Getting married because a baby is on the way

21
Decisions Decisions
Decisions Decisions

Before I start, I want to say that this is in no way, shape, or form intended to attack or pass judgment on anyone for their choices, and decisions in life. I respect everyone’s choice, and decision to do what they think is best for them in their lives. Me sef I never marry, so I don’t know what might happen in my future.

Ok, I’ve said that… now let’s get to gist of the post.

Chinedu was toasting Bola just to play around, and was not looking for anything serious or long term. After some serious chasing, endless dates, and late night caking, Bola eventually allows Chinedu to “enter the place”…lol. Well, the day she agreed, my guy didn’t have a condom with him cos Bola had been doing shakara for so long that he really didn’t think it will ever happen. Of course this golden opportunity was not going to be passed up for any reason… Lai Lai o. Today nah today… It must happen this night…lol. Bola trusted Chinedu was disease-free (big assumption), and he felt the same way about her, so my guy decided to enter the river with no clothes on, and swim like that was the last river he’ll ever swim in. Fast forward a couple of weeks, and Chinedu was sleeping when he got the late text… that “I think I’m late” text. Chei… Yawa don gas o. What to do… and Bola nah pastor pikin, and her father doesn’t even play that at all. Abortion is not an option, so what next? Marriage?

Let’s not fool ourselves. Couples getting married because a child is on the way is not anything new, or a new trend going on in our generation. Some of our parents either got married, or accelerated their wedding process because of an unplanned pregnancy. In Nigeria, and Africa in general, due to our “High Moral Standards”, it is frowned upon to even think about having children outside of wedlock, so if you carry belle`, or you drop your seed in someone then you better be ready to spend your life with this person. Sometimes it works out for the best, and other times it’s down right disastrous.

In a couple of cases I know, the couple were in a long steady relationship that was headed for marriage already and so they just said… “hey, why not?”, and it ended up working for them, but in some other cases the couple barely had a relationship going, and with time began to resent each other, blame themselves for making such a rash decision, and in some extreme cases look at the child as the one that started the whole fiasco.

So here’s the question. Guys, will you get married to a girl you got pregnant for the sake of the baby? Girls, would you want to get married to a guy just because he got you pregnant?

All this is assuming there is no abortion, or rape and the couple (most times the woman) has decided to keep the baby.

21 COMMENTS

  1. I usually don't respond the things i read here, i just see what everyone has to say but this one is too important … That is the worst idea ever! It can only lead to bitterness and pain for everyone involved. This is the 21st century, there is a way to make it work without getting married. We might be traditional and stuff but some backward traditions like that should be done without for everyone's sake!!!

  2. I think that is the worst idea ever!!! especially if u were not in a relationship…One mistake has already been made….it is better not to make it worst by making another one oh!!!

  3. No way! I'd rather bear the 'disgrace' of having a child out of wedlock than to lock myself into a lifetime of potential unhappiness just because we are having a child together.

  4. Well, candidly speaking, I don't believe in sex before marriage. I think it isn't a good idea to get married just because the baby is on its way. If both of them really love each other, disregarding sexual perspective, then, they should go ahead and marry. But, if their relationship is just after sex, then, it doesn't make sense wedlocking themselves because the serious "bond"–Love, is not there.

  5. I like how everyone is saying hell no before i can even say Jackrobinson!, but they have never been put in that situation were decisions like this have to be made that could affect a whole bunch of epople except your lives. In most cases I know they do get married and sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesnt. But I dont think an of us that have never been in this boat can make this decision, because from the little I know, it is not an easy one!

  6. I agree with Licious to a certain degree… It's a pretty difficult decision to make, and it's not always as straight forward and saying "No.. I wont do it"… The key is you have to be sure that you can actually spend your life with your partner because if you marry someone you can't stand/or u're not sure about, just to "raise the child in a complete home" then you might end up effing up the child's life in the future if you eventually get a divorce.

  7. I agree with Ike..If you want to be have sex outside of marriage then be prepared with the headache that comes with it. I was in serious relationship with this guy and decided to "get down" with him you know… to prove to him that i wasn't a little girl (since he was older than me). He got me pregnant and neither of us thought about getting married as a way to fix things.. needless to say we ended up going our separate ways and i learned my lesson…

  8. If you're brave enough to "enter the river with no clothes" dont be scared to let the current carry you.

    Would I marry for baby? No.

    Thats what they call "trapping" whether it was intentional or not. if you did not PLAN to have a baby.. your trapping yourself… no one likes that feeling.

    So…. strap or get trapped (just wanted to say that :d)

  9. How is it traping if you weren't forced to Jump in river? And not only did you jump, you went Skinny Dipping! Anything your eye see make you carry for head.

    Back to the topic at hand, i think its a bad idea. Marriage itself is difficult no to come and add the additional wahala of pikin.

  10. I would say never ever marry because of a baby. Marriage is the most important decision you make in life (after deciding to serve the Lord, of course)…you make a promise to be with this person FOREVER – no matter what happens.

    So I don't see how anyone should allow the fear of "out-of-wedlock" shame affect such an important life decision. People will talk, get over it and move on to the next "amebo"; and of course God in his infinite mercy is always willing to forgive.

    The greatest gift you can give your child is a stable home filled with love; not a shotgun marriage with a foundation based on fear and shame.

  11. I concur with tee 100%. Marraige is the most important decision you'll ever make. Assuming i had a one night with some random girl and it ended up with a pregnancy, If i dont love her, i wouldnt marry her. I dont think a fast track marraige will correct a mistake. Obviously i would look after the child as my own and love him, but i wouldnt be pressured to any fast track thing.I heard some girls do it intentionally espcially if teh guy is wadded…so guys beware. At the end of the day your parents wouldnt live with you after marriage unless you are a mummy's boy….lol

  12. i feel u should never enter a situation u cannot handle as that for me is the dfination of adulthood.

    if u get a girl pregnant by mistake as u may say it then i think it is human and adultlike 2 carry d cross. no exemption for teenegers as e be say dem sabi enter d place, dem go fit manage d marriage.

  13. My answer is heck NO!

    Marriage is a life time union that should be done out of love and understanding and not as a solution to unprotected sex…I have never been in that situation, but I know people that have been and it was not PRETTY for them and the innocent children that came as a result.

  14. Nope…why make a second disaster from the first? Is it not better to accept the pregnancy, make your peace with GOD and proceed with life with a beautiful baby and GOD's forgiveness rather than enter a marriage where you will be miserable, angry, resentful at the very least and maybe, just maybe end up being unfaithful or divorcing at the very worst? Why make one sin into a myriad of sins?

    So, you did wrong and ended up with the consequence- you can be redeemed and 'go and sin no more' or you can enter 'hell on earth' …by force, to make matters worse. For me, its a no brainer.

    I wouldnt marry a guy for the sake of a baby because in time you may grow to resent that baby and what if you add more children to the miserable equation? Oh no…

  15. Well it happened to me… I had the baby, did not marry the man. Of course my family alienated me. But really I did not care. It was my baby and thank God I was well over 30 and had a great job and was doing my own thing. Now my daughter is 4 and she is the joy of my life. There was no way I was going to marry her dad. He also felt the same way, and abortion was out of the question for me. Her dad wanted me to have one. But I said no. It was my body, and it would have been me to answer to God. So no! getting married because a baby is on the way is not ALWAYS the answer and does not ALWAYS solve the "problem".

  16. Wow!!! ….ought to be easy but, seemingly tough one. Mantra, you must 'love' her enough (not minding her 'walking' beside you the rest of the journey) to dare to get her pregnant. If not, go 'there' not.

  17. Most women are usually more financially stable and secure at age 45. But, it is known that fertility significantly decreases with the increasing of their age. Normally a woman decided to have a baby soon after they married in the early days. Mainly because the body’s hormones that need to enhance ovulation are produced very easily through this period. It is known that it’s much easier and safer to become pregnant when you are 30 than in your 40s.

LEAVE A REPLY