Paying for the date.

26

CRBR001412

It’s the year 2009 and with each passing year, more ‘Independent Women’ anthems seem to be hitting the airwaves. We ladies are feeling like ‘we got our own’ and in general, feeling more financially independent.
Which brings me to the topic of today…

As we dey here, dey do ‘Ms. Independent’, are we adopting that same approach to dating and relationships? Specifically, I am curious as to which stage in the courting process, if at all do you ladies offer to pay for the date?

Imagine if an object of interest is courting you, and wining and dining you, and let’s assume that you guys have been on about 4 dates so far. By the 5th date, do you feel like you should reach into your wallet and at least offer to pay for the date, or do you feel that if a man is wining, dining and courting you, it is his financial responsibility to pay for all your dates?

Granted, this mentality of women offering to pay for dates or going dutch appears to be pretty westernized, seeing that if you are dating a man in Nigeria, it is very unlikely that he will even entertain the idea of a woman offering to pay for the date.

And of course, I’m not going to leave the guys out of this one so I will remix the question and throw it right back at y’all. If you’ve taken your object of interest out on 5 dates, and by the 6th date she has made no moves to reach into her wallet, or at least offer to pay for the date, how would you view this?
If a woman offered to pay for a date, would you be insulted?
And more importantly, would you ever ask a woman to go dutch with you on a date?

Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s discuss.

26 COMMENTS

  1. Biko I would. This economy sucks you want to chop my money like I am father Christmas or what. To be fair nothing wrong with a guy paying a few times but by date 3 she should volunteer some funds. If she does not then it means she is selfish and she is probably part woman part Aristo. Most people will disagree with me but it does not make sense to be dating a girl that has a good job and she expects you to pay all the time.

    On a different note it is funny how woman claim that they are independent in every aspect of their lives except finances ….

    • Na wa oh. Mekus na so? part aristo ke? don't you have to be making loads of money to even think along those lines. How can she be using you for money when e no kon be like you get money that plenty?

  2. please naija boys can be super cheap. i have offered to pay and once i offered they were all too willing to concede, uuggghhh. abeg free awon boys.

    • Abeg let's be cheap…if recession no dey your side, e dey our side! Na people like you wey never chop shrimp for house wey man go carry comot, you go order lobster like say na daily bread for you!

        • Lol…Original Mgbiii, na wah 4 u o! How u go chok me mouth like that nah, eh? If "9ja boys" dey cheap, make she carry herself comot nah, make we know say na her money wey she dey chop.

  3. I WILL not pay for a first date. However, i can and will spring for any date thereafter…2nd/3rd etc. Say he pays for dinner and we're heading to the movies i can/have/will spring for movie tickets and whatever else.

    I don't do dutch either. I hate the concept. I hope no one ever suggests that to me cos err, i'm not sure there will be other dates.

    …bottom line is i don't mind paying. I also don't think the man should pay all the time, however, it is nice if he 'tries' to pay all the time 😀 [does that make sense? lol]

    • Totally feel you on this; RepOne. I don't think that the man should pay all the time but if he insists, i certainly won't mind at all. Hehehehhe.

      And true talk, if a man says let's go dutch then *ahem*, that sure as heck won't sit right with me.

  4. Im sorry, if a dude asks me out on a date , he will pay for everything.

    Besides, if im going out with someone on a 5th date? then its apparent we are already an item and im sure 'sharing' is a staple of strong relationships

  5. After all the wining and dining; I will offer to pay for some date sha BUT if na one expensive place wey i no fit afford then I go maintain oh.

  6. i will never forget the day i was scammed though, dude wanted to spend the evening with me..i ended up paying for stuff i didnt budget, aaha never again. if not that i carry cash ALWAYS i would have been embarassed outta this world.

  7. I am so 'if'y' on this one, i dun already get some bad xperience wey dun make me shine ma eyes well well. 1st na 4 Houston, I invite dis omoge out (t'was a phone conversation guys), she then chose a name in the Galleria wey me I neva chop for, my alarm indicators went up, I straight up sensed wahala, am mugging & saying 2 maself- why da fcuking Galleria 4 chrisake. I suggested elsewere, she is like naw, I like da Galleria environment, then am like 'is it in da food-court"? she like 'heck nOO!". Am like took another look at ma credit cards & check cards, said the grace, I was quite sure that only 2 of dem is still good, the rest are dead, but 4 some silly reason, I still carry da overload ina ma pocket. Then we agreed to meet there by da hour. 4 one, the joint is kinda far from ma yard…, o well, a nigga gosta do, what a nigga gosta do, u dig. 1hr later, I pulled into da joint, sat down ba da window, waiting 4 her, then took the menu from da waiter, then one look at the prices & knew i made a fcuking bad/worst mistake of ma laife! the lowest shiit on da fcukin menu wast $50!!, Ok 9ja boyz, $50bucks may not sound like much to u, out here in 9ja, but $50 bucks is like paying =N=10,000 for a plate of food, for a BITCH u hardly know, ok! No sooner, was i adjusting to the loss of appitite, than she fcuking dun did show up with TWO of her friends!!! I was like, BiTXX , am not throwing a party 4 u, I hope they are not going to be on da same table with us. She then introduced her friends to me, like Hi mofo, meet ma galz; Shaniqua & Twana, am like – whatever, cos I really did not want to meet no Nae-Ne or Bonita!

    The meal lasted for about, 1hr, I only drank water, no apetite for food, I dun already lost it, throughout the 1hr, I was busy plotting my exit strategy, cos I was certain that the bill was going to mess up my credit so bad or even cos me to lose ma "green card" no kidding. Well, then she called for the bill & the waiter asked nicely if it should be split or together. b4 I could respond, she asked dat da bills be together, & then she pointed at me as the bill- overseer. The nice waiter gave me the ticket, & am like $320!!, and in a low tone, I gently asked him to plz split da bill, every bitch for herself. Da water was free, & I asked him which way the restroom is (I knew it was on da other side), I gently eased maself outta ma chair, walked away smoothly & briskly b4 da ladies could react to da shock.

    10seconds later, I had da bitxx shout ma name out loud, but I was already inside da elevator…

    • Wow…. na wa ooo. Nah so u just run leave bill like that? LOL. Anyways… $320 is a lot of money to be spending on a date. That kinda of price is reserved for proposal night…lol.

    • Ah Ah na! The woman was wrong…and bringing her friends too? She certainly deserved it. I no blame you o jare.

      LOL @ Riri and proposal night.

  8. Why didn’t I ever respond to the post?…lol. Anyways I believe in paying for the first date, and the second also… by the third date, even though I’ll be planning on paying I’d like to hear the babe offer to pay… or insist on paying. It just shows me that your eye no dey chook too much.

  9. I believe that whoever asked the other person out (usually the guy) should be paying for the date. As for the subsequent dates, the lady should offer to pay occassionally. You're absolutely right in stating that the idea of going dutch and women paying for dates is a western one. That is one western idea that I would rather not practice! For this topic, let's just stick to our Naija practices okay? There's no need to complicate things! 🙂

  10. If a guy has wined and dined you 4 dates in a row, it doesn't hurt for you to offer to split the bill or even treat him. I am assuming you are continuing to date him because you like him. So you definitely wont want him to go bankrupt cos he is trying to woo you. Independent woman aside, its time for some women to start being considerate.

  11. So I always offer to pay, even on the first date, if the guy is dum enough to accept my offer on the first date. Well, it'll be the last date! And he should pay for the second, by the third it depends on the rest of the dating situation, where we go, who picked the place e.t.c/

  12. I believe that a man should pay the first date and perhaps two more dates after that. The woman should have the common decency/ courtesy to offer to pay or even go dutch, paying the tip would score points too. What us men are looking from women is a show of appreciation and respect. This disparity in thinking only translates into the enormous number of divorces each year… Women tend over advertise themselves as very much independent, being independent is not just taking care of yourself its also showing that you can help your boyfriend or husband with financial matter on an equal playing ground. What happens in many cases is that while our bank accounts seem to get smaller theirs seem to get bigger…because they seem to just think of themselves "What can he do for me mentality".

    Those women who seem to take the approach of letting the man take care of the date each and every time end up single for a very long time, because they forget to realize that it is your actions and not your beauty that is going keep a guy around. Just be a little thankful for what we do for you as opposed to just taking, taking and taking. That is all for now and hope that perhaps this was an informative tid bit.

    A.

  13. Let me explain….

    When asked out on a date…I always pick a place I can afford to take myself. I never leave my house without money and I drive to any date…that's right…no picking Goldie up from her house…she doesnt know you like that…

    Another thing is…I never assume you got it…I will ask BEFORE the date whose treat it is…most times, if I pick the place…I will automatically try and pay…

    I believe in going somewhere for drinks…another place for dinner and another for after dinner drinks/dessert…at the end of dinner, I may offer to take you somewhere else for dessert…if you focus on who will pay…you give that "power" to be an issue or an uncomfortable situation…that's just my take on it…

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