Sex! So What’s the fuss

34
Sex
Sex

Has anyone ever spoken to you about sex before and after marriage? Have they ever told you to wait until you find that special person that loves you beyond belief? Have they ever said that sex is a very bad thing that you should never do? I have heard the latter so many times while I was growing into myself.

They say that sex before marriage is a sin before God, I have struggled to believe this for a very long time and even as I write, I still seek explanation to the mystery that surrounds the ethics of sexual relationship and how this relates to God.

One might argue sex is a symbol of love, this I believe to be true because after marriage, sex represents intimacy; so what makes sex bad before marriage and good after marriage?
My knowledge leads me to believe that whatever is bad is bad, and whatever is good is good. A lie can not become the truth, regardless of any explanation you have, so what makes sex bad and then good?

Before I continue, I feel the need to define my understanding of sex as I know that different people will have different definitions for sex.

My definition of sex is the ultimate and most intimate exchange of physical, mental and emotional pleasure; it is yearning to connect with another soul and having one’s innermost desires met.

A level of most intimate can not be achieved unless love is in abundance, however I am not oblivious to the fact that sex has being abused and is constantly being abused. I also understand the spiritual connection that sex promotes. Notice I wrote “promotes” and not “begins”, because I believe that a spiritual connection can be attained without sexual encounter.

So my question is what makes sex unacceptable before marriage and acceptable after marriage?

If your answer involves the bible and you feel the need to direct me to the letter of Paul to the Corinthians, you will have to explain why Paul wrote the letter and what he intended during that period or if you wish to direct me to what the bible states about fornication, then you will have to tell me why it is fornication before marriage and not after marriage since sex is still the major factor.

Ok, now I feel the need to write about fornication. The word fornication does not mean sexual relationship between two unmarried people. OK, let me explain before you rain insults on me.

You will have to agree with me that the bible you carry about is only a translation of what the true bible is. The bible was translated from Greek to English by King James. This is why it states on the first few pages of the bible the bold inscription King James Version.
If the bible was first written in Greek, then it would be common knowledge that those who wrote the bible were Greeks and they wrote in their language. God does not change, His words will not change, and therefore the Greek meaning of words in the bible will always be superior to the interpretations of King James. A Pastor once said, all the answers we need are in the bible, all we have to do is understand what we read. Its plain and simple, the most widely known version of the bible is the King James Version. [version means (according to the dictionary) a particular account of some matter, as from one person or source, contrasted with some other account, a translation]. This does not mean real account.

I will give you the findings of my research for fornication, the true meaning, the Greek meaning;
Fornication. porneia, por-ni’-ah; harlotry (includ. adultery and incest); fig. idolatry:-fornication. [according to the Hebrew Dictionary]

In plain English, fornication means sleeping with prostitutes.

This has not being written in any way, shape or form to promote/demote sex, however, if you have questions like I do, this might prompt you to make enquirers and share your findings with the world.

I have not written this to confuse anyone, though the true meaning of fornication means sleeping with prostitutes; that should not be a reason for anyone to abuse sex.

All I want to know is what makes sex unacceptable before marriage and acceptable after marriage?

by eniola alakija

34 COMMENTS

  1. After reading this, all that comes to mind is 'Negro please'. It annoys me when people try to justify things like this. It is strictly black or it's strictly white. If you like go and do investigation as to why Paul wrote the kini in the bible. This is not even from a judgemental POV, it just is what it is. If you wan chook, chook happily away and quit trying to rationalize and make I hear word o jare!

  2. for·ni·ca·tion [fàwrni káysh'n]

    noun

    1. consenting sex involving somebody unmarried: sexual intercourse between two consenting adults who are not married to each other

    2. sexual behavior considered immoral: in the Bible, sexual intercourse between a man and woman who are not married, or any form of sexual behavior considered to be immoral

    Microsoft® Encarta® 2007. © 1993-2006 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

    Na wa for you o! U fit preach this one to chics you want to have sex with in the bedroom and not in a public place like the internet. Do you want to change the meaning of fornication?

    • Bia nwa! Na the same Windows for Maryland? LOL

      But on the real tho, see as this bobo wan remix the meaning of fornication. Shuooooo…I just lose hope o!

      • Na me nwanne! Who goes there???

        I sure say d bobo took his time to write this piece specifically targeting one chic wey don give am hard time and future chics wey de nurse the thought of giving him a hard time (biko pardon my zig zag from pidgin to correct oyibo. I do it when I de vex. lol). I just wan tell am say no be d way be dis.

  3. Hmmmm I don't know how to feel about this to be honest. On one hand, the piece could make sense, but I'm just not buying it. Even though I partake in these activities b4 marriage, I don't think I can justify doing it on any level, esp on the religious tip. Anyways… to each is own o. Like Original Mgbeke said, if you wan chook, then chook… no shaking.

  4. Hmmmm, the reason why sex before marriage is a bad idea to my understanding is simply because, if you are serious about spending the rest of your life with that someone, whats the problem waiting a few months, or waiting until marriage, or an engagement? Now, i believe it is inportant to "test drive" or whatever to see what u r getting into but I think that when you give that opportunity, it is taken advantage of , especially by the men, homeboy thinks he can get it anytime from then on, and then when your shit is all stretched out, he will leave you and find a fresh new thing,fuck that!!!!! All i know is that when i meet my husband before he becomes my husband, he will be waiting unfortunately for him but i will guarantee him that it will be worth the wait when the time finally comes. KPOM!!!!!!!

    • Buahahahaha…who is this chick? what a remedial way of thinking. You sound like pesin wey agro don wire her head. Omo yansh and free yourself. Before you catch yourself in one repressed sexual situation a la republicans.

  5. I totally do not agree wit u,i no ur tryin 2 justify ur fornication habit,but lets call a spade a spade,its a sin!

  6. Fyne girl na wah for you oh! Ur justification for not having sex before marriage dey one kind to me! Pls where did u get that 'stretch theory' from? A beg oh..u have to do past domitilla with a bunch of guys for there to be a stretch. Pls no starve ur bobo with that kin reason!

    For the writer, a beg don't let God send his wrath on you with this kin controversial premarital sex justification…distorting the word of God is a sin and could mislead the children of God.

    • Lol, I didnt mean it literally!!!! I was just trying to say premarital sex, with your suposed future husband just makes it a little less mysterious and boring, "been there done that," , to me. I think if we waited , the experience would be totally worth it in the long haul.

      lol @ Domitilla

  7. Sounds like a brother in the Lord too. Wetin consign the word of God with fornication? It is a sin of the flesh. It is what it is. Please do you sha! Just because you're in love doesn't make it any different from what it is.

  8. I have read this piece and I must say that I like it, I have also read the comments. I disagree with most of the comments. It is clear the writer has set out with no intention of hurting any one's beliefs. The writer has written about what is on most of our minds. Most people here have missed the importance of this article. The writer is not promoting sex before marriage, the writer wants to know the fuss about sex.

    According to the writer, "This has not being written in any way, shape or form to promote/demote sex, however, if you have questions like I do, this might prompt you to make enquirers and share your findings with the world". Is everyone missing that point?

    To the writer, very well written and I will be asking more questions about the importance and consequences of sex before and after marriage.

  9. The answer to your question is one word – CONTEXT! It sounds like you try to write like a philosopher in the questions you pose. However, the premise on which your philosophy is based is just wrong. You stated that “my knowledge leads me to believe that whatever is bad is bad, and whatever is good is good” and you based your question about sex, and your whole write up on this faulty premise. “All I want to know is what makes sex unacceptable before marriage and acceptable after marriage?”

    Life has never been black and white. There are shades in between. There is no such thing as “good is good” and “bad is bad”. Good is only good based on context and bad is only bad based on context as well. Since you refer to the Bible, let us start there. The Pharisees had your exact “good is good” and “bad is bad” notion. This is because, like you, they misunderstood the Law of God while God tried to correct them for centuries. For example, they believed that man must not work at all on Sabbath. Jesus came around and did good works on the Sabbath. Guess what, they went mad at him. Doing work on the Sabbath wasn’t bad, it depended on what type of work you did and why. I don’t know what world you live in, but in the world the rest of us live in, driving a car on the road is good, but if I drive without a proper driver’s licence, I could be put in jail. If a police shot down a criminal, that was okay, but if you shoot someone, you get put in jail. Shooting someone wasn’t bad or good, it depended on the context. I can sit in my house and drink a gallon of beer, but if I do that at work, I could get dismissed. Drinking isn’t bad or good, it depends on the context. I could go on with a million examples. Nothing in life is good or bad (I say that with some reservation) same goes for sex.

    Eniola, please don’t be confused. Sex is a good and wonderful thing, but it depends on the context. Sex outside marriage is bad, not only bad; it is Sin in the sight of God. So, like many things in life, it depends on the context. We all know moral decadence parade our streets, but it shouldn’t blur our moral sense of right and wrong and the law. Also, please don’t just pick a dictionary and translate Greek and Hebrew. Your definition of fornication sounds like an abuse of lexicology and morphology. Fornication as having sex with a harlot is correct, but that is a limited interpretation of the Greek or even Hebrew word. In broader terms, it means having sex with someone you don’t have a marriage covenant with. Listen up; some harlots by definition could also actually be married women who just engage in harlotry because of poverty or whatever reason. But when their legal husbands have sex with them, the husbands wouldn’t be committing fornication at all. That is obviously because he is married to the person he is sleeping with, howbeit she being a harlot. Your definition would mean that the husbands are also committing fornication, wouldn’t it? Can you see the limitation of your submission? So please, do some proper translation before you based you belief system on it.

    Okay, I am just trying to answer you sincere questions here, if you need to get into a more philosophical/religious debate or if you need Greek lessons, let me know by email.

    • Here is a simple answer to the question "what makes sex unacceptable before marriage and acceptable after marriage?"

      MARRIAGE!!!!!!!!! – which is defined as a legally recognized relationship, established by a civil or religious ceremony, between two people who intend to live together as sexual and domestic partners.

      That says it all whether you view it through a civil or religious lens.

  10. Lol, I didnt mean it literally!!!! I was just trying to say premarital sex, with your suposed future husband just makes it a little less mysterious and boring, "been there done that," , to me. I think if we waited , the experience would be totally worth it in the long haul.
    lol @ Domitilla
    Sorry, forgot to add great post! Can't wait to see your next post!

  11. The answer to your question is one word – CONTEXT! It sounds like you try to write like a philosopher in the questions you pose. However, the premise on which your philosophy is based is just wrong. You stated that “my knowledge leads me to believe that whatever is bad is bad, and whatever is good is good” and you based your question about sex, and your whole write up on this faulty premise. “All I want to know is what makes sex unacceptable before marriage and acceptable after marriage?”

  12. All this one na story. Do what you feel comfortable doing. If you are religious and wanna stay celibate then do so, If you are religious and wanna yansh, do so. If you really don't give a crap and just want to yansh away then by all means feel free to do so. Trust me, kingdom come, y'all are gonna be answerable to your own sins…be is yanshing, adultery, backbiting. No hierarchy of sin o.

  13. Interesting prespective and a very controversial topic … Fornication is a sin in the eyes of the Lord and all have sinned and falling short of the glory of God. Some of us are guilty in thoughts and indeeds.. I am not going to join you justifying it… to be honest with you i like it when people stepout of the popular notion to question its theory and reasoning.

  14. Around the same time as King James was translating (ahem…re-writting) the bible, mediaeval europe still had practices when the lord of the manor had the right to bed any new wife of his peasants on her wedding night. Forced harlotry and fornication!

    The religious zealotness that prevents people from questioning the root of things always worries me. To me the author is not trying to justify anything, she's asking valid questions about why any Christian should believe what they believe, and any religious person should go through the same process. Remember the same bible justifies genocide, peadophilia, polygamy and goodness knows what else so better reconcile your how with your what. If you're going to pick and choose what you believe blindly and what is open to 'interpretation' then I feel for you!

    Eniola, I wish I had answers for you, but to be honest, no-one does. Each of us has to respect ourselves and live a moral life. Morality is very black and white, but there are some greys and developing your personal communication with God is the only way to handle the greys….

    FYI I believe in God, my King. But I found Him through prayer and an exploration of my spirit, not via some cultish methods of bible bashing.

    • I'm just joining this topic and based off of some of the other comments i read, it seems like its gotten a little heated. So this is my disclaimer; i'm not here to offend anyone at all. I'm simply speaking and sharing what i know to my best abilities in a non-confrontational way. thank you =D lol

      Anywhoo, LoloBloggs can you puh-lease tell me these scriptures/verses where the "bible justifies genocide, peadophilia, polygamy" i know of some instances where one might think it promotes/justifies genocide but pedophilia and polygamy… pls educate me. =D and for now i reserve the rest of my comments… for now lol

  15. God created man and woman and told them to be fruitful and multiply meaning they should have children and generations. The only way that can happen is through sex. Inherently God created sex. And according to his word, It is a sin to him and our bodies to have sexual intercourse with anyone who is not your husband/wife. There are a lot of reasons he gives in the bible which is only for our good. And even in the world, it is advised to stick to one partner for so many reasons. Now they would say partner because husband/wife seems to far fetched for people. but if you keep changing partners, you pretty much do not have one partner right? Now the right partner is meant to be your Spouse for reasons such as unwanted pregnancies that lead to abortion (murder), depression and complications of the woman's womb. Also we all know that sexually transmitted diseases are some things no one wants to know he/she has. if you tell someone that, of course the person will not want to sleep with you. Meanwhile if you tried to abstain from sex till you were married, you will not be bothered as to if you contacted STDs or not. We all do wrong, YES! But that does not mean we should justify our wrongs and act like we do not see what is wrong in it just because of the pleasure it gives us at the moment. So eniola, Sex is related to God and pre-marital sex stands wrong on all ends FOR OUR GOOD.

  16. Sex is ordained by God to be between husband and wife. If done outside that, is a sin against th temple of God, which is your body. There is a lot of fuss because the Spirit of God resides in our bodies so the least you can do is respect it. All, including me are guilty of that sin in one way or the other but because of His grace, I have been able to stay away from that. It is not easy but the grace of God is sufficient enough for us. It is just respecting God and honoring His word. There is no point enjoying five minutes of sin and spending an eternity in hell.

    You can try to justify God's word from now till eternity, but the truth is God's word is eternal and it can never fade away. Many like you have come and gone but it still did not change God's word

    • ummmm…. i agree with most of what you said, except people don't go to hell for having sex. The problem is they could be using that time fulfilling whatever God has created them for but instead one at times may give into sin be it sexual or whatever. The Word says believe in the Lord Jesus and you shall be saved… not believe in Jesus become perfect and then be saved. I'm writing this knowing it's possible you know this and then in that case i agree with you, but i still want to add on to what you said for others who may have the same thought as me or to help someone else….

      • I need to address you on your claim that "people don't go to hell for having sex before marriage."
        Perhaps you should search the scriptures ()1 Corinthians 6:9-11) , it says 'fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God'. Of course, only God has the power to decide who goes to hell or not, but if i read that passage correctly, I don't think I would take my chances.
        I think people undermine the gravity of fornication. It is a sin against God'd temple where the holy spirit resides.

  17. I would like to thank those that have taken time out to read this article and also those who have included their comments. The issue of sex is an important one and therefore one that needs to be treated with extreme caution. Aside its spiritual implications, one needs to put into consideration other physical factors such as stds and pregnancy.

    I must however state I have written this with no intentions of justifying sex before or after marriage, I have not also written this to distort what was written in the bible or to change what was written in the bible, and I have not written this to get with any girl(s).

    I understand the contents of this article might be too much for some people, I also understand not everyone will come to terms with the points I was trying to make or answer the question I pose, however that should not be a platform for insults or disrespectful remarks.

    I am merely asking the question most of you are thinking about and in the written words of LoloBloggs "Morality is very black and white, but there are some greys and developing your personal communication with God is the only way to handle the greys…."

    Thanks

    P.s I am of the male gender.

      • Sorry i have a lot to say on this topic, but i gotta let it out in pieces because i see people are sensitive to this topic, which makes senses and i dont want to offend anyone.

        But my 2nd question is…

        Let's say you buy/own a Ferrari or any other car that is designed to speed. So you take you're nice car out and the law of the land is that, on this road you're driving on, the speed limit is 40 mph but u decide to do 120 or even 60 for whatever reason, and you get pulled over by a police officer and get a ticket. Are you guilty of breaking the speed limit? Or would you argue that the car is legally sold in the country and is designed for speed therefore you're speeding is irrelevant and you're not guilty of any crime despite the speed limit?

  18. So the only thing I have to contrfibute to this is that…all you people insisting that sex be after marriage just better make sure that you AND your partner are both untouched otherwise the whole thing is a bunch of BS. Don't through the bible and its words at anyone preaching like you know everythign under the sun. If the guy/girl you are trying to commit to is deflowered then wuldn't you feel salted that the person got to enjoy endless amounts and variations of sex while you were busy saving it for him/her…that is the definition of a non symbiotic relationship. You are providing purity for your spouse while they are providing already used products. Either both of you are used and refurbrished or both of you are New and sealed. Everything else inbetween is just a big waste of time, effort and good sex..lmao

  19. Interesting question you pose.

    First of all Ibilolaa, its that sort of judgmental talk that has us losing the fight to gain more non believers everyday.

    Second of all, the author poses an interesting point. First of all ,I disagree with the point that what is bad is bad and what is good is good. I think we can all think of instances when say for example, killing is bad, but can also be good in the case of killing someone like an Adolf Hitler.

    Now as far as sex is concerned, I've actually long wondered what the true meaning of "fornication" is and what the Bible means when it talks about "sexual immorality". The New Testament never explicitely says not to have sex before you are married, but it does say not to fornicate. Fornication was always defined to me as sex outside of marriage, but if the author's source is correct and its just sex with a prostitute, then one can infer that the act of sexual intercourse outside of marriage in it of itself is not a sin.

  20. I dont understand why the writer would really believe that sex in itself is bad. most things in life can be used for good or for bad. Sex is a wonderful gift from God the creator, but how we use it is the problem. sex before marriage was not God,s plan for it, but after marriage. If we are honest with ourselves and do a list of the pros and cons of sex before marriage i think the cons list might be considerably longer.

    so if it looks like shit, smells like shit it probably is shit, my meaning? lets call a spade a spade even if we would prefer a rake.

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