Ever since my arrival in Yankee, I realized that the protocol for dating a man in this country is just too much. I am so used to the naija way of love, you like me, I like you, that’s it, we are together. But no, yankee people do things a little different. It will be ok with me except that our naija guys have joined the madness. Please to all the ladies does this sound really familiar?
First your talking: This is when you guys exchange numbers, you go out on numerous dates, spend ridiculous amounts of time on the phone, text messaging, instant message, yahoo chat, facebook messages etc. At this stage you are both doing your background check on each other. Don’t be fooled though, the woman usually has about 3 to 4 toasters lined up, however the guy could end up being lucky and become number one choice. This phase could last anywhere from 1 to 3 months. God help your life if you fall in love at this stage because unfortunately for you he still refers to you as his home girl. You can’t get mad if he goes to the club, meets other women, etc, because you are just FRIENDS so no big deal. Some girls leave the relationship at this phase if they find out the guy does not have the qualities they are looking for and they move on to the next bobo. But for some women they feel this is what they want and the bobo is acting right so they move on to the dating phase.
Dating Phase: Now this phase is very tricky for a lot of people. For most people they get to really know the individual. However, sometimes the girl doesn’t know if she can call him her boyfriend because the last time he introduced her to someone he called her, his “FRIEND” (can you imagine?). Anyways no hard feelings because she knows they will eventually be together right? (Sure) . This phase can last anywere from 3 months to a year depending on the situation. A lot of things happen in this phase and most guys define it as “ you guys are together but not together.” However for the woman it’s a little disturbing, I mean she kpanshes the guy as needed, cooks for him, takes care of his needs, etc… what else does he want? And then he still calls her a “FRIEND”. When most guys are confronted in this stage they either take their bags and run because all of a sudden they realize they are scared of commitment or they give their typical excuse: “I am just not ready for a relationship.” This leaves most women devastated. They wasted their whole time, their kpanshing tactics, their cooking skills, only for him to realize 6 months later that he is not ready for commitment. However this phase can work for most people and they proceed to the next phase. The big RELATIONSHIP.
Relationship Phase: This phase has its ups and downs. For a lot of people the niceness, dinner every night, text message every five minutes, love notes and poems, all elements of romance just disappears like FILM TRICK…lol. However a lot of people decide if this is someone they want to be with for the rest of their lives and take it up a notch and walking down the aisle. At this point he introduces her as his better half, his girlfiriend, his woman, iyawo mi, lolo….etc and vice versa. They plan their lives together; How many children? and such. She begins to find out his FICO score and so on…lol. As for me I love this phase so do a lot of Naija women over the age of 22.
This piece is not to intended to display the desperateness of naija women or anything like that, however speaking for many naija women over the age of 22 that I know, we don’t have time to be going through the yankee phases of relationship. We are actually ready to come home to a loving man, ready to retire reunion events, and definitely ready to put all our mothering skills to work. At the end of the day, with the diversity of men in this country most naija girls just want a good naija man 🙂