happens all the time….u know men now, thats how they r….dont worry just pray…..i could go on and on but i tire of typing

    lastly for those nigerians that r quick to bash the west and its culture…i cant remember the last time u rode a horse or a donkey to ur small farm in the bush, or the last time u used smoke to send a msg, or even the last time u dug a whole to have a shit….get with the fucking programm mate

  20. While reading this i can't help thinking what a huge shame that nigerian men are building themselves such a bad reputation.It must be so challenging for any decent nigerian man out there having to live with this stereotype.But sadly,this stereotype stems from some truth.

    All my life i've done my best to avoid treating anyone with prejudice or believe in stereotypes,but because i cannot afford to get burned anymore,i will have to make an exception and avoid any nigerian men like the plague.I had a 3 year relationship with a nigerian man in london,i loved him dearly and cared for him,only to discover that all along he was dating another woman at the same time as being my partner-for the whole of the 3 years.Worst,i found he lied to me about her and even worst,he was training to become a pastor-in london.

    After some time i met another man who also happened to be nigerian.Because i am openminded i didn't send him away on the basis of his ethnicity.6 months into the relationship(which we decided to keep without sex)he proposed.In the excitement of our 'engagement',we had sex-once.On that one occasion i fell pregnant and because my father was dying,i left london to look after him.I called my partner to tell him i might be pregnant.When i returned to london,he called the engagement off and told me he'll be going to nigeria.God's call apparently!!!

    He had another child in london who's mther he also abandoned.He was off and later i found out he was married all along.

    So,if i smell any more nigerian men around me,i shall take out my dagger and chop off….yep-you know what i mean.

    Can you blame me?

    So many nigerian girlfriends have told me that they chose to marry any others except nigeran men,exactly for the situations described above.