Approaching a man…


date3Ladies, it’s 2009…what are your thoughts on approaching a man? Do you still sit back, cross your legs and act cute and hope that he’ll notice you batting your eyes at him? Or do you take matters into your own hands and step to him.

Guys, what do you think about ladies approaching you? Do you feel like the excitement of ‘the chase’ is gone when she does the work? Or are you excited by her boldness?

I ask because in this day and age, it appears that men have gotten lazy about ‘toasting’ and ‘chyking’ the ladies. I don’t know whether it’s because all of a sudden the ratio of women to men at events is like 20 women to 10 men, or because we ladies seem to have made this whole process easy for you…but lately it seems that you go to a social event and all the men are either posted up by the bar watching the women dance with their friends, or practically blending into the design of the wall. I mean guys, if you wanted to watch people dance maybe you should have just stayed home and watched ‘Dancing with the stars’ or ‘So you think you can dance’. But since it’s my first day on the J-O-B, I’ll be nice and try not to light into y’all cases as much. Teeheehee…

So therefore, due to this approach by the men…the ladies have decided to take matters into our own hands. I mean, can you blame us? With the whole wedding website explosion, we are seeing new sites pop up like every day and ultimately babes wan marry na. Sitting and crossing your legs in the corner obviously aint cutting it these days in the quest to have a bobo boo you up and put a ring on it. I see one or two of my ladies nodding in agreement.
But again, let’s not digress. Basically what I’m trying to say is that the men have gotten lazy and the ladies have gotten to be more proactive. Now we are approaching the guys, striking up conversation and walking away with numbers.

I hope that it won’t get to a stage where we will now have to be the ones to get down on one knee and pop the question to ol’ boys. I’m just saying…

Back to my question sha, ladies what are your thoughts on approaching a man? Guys, what are your thoughts on being approached?

Let’s hear it!


  1. Original Mgbeke is the bizzle ooo. ok…. now that I'm done hailing, let me answer the question.

    I don't have a problem with a woman approaching me and "toasting" me as long as she's not too aggressive. A typical case will be if u approach me and give me your number, and wait for me to call…wait for me to ask you out. I don't want to feel like I'm being chased persistently. Let me chase too… even if it's just small…I like it….lol.

    Good post 🙂

  2. As a girl I am very traditional all this split the bill shi and toasting guys is jsut so revolutionary!…lol However I think sometimes we do need to take these things by the horn, and we all know men most times need a lil direction!!(ok guys dont kill me)

  3. My take on this is that if a guy doesn't ask for your number–he's probably not that into you… Guys like to feel like men and one way is by asking a lady for her number. If you take that away from them, they may feel emasculated or at the very least they are not that into you. The one time I asked for a guys number (under much pressure from my friends), he was indeed interested, but so was his baby mama. Chei!

  4. Hmm.. Guess it depends on the context.. Sometimes the dude is wrestling with the risk of rejection… and some subtle hint of interest might help him make up his mind….

    If talka I have with my dudes are smyptomatic of the real deal, then dudes want to chase — but appreciate some green light as long as it doesn't seem so contrived and aggressive….

  5. I have no problem with it, esp if the babe is fine…lol. sometimes us guys need some green light to do what we do

  6. From the male responses, clearly I will be needing some lessons in approaching guys…lol…oya people who do, teach me!…I need to evolve with the times.

    As for smiling and hoping he comes over…Sooo Guilty as charged….*sighs*…well some days I'm really brave and i say "Hi"

  7. Oh my gush..this MGBEGKE ur article is so true. I think technology also has a role to play these days because now AWON BOYS dont even bother working too hard to approach you or have a converstation the first time you meet… FACEBOOK has made it so much easier for them…i swear if i get one more lame toast lines on facebook eh…

  8. i'm a go getter myself..wen i want a man i dnt sit and cross my leg ooo, cuz trust me there's probably 4 other girls in da same room sitting and waiting. i think men appreciate it when women are bold enuf to approach dem then again i'm speaking from my own experience. Ladies dnt stress if u no say u don dey old and time 4 marriage don reach, u better chop liver and approach a guy you like, but dnt appear 2 desperate or aggressive oo!

  9. Da1stlady…thumbs up to u!

    But yea, opportunity they say comes but once! If u see him, you like him…infact start running 2wards him & register 1st! I don't think it's a big deal…jst dnt come chat me up so I can buy you a drink, coz I see thru that BS like a microscope!

    • For real… I'm very cautious of babes that just conveniently strike up a conversation by the bar… Me, I'll migrate that conversation to the dance floor, or to a near by couch…lol. No free drinks today, come tomorriow….lol.

  10. Hmmm…this is an interesting topic…

    To respond to the post, I am a correct naija chic and will never toast a guy..infact, If I have to drop my glass on the floor, or wear a Micro mini skirt and open belle top for a guy to notice me I will do that (that is if i'm not gettin gany attention) …I just think its desperate for a female to approach a guy…Men have been known to be the "hunters", and women the "prey" so I will like to leave it that way…20th century or no 20th century…No disrespect to female toasters oh..LOL..

    • Its desperate for a girl to approach a guy, but its ok for a girl to dress with half her ass out or to risk injury by breaking glass just so a guy can notice you. girl, stop! the worse that can happen to a girl who approaches a guy is rejection. now for the half-naked honey dropping glass everywhere, u risk being portrayed as a dumb, clumsy, skank. hmm…weighing the consequences….i'm hitting up the next fine naija bro i see with all my clothes on, free of broken glass around my feet. lol.

  11. So…u wld rather create a dangerous environment for others by breaking your glass jst to get attention? The last time I checked, "proper 9ja" women don't seek attention, attention comes to them…so wat r u yammering about? Biko…if you like a bobo, go and register there first but you start tumbling & tossing and bitching about how there are no men in "this city"!

  12. there is absolutely notin wrong n a gal approaching a guy ! d tin is dat, afta approaching the guy d gal should leave d guy to now show he s interestd . period

  13. Dear Original Mgii, no mind Sanka and any person wey think that flipping sides wrong, cm'on hommies, like Snoop will say, Wizzle da hizzle be dat shizzle, what da fcuk is wrong with dat shiiit? Dia aint nutin wrong with a drop-dead bitch tryna catch ma attention by-any-mean-necessary! I need such soft cushioning time & again, ma niggaz. So O.M, plz bring ya game on, step it up a lil bit & if u see me heading to the elevator, be there b4 I catch it, & u may even fake trippin & fall into ma ever ready arms. If u can flip it, shake it, bake it & drop it, then u already got ma attention alreeeady!

    Love alwas


  14. Well i guess am still 2 african in d sense dat i cant approach a guy 4 any reason unless he is osaze odemwingie.

  15. Yep ! I will !

    By the way, I am female and Nigerian. Some ladies have a problem with approaching guys, well , I don't ! cos at the end of the day I prefer to know where I stand than to be a foolish woman that has a crush on a guy that don't know I exist ??!!!!! or know I have a feeling towards him. At least if he knows my feelings exist I might stand a chance !

    It is all in the way the ladies approach ! It is not to go crazy, the trick is to say hi, strike a conversation, usually ( 90% of the time ) guys get the hint of what is going on, and if they like you they will take it from there, and if not it was nice talking to you, no hard feelings ! Move on !

    From experience, African men may get put off by ladies approaching them to " TOAST" them, it is often seen as if the lady is forcing herself on them. But like I said earlier, it is all the way you indirectly approach !

    Just something to think about: In the middle ages, would they have believed that women will be wearing trousers in 2009AD, I beg to differ !

  16. i agree with u because im a shy and confident girl so i made eyecontact with a guy and gave him my number and now we are dating! But the guy has to be worth ladies!